The bride after Sindoor daan, with the lojja bostro covering her head👆

"A woman is always the one who is expected to leave her home after marriage; because she is strong enough. She is strong enough to leave her family behind and compassionate enough to accept another as her own. A woman is the one who does all the sacrifices; because they have the strength... To live, to survive, to fight and to shine... Irrespective of the challenges thrown her way.".

-Elegiac_Damsel
___________
28th November
Sampurnaa's pov:

I was so nervous! When I opened my eyes, I felt shy and refused to look at Indrayan. After a lot of teasing and pursuading, I finally gave in. The rest of the rituals just went by somehow.

My anxiety started building up further the moment Baba gave my hand in his. A sudden wave of nervousness went in and I shivered. Saptapadi was a pain in the literal sense! My legs were turning into jelly with each step that I had to take. Marriage had seemed to be a piece of cake when I attended others' weddings... But now that I was in the bride's shoes, I realised how revolting the idea of fun and excitement is at your own wedding! My stomach was churning and I was feeling really uneasy while repeating the promises after the priest, during Saptapadi.
The promises are so orthodox and sexist! The only promise that I made silently was, "I promise to try and be the best version of myself for you. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I promise I'll strive to brave all the storms together alongside you. I can't promise to be the best wife... Or the perfect one; but I promise I'll give my all into this relationship. I won't give up easily."

The Anjali perked up my anxiety when he came in contact with my hands from behind. I almost had a panic attack then and there! Due to some reason unknown to me, his touch brought back the memories of the men grabbing me against my will from behind even after I screamed 'no'.
I shook my head when we sat down for the sindoordaan. Priyanka sensed something was wrong and came to speak to me. I was unable to say much to her.
I heard him clearing his throat and I looked up at him.
Indrayan's actions and gestures told me that he was asking me if something was wrong. I shook my head in no and asked him to go ahead... But he did not.

Adrija Boudi bent down to my level and spoke to me. She spoke to me soothingly and I listened. Baba came next.

He asked me if things were alright and I said, 'yes'. He finally asked me if they could go ahead and I gave the green signal.

Indrayan took the coin and the vermilion and brought it near my parting. He looked into my eyes one last time, asking me silently for my consent.
I blinked reassuringly and he applied sindoor on my parting. I closed my eyes as the vermilion fell on my nose and as Boudi covered my head with the lojja bostro.

I was finally a married woman who now had the love, care and responsibility of two households.

...

We were asked to take everyone's blessings after the rituals were over.
We went and touched Dida's feet first. She pulled us into a hug and blessed us with happiness. Baba, Dad( I guess I am finally his daughter in-law now), Mama, Mami, Maa( my mother), Dada and Boudi blessed us too.

The neighbourhood aunties saw the vermilion on my nose and began teasing me. Apparently, that means that my husband would love me more!

I rolled my eyes but nevertheless smiled at them. Sridha and Priyanka hugged me and then finally the two of us were given food to eat!

It was already 11 p.m., so no one tried to tease us in any way owing to fatigue.
...

It was 12 a.m. when Indrayan and I were led into my room for the bashor night. His cousins, Sridha, Priyanka and two of my school friends were going to be in the room with us.

The basic concept of bashor night is to ensure that the newly married couple gets teased by the youngsters. They are put in one room with the younger relatives or friends for playing games. Since it was past midnight already, most of them fell asleep almost immediately after entering the room. Priyanka was awake till 1.30, but she too fell asleep soon after. I couldn't sleep and neither could he.

"What was bothering you then, Sampurnaa?" I heard him asking me.

I fidgeted my fingers and looked at him gradually.

"I... Actually..." I stuttered a bit

He took my hands in his and I felt a shiver go down my spine.... He is no longer my advocate or just my friend, he is now my husband.

"I am still your confidant right? We pledged transparency after marriage... Please tell me truly, what is bothering you?" he asked me

I inhaled deeply and then looked up into his eyes.
"I trust you. Honestly, I do. I don't know what happened today. When you touched me from behind, for some reason, the incidence at the brothel just replayed in my mind. That is what caused me to become more anxious! I am sorry if I ruined our wedding tonight... I told myself that it was you and not someone else... But..." my voice trailed off

I looked down again.
He lifted my chin up and whispered, "Chin up, princess or the crown slips and falls."

I grimaced.
"Princess? Really! Stop being so cheesy!" I told him annoyed

He made a face.
"You think I enjoy cringe? I just said that to distract you and I guess I succeeded in my attempt."

I smiled as I realised.

"It is okay to feel what you felt. Don't you worry now! I promise those men will be behind bars soon enough. And... You did not ruin our wedding! See, we got married."

We talked for a while and I drifted off to sleep, with a much lighter conscience.
...
29th November

We were allowed to sleep in till 10 today. Once everyone was up, we took turns to use the washroom and change.

The afternoon was spent eating lunch together and playing games. After the mandatory teasing games, we youngsters played truth and dare till about 4 in the afternoon. After that, Maa sent me to change into my wedding attire again. She asked Sridha to help me with my hair, make up and jewellery.
I requested Sridha to skip the make up apart from a bindi and kohl. It was my farewell ceremony! I was obviously going to cry... What is the use applying a load of make-up?

She yielded to my request and I was ready by 4.45 p.m.
...

I walked out into the living room of our flat.
Dada was leaning against the wall and Baba was seated on the sofa with his head in his hands. Maa was sitting on the floor while Boudi was standing near Dada.

All the elders came forward and blessed me and Indrayan. They fed us both sweets. I almost choked while trying to swallow when Baba fed me.
His eyes were glossy. Maa was slightly a bit more composed... Dada was not even meeting my gaze. Boudi blessed the two of us silently and then went off to be with Dada.

Maa spoke with a lot of difficulty, "Shona, it is time."

I nodded and walked towards the main door shakily.

Indrayan took hold of my hand. I looked at him shocked. He simply gestured to my trembling legs. So, he was holding me so I could walk without falling to the ground!

Maa stopped me from crossing the threshold of the front door. She hugged me tightly and then composed herself.
Boudi forwarded a plate of rice to me. She asked me to take the rice in my hand and to throw it over my shoulder while saying "Maa tomaar shob rhin shodh kore dilam." (Maa, I am repaying all your loans" SIGNIFICANCE: the bride is indirectly telling her parents that she is no longer their responsibility and that now her husband will be responsible for everything.)

Gulping the lump that had appeared in my throat, I took a fistful of rice and prepared to throw it over my shoulder.

"Baby! Don't say that!" Maa choked out almost in tears

Baba nodded agreeing to what she said and Boudi told me, "Even I did not say this, Sampurnaa. Please don't!"

I nodded and threw the rice over my head thrice silently.

Maa caught the rice in her saree and turned and walked away not glancing back even once! This is a cruel rule that Bengali mothers follow. They are not supposed to look back when their daughters leave the house.

I crossed the threshold of the house and walked down the stairs to the building's ground floor. Baba, Dada and Boudi followed us down. Boudi would be going with us.

The car was waiting down to take us to my in-laws' place.... But I couldn't bring myself to get in there. I saw Baba supporting himself against the wall. I went and hugged him tightly and began crying. He broke down too and Dada also broke down. He came and joined our hug and I cried my heart out.

Boudi came and separated me and Dada.

"She has to be welcomed at her in-laws' before sunset." she told him with a heavy heart

Baba composed himself after he heard this. He wiped his tears and gave my hand in Indrayan's.

"Take care of each other." he told us both and made us get inside the car.

Boudi sat in the front seat with her father and the car drove away.

I turned behind and saw Dada trying to smile feebly while waving goodbye... And that made me cry... Again.

...

Indrayan's pov:

The farewell is so emotional. I am glad that Sampurnaa's mother did not allow her to say those lines. I remember when Adrija was asked to do so during her farewell, I had protested as did Dad.
Daughters aren't liabilities! No one needs to take their responsibility... They are very well capable of doing so themselves!

My thoughts were interrupted by Sampurnaa's crying.

I touched her shoulder lightly in order to calm her. She looked at me with red, glossy eyes. I wiped her tears and racked my brains to think of a way to distract her..

"Sampurnaa, do you know why women leave their house and come after marriage?" I asked her, finally hitting upon an idea.

She glared at me, through her tears in reply.

"How would I know? You are the one responsible for me leaving my house anyways!" she said in an annoyed voice

Adrija chuckled at her tone and Dad too laughed.

"Listen. The reason why it is the women who do this is because; men find it difficult to step outside their comfort zone. They need their house, their parents and obviously their wives... But women have the strength to live under all circumstances. Am I not right, Dad?" I asked him while explaining Sampurnaa

He replied in my favour, "You are right. It takes a great deal of strength and will to let go and begin anew... And that is absent in men. Women are the ones who give birth; for a reason you see! They are the only ones who can take all the pain, absorb it and carry on. Do not cry, Sampurnaa. It is a new beginning for you... And if my son ever refuses or stops you from meeting your family, then you can file a divorce petition against him immediately."

Sampurnaa laughed, forgoing her tears and grief. Dad and I exchanged a relieved glance as the car continued to make its way through the crowded Mumbai roads.

...

We reached our house in Pali Hill. Sampurnaa and I are standing at the door waiting for Maa to come and welcome us. Dida is standing nearby and my cousins are behaving like overexcited brats.

Maa came soon with a bprondaala.
She welcomed the two of us by circling the borondaala vertically and then touching it to our heads and chests. She stepped back and kept a plate of doodh alta i.e. an emulsion of milk and red lac dye(alta)

"Sampurnaa, step into this mixture and then cross the threshold and enter our house with your right foot first." Maa instructed her daughter in-law.

Sampurnaa nodded and stepped into the plate.

Her feet dipped into the pinkish-red mixture. A white saree with a red border had been spread for her to leave her feet imprints behind.
She walked into the house, crossing the threshold while leaving her imprints on the white saree.

The mother in-law of the bride welcomes her son and her daughter in-law home. The imprints that the bride leaves on the white saree is kept safely by her in-laws. Her entry signifies the presence of Goddess Lakshmi ; the Goddess of wealth and prosperity in their household.
This ceremony of welcoming the bride is called 'bodhuboron'

I entered along with her and we both were welcomed warmly like all newly wedded couples are. Maa led the two of us to the worship room as is the tradition.

Sampurnaa's gaachhkouto was taken from her and kept near Goddess Lakshmi's image. Maa asked the two of us to pray for a happy married life.

Maa asked Sampurnaa to forward her left hand as she had to gift her a noya.

Noya: equivalent to a mangalsutra for bengali women. Is gifted by the mother in-law to the bride and is worn on the left wrist. Traditionally, it isn't supposed to be removed. The noya is actually a thin, iron bangle that may or may not be covered with gold.

Once the rituals were done with, both of us were taken to the living room.
It was 7 p.m. and the sun was just setting.

"Deb, you are going to be sleeping up in your room tonight, sharing with your cousin brother and father. Maa (Dida) and your cousin sister are going to be sleeping in one of the guestrooms downstairs, your uncle and aunt will be in one of the rooms upstairs and Adrija will be in her own room. Sampurnaa and I will be in the second guestroom downstairs." she dictated us what the sleeping arrangement would be like.

Zakir asked, surprised.
"Why would they be in two different rooms aunty?"

Maa smiled and replied, "It is Kaalratri tonight. They are not supposed to be together after sunset till sunrise tomorrow in the morning."

"And yes..." she continued , "You are not coming downstairs under any pretext tonight. Your bride will be downstairs and I don't want you two to meet or bump into one another or anything."
That warning was for me!

I nodded.

"Will you be okay with this Sampurnaa?" Maa asked her lovingly

Sampurnaa looked up at her and answered, "Yes, Maa. I am totally okay with this."

She finally called my mother, Maa... A small step from You and I to We.

Kaal Ratri - After the couple reaches the groom's house and the initial welcome ceremony is over they are separated for the night, probably to get a refreshing sleep and prepare for the next day's final wedding ceremony.

...

30th November

Sampurnaa's pov:

I woke up at 6.30 like I do everyday. I did have trouble sleeping on a new bed... But the fatigue sort of pushed me over the edge and put me to a deep slumber.

It is Bou-bhaat today. I need to cook for my in-laws today as is the custom.
Maa( her mother in-law) woke up at the same time as I did.
"Good morning, Shona." she wished me

I smiled.
"Good morning, Maa."
"I hope you did not mind me addressing you like Deepshika does."

I shook my head in negative. She is also equivalent to a mother. She obviously can address me by my nickname.

"Now, listen. This is your mother in-law talking this time." she told me, trying to speak sternly

I listened to her attentively.

"For your convenience, we have got very few people who you have to cook food for. There's me, my husband, my son, my mother, my brother and sister in-law, their children and my daughter; and yourself of course. Just cook us a simple lunch for 10 people. 1 desert is mandatory though."

She informed me. I nodded.

I already know that I have to cook for my in-laws! I asked her to not worry and went off for a bath.

I changed into a saree like Maa had instructed me to.

The vermilion was still there in my parting; a thick streak that screams out to the world that I am newly married.
I am not even supposed to remove the sindoor till the eighth day of marriage or Ashtamangala.

I found my way about the house and reached the kitchen. Maa had kept things ready for me in order to make things easy. Okay, I need to cook for around 10 people... Scratch that... Around 12 people if Indrayan's two cousins would be eating.

Since it is Bou-bhaat, it is taken as granted that the bride has to cook a meal centered around rice. I decided to cook two vegetables and fish curry apart from the rice. For desert, I chose to make malpua as they had all the ingredients ready for my use.

...

It is 12.30 now and the food has been cooked. Maa entered the kitchen after me in order to make some more food.
Dad, Dida, Mama, Mami and my husband are all seated in the living room. It is time for the bhaat-kapor ritual.

Bhaat kapor: the groom is made to offer his bride a new saree and a plate of food. He is required to pledge while offering, "Aaj theke aajibon tomar bhaat kapor er daityo nilam." (literal translation: From today, I take responsibility of your fooding, clothing and well-being.)

The bride accepts what is offered, thus giving her husband her responsibility.

Maa entered the living room followed by Suparna and Adrija Boudi. Suparna has a new, folded saree in her hand and Boudi is carrying a plate of food.

The saree

Indrayan and I are made to stand in the centre of the room. Maa asks me to hold out my hands.

"Now listen. You need to put the saree and the plate of food in her hand without dropping anything. You need to say this while offering her, 'Aaj theke ajibon tomar bhaat kapor er daityo nilam.' Sampurnaa, you need to accept what he offers you." Maa explains us.

I hold out both my hands and Indrayan places the saree on my palms followed by the plate of food. He utters while placing the two things in my hand, "Aaj theke ajibon eke opor er daityo nilam." (today onwards we take each other's responsibility)

I immediately broke into a smile when he says this. His words signify two things:
1. We are equally responsible for one another and that I don't need someone to be responsible for my fooding and clothing

2. We were on the right path, together as there exists mutual respect.

Dida smiled at her grandson upon hearing his words.
"Well done, grandson." she patted his back

His cousins and Boudi laughed at him. Maa looked at me teasingly and that prompted me to look down blushing.

"Okay! Now for the next ritual. Sampurnaa, you have to take his blessings." Mami instructed me

I nodded.

I bent down to touch his feet but he moved away immediately.
"No! I don't want you to touch my feet!" he exclaimed.

"You are older than me anyways! And this is just a ritual... I am not touching your feet everyday!" I tried convincing him

Maa gestured me to go ahead and I did; I bent again in order to touch his feet... And this time he lifted me by holding me from my shoulders.
"Dida, Maa and Dad. She may be younger to me in reality; but we are equal in this relationship. She must not touch my feet or seek my blessings. Could you please tell her this?" he said and left the room

The elders shook their heads and requested me to serve lunch instead.
I went to the kitchen in order to get the dishes out; but amidst all the work, I had a slight smile that was present on my lips.

"I guess my husband is good enough." I told myself

...

It is 7 p.m. now. The official reception is going to be held tonight. I am ready with my saree draped around myself, some kohl, eyeliner,a bindi , the streak of vermilion apparent in my parting and lip balm. I have tied my hair in a neat bun.

My shankha-pola are still on my wrists.
I also wore the jewellery that had been gifted by my in-laws during the Aashirbad.

My mother in-law came inside my room and asked me to come downstairs. She appreciated my look and asked me to hurry up as a few guests had already arrived.

I sprayed some perfume on myself, clasped my watch around my wrist and made my way downstairs.
...

Indrayan's pov:

The morning was pretty uneventful apart from the unnecessary teasing of course! I was asked to give Sampurnaa a new saree and a plate of food while saying something stupid.

Another idiotic ritual that followed was the wife touching her husband's feet and seeking his blessings!

I am not God! Why should my wife touch my feet without rhyme or reason?

I don't care what others think... But I do feel that these old school rituals which portray husbands as women's God needs to be bidden adieu.
The lunch was deliciously cooked. I know for a fact that Sampurnaa cooked the food.

I wasn't able to commend or compliment her then in front of my nosy, teasing sister and cousins... So I guess I will speak to her later about this.

Right now, I am getting ready for the reception. My school friends, our neighbours, the extended family members and even my college mates are going to be here tonight in order to meet my wife and me. I have been asked to put on a tuxedo by my sister and that is precisely what I did.

I descended the stairs once I had sprayed some perfume and put on my watch.

...

There are so many guests who have come in order to congratulate me and Sampurnaa. She is smiling for the camera every now and then and receiving everyone warmly.
Abhimanyu and his parents are yet to arrive.

I welcomed my schoolfriends and they requested me to introduce them to Sampurnaa. I obliged and she greeted them pleasantly.

They clicked pictures with the two of us and congratulated us. My college mates followed the same drill.

Sampurnaa's parents arrived at 8.30. She was ecstatic to see them.

"Maa! Baba!" she squealed while taking them both for a hug.

I stood behind, allowing the three of them to interact. Adrija came up just then and saw Abhimanyu. She crashed into his chest like they were meeting after years.

I saw the photographer taking snaps of the two! It is my wedding and here they are stealing the limelight!

Sampurnaa saw the two of them and broke the hug with her parents. She pointed at the two would-be parents and her parents coughed bringing them out of their reunion moment.

We all laughed as Adrija blushed red while Abhimanyu pushed her away in embarrassment and went to hug Sampurnaa. The rest of the evening was spent clicking photographs.

Sampurnaa and I were made to pose for the camera in all types of positions and our families also joined us.
It was 11 p.m. when the guests left one by one. Adrija decided to go back home with Abhimanyu.

"Take care of yourself, Shona. And we'll meet you again on the 6th of December i.e., Ashtamangala directly. As much as I'd like to see you at home everyday, I would have to ask you to refrain from coming home till the 6th. Okay?" I heard Maa (Sampurnaa's mother) tell her

Sampurnaa nodded and smiled.
Her parents, Abhimanyu and Adrija bid us goodbye and left.

I was stopped from going to my room.

"Kothay dada? (Where are you going Dada?)" I heard my cousin brother, Dhruba ask

"To my room I guess! It is night, where else do I go?" I replied shrugging
"Dada! It is your phool shojja tonight. You need to wait here till Boudi (Sampurnaa) is taken inside your room. Pishi ( paternal aunt; the boy's father is Manabi's brother) told me that she will come to inform you when you can go." he informed me

Phool shojja?
Phool shojja literally translates to a bed of flowers. The first night that the bride and bridegroom spend is called 'phool shojja raat' . The bed is decorated with flowers and the bride is given floral jewellery to wear. The husband and wife are said to begin their conjugal life from the night of Phool shojja.

............

To be continued...