"A podcast with attitude that hits different." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

FEATURING THE BOIS.

Monma Jouji
Oracle Think Tank
Imaginary Gift: Protect
CV: Kamijou Ikuru (JPN)/Joey Bizinger (ENG)

"I have the power of God and anime on my side!"

A transfer student from Australia who makes videos related to Japan for his channel as a hobby so it can one day become his real job. His English name is Frank and he is devoted to Christianity.

Nibiiro Suzui
Spike Brothers
Imaginary Gift: Force
CV: Hanae Natsuki (JPN)/Garnt Maneetapho (ENG)

"If you set your mind to it, you can jack off to anything."

Born with a rare heart disease that makes his body extremely frail, he compensates for it by being extremely intelligent, especially in Vanguard. Devoted to Buddhism and has completed being a monk before.

Asukai Itsuki
Great Nature
Imaginary Gift: Accel
CV: Yamaguchi Kappei (JPN)/Connor Colquhoun (ENG)

"Ooh ooh ahh ahh"

A child chess prodigy in elementary school and former gang leader in middle school, he changed his delinquent ways upon entering high school. Devoted to being a monkey brain.

OST: Mama Muoi Bay - Omen

Jouji: What's up you crazy cardfighting cunts, welcome back to another episode of the Drachma Taste podcast- *laughs*

Itsuki: That was completely terrible

Suzui: *laughs* I'm sorry, but that was awful

Jouji: Look, it's gonna be a thing from now on, just brace yourself every three episodes-

*banging in the background*

Jouji: Nozomi, our producer, stop making noise! *laughs*

Itsuki: This is a professional production!

Nozomi: *in the distance* I didn't do anything—

Jouji: YOU RUINED MY INTRO

Suzui: Excuse me Nozomi, I thought we had professionalism here!

Jouji: Trash production on this trash taste podcast.

Suzui: Ikr?

Itsuki: Bro we can't say that, we'll get sued!

Jouji: It's fine, we'll just get our intern Kazuto to handle it

Suzui: *nearly has a heart attack* ...I'd sooner get our editor Masaoka to handle our legal problems than Kazu-kun

Jouji: Well anyways, welcome to another episode of the Drachma Taste podcast where we talk about how bad we are at Vanguard and being students in GEN Academy. I'm your host for today, Jouji—

Itsuki: Wait is that our intro now?

Jouji: Uh, I guess?

Suzui: My god, that went from "what the fuck are you saying" to "man that is a smooth ass intro!"

Jouji: LMAO

Suzui: Like what, we didn't agree to any of this!

Jouji: I'm a professional after all. *winks* I'm your host for today, Jouji, and today joining me are the bois, Suzui and Itsuki!

Suzui: Hey guys! I'll try not to have a heart attack like last episode.

Itsuki: The crust on pizza is good and you know it.

Suzui: NO ITSUKI THE CRUST IS NOT GOOD IT'S JUST BREAD AND I WILL FIGHT YOU ON THAT

Itsuki: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE MEANT TO SAVE SOME OF THE SAUCE AND TOPPING TO EAT WITH THE CRUST

Jouji: Guys pls. Let's not have a repeat of last episode, the last time we brought up food Itsuki said hamburg steak was mid.

Itsuki: That's cuz it is! Anyways, no full names? No? Aight...

Jouji: Okay, well, I'm Monma Jouji, and this is Nibiiro Suzui and Asukai Itsuki.

Suzui: I don't know how I'm still alive.

Itsuki: I swear you get more heart attacks than my grandpa.

Jouji: Isn't your grandad dead?

Itsuki: Yes

Suzui: I mean... he's technically not wrong for once.

Itsuki: Can't have heart attacks if you're dead *wiggles eyebrows*

Jouji: Lol, speaking of dead people, did you guys watch the war last week?

Itsuki: *gasp* OOH OOH AHH AHH

Suzui: The one between 1-D and 1-E?

Itsuki: I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK JOUJI

Jouji: Yeah- Jesus, what's gotten into you Itsuki?

Itsuki: MY BABY SISTER HOSHI KILLED THREE BITCHES IN THE WAR THAT'S WHAT *turns to the camera* HOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! IF YOU'RE WATCHING, YOUR NII-CHAN IS PROUD OF YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!

Suzui: Shouldn't it be "listening"...?

Jouji: Well, we are a audiovisual podcast, technically. Also, siscon! *laughs*

Itsuki: SHUT UP, DON'T RUIN MY MOMENT

Suzui: I thought you and Shimizu-san weren't blood related?

Itsuki: Yeah, we aren't, but it doesn't matter, SHE KILLED IT IN THAT WAR, LITERALLY!

Jouji: "Step-bro what are you doing"

Suzui: Pffffffffffffff— *throws head back in uncontrollable laughter*

Itsuki: Listen here you little shit

Jouji: *wheezing*

Itsuki: DON'T MAKE ME FUCKING HAND STAND ON YOUR ASS

Jouji: You wouldn't

Suzui: I don't think he could

Itsuki: You underestimate my balance *starts climbing onto the table*

Suzui: Jesus, Itsuki, get down, you'll ruin the set!

Itsuki: I'MMA PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT I CAN HANDSTAND ON JOUJI RIGHT HERE RN—

*the table shakes and Wike Mazowski falls off*

Itsuki: WIKE NO

Suzui: Jesus Christ, look at what you've done! You're gonna ruin the set!

Itsuki: WIKE WAIT FOR ME I'LL COME SAVE YOU LET ME FIRST KICK JOUJI'S GAIJIN ASS

Jouji: Bro I'm getting out, this man's tryna assault me—

Itsuki: OOH OOH AHH AHH BITCH

Suzui: Oh no, he's gone full monkey brain, Nozomi, help—! *yelps and shrinks in his seat*

Nozomi: *in the distance* What do you want me to do?!

Suzui & Jouji: STOP ITSUKI FROM DOING A KING KONG

Itsuki: THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM

Jouji: Holy shit. *laughs and gets out of seat frantically*

Suzui: *is on the verge of a heart attack*

Itsuki: *about to jump on the table*

Nozomi: *grabs Itsuki and yeets him to the floor* Stop it right now!

Itsuki: AIEEEEEEEEEEEE—

Jouji: *in the distance* I think you made him lose more brain cells

Suzui: Can someone get me a glass of sugar water

Jouji: Yo Kazuto, get Suzui some sugar water!

Himeji: *in the distance* On it!

Suzui: Thank god we fired Itteki.

Itsuki: *getting up* Who

Nozomi: *smacks him in the back of the head*

Itsuki: Ow! I thought you were supposed to be nice!

Nozomi: I'm also your manager and responsible for your behaviour. We could get kicked out of this studio if you act anymore monkey. Renting this place out actually costs points, y'know?

Itsuki: Ooh ooh ahh ahh?

Nozomi: *smacks him*

Itsuki: OW OW OW! OKAY I'LL BEHAVE, STOP!

Nozomi: Good. *goes back behind the scenes*

Jouji: *looks at the camera* Today's lesson? Don't mess with our manager.

Suzui: Did you already forget our old intern, Itsuki?

Itsuki: Uhhhhhhhhhh

Jouji: *puts Wike back on the table and sits down* Dude, all he cares about is whacking it to his little sister.

Itsuki: Not true! I also care about... uh... the Welsh flag! And volleyball! And... wait I'm on the track and field club.

Suzui: *facepalming*

Jouji: Why was that the first thing to come to your mind LOL

Itsuki: Because the Welsh flag is the best and has a cool ass red fucking dragon on it!

Suzui: We're not repeating this discussion...

Itsuki: Okay fine. So... who Itteki be?

Suzui: He's a 3rd Year who used to be our old intern.

Jouji: We fired him because he gave Suzui water with salt instead of sugar.

Suzui: It was in the episode Sakate was the guest.

Itsuki: Sounds like something I'd do.

Jouji: Deadass it does LMAO

Himeji: *hands Suzui the sugar water*

Suzui: Thank you Kazu-kun. *sips it* Ah, much better...

Jouji: So while Suzui's recovering from nearly dying, Itsuki, since when the fuck were you a delinquent gang leader?!

Itsuki: Not anymore I'm not! But seriously, do we really need to talk about that? Lmao

Jouji: Yes, of course! Dude, you were literally name dropped like four times by that End of Stage guy, how the fuck did you manage to keep all that hidden from us?!

Itsuki: Pfffft, I dunno, guess you guys never asked. *laughs*

Suzui: This is the same man who was a chess prodigy in elementary school...

Itsuki: For the record I'm still a chess prodigy.

Jouji: You lost to Suzui, you monkey brain.

Itsuki: LOOK MAN MOVING THE QUEEN TO D4 WAS THE RIGHT PLAY

Suzui: It literally costed you the game LMAO

Jouji: *laughs* Anyways, spill us the beans and tell us more!

Suzui: Yeah, I'm curious too. Especially the part where you sacrificed yourself for uh... Nozomi, what was his name?

Nozomi: *in the distance* Kawaguchi!

Suzui: Yeah, Kawaguchi-san.

Itsuki: I mean, to be honest, there's not much else to add really, Zenkichi pretty much told the whole story perfectly.

Jouji: Huh, who knew you were so heroic. It must've been really fucking awkward seeing your old gang mates in school though.

Itsuki: Oh man, it was surreal as shit when they started talking about what happened in Karaikai. Like, now everyone at school knows why I'm in E Class LOL

Jouji: It's okay, I'm in E Class because I'm a dirty foreigner.

Suzui: *awkward laugh*

Jouji: I'm kidding, I just suck at playing Vanguard. Don't worry guys, the school's not racist! *laughs*

Itsuki: Shit player fit for a shit podcast. *finger guns*

Jouji: You know it! *finger guns*

Suzui: I'm pretty sure our class has the least amount of foreigners though. Since we only have you and Si-yeon-san, and she's from Korea.

Jouji: Australia represent.

Suzui: We love our Australian Jesus.

Itsuki: WOO YEAH AUSTRALIAN JESUS

Jouji: *kisses his Christian cross necklace* I'd like to thank the Lord for my friends- *laughs*

Suzui: *throws his head back and laughs uncontrollably*

Jouji: Anyways, but yeah, what were you saying Itsuki?

Itsuki: Oh right. So, like I was saying, I'd seen them around school before, so I knew they were here, but like, I did not expect Zenkichi to say all that shit in public! Like damn, I know I'm stupid, but like... that was giga brain stupid!

Jouji: Imagine being smart at being stupid, couldn't be me

Itsuki: Well you see— I have a masters degree in that.

Suzui: Suffering from success lol

Jouji: He's so smart he went to university when he was a baby and got masters in being stupid *laughs*

Suzui: We finally found the one thing Itsuki's good at besides being a siscon *laughs*

Itsuki: This is how I got my masters. *gets up, looks into the camera, and T poses* I A S S E R T M Y D O M I N A N C E

Jouji & Suzui: *collectively losing their shit*

Itsuki: *sits down* Look man, bottom line is, I've moved on from those days, so I'd appreciate if I didn't get dragged back in again.

Jouji: Yeah, that's completely understandable. I'd be pissed off too honestly.

Suzui: I felt the second hand cringe when Shigeru-san started talking about your past.

Itsuki: THANKS FOR EXPOSING ME ZENKICHI YOU BASTARD

Jouji: This is why I'm thankful I transferred from another country. I won't be seeing any people from middle school any time soon! *laughs*

Suzui: What if they're listening to this podcast right now?

Itsuki: monkaS

Jouji: They don't understand Japanese, it's cool.

Itsuki: Brb learning English just to embarrass Jouji

Jouji: I'm not worried, you're too monkey brain to learn anything

Itsuki: *raises hand to object then lowers it* ...

Suzui: Oof.

Itsuki: *sniff* It's okay, I know I'm dumb

Suzui: Yeah, you're quite lucky to be from another country, Jouji.

Jouji: Perks of being the gaijin of the group. *smirks*

Suzui: Itsuki, you transferred to another middle school when you got expelled right?

Itsuki: Yeah, I went to some bougie ass place filled with the most preppy kids imaginable.

Jouji: Sounds like cram school with extra steps.

Itsuki: DON'T REMIND ME OF CRAM SCHOOL

Suzui: What would you do if you saw someone from that school was also in GEN?

Itsuki: Bro, I dodged that bullet big time, the only person from that school who came here is my little sister Hoshi~!

Suzui: Damn, that is lucky. *laughs*

Jouji: Lord, it must've been painful being a gang leader though and dealing with their shenanigans back then.

Itsuki: It fucking was. Those guys were dumbasses, even more so than me! By the way, which middle school did you go to, Suzui?

Suzui: Umm, I went to Heiwa Middle.

Jouji: You see or recognise any kouhai from there?

Suzui: To be honest, I don't know anyone from the lower years. I think the boy in the transport fight...

Itsuki: The DOTX dood?

Nozomi: *in the distance* Mitsuba Jun!

Suzui: Yes, him. I think he went to Heiwa Middle too.

Jouji: Guessing you never talked to him before then?

Suzui: Yeah, I don't know him at all.

Jouji: Actually, speaking of that transport fight, that was actually insane to watch!

Itsuki: Ikr, I thought that Mitsuba had it in the bag until Zyriot slammed down those three fucking perfect guards, like what the fuck

Suzui: How the hell did Megacolony of all clans somehow comeback from that...

Jouji: Bugs are surprisingly tough. See: cockroaches.

Itsuki: He even got 50k Pr from stopping it!

Jouji: Those achievements are whack.

Suzui: The most weird one was the "Skill Kill". I had no idea that was a thing!

Jouji: Nozomi, who did that?

Nozomi: *in the distance* Amanda Kuushu!

Itsuki: That name is super white

Suzui: That's because she is

Jouji: Oh hey, another foreigner

Nozomi: *in the distance* She was born in Japan

Jouji: Oh, she's the opposite of me *laughs*

Suzui: I think she's half American? Amanda-san I mean

Nozomi: *in the distance* It says here she's half-Japanese half-American

Jouji: Never mind

Suzui & Itsuki: *laughs*

Suzui: Yeah, you're fully Japanese aren't you, Jouji?

Jouji: Yep. Both my parents are Japanese but I was raised in the wild outbacks of fucking Australia. *laughs*

Itsuki: Not even a halfu smh

Jouji: Yeah, it's definitely not weird at all. *rolls eyes and laughs*

Suzui: So, going back to what we were talking about earlier—

Itsuki: HOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Suzui: So a question for you guys, which class were you rooting for?

Itsuki: D CLASS D CLASS D CLASS, BEST CLASS!

Suzui: Of course you'd say that *laughs*

Jouji: Well, as you guys know, I like my underdog stories, so of course I was cheering on my nation, Drachma Red.

Itsuki: That's cap you dirty nationalist

Jouji: Shut up, siscon *laughs*

Suzui: *laughs* You're only cheering for D Class because of your sister

Itsuki: Nah, nah, nah, it's not even cuz Hoshi's in that class, D Class is just fucking stacked with beasts! Like they have Zyriot, Zenkichi, the Delinquent of Delinquents—

Jouji: Bro you're just being biased

Itsuki: I'm just spitting facts! You can't sit here and tell me to my face that E Class has better fighters than D Class.

Jouji: Well, yeah, of course, I won't disagree with that, but I already knew they didn't stand a chance. Like, it's fucking E Class, their class is made up of the suckiest students in their year LOL

Suzui: Yeah... personally, I was rooting for E Class too, since I wanted to support my kouhai, but comparing 1-E to 1-D is like comparing Itsuki to Hina-sama.

Itsuki: What I lack in ara ara tits I make up for in JoJo suits.

Jouji: You could compare Itsuki to Miura and it'd still be a fair comparison. No offence, Miura, if you're watching this.

Suzui: He's so not filming your next MeTube video now.

Jouji: Oh, hey, thanks for the plug. *turns to the camera* Guys, don't forget to also subscribe to VegetaReviews69 after this episode- *laughs*

Itsuki: *laughs*

Suzui: What a shill

Jouji: Gotta get that bread on the table somehow *laughs*

Itsuki: Brown bread best bread btw

Suzui: I don't know about that one chief

Jouji: I'm white so of course I love white bread

Itsuki: Are you telling me you don't like texture in your food

Suzui: You actually enjoy the seeds and grainy texture?

Itsuki: Yes! When it comes to savoury sandwiches, brown bread is far superior to white bread. White bread's slightly sweeter, while brown bread has that mature and raw taste that pairs way better with savoury foods.

Jouji: For once, I agree with him. Ham and cheese on white bread isn't as good as ham and cheese on brown bread.

Itsuki: Right on brother! *reaches over the table for a high five*

Jouji: Hell yeah! *high fives him and laughs*

Suzui: I think bread is okay, but I have to gluten free bread which is a pain in the ass

Itsuki: *sighs and shakes head* You're so weak, letting a little gluten hurt your body.

Suzui: It's not my fault, I have a heart condition...

Itsuki: This is deadass Suzui, *pretends to wince* "Ooh, I'm lactose intolerant, so I can't drink this milk! Instead I'll buy almond milk— but wait, I'm allergic to nuts, so I can't have that either! Then I'll buy oat milk— but wait, I'm allergic to gluten, so I can't have it either! *laughs* You just can't eat anything!

Suzui: I'm in this picture and I don't like it. *laughs*

Jouji: *laughs* Suzui's body is literally the meme of the dude throwing the peace sign and fading away.

Suzui: You could poke me and I'd get a heart attack and die.

Itsuki: No offence but you look disgusting when your nut allergy happens

Suzui: I look like a fucking goblin when it happens. Literally my worst allergy.

Jouji: *turns to the camera* Fun fact, that's why we have Mai on set all the time, she's the only one out of all us trained to use Suzui's epee pen.

Suzui: This is also why we're afraid to do a food video. Because I might die by accident on camera. *laughs*

Jouji: Legit tho, whenever we go out to eat, ordering takes like an extra five minutes because Suzui has to ask the waiter if he's allergic to the dish he wants.

Suzui: Yeah. Actually, it reminds me of this one time when we went to get some burger and fries from a new place that opened up, and well... *shivers*

Itsuki: *laughs* Oh I remember this!

Jouji: *laughs* I shouldn't be laughing... but I am.

Suzui: You'd think I had an allergic reaction to gluten in the burger buns, but no, I've been on his rodeo before, and I did the smart thing and asked for gluten free bread.

Itsuki: This is why ordering takes five minutes extra, Suzui has to ask for gluten free bread THE WEAKLING

Jouji: Surprisingly, they had it.

Suzui: Instead, I had an allergic reaction because... they fucking fried everything in peanut oil.

Itsuki: *puts head on table and starts laughing harder*

Suzui: AND I HAD NO CLUE.

Itsuki: Oh my god, the way your face looked all puffed up after eating— *cackles*

Suzui: Yeah, the fucking hives I got made me look like I'd been beaten up by a swarm of killer bees.

Jouji: You got hit different *laughs*

Itsuki: *wheezes*

Suzui: LITERALLY

Nozomi: *laughing in the background*

Suzui: Why are you laughing Nozomi? *laughs*

Jouji: She always does this *snickers*

Nozomi: *starts to laugh harder*

Jouji: What's even worse is, since it was just the three of us, it was up to either me or Itsuki had to try and use Suzui's epee pen and both of us had NO IDEA how it worked.

Suzui: Usually, when I get a reaction, it isn't too severe, so I can instruct someone how to use the pen, but in this case, literally everything I ate had been dipped in peanut oil, so I even got hives in my throat and couldn't speak.

Jouji: It got pretty dangerous since you had difficulty breathing too.

Suzui: My life was deadass in the hands of a monkey and Jesus

Itsuki: Dude, I wish I could've done more, but I didn't want to kill you by accident so I just let Jouji, the responsible adult, handle it.

Jouji: And I didn't know how to use the pen even after faffing about with it, so... I called for an ambulance! *laughs*

Suzui: *laughs* God, that evening was a mess.

Jouji: We all just agreed to never go back there again with Suzui.

Suzui: Yeah, at least they gave me a refund.

Itsuki: Woah, really?

Suzui: Yeah.

Jouji: I'd be asking for more than a refund after nearly dying lmao

Itsuki: Wait, big brain strat on how to get free food, just nearly die while eating it! *laughs*

Suzui: *throws head back and laughs uncontrollably*

Jouji: *laughs* Yes, let me casually go on the verge of death to save like ten bucks on a burger

Itsuki: IT'S LEGIT THO IT WORKED WITH SUZUI *laughs*

Suzui: But yeah, this is why I'm kind of glad fast food chains exist. Because I know that, while the food I'm getting is shit, at least it won't kill me. I can order a cheeseburger at WcDonalds and know I can safely consume it. Saves me a lot of headaches.

Itsuki: On the flip side, you'll get a headache after consuming all that sodium. I know from experience *eyebrow wiggle*

Jouji: Hey man, did you forget about that Burger Queen foot lettuce?

Suzui: *laughs* Oh my God

Jouji: If the nuts or gluten won't kill you, than those employees will. *laughs*

Itsuki: Honestly just go to Matsuya and eat gyudon every day, OP giga brain strat.

Jouji: inb4 they fry the beef in peanut oil

Suzui: It'd be sad to reduce my life to just eating gyudon though

Itsuki: Nah, gyudon's based, I could eat it every day for the rest of my life!

Suzui: I don't think I could, I like variety in my food.

Jouji: Aren't you the same guy who thinks pork is better than beef?

Itsuki: Look man, katsudon's great and all, but they always give you a huge pile of fucking cabbage to go along with it, and it's like— NO! THE ONLY VEGETABLE I WANNA SEE ON MY PLATE IS NONE OF THEM! EXCEPT ONIONS! BECAUSE CARAMELISED ONIONS IN GYUDON HITS DIFFERENT!

Suzui: Tbf I fuck with onions

Jouji: I thought you were gonna say you're allergic to them *laughs*

Suzui: Tbf I probably am

Itsuki: *wheezes*

Suzui: I know I bring this up every other episode, but remember when I did work experience in the NHK?

Jouji: *deadpan* Yes Suzui we know you worked at the NHK *laughs*

Itsuki: How do you have so many stories about working for the NHK WE ONLY DID WORK EXPERIENCE FOR 2 WEEKS

Suzui: Did I tell you guys about that time I projectile vomited while on set?

Jouji: *wheezes* Excuse me?

Itsuki: TELL US MORE *laughs*

Suzui: *giggling* So—

Nozomi: *laughing in the background*

Suzui: Why are you laughing Nozomi?! *laughs*

Nozomi: *in the distance* You told me this before!

Suzui: I did?

Nozomi: *in the distance* Yes, on the day that it happened

Suzui: Good Lord, my memory's going

Itsuki: You say that but I'm sitting here *monkey brain noises*

Jouji: Continue, *laughs* continue Suzui

Suzui: Basically, what happened was we only had ten minutes to eat lunch because the production crew was running late, so I had to speed run eating my lunch, which on that day, was French onion soup.

Jouji: Oh no this is where the onions come in *laughs*

Itsuki: French onion soup is just onion water with attitude when you think about it

Suzui: Of course, I spent like half that time checking for allergies before taking it, and then I had to drink it all in like... I'd like to say, five minutes? Basically not enough time to fully enjoy or digest the meal.

Jouji: Chug jug French onion soup speed run any %

Itsuki: *wheeze*

Suzui: *laughs* But, yeah, when we resumed filming, I don't know what happened, but I suddenly, out of nowhere, randomly throw up all over the set. Like, it wasn't a small amount, it a huge puddle because I had just eaten the French onion soup. Needless to say... it stunk like hell.

Jouji: Jesus, if I was part of the crew I would've went "nope" and gtfo

Itsuki: Shrek would be proud.

Suzui: I think what happened is, we were moving around a lot while shooting, so I probably got nauseous as I had just eaten and the French onion soup was still sloshing around in my stomach somewhere.

Itsuki: I do not envy your position at all.

Jouji: I just realised, we're talking about food again, why does this happen all the time?!

Suzui: Whoops, let's move on then *laughs*

Itsuki: Please, I think I'm gonna throw up from your story... *pretends to gag then laughs*

Suzui: *laughs* What, are you scared of vomit?

Itsuki: I'm just imagining you projectile vomiting in my head and it's both hilarious and gross at the same time.

Suzui: I kind of wish I took a picture now and sent it in the group chat.

Itsuki: Now that— I might actually throw up looking at that. *laughs*

Jouji: Yeah, I wouldn't want to look at that either

Itsuki: While we're still on the topic of food, deadass, I think we should do a mukbang for an episode, that's been popping off on MeTube recently.

Jouji: Mukbangs? I mean, I guess I'm fine with it, but do you really think the three of us can eat that much?

Suzui: I get full from just eating one onigiri, so this sounds like a terrible idea.

Itsuki: I know that you don't eat a lot, but I think me and Jouji could polish off like a pound of food.

Jouji: I think you could, you eat soooooo much compared to us.

Suzui: He can eat so much because he needs all the calories to replace the brain cells he loses on a daily basis *laughs*

Jouji: TRUE *laughs*

Itsuki: That's it, for the mukbang, we're eating only foods you're allergic to. Jouji, I hope you like pistachio nuts and cheddar cheese!

Jouji: I actually prefer blue cheese. That or gruyere.

Itsuki: You know what, fair, blue cheese slaps. Blue cheese dip especially!

Jouji: Buffalo wings and blue cheese dip is such a classic.

Itsuki: Yeeeeeeeees!

Suzui: Blue cheese is mid.

Itsuki: You don't like condiments, shut up

Jouji: I never understood the appeal of mukbangs though, you're just watching people eat... it's not exactly exciting.

Itsuki: Nah, it's not about entertainment, it's about getting you hungry. Like, any shitty meal becomes a hundred times better magically when you're watching a mukbang. That's why I throw on a food video while eating diner, it whets my appetite.

Suzui: I don't get it either myself, but I'd guess that it's popular because it feels like you're eating with someone else? A lot of people live alone, and in mukbangs, people also just talk about random crap like us, so...

Jouji: But at that point, why not just... I don't know, listen to a podcast? Or watch a show? When I'm alone and eat, I watch anime, cuz that's entertaining. Watching someone eat a juicy cut of prime rib steak when I'm stuck with cup noodles is just gonna make me jealous. 

Suzui: I hope people don't listen to us while they're eating. If someone is eating while listening, I'm sorry, the story of me projectile vomiting probably made you lose your appetite.

Jouji: Remember when we used to be a Vanguard podcast? Now we're a food podcast half the time. *laughs*

Itsuki: But when you watch that guy eat that steak, it's like you're eating it too! So when you sleep those noodles, they just taste better!

Jouji: No they don't, it just makes me crave steak! The noodles won't magically taste like steak! Tricking my brain isn't that easy.

Itsuki: Huh, maybe it works on me because I don't have a brain.... *laughs* but seriously, I dunno how to explain it, it really is just about making me want to eat more. Like, during bulking season, I gotta get fat, so eating a shit ton is kind of necessary.

Jouji: It's kind of scary how you can somehow shred all that fat back into muscle.

Itsuki: Life of an athlete. Be afraid of wide Itsuki, be veeeeeeeeery afraid. *cackles*

Jouji: Mukbangs are Korean right? Let's just ask Si-yeon then, she probably knows why everyone's obsessed.

Itsuki: Originally Korean yeah, but now its more American honestly.

Jouji: For once, the West stole something from the East. *laughs*

Itsuki: LMAO

Suzui: Maybe there's also a sense of satisfaction or shock from watching it? That person is eating a lot of food in a single setting. It's kind of impressive they can finish it all.

Itsuki: Probably. I think that feeling comes more to me when I watch speed eating challenges though. Like those vids were they try to eat a fuck ton of food in under an hour.

Suzui: Like Man vs Food?

Itsuki: I was thinking more competitive eating, but yeah, that's a perfect example!

Suzui: America has it good when it comes to food challenges. The best we got is a monster bowl of ramen that's more bean sprout than noodles and wanko soba.

Jouji: *snickers* Wanko soba.

Itsuki: Wank soba

Suzui: It tastes like wank- soba.

Jouji: You're just salty me an Itsuki absolutely destroyed you when we went!

Suzui: I couldn't make it past bowl 60...

Jouji: Hundred bowl gang, wya?!

Itsuki: RIGHT HERE BROTHER! *reaches out for a fist bump*

Jouji: HELL YEAH! *fist bumps*

Itsuki: Humble brag, but I ate 169 bowls.

Suzui: *smacks lips* n i c e

Jouji: I only managed 101.

Itsuki: Ha, weakling

Jouji: Shut up, siscon

Suzui: Actually, can't we somehow make mukbang entertaining? It's basically a podcast with extra steps. We're still chatting shit, but now we're eating while doing it.

Jouji: Eh, I guess that's true. Like I said, I'm down to do a mukbang, but I just don't see the appeal in watching it.

Itsuki: It's ez content to make too. Actually, wait, here's an idea!

Jouji: What is it?

Itsuki: Remember when the spicy ghost pepper ramen challenge was a thing?

Suzui: Itsuki no

Itsuki: LET'S DO A MUKBANG WHERE ALL WE EAT IS SPICY FOOD!

Suzui: ITSUKI NO

Jouji: That's... that's actually kinda genius! *laughs* You just combined two of the most popular trends into one!

Itsuki: Imagine all the views we'll get from people wanting to watch us suffer!

Suzui: If I say I'm allergic to spice will we not do it

Jouji: Shut up, I've seen you eat curry before *laughs*

Suzui: *hands in head* Look man, I don't handle spice well! I might as well be allergic to capsaicin!

Itsuki: This is true, whenever we go to Koko Curry, me and Jouji always order max spice level 10 while Suzui always gets level 2.

Suzui: I can handle level 3 now!

Itsuki: Level 3 isn't even spicy!

Jouji: Bro I'm white as shit and can tolerate spice way better than you

Suzui: You also really like spicy food, I don't. A little bit of spice is fine for me.

Itsuki: Suzui's the type of guy who thinks paprika is spicy

Jouji: *snorts* It's funny because my parents actually think that

Suzui: I blame my Japanese genes for my lack of spice tolerance

Itsuki: BRO I'M FULL JAPANESE LIKE YOU AND I LOVE SPICE

Suzui: You also don't have a brain to process the heat of it

Jouji: Itsuki became a monkey so he could enjoy spicy foods

Itsuki: My priorities are straight. *nods* Level 10 isn't that spicy either honestly, I wish they made it even hotter.

Jouji: Yeah, I agree, whenever they put spice in food here, it's such a tiny amount it might as well not be there at all. Like, back home, I'm pretty sure I've had food spicier than the level 10 curry at Koko.

Suzui: It also could be the fact the sun is fucking blazing in Australia that's making you feel the heat.

Jouji: True, but at least I get a nice tan from it. *laughs*

Itsuki: Have you ever tried to cook an egg on the sidewalk before?

Jouji: Yes. Me and my mates did it once when it really scorching.

Itsuki: Did it work?

Jouji: ...yes. *laughs*

Itsuki: LMAO

Suzui: *throws head back and laughs uncontrollably*

Jouji: We literally fried an egg on the sidewalk, it was fucking great. One of my friends tried to eat it.

Suzui: What happened?

Jouji: Turns out, the egg wasn't cooked properly, so he got food poisoning. He woke up the next day projectile vomiting.

Itsuki: Holy shit we've come full circle

Jouji: Indeed we have. *laughs*

Itsuki: I forgot what we were even talking about originally...

Suzui: The war between 1-D and 1-E.

Itsuki: Oh yeah

Suzui: Speaking of which. A question for you guys, do have any interesting takes or strong opinions about the war?

Itsuki: Yeah, that Hoshi should've been MVP, and not Zyriot

Jouji: Siscon

Suzui: While I don't think she deserves MVP over the guy who killed literally seven people, she did perform surprisingly well.

Itsuki: What's that supposed to mean, huh?

Suzui: Well, like, I guess I didn't expect that from her! I mean, your sister's a shy girl isn't she? I thought she'd opt to keep hidden and not join in, but instead she was out on the front lines, killing people, and looking extremely confident while doing so.

Itsuki: Finally, someone sees how amazing Hoshi was... *sniffs* And it's all thanks to yours truly! I taught her all she knows!

Jouji: Press X to doubt, her deck is way better than yours.

Itsuki: Building a deck around Culture Gorilla is harder than you think!

Suzui: I'm surprised you even managed to get it to work. Especially since you play Burden Kangaroo for Jouji and Geograph Giant because it's a sexual harassment panda.

Itsuki: I also use the vanilla draw that's a koala for Jouji.

Jouji: *laughs* I won't lie, the fact you run both for me just because I'm Australian is so stupid it's actually funny

Suzui: Leave it to Itsuki to do the dumb stuff *laughs*

Jouji: Actually, speaking of "so stupid it's funny", there was a really dumb fight between Spike Brothers and Dimension Police in the war that had me crying from laughter.

Suzui: You mean the 7 crit one?

Jouji: Yes, that one! *laughs*

Suzui: I feel so bad for that girl... as a Spike Brothers main myself, that fight was mortifying to watch. It was so bad, I genuinely had a heart attack when that 7c Dailiner sent her to twelve damage.

Jouji: *wheeze* You had a heart attack, what

Itsuki: Bruh moment LMAO

Suzui: Didn't that guy get a reward for it?

Jouji: Yes. *laughs*

Itsuki: Bro, I also wanna get paid for being a dick at Vanguard!

Jouji: Oh yeah, Suzui, did you see that other fight with Spike Brothers? The one against the Royal Paladin player using that really weird boss card.

Itsuki: The only time I would prefer to see Blaster Blade on my screen than— what even was that unit?

Nozomi: *in the distance* Hengist!

Itsuki: Literally never heard of it.

Jouji: He was soulcharging so much I thought he was going to bust out Booby Saver Dragon, but he never did.

Suzui: Truth be told, I missed the rest of the war because I was passed out from having a heart attack. So I haven't actually seen any fights past the 7c Dailiner one.

Jouji: Damn, you're missing out! Wait, I'll just show you the fight now then. *pulls out his phone*

Suzui: Oh sure. *scoots chair closer*

Itsuki: Aw shit, I wanna watch this again! *snickers*

*cut*

Suzui: This episode of Drachma Taste is sponsored by Paid: Shadow Leg Ends.

Jouji: You know it, I know it, even Itsuki knows it.

Itsuki: I've been seeing so many Paid ads I'm actually confused on what this is-

Suzui: Well don't you worry, because me and Jouji are going to explain what Paid is to both you and the audience!

Jouji: Wait, I am?

Suzui: You are.

Jouji: Oh wow, uhhhhhh *frantically looking at script and flipping through it*

Itsuki: This just in, Australian Jesus doesn't know how to read

Jouji: English is hard but kanji is harder- yo I'm actually fucking stupid, Suzui you handle this ad read

Suzui: *sighs and snatches script off him* You owe me dinner tonight.

Jouji: Bet, sushi good?

Suzui: Fuck yeah. God I could go for some sea urchin right now

Jouji: Deadass same but for the fatty tuna

Itsuki: Look at this professionalism on our ad read *wiggles eyebrows*

Suzui: *clears throat* Anyways... Paid is a free to play RPG PvP mobile game with over ten million downloads worldwide and is available right now on app stores for all devices! Unlike most mobile games, it features hundreds of unique champions you can gacha for and play as—

Jouji: This sounds like Destiny: Big/Mission with extra steps

Suzui: A rich and detailed fantasy storyline—

Itsuki: Ew, an actual story in my video games? Get that shit out rn or I'm spamming the skip button

Suzui: Giant boss fights with tons of loot to collect, and best of all - real time player versus player combat in the global arena, so you can flex your superiority from whaling on the game on the noobs and hardcore F2P scrubs by dunking on them. Use the code "Drachma" when you log into the game to get 50k silver and a free epic champion!

Jouji: *gasp* Holy shit!

Itsuki: I'm in Drachma Red, so I'm broke all the time, this is great news for me!

Suzui: So what are you waiting for? If this sounds interesting to you, use our affiliate link in the description and download Paid: Shadow Leg Ends today! And don't forget to use the code "Drachma" for 50k silver and free epic champion!

Jouji: I know what I'm doing this evening.

Itsuki: PAID GAME NIGHT WITH THE BOIS BABY

Suzui: Thank you Paid: Shadow Leg Ends for sponsoring this Vanguard podcast. Now back to the episode!

*cut*

Suzui: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

Jouji: *dying of laughter*

Suzui: WHY IS THE COYOTE SO BIG

Itsuki: AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA MY BOY AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA *laughs*

Suzui: OH MY GOD HE WON

Nozomi: *dying of laugher in the background*

Suzui: G-guys... oof... *slumps in his seat and clutches his chest* I-I think... I'm gonna have a heart attack...

Jouji: Oh shit, Kazuto! Get the sugar water!

Suzui: *weakly while dying in his chair* Someone call Mai... I need my meds...

Itsuki: MAI GET SUZUI HIS FUCKIN MEDS RN

Mai: *in the distance* I'm already on it!

Kazuto: *scrambles to give sugar water*

Suzui: *takes it and drinks*

Itsuki: Damn he thirsty.

Jouji: For which girl? *snicker*

Mai: *hands the meds to Suzui*

Suzui: *too busy having a heart attack to take it*

Nozomi: *in the distance* Someone feed him the tablets!

Itsuki: Bro last time I put my hand near someone's mouth, my fingers got sniffed, Jouji it's all up to you now

Jouji: That one time we learnt about drugs in middle school is finally coming in handy. Open wide, Suzui!

Itsuki: Viewers, please don't take this scene out of context, it's just one bro shoving drugs down a dying bro's throat.

Jouji: *laughing* Stop, this is a serious situation, holy shit! *feeds Suzui his meds*

Suzui: *swallows the meds* God... you know the fujoshi's just came from watching that...

Itsuki: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF—

Jouji: It's just Australian Jesus saving lives, like usual.

Suzui: Whew... thanks guys, I feel a lot better.

Jouji: No problem. So, judging by your cardiac arrest, I'm guessing you found that fight thoroughly entertaining?

Suzui: More than entertaining... it's like I drank a pint of cocaine and never recovered from it.

Itsuki: How it feels to chew 5gum.

Suzui: I'm especially shocked by that Coyote, that was insane. I don't get why Takenaka-san didn't just pass all the critical to Seifried when Nora-san said "no guard", that would've guaranteed him the win. He even activated his Skill to secure it!

Itsuki: Nah, I respect the choice, he wanted to finish the game in style with his avatar, I'd do the exact same.

Jouji: I actually really like Mikitaka's Fighter Skill. It's one of the cooler ones we saw in the war.

Suzui: Yeah, that Skill is cool, but it's kinda broken though. Like, an on demand crit or heal trigger is insane.

Jouji: Just guard the Vanguard 4head

Suzui: *laughs* Just play around it

Itsuki: I mean, there's also the fact that... literally almost every other Skill sucked. There were like... twenty something fights? How many Skills do you remember from them? Cuz I remember like almost none except Zenkichi's, but Zenkichi's was cool, mf got to roll a dice! I wanna roll a dice for my Skill too!

Suzui: Do you believe in your RNG enough for it?

Itsuki: Fuck no, but it'd be fun to throw a dice at my opponent's face.

Suzui: *facepalms and laughs* God you are monkey brain

Jouji: *laughs* Yeah, I agree, most Skills fucking sucked.

Suzui: There were a couple of cool ones though. The obvious being Amanda-san's, who we mentioned earlier, as she literally killed someone with her Skill.

Itsuki: What was her Skill again?

Suzui: Magic Cylinder. When you would be dealt damage, negate it, and your opponent takes the same amount of damage instead. Basically, it reverses the attack back at the opponent like a mirror.

Jouji: Yeah, her opponent was at five, and she no guarded his attack. Then bam, she uses her Skill to reflect the damage and he dies to himself.

Itsuki: Holy shit-

Jouji: Theoretically, it's easy to play around, since if you don't let yourself get pushed to five damage, you can't ever die to her Skill.

Suzui: But it really isn't, since her deck is... Brandt. And when Brandt reverses triggers, well... *laughs*

Jouji: If you hit a Heal trigger when you're at four, you'll get pushed to five. When that happens, you have two choices: either, you never attack again, or you die to Magic Cylinder.

Itsuki: Bruh, these mind games are too big brain for me to handle, I just want my cards to go "boop"

Suzui: Yeah, it's really interesting how those types of Skills can create a mind game. Both Amanda-san and Takenaka-san did it very effectively in this war.

Jouji: Moving forward, everyone knows they have those kind of traps up their sleeves, so they'll either be perceived as bigger threats or people will play around them more cautiously.

Suzui: Man, this is making me nostalgic. I'm remembering when we all first got our Skills. I was kind of disappointed with mine, since it wasn't very flashy.

Jouji: Yeah, our Skills at first were really basic. Mine was literally, if you drive check a trigger, give a unit +5k. At least it's evolved to 10k now...

Suzui: They really focused on consistency bumps, didn't they? My Skill is still the same as when I first got it, tutor a grade 3 from deck and call it to rear.

Itsuki: Ha, peasants, while you suffered with your crummy Skills, I was pleasantly delighted with the Skill I received as it was both super unique and exciting!

Jouji: And suicidal.

Itsuki: There was quite simply nothing else like it on the market! No one could replicate the awesomeness of my Neurone Burner!

Suzui: Just tell them what your Skill was when you first got it *laughs*

Itsuki: I DEAL MY VANGUARD ONE DAMAGE TO SOULCHARGE 1! Damage checks apply.

Jouji: Literally burning a brain cells to get stronger. *laughs* Only Itsuki could do this.

Suzui: This is why blueberries are his favourite fruit. *laughs* Apparently they help you regain brain cells.

Itsuki: Thankfully, I evolved my Skill so it now soulcharges 3 instead of 1, so we monkeying good tonight!

Jouji: Guerrilla warfare tactics be like

Suzui: Don't forget the Vietnam flashbacks *laughs*

Itsuki: *laughs* Hey man, it's better than... what's the kid's name? The guy who used Agravain and died to Ethics?

Suzui: Someone used Ethics?

Jouji: I think someone in 1-E is bad enough at Vanguard to think Ethics is a good card. *laughs*

Itsuki: I dunno bro, I just remember there being Beast Deities and a lot of Shout-ing going on.

Suzui: Oh, you're talking about the fight where the NG player kept spamming Shout and giving the obvious Agravain player soul?

Jouji: Imma be honest, I completely forgot that fight happened.

Itsuki: Yeah, I can just barely remember it. The guy using Agravain's Skill was so sad. It was literally my Skill, but ten times shittier.

Suzui: I don't even remember him using a Skill...

Jouji: Nozomi, can you search it up for us? Thanks!

Nozomi: *in the distance* Imaishi Reo, his Skill is Sword Dance, when you superior call, soulcharge 1.

Jouji: Wait, isn't that better than your Skill? He doesn't have to damage himself.

Itsuki: Say sike rn

Jouji: Well, Gold Paladin is all about superior calling, so he can pretty much activate his Skill just by breathing.

Itsuki: You're capping bro, you're capping. Obviously, my one is better!

Jouji: I'm also bad at Vanguard, so what's your take, Suzui?

Suzui: I'd argue they're about equal. Activation wise, technically Itsuki wins because dealing your vanguard a damage can be achieved whenever, whereas Imaishi-san's Skill is tied to having a card that can superior call - which may also cost a resource to do - to fulfil the condition. Furthermore, Itsuki's has more flexibility, as he can use it straightaway on turn one or to deal himself a damage to use as counterblast if he gets damage choked. Obviously, the major downside of this is... you're now one step closer to death. Imaishi-san's Skill has almost no drawbacks in comparison, since it's rewarding you for playing the deck, like you said Jouji.

Itsuki: Damn he actually brought a solid argument to the table-

Suzui: *gets embarrassed* Oops, my tryhard-ness is showing...

Itsuki: *laughs* Are you pro gamer, Suzui-chan?

Suzui: Do I look like your friend on (Ape)x?

Itsuki: Hey, don't diss my boi Shou-chan like that! He's just a salaryman, he's doing his best!

Jouji: *laughs* See, I didn't consider that. I just thought having to deal yourself a damage was purely a negative.

Suzui: It is a big price to pay for a soulcharge, but sometimes the risk is worth.

Itsuki: Suzui's too smart at this game. I would've just argued: yeah I deal myself one damage BUT I GET SOULCHARGE 3 FOR GORILLA WHICH IS WAY MORE IMPACTFUL—

Jouji: Oh no he's gone monkey mode again

Suzui: We really are the man, the monk, and the monkee *laughs*

Itsuki: *calms down* Jesus, I feel old talking about the past.

Jouji: Don't we all?

Suzui: I can't believe it's been a year already. Time flies by so fast...

Jouji: Actually, come to think of it, we found out about our Skills in a war between our classes, right?

Suzui: Yep, the first official war of our year was between A Class and E Class.

Itsuki: Oh yeah, Suzui wasn't always in E Class was he?

Jouji: Yeah, he started in A Class and moved down.

Itsuki: Me and Jouji are real ones, we've been in E Class from the very beginning! *laughs*

Jouji: *laughs* One year anniversary of being in E

Suzui: Honestly, I'm glad to be in E Class because I have you two, as well as Mai, Nozomi, Kazu-kun, all with me. I really hate how the school treats A Class and E Class. They gotta "embarrass the defects" and "show the superiority of the elites", it's so dumb.

Itsuki: Yeah, system's fucked, but what can you do? Let's just graduate, gtfo here, and start a legit podcast.

Suzui: I'll drink to that - when I'm of drinking age.

Itsuki: inb4 you're allergic to alcohol

Suzui: Guess we know who's the designated driver then *laughs*

Jouji: Do you ever think the staff listen to our podcast? Cuz I don't think they'd be happy if they heard that *laughs*

Suzui: I fucking hope not, episode 57 was literally a teacher tier list video!

Itsuki: I'm just imagining the Headmaster chilling in his office sipping on his beer listening to the bois and going "hmm yes"

Jouji & Suzui: *lose their collective shit laughing*

Itsuki: *laughs*

Suzui: *wiping tears out of his eyes* Oh my god, imagine if he feeds our podcast to the S System

Itsuki: Do you think the S System understands monkey noises?

Jouji: *laughs* Probably

Itsuki: I'm sacrificing my intelligence evaluation for this. OOH OOH AHH AHH BITCH OOH OOH AHH AHH UNGA BUNGA UNGA BUNGA UNGA BUNGA—

Suzui: You're probably graded a F when it comes to intelligence *laughs*

Jouji: No, no, he's graded N/A - not applicable *laughs*

Suzui: *throws head back and laughs uncontrollably*

Itsuki: *laughs* Y'know what, I'll take that, it's better than F-

Jouji: I don't think that exists

Itsuki: It probably does. Like, if you can have A+ and A-, then you can get F+ and F- right, surely? Guys, I'm not capping, right?!

Jouji: *laughs* Oh my old, F plus and F minus... dude, are you hearing yourself right now?!

Suzui: *laughs* The F stands for failure, Itsuki. You can't go lower than that.

Itsuki: Yes I can!

Suzui: How?

Itsuki: Just look at me! I'm living proof that you go lower than F! Ooh ooh ahh ahh bitch!

Suzui: *throws head back and laughs uncontrollably*

Jouji: *wheezing* He got you there

Suzui: And this is the same man who was a child chess prodigy...

Itsuki: Always castle man, castling op.

Jouji: Anyways, I think we can wrap this up here, unless you two have more to say?

Suzui: Uhh, nope, I do not.

Itsuki: Yeah, this episode got really long *laughs*

Jouji: You what else got really long? Our patrons.

*patrons scrolling on screen*

Suzui: *laughs* Yeah, this list is massive now!

Jouji: If you'd like to join the list, make sure to go to batreon.com/drachmataste and don't forget to follow us on Tsuwitter, @drachmatastepod! Feel free to send your memes on the subreddit, r/drachmataste, and if you hate our faces, listen to us on Dotify.

Suzui: Yeah, and I think that's everything for today, right lads?

Itsuki: It is ineed, it is indeed.

Suzui: We had a pretty... colourful episode today. *laughs*

Jouji: *laughs* I don't even fucking remember what we talked about.

Itsuki: We mentioned vomit like twice *laughs*

Suzui: What the fuck is wrong with us...

Jouji: I'm glad we're ending it on what we're best known for. Being monkeys!

Itsuki: OOH OOH AHH AHH

Suzui: *laughs* Yes, we are all monkey brain as fuck

Itsuki: Me especially, I am king of the monkey brains!

Jouji: *laughs* Return of the king meme intensifies

Suzui: Also don't forget to check out our Switch channel! We do live-streams irregularly there and upload the VODs on our third channel, Drachma Taste After Dark.

Itsuki: Thank you so much for watching gamers.

Jouji: And we will see you guys next time!

Suzui: See you soon!

Jouji, Suzui, and Itsuki: Bye!