Resentment

Summary: "Main naaraz hoon,"
"Aur hum mana rahein hai..."

◇◇◇

He inhales deeply and exhales; the consequences of his words occuring to him belatedly.

Amrit watches him all the while before she notices the understanding flickering in his eyes, mixed with guilt and regret.

"Biwi sahab hum -" he begins. She turns and walks away, pours him a glass of water and returns to slam it down in front of him.

"Patni hoon aap ki. Hukum matt chalaiyenga mujh par."

"Am -"

She tosses her hair over her shoulder and walks away, in a distance he hears the bathroom door slam shut. Veer curses under his breath, slamming a fist against his forehead and biting his lip.

She was angry and looked terribly beautiful at that. He wonders how insane he must be to be thinking in such contraries. Amrit would hit him if she knew that he found her fury rather attractive.

He had originally came to make peace with her. It had been a pleasurable thing to do, making peace with his wife. But that blasted phone call had brought him back to square one.

Not to mention the recollections that name brought to him. Veer sighs, he needs a drink - or Amrit, or both. His gaze falls on the glass of water Amrit had poured for him and his lips tug at the thought of how well she knows his mind and of cause looking at how furious she already was, that glass of water is the only drink he would be getting for the night.

Veer chucks it back in one gulp and goes in search of Amrit.

Amrit meanwhile starts to remove her dried off henna still muttering angrily to herself. She set the faucet running to mask her murmur as she rubbed at her hands in fury.

"Kudh mujhe apna ghuroor bulate hai aur darate rehete hai jab dekhoon- inke upar koi board laga deni chahiye - open to human contact ya danger to public health. Patha hi nahi chalta kab kaunsi rang badalne wale hai -"

She jumps at the knock on the door and falls silent. Veer knocks again.

Amrit sits on the low stool and begins to rub her feet clean. Shaking her head at the nerve of her husband to try to slither back into her good graces.

"Naraaz ho?" Veer asks, to her annoyance Amrit detects a tilt to his tone that she doesn't like. How dare he sound amused? "Do you need help with removing henna?"

"Ji nahi," Amrit bites out. "Jaa ke so jaaiye. Kuwar sahab."

"Biwi sahab..." he sounds exhausted that Amrit almost pities him. "Jaan - listen. Aise kuch cheeze hai jinke baare mein hum baat nahi karna chahte. Kiyun purane zakmo ko taza karein? Rehene do na? Hmm? Ab yeh bachcho jaisi zid chhod do...  "

Oh her fury reignites itself. He thinks of her like a child does he? Today she is going to tell him exactly what -

Suddenly the lights inside the washroom flickers out. Amrit stills. The darkness presses upon her. Her foot collides with something that makes an echoing clash. Her pulse starts to pound.

Outside Veer begins to worry when they are plunged into darkness. He knocks on the door again.

"Biwi sahab? Teek ho?"

He had heard the crash and is of half a mind to force the door open.

"I think we've lost electricity for a while - maybe something happened due to the decorations being done outside. Woh tum chaho toh -"

The door unlocks unexpectedly and Amrit bolts out, straight into his arms. Her arms wind around his midriff and her face presses against him.

She says nothing, but the hand he smoothes down her back feels the shudder that passes down her spine. She burrows into him further and his hand clenches on her hair, nuzzling against the side of her face he speaks.

"You're safe, I'm here. Kuch nahi honga."

Amrit inhales his scent that calms her, that chases the ghosts away. Then the memories and resentment returns, unwilling to give up so easily she pushes at him this time rather gently. Veer lets her go and she turns away, wiping at her eyes.

"I'm fine. Thank you."

Amrit feels her way back to the bed and fiddles with the blankets.

"Oh?" He raises an eyebrow and hums a tune under his breath as he goes in search of candles.

"Aji rooth kar ab kahaan jaaiyenga
Jahaan jaaiyenga humein paaiyenga -"

He flickers a match and lights a candle, in its amber light his eyes glitters with mischief. Amrit draws her eyes away realizing that he had caught her staring.

Veer clears his throat, his amusement irritates her to no end that Amrit folds her arms and walks to the window.

The curtains flutter in the wind, outside a thunder rumbles. Her gaze flickers to him once more seeking for the reassurance of his presence. He continues to hum as he walks from  candle to candle lighting them. His lips tug into a knowing smile even without looking up at her.

"Nigahon se chup kar dikhao toh jaanein..."

Amrit looks out of the window, a patter of rain has begun to sprinkle the glass. She places a hand on it, watching how the room began to glow gold in candle light. Her fingers trace Veer's reflection on the darkened glass.

"Kayaalon mein bhi hum na aaye toh jaanein"

She jumps when his fingers trail along her cheek, removing hair that had obstructed her face. His hand clasps over hers on the glass and he kisses the shell of her ear.

"Aji lakh pardon mein chhup jaiyega
Nazar aaiyega, nazar aaiyega"

His voice pours in her ear, warm, light and full of tender emotions.

"Main naaraz hoon," Amrit huffs.

"Aur hum mana rahein hai," he whispers, kissing her throat when she turns her face away.

"Aji rooth kar ab kahan jaiyega
Jahan jaiyega hamein paiyega..."

"Aap ko bada maza aaraha hai?"

Veer kisses her jaw.

"Haan. Todi maza aaraha hai. Tum ghusse mein pyaari lagthi ho."

Amrit bites her lip as he dots kisses along her throat.

"Abhi bhi naraaz ho?"

"Hmm."

"Abhi bhi?"

He brushes his beard against the soft skin of her jaw and Amrit giggles.

"Veer - that tickles! No - stop - Veer!"

He catches hold of her when she turns around, still giggling Amrit buries herself against his rumbling laughter.

"Aap kitne badmash ho!" She says complainingly.

"Kya karein - tum itni maasoom jo ho."

He takes her hand and twirls her.

"Come - don't waste the mood. Shaam hai. Mehefil hai. Tum ho - hum hai."

"Aadi aadi raat hai!" Amrit points out chuckling as he pulls her into an impromptu waltz.

"Woh Gaana abhi baaki hai," he says as he leads her across the bed room, back and forth.

"Yeh kaisa nasha hai, yeh kaisa asar hai
Na kaabu mein dil hai na bas mein jigar hai"

He twirls her, dips her and kisses the base of her throat.

"Zara hosh aa le chale jaiyega
Thehar jaiyega, thehar jaiyega"

Amrit steps up into his feet and hugs him. They continue to sway, no longer really dancing, his arms clasp around her, holding her to him. The remaining lyrics only a whisper between them.

"Aji rooth kar ab kahan jaiyega
Jahan jaiyega hamein paiyega"

"Poore zindagi bas yun hi guzar jaaye," Amrit whispers, Veer presses a kiss into her hair.

"Kush ho?" He asks.

"Bohut." She hums. It is then that she realizes what he had done.

The fear that had gripped her in that darkened washroom is gone, replaced by the warmth of their togetherness just like the darkness is replaced by the golden glow of candle light.

Amrit pulls back. Veer strokes her cheek with the back of his knuckles and smiles.

"That robe looks good on you," he says off handedly. "I hate the embroidery - but it brings out your eyes." He sighs. "Tum se ghussa karne ka ya tumhe darane ka bilkul bhi irada nahi tha. Hum bas uss insaan ke muh nahi lagna chahte..."

"Kiyun?"

Veer turns away.

"Purani baat hai. Chhodiye."

She catches hold of his wrist, her fingers trail up along his arm and she hugs him from the back, pressing her face against the side of his throat.

"Kahaan jaaiyenga," she mutters. "Jahaan jaiyenga humein paaiyenga."

"Biwi sahab..." his protest is muted against her fingers pressed into his lips. She hums against him, rubbing a hand along his arm.

"Jo dil mein hain hothon pe lana bhi mushkil
Magar usko dil mein chhupana bhi mushkil
Nazar ki zubaan se samajh jaiyega
Samajh kar zara gaur farmaiyega
Aji rooth kar ab kahan jaiyega
Jahan jaiyega hamein paiyega..."

Their gazes clash in a sort of fire that burn and burns. His lips part in a hushed exhale, hers tug into a satisfied smile.

"Woh Gaana mujhe bhi aati hai," she says with a tilt of her head. His hand finds its  way into her hair and tilts her face further, his lips reaching for her mouth.

"So it seems," he mutters. Amrit pulls back.

"Tell me..." she prays. "Hmm? Mujhe bhi apne dard pe haq dijiye. What has he done to you?" 

"He -" Veer flinches and she strokes his face. "He took me to Daulatabadh, literally tore me from baba sahab's side and took me away while he was dying. I hate him. I hate that man! He was the one who forced me to continue to live in Shrigar when I'd have been anywhere but there. Forced me to put up with Ma sahab when I could have escaped to Anwar's - Begam sahiba would have taken me in. That man for all those years he had power over me dictated my life. I shall not go to see him. No. Never."

"How exactly did he force you?"
Veer sighs.

"He has a way with words. Used to tell me that baba sahab expected more from me. That this was what he would have wanted me to do. For a child of that age, one who has lost his father - who yearned for his father - those expectations were a shackle. It took me so long to recognize him for the manipulator he was. He'd have made a puppet of me given the chance Amrit, taking me completely into his control, leading me to think he was my only salvation. Imagine, the heir to Shrigar a slave to one well placed pawn."

"Veer," her voice is soft just like the palm she lays on his heart.

She feels his agitation and reacts to it with compassion.

"You are hurt Jaan. Un logo ne aap ko itne zakm diye ke aap kissi par bhi bharosa karne se darte ho. Who told you that, that solicitor wanted to use you?"

He frowns, suddenly coming to a blank.

"He - he was trying to separate me and ma sahab. Even during the time Ma sahab was ill and I told you this didn't I- we thought she was dying - he tried to keep me away from her-"

"You were young. You are telling me something that someone has explained to you." Her soft palms cup his face and her eyes are warm.

"Don't think from that child's mind - think as you are now, go over it on your own. Maybe he was actually working on your baba sahab's orders. Maybe he actually wanted to make sure you remain where you belong. In Shrigar as its heir. If you had run away they would have disinherited you. There is nothing anyone needs to do to separate you and Rani ma, Veer she wants you dead!"

He breathes deeply his eyes tightly shut.

"Who told you the solicitor was bad?"

He shakes his head, his frame trembles. Amrit allows him to burrow against her, holding him tighter. Those memories break him, she could almost taste the agony that passes through him.

"Veer...was it Dai ma?"
"I don't remember," he speaks through gritted teeth. "I can't remember..."

"That's fine. That's alright. Shh. Shh." She kisses his forehead as they sit on the edge of the bed. He holds on to her, trembling, hunched against her.

Amrit wraps herself around him, muttering in his ear.

"I'm here. I'm here. You mean so much to me."

"Why did they do this to me?" He demands, his voice broken.

"Why don't we ask that solicitor the same question?" She suggests softly. "Since he is asking to meet up he might have some answers for us."

**
Too tired today to do author notes. As always thanks for reading! Please vote and share your thoughts in the comments.