( i don't know what today's date is )
i am feeling : ❌

dear diary,
or whoever is reading out there.
maybe the future me!

hi, it's thorn again!
today i'm trying again.

i ate breakfast! maybe.. two flakes? but nausea came up :( i couldn't eat anymore.
i don't feel hungry. i think it's.. nighttime now. the sun isn't shining yet? maybe it's 3AM? i don't know for sure!

i'm trying my best, i promise.
i promised quake i would. i promised blazy too.
i haven't seen them in a long time.

i miss them.

i miss solar :(
i miss seeing the sun too :(
but if i pull the curtains back it hurts my eyes..

so.. maybe i won't be seeing the sun.
i'm too scared to see it.
it hurts too much

but good news!
other than breakfast, i actually found a plastic sunflower plant in the basement! :D
since it has no name
or owner label, it's mine now :D

i think im going to bed soon, though.
i named the sunflower 'sunny'.
because it reminds me of them.
because it reminds me of solar!

and i promised him i won't forget him.
so i won't forget them or solar.
because i love them very very much! <3

i miss them alot.
i want to see them again.

but i know i cannot if im too scared to go out into the outside world and face my fears and im too scared to do anything all i want to do is to curl up into a ball and im too scared.
:(

i still dont know what time it is.
or what day it is
but i think it has been a long time.

because my pants don't fit anymore :(
i cant even use my favorite green wristbands :( they're murky and ugly now

and i think im fat
but i dont know
there is no mirror i can go to.

there is no clock in this house.
thunder doesnt like seeing the time :(

its been a long time since i've been outside too because cycy says that the weather is always very rainy and grey and everything is black and white to him so theres nothing to do outside so i stay inside the house

i miss solar :(
sometimes i wish i could be like him
sometimes i wish i could see the sun

but i cannot see the sun because there are no windows and if i open the curtains there is just pitch shadows dark dark dark everywhere and i cannot see anything beyond the cracked walls and i cannot see the light because the weather is dark

i can also tell its been a long time because the molds on the walls have spread everywhere
and i can hear water sobbing between the walls because the walls have cracks in them and oh oh i forgot to tell you

i have a plant pet!!!
his name is Cattus ^W^
because its shaped like a cattt!!!!

i dont know where it came from
but i think it grew between the cracks
formed on the walls
and now i have 34 other pets!!!!

also sometimes
i miss Solar

why do i keep thinking of him i should stop i think i love him too much but this is bad oh no oh no i think
i miss Solar

a lot

:(

>:(

why did he die..?

i hate solar.

he's mean.

why did he leave me alone in this room this house and sometimes i dream but i do reality check and i know that im still living!!!
but solar is nowhere because i know that
because when i call him

he doesnt reply
he just

sits there in the corner and
i dont know how im going to help him

he's stuck like a rock
just sitting
in a pool of red liquid

i miss solar :(
i miss the sun

and i love solar
but i hate him

because he promised he would come back
but he never did
he never took me to wonderland

he went there by himself
and never came back

why did he leave me alone i wanted to go too?
i wanted to die no i want to stay alive but i miss solar and i want to i want to i want to

i want to kill but i dOKnt

i

i miss solar

i

please dont leave me alone

solsr
please come back

i mkss you

i miss you :(

im solrry rosolarrr i kiklllled(dddd yyyyou??!

i miss solar

:(

end.