Today was supposed to be a fun day out at Stark White with Yami-kun and his sister, Yumi-chan, but...

"Itsuki-san."

"Kishou-papi..."

"Do you... want to hold hands?"

"Gasp! I thought... you'd never ask."

Itsu-nii and Kishou-sama aggressively smooshed their hands together while walking together along the pier.

"Oh, Itsuki-san..."

"Oh, Kishou-papi..."

"I love you."

"I love you too!"

So, how did it end up like this...?!

I started hyperventilating while crouching behind a bush to stay hidden from those two.

Hand holding... is so... l-lewd...

"Hoshimi-san, I really don't get what you're doing..." Yami-kun sighed.

"Isn't this fun, though? I feel like the paparazzi right now, watching the King from afar." Yumi-chan giggled.

Instead of going to the card shop like we originally planned, the three of us were currently stalking Itsu-nii's date with the King of GEN.

"I'd rather be slapping people with Chainrancor on Mordred Phantom right now. Premium is a drug."

"Yeah, convince me to play that format once they nuke vanillas out of existence or they give Artemis good divine gauge support."

"Not my fault you chose to play a bad deck. The Wiseman Loop exists with Kazande now, you know?"

"Unlike you, I actually like letting my opponent have fun playing the game."

"That's a weak mindset."

"It's called not being a degenerate."

"Y-you two, they're getting away!"

I cut between their bickering as siblings to point out that Itsu-nii and Kishou-sama were now far ahead of where we were hiding.

"Ah? After them!" Yumi-chan exclaimed.

"What a pain..." Yami-kun sighed.

Together, we sneakily followed them while eavesdropping on their conversation.

"I can't believe we got kicked out of the amusement park!" Itsu-nii complained.

"It can't be helped. Filming isn't allowed there." Kishou-sama said.

"But it's a public space! Filming should be a-okay!"

Oh my gosh, they were recording this date too?!

I thought Itsu-nii was just Kishou-sama's pet, but to think they entered a proper relationship already...

I had no idea they were so close with each other...!

"Perhaps it's the fact everyone kept swarming me asking for a cardfight... I'm sorry for ruining our date, Itsuki-san."

"Ah, don't apologise papi. It must be hard being so popular, I understand."

"Even so, I knew you were excited to ride the Orangutang Rollercoaster and Chimpanzee Submarine."

"I can visit that place whenever I want, but I can't do the same with you. Spending time with you is rare. You're always so swamped in work... it's so hard to snatch a date with you lately."

"Yeah. I'm glad you enjoy my company. I enjoy yours too."

Then, Kishou-sama leaned in and...

Ah, I need a better angle! I can't see properly from behind this tree!

I peeked my head out a little, but I just missed what Kishou-sama did to Itsu-nii there.

However, judging by the shocked face Itsu-nii made...

I-I think Kishou-sama kissed him!?

My head exploded.

"Hoshimi-san? Hoshimi-san! Hang in there! Oi, don't die on me now!"

Yami-kun caught my fainted body and shook me hard to wake me up.

"I-Itsu-nii... I'm so happy for you..."

I managed to utter with my few last remaining brain cells.

"Woah, her eyes are swirling..." Yumi-chan said.

"Should we take her to the hospital...?" Yami-kun asked.

"N-no! I-I'm okay!"

I quickly bounced back to my feet to show them I was still full of energy.

"That's a relief... maybe we should stop tailing them."

"N-no! I wanna see how this ends!"

"Hoshimi-san... you nearly passed out seeing Kishou-sama wipe some crumbs off Asukai-senpai's cheek."

Oh, so that's what he leaned in for...

...I feel so stupid now.

"I don't think it's safe for us to continue."

"You're so overprotective, Yami."

"Wouldn't you be too if you saw your friend nearly pass out from shock?"

"I'd probably laugh while helping them."

"You're way too carefree, Yumi."

"Aw, lighten up a little. I, for one, want to continue stalking them."

"Sounds like you're afraid to eat four Blaster Dark attacks."

"Going out to play Vanguard was your idea! If I had my way, me and Hoshi-chan would be going out shopping."

"That's what you do with Yogen-san and the others every weekend though."

"So? Bringing her along would make it more fun. I'd get to introduce her to Tamaki-chan and Mizuki-chan!"

"Yuck."

"This is why you're a loner."

"I like the silence."

"You talk a whole lot for someone who does."

Yami-kun and Yumi-chan butted heads again once more before turning to me.

"Hoshimi-san."

"Hoshi-chan!"

"Would you rather play Vanguard or go shopping for clothes?!" They asked me simultaneously.

Instead, I quietly pointed towards the sweet shop Itsu-nii and Kishou-sama entered.

"I-I'd rather watch my brother's date with the King."

Yami-kun and Yumi-chan exchanged deadpan looks with each other before laughing.

"...I guess we can do that. Only because you wanted to though."

"Good choice! I advocated for continuing to do this anyways."

"T-then let's hurry! S-so we can get a table near them."

We rushed inside the sweet shop and tried to find a table close to Itsu-nii's.

However... that was difficult, as lots of people had gathered around Kishou-sama asking him for a fight. The staff at the cafe had to help him in shooing them away, but the crowd wasn't budging at all.

Since securing a table near them was hard, we decided to cut our losses and sit at a vacant table near the front and hope that space near them would be freed soon.

"Hey, you should go join the crowd."

Yumi-chan nudged Yami-kun with her elbow.

"Why?"

"To ask for a fight with the King, obviously! I know you're dying to play him one day. This could be your big chance! You just need to blend in with the crowd."

"I'd just be another nuisance ruining his day. He'd probably turn me down. Besides, I thought we were here to spy on his date with Hoshimi-san's brother? I can hold back my urge to play Vanguard, you know."

"It's hard to tell when you're obsessing over how to optimise drawing into Nemain all the time. Regardless, it wouldn't hurt to try."

"Nemain into Bloodmaster is the sauce. Do you think he plays Premium format?"

"On second thought, don't bother."

I'm a little jealous of these two's relationship as siblings. Even though they fight a lot, they still love each other. I always find it hard to have fun with Itsu-nii like this because we're step-siblings...

"Hey, if it ain't the Yamamoto twins!"

Coming over to serve us was Minamoto-san, who shared a class with Yami-kun and Yumi-chan.

"Kumi-chaaaaaan! Hey!"

Yumi-chan got up and hugged her. Yami cringed a little.

"What can I get you three then?"

"Honestly, I'm not here to eat. I got dragged along by these two." Yami-kun said.

"He'll have the strawberry milkshake."

"...hey."

"I'll pay, shh."

"It's not about that. I don't want anything."

"Stop being a tsundere, I know that's your favourite drink from this shop."

"W-when did you find that out?"

For a moment, Yami-kun became flustered. Yumi-chan had a smug smile.

"Emica-chan told me."

"Damn that woman..."

I lightly raised my hand.

"I-I'll have a strawberry milkshake too, then..."

"In that case, count me in too! Though, make mine a peanut butter shake."

"Sure thing. Two strawberry milkshakes and a peanut butter milkshake. Anything else?"

I looked at the menu and checked my account. I would've liked to buy the macaroons, but they were too expensive...

"If you're tight on cash, I'll pay." Yami-kun offered.

"E-eh?! No, it's fine, you don't have to..."

I turned him down, but Yami-kun was persistent.

"Yumi's already paying for my drink, so I'll pay for your food. What do you want?"

"Umm..."

I quietly pointed to the macaroons. Yami-kun smiled a little.

"Minamoto-san, get us a box of macaroons too please."

"Of course. That's all I presume?"

"Yep." Yami-kun nodded.

"Great, I'll be back with your orders soon!"

"Thanks darling!" Yumi-chan smiled.

I looked over to Yami-kun shyly.

"T-thank you..."

"Don't mention it."

While we were completing the order, Itsu-nii managed to drive away the crowd around Kishou-sama by scaring them off through monkey noises.

"Ooh ooh ahh ahh! That's right bitches! He's my man tonight! Back off! Ooh ooh!"

Kishou-sama nodded in approval.

"Good job, Itsuki-san. As a reward, here."

Kishou-sama patted his lap.

"Come take a seat."

Itsu-nii blinked with watery eyes.

"Kishou-papi...!"

He then casually plopped himself on Kishou-sama's lap like it was normal.

"There we go. Now who's a good boy? Itsuki-san is a good boy, oh yes you are."

Suddenly, Kishou-sama started to treat Itsu-nii like a dog, patting his head and scratching his neck playfully.

"Ooh ooh— ahh ahh? Wait, this isn't part of the— ah whatever, it makes for good content. Kishou-papi!~"

And for some reason, Itsu-nii accepted it...?

At this point, Yumi-chan was a blushing mess while Yami-kun buried his head on the table, pretending not to be associated with us.

Meanwhile, I was on the verge of losing more brain cells than Itsu-nii watching this incredibly embarrassing date play out before my eyes...

Hang on a second, did Itsu-nii say "content"?

I quickly scanned the shop for anyone filming.

That's when I saw it.

It was Vice President Kurosaki-senpai, holding a camera pointed directly at the two of them!

And that's when I realised.

Oh my god, Itsu-nii was filming a video for his MeTube channel all along!

...I wanted to facepalm, not for Itsu-nii, but for myself for being so dumb.

"What does my little monkey want to eat, then?"

"Banana split! With extra blueberries on top!"

"You got it."

Kishou-sama nodded and raised his hand. Minamoto-san then rushed over to take his over.

Then, not even two minutes later, she came back out with Itsu-nii's banana split.

"It's good to know this shop has their priorities straight." Yami-kun grumbled.

"We ordered before him and still haven't gotten our milkshakes... what gives?!" Yumi-chan complained.

"M-maybe banana splits are faster to make than a milkshake...?" I quietly suggested.

I turned my attention back to Itsu-nii and Kishou-sama, who just thanked Minamoto-san.

"Here comes the aeroplane, Itsuki-san."

Kishou-sama took a spoonful of the ice cream and guided it into Itsu-nii's mouth.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah."

Itsu-nii ate it, blueberry juice smearing his lips.

"You're such a messy monkey."

Kishou-sama picked up a napkin and wiped off the juice.

"Kishou-papi is the best! 10/10, would rent again!"

Itsu-nii then suddenly turned to Kurosaki-senpai and shouted into the camera.

Eh?

Did Itsu-nii just say... "rent"?

Somehow, I felt like I hadn't yet fully understood this situation after all...

"And that's a wrap! Otsukaresama!"

"Otsukaresama deshita."

Itsu-nii got off Kishou-sama's lap and sat down at the table normally before shaking his hand. Kurosaki-senpai walked over to them and tossed Itsu-nii his camera.

"Asukai, catch!"

"Woah— thanks for filming today, Kurosaki-san! I would've gotten Kazuraba-chan to do it, but she was busy today."

Itsu-nii caught the camera and looked over the footage.

"No problem. I didn't have much to do today, so I'm glad I got to watch you two embarrass yourselves in public."

"We're so lucky to find you sitting on that bench... hey, whaddya mean embarrass myself in public?!"

"I'd be embarrassed if I had to rent Kishou as a boyfriend. You can do better than that, at least get Mizusawa or something!"

...a-ah?

...ehhhhhhhhhhhh?!

...Itsu-nii rented Kishou-sama as his boyfriend?!

WHAT?!

"This is free promo for him, now he'll get a bunch of dates from fangirls and get super stonks!"

"There's a lack of overlap between Kishou's fangirls and people who watch your videos."

"On the contrary, my dear Kurosaki-san. They call me the 93% for a reason!"

"What, did they name you that after how many brain cells you've lost so far in your seventeen years of being alive?"

"No, that's how many female viewers I have!"

"Your fujoshi audience is carrying that number real hard, then."

"And I'm feeding them even more yaoi bait with this date! I've cracked the system!"

"Fu fu, don't let Xuelan find out. She might kill you for going on a date with him."

"I'll deal with the yandere secretary later. For now, I've got a video to send over to Masaoka to edit!"

"Sure thing. By the way, did you know your little sister was stalking your date?"

"She what—"

I squeaked when Kurosaki-senpai casually exposed us.

"Yeah, she's over there with those raven haired twins. See?"

"Holy banana split... HOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! MY SWEET LI'L BABY SISTERRRRRRRR!"

Me, Yami-kun, and Yumi-chan all ducked our heads and buried them in the menus.

"Abort mission, abort mission!" Yumi-chan whispered through gritted teeth.

"We're so screwed..." Yami-kun muttered with a groan.

"H-help us..." I mumbled, covering my ears.

"Here are your three milkshakes and macaroon— oh wow..."

Minamoto-san was about to put down our food and drink when she stopped suddenly, being cut off by Itsu-nii, Kishou-sama, and Kurosaki-senpai encircling our table.

"Hoshi..."

"I-Itsu-nii, I-I can explain!"

"Here comes the tickle monster!"

"Noooooooooooo!"

I squirmed and screamed as Itsu-nii cackled and started to tickle my armpits like a monkey.

"What do you two have to say about yourselves, then?"

Kishou-sama loomed over Yami-kun menacingly.

"Asukai's sister had two accomplices with her? How bold."

Kurosaki-senpai leaned against Yumi-chan's chair.

"...d-do you play Premium, K-Kishou-sama?" Yami-kun asked with a deer in headlights look.

"A-accomplice?! W-what do you mean, we're here to drink milkshakes! R-right, Kumi-chan?!" Yumi-chan turned to Minamoto-san for support.

"Don't drag me into your weird situation! I'm going back to serving BFF-sama!"

Minamoto-san slammed our order onto the table before rushing off to Shigaisoshi-sama, who was sitting in the corner of the shop and waving at us with a smug smile.

"Kumi-chan, don't abandon us! We're gonna dieeeeeeeee!" Yumi-chan cried.

Itsu-nii continued to tickle me, making me cry, laugh, and scream at the same time.

"I do play Premium." Kishou-sama calmly answered Yami-kun.

"Yeesh, I know we're upperclassmen, but we're not that scary." Kurosaki-senpai laughed at Yumi-chan's irrational fear.

"You do? Uh... if it's not too much hassle, then..."

Just as Yami-kun was about to ask Kishou-sama for a cardfight, he nervously stopped as Kishou-sama stepped away from our table and suddenly made his way to the exit. I guess he lost interest in our conversation...?

This made Itsu-nii stop tickling me and turn to Kishou-sama. Kurosaki-senpai simply raised an eyebrow.

"You're leaving already, Kishou-papi?"

"Yeah. I have a piano to check out."

"You're finally gonna buy it?!"

"Maybe. We'll see."

Kurosaki-senpai laughed and straightened herself from her leaning posture.

"Mind if I tag along?"

"Do as you wish."

Kishou-sama left the sweet shop. Kurosaki-senpai looked at us over her shoulder and waved goodbye.

"Sorry for stealing your date, Asukai!"

"It's fine, enjoy embarrassing yourself renting him!"

Itsu-nii cheekily responded as Kurosaki-senpai also left the shop. Then, Itsu-nii plopped himself down at our table and grabbed one of the strawberry milkshakes, sipping on it.

"Mmm, berry."

"H-hey, that's mine..." I pouted.

Yumi-chan then suddenly grabbed her milkshake and protected it from Itsu-nii's large hands.

"I didn't even get to ask him..."

Yami-kun was too upset over the fact he couldn't fight the King to care for his food.

"It's fine, we're family. Here."

Itsu-nii shrugged off my complaint and handed me back the milkshake. I sipped on it with a huff.

"Seriously though, what are you three doing here?"

"Um... well... originally, we were going to go to the card shop, but then we spotted you holding hands with Kishou-sama, and umm..."

"...wait, you were seriously stalking us?! I thought Kurosaki-san was joking, what the hell?!"

"I-I'm sorry, Itsu-nii! I-I just thought... well... you and Kishou-sama were an actual couple... and wanted to know more... I didn't realise you had rented him out for a date..."

"Ah... well, I guess it's only natural for a little sister to be interested in her older brother's love life. It's okay, Hoshi. You'll always be number one in my heart."

Itsu-nii smiled and patted my head.

"I had no idea Kishou-sama was a rent-a-boyfriend..."

Yumi-chan laughed before showing us his profile on her phone.

"Look at his rate! 20,000 Pr per hour! That's so high!"

"I have no idea how I'm gonna pay him." Itsu-nii started to sweat as he was broke.

"I guess that's one way to earn private points." Yami-kun said.

"You should become a rent-a-boyfriend, Yami! You'd be a hit with the ladies!" Yumi-chan clapped her hands together.

"No thanks. I'm barely unsociable and all my dates would revolve around Vanguard."

"There's probably a niche market for that. You're the dark and mysterious type! That's popular with girls."

"How about you become a rent-a-girlfriend? They earn even more even than rent-a-boyfriends."

"Oh, do they? Hmm, maybe... wait, how do you know this?"

Yami-kun stopped. Yumi-chan smirked. Somehow, poor Yami-kun exposed himself...

"Uh... I found out on the web... or something."

"You've definitely rented a girlfriend before!"

"I-I got it confused with rent-a-fighter! I wanted to cardfight someone, not go on a date with them!"

"Why did you wanna fight a girl, huh?!"

"...ah, I'm leaving! You suck, Yumi!"

An extremely embarrassed Yami-kun got up and stormed out of the shop.

"Oops... I might've gone too far. I'm gonna see if he's okay."

Yumi-chan followed Yami-kun out of the shop while still carrying her milkshake.

"...if he's not gonna drink it, can I have it?"

Itsu-nii pointed at Yami-kun's untouched milkshake.

"Um... I guess? Maybe we should save it for him instead... oh."

Before I could finish, Itsu-nii had already gulped down half of Yami-kun's milkshake and ate a handful of macaroons.

"Whoops?"

He really was a monkey brain...