twenty - reunions

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nina and i have been together for almost a whole day now, and i am ready to slam my head into a tree. she is even more infuriating than haymitch and i never thought that could be possible. not once has a scowl left my face–i'm beginning to get slightly worried that it will permanently etch itself into my cheeks.

it's nothing short of a miracle nina has survived this long. she knows nothing about survival in the outdoors except for memory skills. i have refrained from asking what the heck she did in our three days of training, because i know the answer will only cause her to get under my skin even more.

the only thing she seems to be good at is throwing spears. and she only has one. and i only have a tiny knife. which means we're dead if we get attacked.

we walk quietly through the forest, slowly getting closer to the pond. the soft crunch of crisp leaves and twigs snapping under our feet fills the lack of conversation between us. luckily, we're almost to our destination, because i feel absolutely disgusting. sweat has caused the dirt to glue itself onto my skin and i know a fair amount of scrubbing will have to be done to get it off.

suddenly, nina tenses and freezes mid-step. i glance at her, confused, because i don't see any reason for her to stop.

"nina," i say, an icy tone to my voice, "what are you doing?"

"i heard something," she mutters, and i remember another thing that comes in handy– her acute sense of hearing.

i don't trust her much, but i do enough to assume that i should have my guard up. i slip the knife out of my shoe and twirl it before clenching onto it tightly. my knees bend in a fighting stance and i crane my neck as my eyes sweep around the trees for any signs of an attack.

it's quiet, and all i can hear is my own breathing and the faint breeze rustling the grass. nina slowly lowers her arm, which is holding her spear. "must have been a false alar–"

before she can reply, an arrow lands right beside her foot. as an immediate reflex, she chucks the spear in the direction the arrow came from, the wind whistling around it as it flies through the air and hits absolutely nothing.

"great job," i hiss through clenched teeth. "that was your only weapon."

nina seems eerily calm. her chestnut-brown eyes stay locked onto the place where her spear had vanished, void of emotion. "my mother always told me to accept my fate when i know it's coming."

i shake my head, confused, then grab her hand and pull her. "come on!"

her shoes slip on the ground, but nina manages to catch herself and run alongside me. she's surprisingly fast, and judging by her controlled breathing, she knows how to run well. i mimic her breathing patterns, looking behind me occasionally to see if anyone is behind us. all i see is the dizzying array of blurred greens and browns, which gives me nothing, so i continue my movements.

nina slows a bit. "the only way to" – she pauses to jump over a rock – "get them off our tails is to split up."

she turns into a mix of color as my legs push me farther away from her. "you have no weapon!" i shout back.

"i'm accepting my fate," she tells me seriously. "run, thalia. make it out alive."

and to my horror, nina changes direction and starts running in the direction of our hunter.

"no!" i shriek, because as much as i dislike her, she did save my life, and now she's doing it again. i can't handle it. i lose control of my breathing and feel like i'm falling into a pit of despair. carly and matthias are gone. i'm at the top of the career's 'most wanted' list. the only person willing to help me survive just sacrificed themselves for me. i'm all on my own.

and i can't accept it.

as much as i want to turn around and assist nina, i know that isn't an option. if i were to die by doing so, i know she'd hate me for it. even more than she probably already does.

and so i keep running. for nina. for all the kids killed by the careers. for matthias and carly. but most of all, for myself.

i am going to get out of this alive, i tell myself as i hit rocky terrain, making it harder to sprint. my foot curls around a rock and i fall with a grunt, my face level with the dirt. i quickly push myself up, preparing to run again, when another arrow whizzes above me and hits a tree.

they've been following me. as soon as the realization sinks in, i am fueled with adrenaline, my body buzzing and prepared to move again. when i do, more arrows fly out at me, all of them landing on trees.

something clicks. the person has pierced a tree every time. they missed nina on purpose. they haven't been trying to kill us. they've been trying to get our attention.

i stop abruptly, watching as another arrow nearly hits me this time with how close it comes. it embeds itself in the bark to the right of me with a thunk. i notice a piece of paper tied to the wing of it, and curiously undo the tiny thread of twine attaching it to the metal. i unroll the paper, noticing a note painted in what looks like berry juice.

you're an idiot.

-c

i sigh, feeling like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. i smile for once, about to toss the note aside, when i notice a second letter written at the very bottom of the paper.

please come back to us

-m.r.
(carly isn't into the last initial thing, but i am)

i find my heart skipping a beat. a soft laugh escaping my lips, i look up to the sky and mentally thank whoever has brought me back to them.

tucking the note into my pocket and the knife into my belt, i start to make my way toward the direction from which carly shot her arrows. it takes me only thirty seconds of walking until i see them.

carly is standing with her arms folded across her chest, bow clenched in her hand. her hair has fallen out of its ponytail and is a mess around her blood-splattered face. she is listening intently as matthias speaks, and i chuckle when i notice a plethora of leaves sticking out of his messy hair. dried mud is smudged on his face and i notice he has acquired a few new cuts, but other than that, he seems fine.

matthias sees me coming, then does a double-take. his words start to falter and his lips part in shock. carly turns to see what he's looking at, and i see her shoulders slump in relief when she spots me.

a smile stretches across my face. i wonder what i must look like to them. covered in dirt. exhausted. wounded. mentally scarred. i am all of those things, and i don't care. all i notice is the joy bubbling up inside of me as i run forward–

and straight into the arms of matthias.

i hug him tightly, my arms wrapping around his neck and shoulder blades as i practically squeeze the life out of the poor boy. he stumbles a bit from the force of me crashing into him, but once he recovers he hugs me back equally as tightly. i bury my face into his neck, closing my eyes as i feel him rest his chin on my shoulder. taking a deep breath, i notice he smells like someone in the hunger games typically would – like blood and sweat and the wrath of his enemies – but i'm positive i smell the same and couldn't care less.

then i realize as i stand there, hugging this idiotic boy that i have grown to care so much for, that maybe i adore matthias rutcher a bit too much.

and if he dies, i'm royally screwed.

-

"what do you mean it's kinda-sorta-maybe-a-little-bit your fault i was kidnapped?" i demand, angrily glaring at matthias as he shrinks back. it's been twenty minutes and i have barely been able to utter two words due to the trauma, and suddenly matthias went ahead and admitted it was somehow his fault.

"i took some of your weapons," he replied, his voice strong despite the fact he looks terrified of the lasers in my eyes.

"you idiot!" carly screams, wrath twisting her face. "you nearly got thalia killed! it is your fault."

matthias doesn't have anything to say, and i take a deep breath. i count to ten. i quell the rage and disbelief rioting in my gut. and that's when i speak. "matthias, please explain yourself."

he's quiet for a moment. "i can't." his shoulders slump.

"she almost died!" carly cries, hands moving everywhere.

"i thought i was protecting her!" matthias shouts loudly in defense. then he continues in a quieter voice, "all i wanted to do was protect her. i should've taken the watch, demanded that she got in that tree where i knew she'd be safe. the nightmares you've been having, thalia– sometimes you move in your sleep. your body is supposed to be paralyzed when you sleep, you know? it's what keeps you from running when you're dreaming about being chased. but sometimes you would reach for your weapons, and i didn't want you to hurt yourself. i thought i gave them back, but i guess it was a fabricated memory."

my heart physically hurts as i watch matthias put himself down. his cornflower-blue eyes stare at the ground now, refusing to look at either of us.

"i've been trying so hard to put you two back together," he continues, finally glancing between carly and i. "i couldn't stand seeing you so broken after" – his breath hitches – "after asher." carly turns away and blinks rapidly at the mention of his name. "listen, i know you don't want protection, carly. i know that's the last thing you think you need. but you're broken, and i've been trying to fix you."

at the end of his speech, her face contorts with rage as she whirls around and jams a threatening finger in matthias's direction. "i am not broken. but my sadness is not something that can be fixed if you keep screwing up like always!"

"carly," i warn sternly, and she starts to calm down a little, realizing what she said.

her hand drops to her side. "maybe i am broken. but you should know that some people can't be put back together if the pieces are smashed to smithereens."

she turns, her back facing us, and i know that the conversation is over.

matthias's gaze has landed back on his feet. i move so i'm in front of him, and his eyes slowly travel up to meet mine. it's heartbreaking. it's like looking into pools of complete and utter sadness.

"listen to me, matthias abraham rutcher," i say, planting my hands on his broad shoulders. he looks surprised that i know his middle name. "me getting taken is not your fault. failing to help carly is not your fault. stop putting all the blame on yourself. soon enough you'll be carrying so much of it you'll collapse in the weight of it all."

his gaze searches mine for a few seconds and i stare right back unwaveringly. then he smiles the tiniest of smiles that doesn't quite reach his eyes, mumbling, "thalia, you have quite a way with words."

"i fight for those i care about," i reply and watch his smile brighten.

"and i always do the same."

a few minutes later, we all decide that going to the lake would be the best option for all three of us. we each are in desperate need of a scrubbing, me most of all.

"matthias, go stand guard and don't turn around for anything unless we're dying," carly orders firmly, setting her bow and quiver on the rocks surrounding the water.

"okay," he agrees, and stays in front of the pond, watching carefully for anyone waiting to catch us off guard. his sword is held out in front of him and i can't help but stare at him.

carly turns to me, so i stop watching matthias and focus on her. "the best way to do this is to take all of our clothes off." i raise my eyebrows, but she keeps looking at me seriously. "i won't judge if you won't."

i sigh. "fine."

praying to all the forces above that matthias doesn't try and sneak a peek, i begin to shred my clothing. it's hard, especially around the places i'm wounded, mostly because the dried blood is causing the fabric to stick to my skin. i grit my teeth and cringe in pain as i separate the jumpsuit from my bandaged axe wound.

i set all my clothes on the rocks and ease myself into the water. it's a lot warmer now from the humidity, which i'm grateful for. i sink in onto my knees, obscuring myself from plain view as much as i can. i still have my undergarments on, but i can't help but feel insecure about my thin and starving body.

carly comes in after me, holding out a leaf. confused, i take it, noticing little bumps as i run my fingertips over it.

"it's as close as we can get to a sponge," she tells me. "don't worry– it's safe. i've used it before. i mixed together some flower petals and tree oils to make a kind of soap. i hope it works."

and it sort of does. the leaf provides enough roughness to get the dirt off fairly easily, and the flower petals help me smell nice. well, nicer than i did before.

as we wash, carly talks.

"just so you know, i didn't shoot arrows at you just because i feel like it," she explains. "someone was after you and that girl, so i had matthias shoot that arrow at her feet so you'd run. i took it back from him and he managed to distract whoever it was long enough for me to chase after you, until he eventually caught up."

i feel my heart sink. "did you happen to see nina?" carly shakes her head. i exhale shakily. "oh."

when we finish scrubbing ourselves clean, we dress back in our clothes and carly offers to take the watch. i'm careful not to look as matthias discards of his jumpsuit and cannonballs in like a kid. i can practically feel carly roll her eyes from all the way where she's standing away from us.

matthias frowns at the makeshift soap on his leaf, the lower half of his body hidden by the water. "do i have to smell like flowers?"

"at least you won't smell like murder and dirt," i point out. he shrugs, then begins lathering the soap on himself and i turn away, giving him privacy.

i jump as a cannon fires. a triumphant cheer sounds from deep in the forest. carly turns around to look at me, an apologetic look on her face. i don't need to look at the sky tonight to know that nina is gone.

gif is how thalia hugs matthias hahahahah my matthalia heart

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matthias and thalia are literally sO CUTE OH MY GOD

how many of you died from the hug bc tbh i did

dedicated to -teenagewolf bc yes what nina said was sweet ((:

xoxo,
kristyn