I'm sorry but this chapter does reference the chapter from Open Case File titled The Past. But if you've read it then you shouldn't have to read it right now before reading this.

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Carter rolled over in her bed and stared up at the dark ceiling. The silence of her small apartment seemed to heighten the thoughts in her mind. They weren't chaotic, simply loud. She closed her eyes but knew sleep wasn't going to come. Checking her phone, she found it was nearly two in the morning. She draped her arm over her face and sighed deeply.

She berated her thoughts, they had no place in her life. Not when it was so close. Not when she'd dealt with this issue, it should be done. She should be over it by now. She logically tried to usher them away but they persisted.

Frustrated, she threw aside her blankets and sat up. She swung her legs off her bed and gazed around her one-room apartment. Packed boxes sat ready to be transferred to the apartment she'd share with Donovan. Her life was easily collected into a few boxes.

But somehow she felt, emotionally, she carried more than a few boxes could contain.

She looked to her bathroom door where on the back hung a garment bag that held her wedding dress. For a long while she simply stared at it, aware of all its significance. The changes it would bring to her life. The permanence of the next step.

She shot up from her bed and snatched her phone off her bedside table.

I need to borrow your car.

She didn't worry about the message being missed. The sender wasn't likely to be anywhere near sleep. By the time she'd gotten dressed, a response waited for her.

Mason: Okay. There in fifteen.

With the estimated time, Carter brewed a fresh pot of coffee and poured it into a thermos. She didn't feel the least bit sleepy but later on she would. Taking out a notepad, she scrawled a quick message and left it on her dining table.

Donovan,
I'll be back for the wedding rehearsal.
Don't worry. Love you.
Carter.

She locked her door and headed down to the street. When she pushed out of the lobby entrance, she found Mason's BMW waiting at the curb. As she approached, the passenger side window rolled down and Carter found Mason in the driver seat.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

It was only a second of hesitation before Carter opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.

"Here," she said, displaying an address.

Mason asked no questions, merely input the destination, glanced over his shoulder then turned into the empty street. Carter rested back against the seat and stared out the window. Buildings and city streets eventually gave way to the freeway.

Neither of the occupants spoke.

Unlike in the darkness of her apartment, Carter's thoughts didn't invade the car. It was as if once she'd made the decision all the thoughts that had plagued her were silenced. She thought of nothing beyond the passing landscape and the shifting light of the sky.

Eventually, her mind oriented back to the interior of the car. She realized music was playing and wondered how long it had been playing. The second thing she noticed was the fact she didn't understand the language being rapped.

"This isn't English," she said.

"How astute you are," Mason said, reaching for the thermos Carter had brought.

"What is this?"

"Korean."

"Any specific reason you listen to a language you don't understand?"

Mason gave her a side eye and nod once. "Okay, we're not talking about you running away but my choice in music. That makes sense. I listen to this band because I found listening to musicians whine about their love life or their life problems extremely obnoxious. So someone broke their heart, it happens. Move on."

This time Carter nodded once. That made sense.

"So you don't care what they are saying," Carter said.

"I didn't but I found out in one of their songs they call out politicians for being awful and that got me got curious."

"You learned Korean?"

"No, it's this amazing thing called translations. Crazy the advanced world we live in."

Mason shot Carter a mocking look and she didn't mind, it was a fair statement, her question had been idiotic. Though Mason had weird talents and wouldn't put it past him to learn a new language because he could. Though she wouldn't tell him she thought that highly of him.

"What are they saying in this song?" Carter asked.

"They are talking to their haters," Mason said. "They're telling them that their anger is only hurting them. That the haters hating on them doesn't even effect them anymore. That there are things in this world to be angry about and their anger is wasted on hating the band."

Carter turned her head away, struck by the first part: their anger only hurt them.

"What's the song called?" she asked.

"Ugh!"

"Ugh?"

"It's a sound that expresses annoyance or distaste in Korea."

"How do you know that?"

"Youtube. Are we going to talk about you now or do you want me to continue rambling on? I can, this band also talks about positive messages like self-love and acknowledging mental health."

Carter met Mason's look and he raised his eyebrows.

"Self-love, huh? Don't you have too much of that?" she asked.

Mason nodded, accepting her decision. As he began to talk about what the band had accomplished, the positive impact on the world, and their authenticity, Carter listened and asked questions.

She didn't know how to thank Mason. It was a weird thing to even want to do, she couldn't remember a time she'd wanted to do it before.

But in the dead of night, she'd asked him for one thing and he'd given her more than she thought she needed. No questions, complete acceptance, and distraction.

In some strange way, he was the person who understood. Even Donovan, as wise and caring as he was, wouldn't fully grasp this issue.

Carter didn't know if she'd ever be able to thank Mason for this.

After four hours and a stop at Starbucks, they arrived. Mason drove slowly down the New York City street lined with brownstone houses. He found a spot across the road from the address given and parked. Neither of them said anything as they stared at the darkened windows. The first rays of sunlight were just beginning to crest the rooftops and cascade down the sides.

Mason looked at Carter but she continued to look at the house.

"Okay. I'm going to sleep."

He climbed out of the car, retrieved something from the truck, and crawled into the backseat. He tossed Carter a second pillow before laying down on his own and covering himself with a blanket.

"This was in your trunk?" she asked.

"I asked you no questions, you ask me none."

"Fair enough."

Before he dozed off, Mason picked up his phone and typed into it.

"What are you doing?" Carter asked.

"Letting your fiancé know that I, in fact, haven't run away with you but was forcibly commanded to be your chauffeur on pain of death."

"Don't do that."

"Already doing it. If I don't let him know he'll kill me. If I do let him know it will build some trust and I'll be able to cash in on it later on."

Carter snatched Mason's phone away before he could send the message.

"I'll save you from being killed."

Mason held her gaze. "Another one of those don't-ask-questions things?"

Carter said nothing and Mason rolled his eyes and punched his pillow into shape.

"You're paying for my funeral. Don't let my father come."

Mason closed his eyes. She'd been right, Mason was the only one to truly understand.

Placing the pillow against the door, Carter turned her body towards the house and laid her legs over the center console.

Now that she was there, she didn't know what to do. What had she even thought about doing? Walking up to the door, knocking, and seeing her mother?

What would that do? What would that change? She'd already stood on those steps a couple of months ago and spoken to her mother.

Yet here she was, watching the house, seeing as the light slowly spread across the side of it. Sat there while the world woke up and the street became busier with cars passing by.

Her phone buzzed.

Donovan: How about going for a run?

Carter didn't reply. He would assume she was still asleep. If he stopped by after his run he'd find the note. She didn't know if she should call him, explain what she'd done and why. But therein laid the problem: she didn't know why she'd done it.

The thought about how Donovan would react to her note vanished when the door to the house opened. Carter sat up as her mother and her stepdaughter, dressed in a school uniform, stepped out. They descended the stairs and took to the street.

Before Carter could even process what she was doing, she got out of the car and followed them. As she walked, she put her hood up and slid on a pair of sunglasses. When they got to the intersection, they turned right and Carter jogged across the street. Far enough back but still insight, she tailed them.

She didn't know why. Didn't know what she expected from this. Even as she continued she knew it was ridiculous. What she should do is turn around, get back in the car, and drive back to DC.

But she didn't.

Eventually, they reached a private school with a flood of other uniformed students entering it. Carter's mother kissed her stepdaughter's cheek and waved to her as she joined the crowd.

Carter stood frozen, watching the easy affection.

She remained planted on the sidewalk, everything in her failing to work, to process. She remained there as her mother turned away from the school and towards Carter. She approached with no sign of seeing Carter.

As she approached, Carter wondered if she wouldn't recognize her, wouldn't be able to see her daughter under the hood and glasses.

Carter didn't move, wanting to know if she would and also wanting her not to know. Wanting her mother to keep walking and give Carter a chance to leave and have no one but Mason know where she'd gone.

But only a foot away, her mother glanced at Carter and faltered.

Carter blinked, not sure why her throat felt tight.

"Carter?" her mother asked.

"Hello," Carter said.

How could a single word make her feel small and vulnerable?

A million emotions crossed her mother's face and Carter couldn't decipher any of them. Or maybe her own were such a riot that she couldn't think beyond them.

Her mother took a step closer but hesitated. They stood there facing each other, opposing pillars of stone.

"Hi," her mother said. "I didn't think I'd see you again. Not after... Not after your last visit."

Visit. Was that what it was? In hindsight, it had been purposeful stalking with the intent of confronting her mother. But it hadn't played out like Carter expected. Now this time she didn't know what her intention was.

Out of the noise of her thoughts, she thought of the line Mason told her about: their anger only hurts themselves.

"Did you have breakfast?" Carter asked.

She didn't know why she asked or what she wanted.

Her mother seemed to relax a fraction. "I know a place close by with great pastries."

Carter didn't say anything, simply took her hood off but kept her glasses on. Her mother waved a hand back towards the way they come and Carter walked alongside her.

In her mind, she couldn't help but compare them against her mother and her stepdaughter. They'd walked close together, talking and smiling. There was a definite space between Carter and her mother, neither spoke or even glanced at each other.

At the restaurant, they found a spot near the windows. A waiter approached and they were able to avoid speaking for a few minutes as they ordered. When that was done there was nothing left but the deafening silence between them and the deja vu feeling of sitting across from each other once again.

"What brings you to New York?" her mother asked, tentatively. "Or do you live here now?"

Though a straightforward question, Carter couldn't help but see all that it revealed. Her mother knew nothing about her, not where she lived, what she did for a living, or what her life was like.

They were strangers with history.

"I still live in DC," Carter said.

Her mother nodded. They fell back into silence. Carter watched her mother but unlike the last time they shared a table, her mother didn't fidget or avoid her gaze. Something about her mother seemed, not confident, but settled. It was a strange contrast since all Carter felt was unsettled.

Their food and coffee arrived, giving them something to do with their hands. As Carter reached for her napkin, she caught her mother's eyes land on the engagement ring. Carter paused and her mother lifted her gaze.

"May I know about him?" she asked.

Could she? Did Carter even want to share with her mother the one person who meant everything and more to her? The reason that she'd seen a therapist was to deal with the issues created by her mother.

Carter remembered sitting on a set of stairs a ways down from her mother's home and Donovan holding her. The joke he told about her using him to show off to her mother. But to share him now didn't feel like it would be showing off. Instead, she felt if she shared him it would be the first step in building a bridge over the chasm between them.

Her mother took a sip of her drink and cut into her pastry. Carter understood what the actions meant, they were letting the choice to fill the emptiness be up to Carter. It was a consideration Carter didn't know what to do with.

"Why do you care?" she asked. The question though it could have been harsh came out fragile.

Her mother set down her fork.

"Since the last time I saw you... Well, I've been to see a therapist. Getting to be a mother to Bridgette..." She couldn't meet Carter's eyes. "I failed to be a mother to you but somehow stepped into the role for someone's else daughter. I needed to understand it. I needed someone to help me change so that I wouldn't hurt Bridgette the way I hurt you."

Carter felt her heart constrict and her throat seize up.

"You changed for her, but not for me," Carter said.

"Yes, but because of her I saw how much I hurt you. How much I failed you. How much I wanted to see you and apologize to you. To tell you that I was sorry for leaving you."

Those were the words. The ones Carter had wanted to hear for years. The ones that she wished her mother would acknowledge. Young as she'd been, she thought if her mother could see what she'd done it would make Carter not feel so betrayed.

Now she heard them but didn't know what to do with them. Her mother understood what she'd done. Carter's hurt and abandonment were acknowledged.

But words wouldn't undo the pain of the past.

"But you didn't do that," Carter said.

"No." Her mother took a breath. "I realized I had no right to ask you for something as big as forgiveness or to even step back into your life."

Carter nodded. She didn't know if this helped or not. Would she have given forgiveness if it was asked for? How would she have reacted if her mother showed up out of the blue, wanting to talk?

She knew how that went in high school. But now...

Carter thought of her life. She thought of Donovan, the man who she knew she didn't deserve but somehow he loved her anyways. She thought of all the people in her life, the ones who'd seeped into her life and patched the cuts in her heart.

As she looked across at her mother, Carter realized she wasn't motherless anymore either. She had Maggie. She hadn't been motherless in a long time. Even the day after her mother had left, Maggie had stepped in and slowly become a source of love and affection.

Maggie was to Carter what Carter's mother was now to Bridgette.

Again Carter felt a shift in who they were to each other. Not mother and daughter, strangers with a past.

"His name is Donovan," Carter said, spinning her engagement ring around her finger. "And he is the best thing in my life."

Her mother smiled softly. "How did you meet?"

Tentatively, Carter shared a little of her life with her mother.

There might be too much pain in their past to ever be like mother and daughter again, but for that morning they built a small bridge.

Eventually, they left the cafe and returned to her mother's house. At the front door, her mother asked if Carter wanted to come inside. But Carter shook her head, there were only so many steps she could take that day. Crossing into her mother's world was not one she felt she could take.

As Carter took a step back, her mother reached out her hand but stopped just shy of touching Carter.

"What I did to you... Leaving you... I know words could never be enough to make up for what I did, but I'm sorry, Carter. I'm sorry I abandoned you. You never have to forgive me but know that I am truly sorry for what I did."

Carter nodded but didn't say anything. What could she say? Forgiveness felt impossible. But what would it mean to Carter if she held onto this pain by not letting it go? If she forgave her mother then the final ties between their lives would be severed. Maybe all that hurt could eventually fade.

"I forgive you," Carter said. Her mother froze and Carter retreated a step. "Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Be there for Bridgette. Every girl deserves to have a mother."

Her mother nodded and Carter turned away. As she reached the bottom of the steps, she heard the front door close behind her.

When she looked across to where Mason's car was parked, she paused. Leaning against the side of it, looking at her softly was Donovan.

Something about the clear love in his eyes made Carter's eyes sting. She crossed the road to him.

"How'd you get here?" she asked.

"Plane. The train would have taken too long."

"But how-"

"Do you really think," Mason shouted from the back seat where he still lay. "That I wasn't going to tell him? How suicidal do you think I am?"

Carter smiled and Donovan cupped her face. "How are you?"

"I'm not completely sure. But... I think I'm okay."

Donovan kissed her forehead and she wrapped her arms around him, feeling the unwavering strength and warmth of his hold. She closed her eyes and realized how exhausted she was.

"Come on," Donovan said.

He opened the door to the back seat and kicked Mason out.

"You know this is my car, right?" Mason asked.

"All the more reason you should drive it," Donovan said.

Rolling his eyes, Mason climbed into the driver's seat and started the car. "This is the last time I play getaway driver."

Neither Carter nor Donovan responded to him. Buckled in the middle spot, Carter curled up and Donovan cocooned her in his arms, letting her use him as a pillow. He kissed the top of her head and spoke quietly to her.

"Ready to get married?" he asked.

She smiled. "More than ever."

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Boiling buckets of hot fudge!

(...Okay, not going to question that)

Thoughts! I need to hear (read) your thoughts because honestly I have no idea how you'll feel about this chapter unless you tell me. 🗯💭💬🫣

This was such a strange chapter for me, none of it went as I planned.

Sure, I definitely saw Mason driving Carter and Carter sitting in the car and staring at the house but beyond that I had no idea what would happen.

I thought maybe Carter would tail them and she'd run into Bridgette and get to know her. Maybe talk with her mom. But it was all so vague.

Usually a chapter is completely written in my head before hand and all I need to do is transfer it to the computer. But it wasn't like this with this chapter.

I started writing and let Carter guide what happened. It turned out so different than I expected. I think I like how it turned out, but not completely sure. It's strange. This has been such an issue in Carter's life for so long that it's like: is this the end or will there be more in the future?

I don't know but I think this was an interesting turn.

Anyways, I do hope you enjoyed it even if it might not be what you would have wanted or imagined.

Vote, comment, follow if you feel it was worth it!

Shout out comment from Embarrassing Questions: Mason and Yvette.

And a little something cute to top this off!