Katniss

"I feel like I just unpacked all this," I say as I lay a pale pink gown on my bed for the day and pull more of them out of my wardrobe to fold neatly and put into my trunk to take to Peeta's York house. Johanna grabs a deep grey one and begins to gather its pieces together in a neat bundle. "Now I'm packing it all right back up again." Johanna chuckles, laying the dress down in my trunk and picking up another.

"Don't sound as though you've been fired," she says. "You are going to Peeta's house to help him with the fall festival in York. He wants to spend his birthday in the country with you." I stop and look at her a momement before it processes through my mind.

"Oh my gosh, Wednesday is the 18th," I say. "How on Earth did I forget his birthday? There's been celebrations every year for 19 years and I forgot that its for his freaking birthday." I sit down on the edge of the bed and run my fingers through my hair, still tangled from sleep.

"On the bright side, I highly doubt he expects a present from you since he knows about your whole money situation and you're going out to live with him for two weeks," Johanna says and I just look at her.

"Thats not the point, Jo," I say. "You know how much Edward is pressuring him to marry Elizabeth. Now that Peeta's a year older, it will just get worse." She looks at me with a knowing look.

"I thought you wanted him to marry the Spanish princess?" She says. I get up and stare at the painting hanging above the bed. The brush strokes he made just for me.

"I don't know," I say. "I'm still just confused about this whole thing. But if Peeta doesn't want to marry her, I would hope he would get the opportunity not to just like any other person would." She nods and goes over to close my trunk.

"Like Her Majesty told you," She says. "Maybe this trip will give you both some clarity." I hear her snapping the clasps and then feel her hand on my shoulder, breaking me from the trance of following the careful brushstrokes of my painting.

So calm. So sure of the meaning he wanted to express to me. The feeling of him protecting someone he loves.

"Come on, we better get you dressed and ready," she says. "You leave in an hour," i nod and slip out of my nightgown and she starts helping me into fresh undergarments.

Johanna ties the skirt tight to my waist as well as the bodice. I brush out my hair and she helps me put the top half in a coil behind my head and pins a pink cap in my hair. I put on my jeweled necklace and touch the jewel as it rests on my chest. I turn around in the mirror quickly and smile.

"I guess I'm ready," I say and Johanna shakes her head "What is it?"

"You do remember that you need to waer shoes right?" She says and I lift up my skirts to reveal just my stocking feet.

I laugh and she fetches me my black buttoned boots and something wrapped in butchers paper. I put on the shoes and look over the long, skinny object. Another present from Peeta no doubt. I tear off the paper and am confused to see it is a white lace parasol with small crystals and fringe hanging from the edges. Definately not exactly something Peeta would have sent me as he gotto know me.

"Who sent this?" I ask.

"Queen Mary ordered it from Paris for you," she says. I smile and open it, watching as it twinkles in the morning light of our window. I close it and stand.

"At least its something I can use," I say. "Its supposed to be sunny if I can believe anything the people guessing the weather say."

"Well, women know what women need," Johanna says and I laugh.

"Yeah, but no matter what His Grace gets me, I always know he means well," I say. There is a knock on the door and two gentlemen who brought me here originally come in and fetch my trunk. I bid Johanna goodbye and follow them through the castle to the coaches parked outside. Peeta meets me at the door and helps me down the steps to the door of the royal coach with his crest on it. I stop and look at him.

"I'm to ride with you?" I ask. "In the royal coach?" Peeta nods.

"You are my offical guest Katniss," he says. "I wouldn't have it any other way." I step up on the small step into the coach and pull myself in, sitting down in the spacious carriage. Peeta climbs in after me and sits across from me on the oposite bench. The carriage shudders as the heavy trunks are loaded on the top of it. I can't think of anything to say to him for a time so I stay silent until he finally speaks.

"You look tired," Peeta says. I nod and fold my hands in my lap.

"I didn't sleep very well last night," I admit. "I was nervous I suppose. I haven't been out in the country since my father died." He nods having already heard I haven't coped well with my father's death.

"Its a long trip," Peeta says. "You can sleep a little along the way."

"Aren't I supposed to be entertaining you?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"You are here so we can spend time together," he says. "If you're tired, you can sleep a little so you don't feel so drained by the time we arrive and I can show you around the grounds a little before nightfall." I nod and lean back a little as the carriage begins to move.

"Maybe I will," I say looking out the window and watching the trees move by as we enter into the forest. I decide I need to know something and turn back to him. "Did His Majesty speak to you this morning?" Peeta looks down uncomfortably.

"Elizabeth is going to be at court when we return," he says. "But you don't need to worry about that. I have no intention of treating her like I treat you."

"I wish he'd just leave you be," I say. "If you don't want to marry her, you should have a choice not to do it, just as any other man could." He smiles at me and reaches across the carriage to touch my hand.

"I'm happy to finally have your support in this matter," he says and I shake my head.

"I support your freedom to be who you are, Peeta," I say. "I still don't know how I feel, though." His smile falls and I intertwine our fingers and give his hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry when you are so sure about how you feel, I can give you no answer. I just don't know where my heart is telling me to go." He shakes his head and leans back in his seat.

"You have nothing to apologise for," he says. "You feel how you feel and I feel how I feel. It isn't something we can control." I run my thumb along his knuckles and look at him sitting there watch my hand.

"Do you wanna know why I'm so messed up?" I say. "Why I can't sleep some nights and I find it so hard to know what anything I feel means?" He says nothing and I sit up and tip his head to look at me. "I don't want to talk about it if you don't want to know. But I really think you should hear this." Peeta lifts his head a little and then looks at our joined hands before nodding.

"If you want," he says. "I know you said before it was difficult."

"The last person I truly loved, was my father," I say. "And when I was 11, I watched him die under his horse after it stepped on a snake and threw him while we were hunting. He was trampled and I had to sit there and watch someone I loved with all my heart die while I held his hand. So I swore I would never love anyone that much ever again. I even think I distanced myself from my sister after that. I dream his death over and over in nightmares. I don't want to ever care that much about anyone again. I don't want to feel that pain again." I feel tears in my eyes and Peeta uses the hand not in mind to wipe my tears and I look to see him sadly smile at me. "I don't know that I can ever care for you the same, Peeta." He opens his arms to me and pulls me to his chest.

"I understand," he whispers in my ear. "Its okay, Katniss. Its always going to be okay." I cling to him a moment more and then lift my head and sit next to him. I look down, ashamed of how I have handled myself in something that happened nearly 8 years ago.

"I would hope that this trip will allow me to conquer some of this fear of feelings," I say. "But I don't know, Peeta. I just don't know how you can be so sure you can feel so strongly about me when everything is so uncertain." I feel his arm lightly squeeze my waist and I lay my head on his shoulder.

"I don't know either," He says. "But I know that it is how I feel and will always feel about you." He kisses my temple and tips my chin so I look him in the eyes. "Why don't you rest now? Its still a few hours until we arrive. I'll wake you when we reach the outskirts." I nod and he kisses my lips softly before leaning against the corner of the coach and allowing me to lay my head on his chest.

"Thank you for taking me with you out here, Peeta," I mumble and he gently runs his fingers through my hair.

"Of course, Darling," he says softly. "Now go to sleep. I'm going to be right here when you wake up." I settle more comfortably against him and I hear him mumble something more as I slowly fade away under the gentle sway of the coach and the slow, calming beats of his heart.