Cracks beneath

Note before: so we all by now know the devastating news, and are going through various decrees of heart break. For me personally it feels like someone very close to my heart is dying and I can't do anything about it.
Writing is my therapy, therefore I will write on these two as long as my heart doesn't overcome this pain and I no longer feel like crying. CK has a long way to go. I have plans for two more fics in my drafts.
I can't ask you to keep reading as different people have different way of dealing with pain. But I hope you will keep reading. And I wish to God, some people will comment too. Because the level of grief I'm going through right now, I'll go mad if it is not shared.
So if you reading, kindly vote and comment, let me know you are there. Let us keep Veer and Amveer alive in this world, happy and in love - the way Veer deserved to be loved.
At the same time from now on this fic is also a demand for Veer and Amveer. I will not stop demanding justice for a character I loved. I will be tagging the makers here everytime a new chapter is posted. So drop some support, in this fight if you like to by showing how many people are of a like mind.
Let us keep together, hold on and keep supporting Veer. Let us keep only good things in mind here and go on a fulfilling journey with him in Chaar Kadam.
#wewantveer

Summary: "Rokh lo humein Biwi sahab. Humein mohabbat nahi karna."

◇◇◇

The day dawns to scent of jasmin and sandalwood filling his nostrils and a warm stirring at the base of his throat.

Veer blinks his blurry eyes, feeling rather sore in his limbs.
Then pauses and draws in a sharp inhale.

Amrit is curled against him, one of her arms encircling his middle and the other clutching a fistful of his shirt, right over his heart.

Unbound hair veiled her face and scattered that scent of jasmin and sandalwood. It was her breathing that stirred against his throat, calm and slow.

Veer swallows forcefully, trying to stay very still. They were still leaning against that pillar. The sun shines upon them now, bringing out hints of gold in Amrit's hair and a glow to her pale skin. She looked beautiful, heart breakingly so.

Amrit stirs slowly, feeling the warmth of sun on her face. Her fist clenches over his heart for a moment and then she wakes up with a start. Staring at him, wide eyed.

Veer has enough good sense to close his eyes just in time. Amrit slowly releases her exhale. He is asleep. She assures herself. Asleep.

Slowly, she detaches herself from their tangled limbs. His hand in her hair, her arm around him. She shifts rather slowly and methodically. Gathering herself, leaving behind nothing but a lingering scent of jasmin and sandalwood upon him.

And she walks straight into that older, former nurse maid.

There is something about that woman that prickles her senses. It is in those gray eyes, sharp like the edge of a blade glittering in sunlight - Amrit tells herself - she is always waiting for that blade to fell, to strike.

"Aap utth gayi Dulhan Rani?" She asks. "I looked for you everywhere. Kal secretary sahab se baat karte hue dheka thab se kissi ne aap ko dekha nahi toh..."

The woman trails off, suggestively tilting her words. Amrit colours at the impudent implication, wondering how she was to even answer such blunt question.

"Khoob baatein bana lethi hai aap subha subha, Dai ma."

Both women jump at Veer's sleep tousled voice. He comes to stand behind Amrit, a hand on her shoulder.

"I didn't know we need your approval on where we are to spend the night. Aage se Dyaan rakhenge."

The hostality that he emits, the poison that drips from his words makes Amrit flinch. Amrit doesn't have to look around to feel how tightly wound in tension he is. For some reason this woman generated a strong response in Veer - a suppressed anger, a long unsettled bitterness.

"Aap toh naraz hogaye Veer Baba," Dai ma says now, sweet words that leaves no effect on Veer.

"Woh Rani Sahiba ne humein kaas tor pe kahi thi, Dulhan Rani par nazar rakhe. Unkhi dekhbal kare. Kiyun ke aap ke bharose toh nahi chhod sakthi na - aap ko Aadat hai cheezen khone ki."

For a beat or two Veer says nothing. His grip on her shoulder is so tight that Amrit is certain any harder he would leave a mark behind.

"Haan, aapki toh shauk hai aadate badalna," he says then, his voice hard. "Hum bachche nahi rahe Dai Ma, nahi Biwi sahab koi khilona hai jo hum kahi rakh de aur bhul jaaye." He makes a move to leave, giving the older woman a look that promised retribution.

"Sochlijiye jo Rani ma yahaan nahi hai unse darrni hai ya yeh jo Kuwar sahab aap ke saamne kadhe hai unse darrni hai. Aaiye biwi sahab."

Amrit allows him to steer her until they have passed the vision of Dai Ma, she shrugs off his grip soon after.

"I can go myself."

"Amrit -" he begins, swallows and reprises. "That woman is bad news. Stay away from her."

Amrit looks at him incredulously.

"It would be better if you get a big enough chest and lock me in Kuwar sahab. Kiss kiss se doorr rahoon ab?"

She turns and throwing back her hair in an angry movement goes off, fuming. Veer clenches his jaw, but does not say anything. She wouldn't understand of cause, she hadn't seen the things he had.

*

Overhead the clouds rumble. Amrit clutches at her throat as she stumbles out. There is a scream clawing its way out and she struggles to keep it in.

The interview has done what she feared it would do. Summoning the ghosts of her past, now they crowd around her, staring with leering, empty eyes. Those words etched on her forearm burn as if they had been carved in her skin anew.

Amrit stumbles along the relatively deserted path. These gardens of Shrighar estate were practically deserted. It serves the purpose of the interview well. Nobody has seen the girl she talked to come and go.

But still Amrit had a long way to go back to the main residence.

The ghosts of her past laugh, trailing after her. But it isn't their presence that makes it difficult to breathe.

Sure enough, the words of that refugee girl she interviewed would keep her up at night but it is her parting words that shakes her soul.

"Aawaz will protect me, won't it moutarma?" She had asked. "I won't end up as that Akif's informer will I? Bohut kuch ab bhi kehete hai log, buss pagal kehena bhaki hai."

"Akif's informer?" Amrit repeats blankly. As far as she knew Veer had no informer. All he wrote he had experienced himself. The girl chuckles darkly.

"Ab mujhse kya chupana - we are meeting in the secluded corners of Shrighar estate. I can work out you and Akif have good rapport going on with the Kuwar. He is the informer right? Who gave all that dirt on Nalini devi?"

Amrit says nothing. It is an educated guess. She had no reply.

"The mainstream newspaper that backs Nalini Devi  - Darpan - ran a feature on her struggles as a mother. It basically called into question the lucidity of the Kuwar in not so many words."

The words run around in her head.

"They basically said he went mad after his brother's death. Started seeing him everywhere - used to have fits of psychological breakdowns.

"For years they say Nalini Devi had to keep him locked up in here - in Shrighar- because he was in no state to go out in public. There was some Dai Ma who cared for him then...they had taken her account also, on trials and tribulations Nalini Devi had to go through..."

Amrit stumbles over a stone in her path, drawing a gasp of an inhale. She allows herself to collapse, a heap on the grass.

The ghosts that surround her are not just of her memories. They are of her fears and realizations too.

That woman is cruel. That woman did not think twice before using her own son as a shield to deflect rumours. And that woman had extracted such revenge on a small child.

Amrit shudders as she recalls those knife like eyes of Dai ma, of the hostality Veer has towards her. Veer had tried to warn her, protect her against that woman and she had snapped at him.

He must hate this place. This prison from his childhood. Still he had come for her sake.

Amrit squeezes her eyes shut and tries not to think about those scars on his back. Did these people do that to him? Torture him under the pretext of helping him - brought him to the brink of losing his mind?

The rain starts gradually, drop by heavy drop. Amrit doesn't move. If this was her place of nightmares wouldn't she try to cling to someone the way Veer was trying to? Can she really fault him for that - for his inability to let go?

In the edge of her vision an empty eyed Farook still lingers, leering at her, reaching out to brand her. He has somehow transcended the boundaries of her nightmares and stands there - at the edge of the reality. Summoned by everything she had taken down on her research papers.

"Ab tu kaha jaayengi?" He seems to ask. "In this pit of vipers who will come for your help? Who will hear your calls? Mujhe toh bus ek mauka chahiye, tu har baar nahi bach sakthi..."

Overhead a thunder rumbles and she sees him drawing closer, dead eyes focused on her. She stares at him, numb, frozen, blank.

Someone steps between them, hiding that lumbering ghost of Farook.  Amrit draws in a gulp of air and looks up to see Veer peering over her, one hand on his knee as he hunched.

He was dressed in riding clothes, possibly back from a ride and he carried an unfolded umbrella which he held over her head now.

"Chaliyen biwi sahab?" He offered her a hand.

Amrit took it with trembling fingers and unable to help herself stood up and hugged him instead.

For a moment Veer stood numb; the rain fell around them in a muted hum.

Amrit, very real, very soft clung herself to him.

Slowly he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her, dipped his head and buried it against her - breathing her in, again that scent of jasmin and sandalwood filled him.

"Meri saat ek interview kijiye Veer," her voice is muffled against him.

For a moment Veer thinks he has misheard her. Amrit pulls back and stares up at him.

The umbrella had slightly tilted in his stunned grasp and streaks of water poured on his shoulders. He kept watching her mutely.

"You don't have to hide yourself behind Akif if it is someone else writing. Also, you can guide me on how it's done. I will learn the ropes before I do the refugee girl's feature."

"You can ask me anything you want to learn Biwi sahab, there is no need for you to -"

She takes his hand in hers. That large calloused hand is cold. She turns it between her palms, thinking how to phrase this better, how to make him see.

"Main aap ka aawaz banna chahati hoon." She says in the end. They are simple words, but his breath hitches. Amrit never takes her eyes off his.

"Like you became my words. Let me become your voice. Kya aap mujhe yeh haq denge? Apne yaado par, apne dardh par - apne zakam par - kya aap mujhe yeh haq denge?"

He watches her still. The rain falls. Its tap against the umbrella continues undisturbed.

"Kya chahathi ho tum?" He asks in the end. There is such a torment in his voice that Amrit pauses.

What had she said that hurt him so?

"Aag se khel rahi ho tum. Kudh bhi jhal jaaongi humein bhi rakh kardongi.  Humein tumse mohabbat nahi karna Amrit. Jo tum lauta na sakongi aise jazbaat nahi lutana tum par." He reaches into tuck her hair behind her ear.

"Rokh lo humein Biwi sahab. Humein mohabbat nahi karna."

Amrit doesn't move. Veer draws his hand back after a moment.

"You, yourself don't know what you want."

He turns to leave, making her grasp the handle of that umbrella.

"Main yeh rishta nibhana chahati hoon Veer," she calls after him.

Amrit moves forward and holds the umbrella over his head. When their eyes meet she doesn't look away.

"Mohabbat ka toh patha nahi. Rahat toh de sakthi hoon. Aap ki dardh bhaat toh sakthi hoon. Phere nahi liye toh kya hua, vaade toh wahi kiye the humne."

"Bheeg rahi ho tum," Veer takes the umbrella from her hand and shakes his head at her.

She bearly reaches his shoulders, it is a feat for her to hold that umbrella over his head.

Veer pulls her closer into the shade of the umbrella and starts to walk in the general direction of the main residence. His fingers slip between hers and entwine their hands.

"Toh aap interview denge?" She asks uncertainly, in a small voice.

He looks down at her, as if she was a petulant child he was indulging.

"Kaha tha na? Maang lo duniya la kar de denge."

*

They walk hand in hand through the drizzle, man and wife, out of context making a picture. His head bowed towards her, her head raised towards him, exchanging words no one else would be privy to, out of context, they look as if there is no better place for either rather than beside the other.

But the context ruins it all.

The context brings greed, broken promises and betrayals. Context brings pain.

Randheer has no trouble in believing Veer is a vicious man, a son who has caused nothing but pain to a grieving mother.

But Amrit, the girl he loved, the girl he imagined a future with - to think she would be blinded by materialistic world of such a man and pawn off her values...literally sell her soul to the devil...and to get what, two minutes fame on a newspaper with political agenda and a little taste of wealth?

How could she be blind to the utter ruination that awaited her? She may pretend all she likes but she was at the end of the day a mistress of an aristocratic brat.

He would use her body, her talents, her naive mind to reach his own ends and she would be left with nothing.

Did she not see that? How could she not see that?

And Rani Sahiba the only woman who wanted to save her, Amrit was against that very woman? Not just against her but actively working with those that tried to destroy her?

He tried to counsel himself with the idea. Perhaps Rani Sahiba was right in the first place. Only a taste of what awaited her would open Amrit's eyes.

It was for the greater good. Her own good. It was the only choice she had left to him now.

**

Go listen to the song above. :-)
Thank you for bearing with me!