"I'm not allowed to cry."

________________________

TAEHYUNG KIM

"Hyung!"

Jungkook comes running to me, expression happy as he waves something in his hand. Before I can get a closer look, he spreads it out on my palm.

Tickets?

"Circus tickets!" He says excitedly, and I look up at him with my lips pressed to a frown.

"Jungkook, you know I got work to do."

"It's my birthday." He pouts, his delighted expression turning into a depressed one. "Hyung, you're really going to do this to me? After all I've done for you? Really?"

He slowly takes the tickets back, head lowered to the ground. I smile in amusement when I see him trudging away.

"Jungkook."

The moment I call his name, he whips back around. The look he'd had before, like he'd been about to cry— is now completely replaced by a look of glee.

"I knew it— I knew you'd come with me." He says, laughing as he puts the tickets back in my hand. "I was faking, hyung."

Does he really think I didn't know?

"You're such a child." I mutter, scanning my eyes over the front of the two pieces of printed paper. "A circus? Jungkook—"

"This isn't a kid circus." He interrupts quickly, pointing at the black letters. "It's an actually good one— they're visiting here for just three days! I think after here they're going to London or something."

"And when is it?"

A sheepish smile rises on his face, and I sigh as I quickly guess what he's going to say.

"It starts in an hour, hyung."

_________________________

Jungkook's watching the circus, and I'm watching him with an amused expression on my face. Honestly his reactions were more entertaining than the show— his eyes were so wide now, mouth dropped open.

I turn back to the circus ground, where there are several people riding animals and jumping through rings of fire.

"Hyung!" Jungkook squeaks as one of the tigers twist into multiple rings, shaking my arm so hard I hit it multiple times on the armrest.

"Did you see that? Oh my gosh—"

"I want to become a tiger trainer one day." He suddenly says firmly, and I laugh out loud. What was this boy even saying?

"I'm not kidding, hyung!"

"A tiger would bite your head off before you even got close enough to train it." I say teasingly, watching him protest back. "Besides, I thought you said you were going to be a—"

Then soft music fills the air, and my voice cuts off as I instinctively look back at the middle.

Faded light pours down onto a shadowed figure.

Then the light turns brighter, and I realize that the person is a boy. His figure had been so delicate I'd thought it was a girl at first.

I can see his pale skin from all the way here, tired dark eyes hidden underneath golden-colored hair.

The clapping audience is now completely quiet, and the boy lowers his head down even more than it already is. He twists the white veil in his hands, around his body.

A dancer.

I can't even breathe as I watch him move, body like water with the music. I'd never seen anyone move like that in my life. And I'd never expected it was possible.

But even as he dances, I keep noticing the exhaustion on his face. It pulls down on him, and I see his features twist into a wince several times.

His eyes are half-closed, like they were barely keeping open from going to sleep.

Then the music fades to its end, and the lights dim around him.

He collapses to the ground.

"Hyung? Where are you going?" Jungkook exclaims in surprise when I get up from my seat, running my fingers through my dark hair. "Hyung?!"

"Stay here." I tell him, eyes fixed to the darkness. Then lights come back on, and the boy is gone. Replaced by women in dresses that are holding trapezes.

"Hyung, I can't let you go off by yourself..." His voice says quietly, but I shake my head.

"I can take care of myself, Jungkook. I'll be back soon— I just need to check something. Just finish the show."

He hesitates, but finally ends up nodding.

"I'll be back soon." I repeat, before hurrying through the aisles of seats toward the back of the stage in the middle.

_________________________

JIMIN

"Wake up."

My eyes shoot open when someone kicks me in the chest. A gasp tears from my lips, followed by choked coughs as I press into the corner of the wall.

"Do you think I keep you alive for nothing?" The ringmaster spits, and I cry out in pain when he kicks me again in the side. "Collapsing out there in front of the crowd? You're really trying to get me screwed up now, hm?"

My hands tremble in exhaustion as I cross them weakly over my chest.

"I....I'm sorry.."

"Sorry doesn't change a single damn thing." He curses, and I flinch when he raises his hand. But the blow doesn't come, and I breathe harshly into my palms as he laughs coldly.

"So pathetic. Cower like the orphan you are."

And then the blow comes, straight at my face.

I burst into tears.

"Go practice." He hisses, looking scornfully down at my half-unconscious figure. "That's the only good thing you can do—"

Then the door swings open.

"Sir?"

"What?" He says sharply, and the man who'd come in lowers his head slightly.
I can feel him look over at me, curled up and slumped against the wall. "I thought I told you not to—"

"Someone's looking for him." The man says, and I lift my head in surprise. "He's asking specifically for the dancer in white."

"Well, then tell him he's not available." He says, crossing his arms. "Who's he to go asking around for my—"

Then the man pulls the ringmaster over, whispering something in his ear.

And his expression completely changes.

"Get up." He instantly turns towards me, fisting my collar and pulling me up from the ground. I lean heavily against the wall, eyes wide but barely.

I just wanted to fall asleep forever.

"Get him cleaned." I feel him push roughly against my back, and I stumble forward. The man grips hold of my upper arm, and I wince at how hard he's holding me.

"Yes, ringmaster."

"Come on." He says under his breath, and I force myself to stand when he lets go of me. It's a miracle I get all the way to the room on the far side of backstage.

I fall asleep once, during the middle while they're changing out my performance clothes.

"Jimin, wake up." A feminine voice says, and I lift my head back as someone hands me a thick black sweatshirt.

It's warm.

"Come on, quick." The soft voice leads me out of my daze when I fall into it again, my body struggling to move as I follow her figure. "He's waiting for you."

"Who's...... he?"

And why would they want to see someone like me?

"You'll see."

________________________

TAEHYUNG

He's even more thinner up close, I can see that.

A sweatshirt now hides his figure, and he looks up at me with those exhausted eyes before turning his gaze back down to the floor. He looks seconds away from falling asleep.

And then my eyes narrow when I notice a scarlet flush on his right cheek.

"What's this? This wasn't there earlier."

He looks up so quickly it takes me aback, pressing back into the couch.

"This isn't anything."

"Don't they let you rest? You seem so tired." I say, and he hesitates for a long second before nodding. His body, so graceful earlier, is now frozen and tense.

And he keeps looking around, with that panicked expression in his hollow dark eyes.

"Nobody's here." I say, but then he suddenly turns to me and whispers weakly.

"W-What do you want from me? I don't have anything I can give to you."

I pause. At first I'd asked for him, just because I wanted to see him up close. But now that I have, I don't know what to say. All I can think of is that I want to let him rest.

"Jimin, isn't it?" I say quietly, remembering what the woman had said earlier. "And you're performing again tonight?"

He nods, and I catch his hands trembling. The black sleeves of his sweatshirt are pulled over all the way down to his fingers, but I frown when I see red cuts against the white skin.

"I don't think you should."

He breathes, before standing up shakily.

"Who are you?" He says, and I'm surprised to see tears in his eyes. "You must be someone special, because the ring-ringmaster would never let you see me otherwise. What do you want with me? What h-have I done?"

"Please." He begs, looking into my eyes. "I need to sleep. I have to perform
again soon and I can't—"

Then his words cut off, and I quickly get to my feet when I see his eyes roll back. He crumples, and I'm shocked at how light he is when I catch him.

I exit the room, passing Jimin's limp body to a man waiting.

"Let him sleep." I order firmly, eyes flashing. "And tell the ringmaster of this circus to not let him perform tonight. Just let him rest."

I glance at his bloodless face.

"I'll be back tomorrow."