happy new year, everyone! i hope this year is filled with happy, healthy, and bright days for everyone ♥

ps. i love hoseok so much ♥

but yeah !! it's been a year and 8 or so months since i started actively using wattpad and the app might be shit but i've met so many close friends here and i'm so thankful ♥

i cant wait to start accidentally writing 2017 as the year and then cross it out for the next five months yay !!!!!!!!!!

ngl 2017 was shit but im so thankful for everyone that made things worthwhile ♡

wow yesterday was soooooo last year-- //slapped

so anyways, amber was doing this thingy where she recapped her year and wrote out her new year's resolutions so i thought, hey why not do that too-

i'm listening to kkb's flamingo and radwimps' mitsuha's theme on repeat atm i'm in a really happy mood rn so let's go !!

2017;

➳  i started the year off with the hugest crush on semi eita (ngl i still do--) so i started writing drizzles of a symphony.... a disaster book lmaooooo. [funfact, my playlist on spotify is also called that name-- // 

➳  i met kety ♡ this was the best part of my year tbh i could write a 34564545 page essay about why she's so important to me :c ♡

➳  i started college, and it took me a while to get used to evening classes smh i missed talking to my friends at that time because most of my friends got off from school right around when i have to head to college smh ;v;

➳  i made friends at college but i never really fit in with anyone because i'm an awkward as fuck potato

➳  me introducing myself in academic discourse: "hi i'm een and.... um... i like bread."

➳  my friend katie was talking about something in our groupchat and she said that the two of us (me and her) are bisexuals and i was like ????? (whAT NO YOU'RE THE ONLY BI ONE HERE LOL BYE)

... rip early 2k17 een

➳ i had to deal with a bunch of haters and it was a really weak timing because i was really distressed due to the stress of college so i had to fight with a huge case of depression and go to therapy as well. it's only because i met kety and had her support, that i still exist to write this, and i can't stress enough how much i love her for being my best friend. thank you for proving to me that soulmates don't necessarily have to be your significant other, but it could also be your bestest friend, and for me, it's kety. i love you. ♡

 ➳ there was this guy i liked back in march so i... wrote a romance/science fiction about two people who steal a rocket and go to outer space and discover a planet with this big fat tree that gives out oxygen for them to breathe and they're stuck there and they don't have anything to eat but the tree helps them live and they slowly fall for each other while discovering new stuff on the planet until the girl dies one day and the boy is... all alone... the main thing about this is that...

i confessed to him at the end of the oneshot lmao

and right after i sent it via mail, i deactivated my facebook so that he can't contact me after he finished it LMAO

this is the most comical thing i did all year lmfao he sent me a message on wattpad and said ???? WHERE DID YOU GO COME BACK because he had no idea why i left so suddenly

i forgot he had my wp, s h i t

so i didnt respond and deactivated here too LMAO

the loser didn't read his mail for two whole days because he was busy with work and i was like ffs you little fucker

so i activated facebook to see if he was online-

and he was-

and he caught me-

and was like

'hey een i'm at the last arc of the book, don't deactivate ok, i love it so far-'

I WAS FREAKING OUT AND I WAS ABOUT TO GO DELETE MY EXISTENCE WHEN HE WAS LIKE

'oh'

oh is right you little fucker

and i was like yeah bye im gonna go-

but then he was like

no we need to talk about this

needless to say, he said he wasn't going to reject me because he had yet to know me better and spend time with me and that he didn't dislike me and that yeah he's not friendzoning me

but he never mentioned that ever again... TO DATE, HE STILL HASNT SAID ANYTHING SO YEAH FUCK YOU @ BUB UR A DICCCCC

halia i'm sorry but the real otp is saneen (but that's a whole other story-)

➳ mari's birthday = i made my first ever phone call to a friend and as embarrassing as it was at first, we talked for 13 minutes and mari is a qt and i decided that she's going to remain a best friend of mine for the rest of my life i love mari

➳ it was early may when my friends were talking about bts at college

i watched blood sweat and tears in january but i didnt get into the fandom then tho-

so i was like hmm okay let me give them a go again, so i listened to not today

jeezuz kuristo on a scooter look at me now

 ➳ i started getting used to giving presentations because we had soooo much of them to do in our course, and i'm always nervous af when i step in front of the class to start but when i do, i end up doing an okay job

in fact, the best presenter in our class keeps picking me in her group whenever we have group presentations smh i'm not really-- //slapped

➳ i lost a bunch of my close friends on here because i was busy with college and they felt like i wasn't giving them enough attention

... i'm really sorry.

to my friends that stayed, i know i don't give you guys enough justice, but you guys mean a lot to me.

 ➳ in my first semester i got okay results (2 dn's and 2 cr's, [hd>dn>cr>pass>fail] so it was okee doke

➳ i found out that we would have a writing class in our second semester and i flipped because it's my favorite thing in the world

➳ i once wanted to see how long i could go without eating and i was going to go for 24 hours but when i was at 23 hours, kety found out and she blackmailed me and forced me to eat, smh why am i weak for her :((  

➳ i saw hani and decided that it's okay to feel a bit gay

➳ i saw shin ryujin and decided that yeah i'm getting a little gayer-

➳ kety: you're gay

me: what nO i'm 'selectively gay'™

➳ i met amber and she makes me so soft and so happy idek why??? i wish i could send her big hugs and tell her she's the best and that i love her more than i love bread (and that's a lot--)  

➳ i read a lot of stuff in the past year (i read more than i wrote tbh, unlike the previous year) so i think my writing has gotten a bit better, more descriptive, and i think i'm able to let the writing flow easier than i was able to before. (for reference, compare the crap writing of 'call out my name' which i wrote in 2016 and a recent writing of mine, 'how do you fix a broken flower' (chap 4 of cascades) :) let me know what you think-- //slapped

i still have such a long way to go

➳ misaki visited me here in the maldives when she was on a trip and vsdfrdfr i miss her cuddles :c

➳ i watched this one taehyung focus of 'tomorrow' on the red bullet show of taipei and that is when my whole world started crumbling down because-

nothing and no one else attracts me anymore

i see couples on the street and i think of taehyung's hipthrusts

i can't not read taehyung smut

i keep watching more taehyung stuff and cry because woops, scratch gay, i'm a "taesexual taehoe"

im still suffering i'll be single forever

➳ i read cactus boy and i declared it the best fanfic that exists jvndfvdfv i love cb so much that i ended up stalking the writer a little and i found out that her name is san and she leaves really cute little messages at the end of each chapter and she's just so cute and im-

➳ i started questioning my sexuality woops-

➳ meanwhile, bangtan kept on becoming more and more important to me and ugh i love my seven babies so much

 ➳ san continues to update cactus boy every month and i start to have a teensy author crush on her and now i'm just really gay for her but she doesn't need to know that

➳ san followed me on twitter and i screamed and we started chatting and every time i get a text from her i squeal  and wait for like 5 minutes to respond because i don't want to be obvious that i have a massive crush on her

wyd een 

➳ i started eating more due to stress from college !!

➳ i started teaching myself hangul and after i learned the alphabet i started teaching myself hangukeo and i'm still in the process

i really love learning languages! and i'm a fast learner, too! i watched anime for 2 years and i can watch it without subtitles, i understand enough japanese now.

➳ because i am learning korean now, i'm starting to forget a lot of grammar in japanese so i'm trying to teach myself katakana while i'm at it 

➳ i also got into exid, day6, got7, bolbbalgan4, and red velvet !! [hani, jae, yugyeom, jiyoung, and seulgi are my biases--]

➳ when seulgi dances, i am reminded of why i'm so gay

➳ i passed in all my classes of the semester, and also received high distinctions (the highest grade) in both of my english classes

➳ i had invested so much of my time into studying to get that result, that i couldn't get used to not studying anything so i picked up philosophy books and started learning korean vocabulary and katakana during the holidays until one of my doctors asked me to fucking take a break ffs you're on your fucking break, child

woops

➳ i finally decided that yes i'm lowkey (highkey) gay and lean more towards guys (and s A N-- //slapped)

➳ I LISTENED TO KERO KERO BONITO AND IT WAS THE BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE I LOVE KKB 

➳ my best friend got married i hope he is having a blissful life ♥

  ➳ i played ddlc because san said she got emo after playing it and i was like ooh is it an angst game, lets do it

... the suffering i get thanks to my weakass heart smh san ily but w h y 

➳ i had the shittiest birthday ever because hours before i turned 20, my dad told me that he 

➳ i realized that my world would mean nothing if it didn't have micha, carms, and kiko in it. thank you for being so important to me. i love you three to the moon and back. you guys make life happier. ♥  

➳ i ended 2017, hoping for a healthier 2018 because really, that's the most important thing in the world, i learned that the hard way.  

resolutions for 2018;

i have only 3 resolutions for this year !!

1. eat enough and staying healthy

2. study well and learn hangukeo

3. regularly keep in touch with my friends, because they've always been there for me.

i usually try not to mention my close friends in case i might miss out someone important, but here is where i give a weak attempt-

to my friends; kety, micha, carms, mari, kiko, halia, amber, misaki, tori, exy, mars, jaycee, hikari, jess, mikey, saika, exy, ahl, abdullah, katy, alex, kei, renn ♡ i know there are more, and i'm so sorry if i missed one out ;A;

thank you, for being my friend. ♡ i can't stress this enough, how much you mean to me. i'm so happy that there are so many wonderful people in this world and yet, you special people decided that this idiot like me is worth being your friend. 

kety, thank you for being my soulmate, no one could ever replace you.

micha, thank you for being the best sister i could ever ask for. i feel at ease telling you about the weirdest things and you make me happy.

carms, thank you for supporting me, for fangirling with me, for caring for me, and being my breadroll.

kiko, thank you for always staying true to yourself and being such a sweet friend.

halia, thank you for never leaving me and teaching me what butt is called in arabic.

mari, thank you for trusting me and always making me feel so comfortable talking to you and also for being a gay mutual/ best friend of mine.

amber, thank you for being soft and loveable while also making fun of my typos smh.

tori, thank you for making me laugh, i appreciate you so much.

i love you !!

love of my life ♥

you too ♥

to a happier 2018! ♥