Gunah

Summary: "Dil bhar ke nafrat karlo humse, biwi sahab - aadat hai humein apno ke nafrat ki."

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Randheer comes to see her. Happy he is that finally she has started to see things from his perspective.

Amrit stands at one of the carved rock balconies of Shrighar, framed by the setting sun. The stones at her throat glows like hot coal, the sindoor in her parting a streak of blood.

The entire day has been spent in Shrighar turning out to pay her - their Dulhan Rani - their respects. By the end of it, Randheer could see how worn off she looked.

Now she stands there, motionless against the wind that played with her hair, flapping the ends of her pallu and slapping against her face.

She looks as if she is shouldering the world.

Oh how he yearns to take her away from all this - he wishes she knew, he wishes he could tell her how close he is to doing it, stealing her from the monster that keeps her in this golden cage.

Randheer wishes it never comes to that.

He would be able to get Amrit to agree, that they could make use of Rani Sahiba's mercy instead of feeling the brunt of her wrath. If she doesn't see the error in her way it is inevitable.

He wonders if Amrit had seen the Dai Ma, who ruled Shrighar. If Amrit had seen the intent in her eyes.

She was another pawn placed in this board. If Randheer fails Rani Sahiba would use her. He wishes it doesn't come to that.

"Aaiye Randheer," Amrit says after a moment. "Tell me what can you see?"

Randheer comes to join her mildly confused about the strange question. Shrighar lays below them, golden in the sunset, proud and timeless.

"Ruins," he tells her. "A time slipping by that egoistic people think they could hold back."

Amrit turns her eyes on him, they have a different look. A mocking look. For a fleeting second she looks so much like that haughty Kuwar that Randheer has to clench his fist.

"Do you know what I see?" She asks. "I see my future. Shaan. Shahorat. Daulat. Do you know they call me daulatabadh ki daulat. I see limitless potential for myself."

Randheer looks at her incredulously.

Is she in her senses? The girl he loved, who had so much faith invested in her ideas - in her words - she spoke of riches and prestige now? What of her dreams - what of her free will?

"Do you know what stops me from reaching out for that?" She says softly, wistfully. There is such yearning in her voice. "Aap."

"Amrit?" No. No. He will not believe this.

"Main jeena chahati hoon Randheer. Aap ko bhulna chahathi hoon. Lekin aap mujhe bhulne nahi de rahe. Jo meri kadmon mein duniya rakh saktha hai - main unke saath rehena chahathi hoon. Par aap mujhe unse door le jaana chahathe hai."

"Amrit..." all he can say is her name. A repeated chant, a prayer. Please stop. Please...four years cannot have changed you so much. Please...you are still the girl I loved, he chants to himself.

Amrit takes a twirl, arms stretched out.

"Yeh duniya meri hai!" She says. "Main yahaan ki Raani hoon!"

Then she pauses and looks at him.

"Aap mujhe kahi nahi le jaa sakthe."

"Amrit..."

"Chale jaaiye yahaan se Randheer. Meri kushi par ghrehn ban rahe hai aap."

She could have slapped him and it would have caused a lesser pain. He opens his mouth but no sound comes out.

Amrit watches him with knife like eyes, unblinking, unmerciful and so horribly similar to those of her vicious make believe husband.

Randheer takes a step backwards.

"If this is what you think -" he says slowly, desperately in one last attempt to deny what is apparent before him. "Why did you become Ranjhan?"

Amrit blinks at him.

"It is you - aren't you? Awaaz ki nayi Ranjhan. Alfaz e Ranjhan wali? You are doing this because you want to go against them aren't you? Because you are trapped here? Because you are a person who will never enjoy being caged! But Amrit you have chosen to go against the wrong person. Rani sahiba isn't the one you should go against. She - she will help you get out of these clutches. Aawaz ko chhod dijiye Amrit, isse pehele ke Rani Sahiba ko patha Chale. Aap unse nahi lad sakthi. Aur woh Akif pagal hai. Kaun hai woh - jaanti hai aap unhe? Kiyun kissi ki baaton mein aarahi hai aap? Likhna hai na aapko toh hum milke likh the hai- Rani sahiba will help us in -"

"Nahi chahiye mujhe unki madat!" Amrit snaps bringing him to a halt. "Nahi chahiye mujhe aapke madat. Open your eyes Randheer. Look at me! Kush hoon mein! Bohut kush hoon! You don't have to go looking for me between lines of my writing. I'm standing here - right in front of you and I'm telling you - I will not come!" Then she chuckles humourlessly. "And Aawaz ka kya hai? I made a deal with them. I've sold them my story. If you could strike a better bargain, Ranjhan will be yours. Tell me Randheer what can you give me that I don't already have?"

"Enough," Randheer cannot bear one more word from that mouth.

"Enough." He says rather sadly.

"Aap mere Ranjhan nahi ho. Mar diya hai usse uss aadmi ne. Zeher ghol diya hai uss mein. Iss zeherili subaan se Ranjhan ka naam mat lijiye Kuwar Rani Sahab. Iss ka anjaam bhura honga -"

He almost stumbles, and unconsciously Amrit reaches out to steady him. Randheer slaps away her arm.

"Don't touch me with your greedy hands. I just had a bath."

The sun is gone now, taking with it all dazzling reds and golds.

Amrit watches him leaving, holding one last breath shared with him burning inside her. The shadows swallow him whole and he doesn't turn around even once.

Either she was a very good actress, or he was already halfway into believing the worst of her. That breath struggles out in an exhale and she stumbles against the rock pillars, her knees failing.

A hand catches her elbow, pulling her back roughly against a cold heartbeat.

"Sambhaliye, Biwi Sahab." Veer says admonishingly.

Amrit pushes him away.

"Kush hai aap? Sukoon mila?"

Veer watches her fighting tears. Amrit turns away in anguish. He holds her back, unable to help himself.

"It doesn't please me to hurt you. It never has. It never will. I have my reasons Amrit. I don't have a choice."

"The only reason you have is your own ego, Kuwar sahab! Chodiye mujhe." She frees herself rather violently and stares at him with fire in her eyes.

"Aap ka ghoroor aap ka ehenkaar. Aap ka darr!" She jabs a finger into his heart with each word.

"You don't want to believe that someone could actually stay with you out of their own will. No. You won't believe them. You'd rather make them lose all other options. Thab jaake aap ko thasalli milthi hai. Chain ki neend aati hai. Aap ko kissi ki dil jeetna aata hi nahi! Nahi aap kabhi seekh sakthe hai! Kyun ki aap ke paas dil hai hi nahi..!"

"Haan!" He barks, snapping at her.

Veer holds her by the elbows and pulls her closer.

"Haan nahi aata humein aur koi tareeka! Nahi kho sakthe hum tumhe. Nahi dekh sakthe tumhe kissi aur ke saath! Gunah hai yeh ? Toh saza dho humein!"

"Kudh se itna bhi nafrat matt kijiye Kuwar sahab ke aap ko kudh yakeen na ho ke koi bina majboori ke bhi aap ke saat rehe sakthi hai."

She speaks so calmly, yet her words so sharp that his grip falters. Amrit steps away and turns around. Angrily wiping at her eyes.

"Jaiye, kushiya mana lijiye. Ho gayi main aapki. Cheen liya aapne mujhe sab se. Koi nahi raha meri ab." She chokes on the words and a sob escapes her. Amrit collapses on her knees, face buried in her hands. "Koi nahi raha!"

Veer kneels beside her and tries to pull her into his arms. Sobs wreck her frame as she mutters.

"Kitne aasani se maan liya ussne ke main bewafa hoon."

"Amrit..."

"Jaiye!" She raises her voice. "Yeh sab aap ne kiya hai. Meri dil aap ne toda hai. Aap ko mein kabhi maaf nahi karungi. Kabhi nahi. Jaaiye! Aap ko meri kasam jaaiye yahaan se!"

He doesn't move.

"Jaiye Kuwar sahab."

Veer settles himself on the floor beside her, uncaring of the dusty floor and his clothes. He leans against a pillar. He says nothing. He doesn't even look at her. Instead he folds an arm behind his head and leans on it, drawing up one knee for the other arm to rest on.

Amrit ignores him and he ignores her. The silence is only punctured by her sobbing. Amrit too leans against the pillar, her back to him, her knees drawn closer to curl herself into a ball.

Veer moves ever so slightly, that over the course of the next hour or so, Amrit ends up leaning against him, her back to his side.

The night has progressed outside, breezy still, with a hint of rain. Few stars peek out of the clouds.

Veer looks at her curly head pressed against his shoulder, exhaustion of the day claiming her finally. Her shoulders are hunched, defeated against her own heart, her arms are wrapped around herself. She is still turned away from him that he could not see her face.

"Kitni aasani se kehe di, ke tumhara koi nahi..." he says softly, not disturbing her in case she was actually sleeping. "Kya hum koi bhi nahi?"

Amrit doesn't reply.

The silence is no longer punctured by her sobs. Veer sighs, lifts his hand to touch her hair but thinks better of it.

"Dil bar ke nafrat karlo humse, biwi sahab - aadat hai humein apno ke nafrat ki."

He closes his eyes for a moment, listens to the tickling of his wrist watch.

The midnight rings somewhere outside, deep bells in the silence announcing the death of a day, birth of another. The twelfth ring dissolves slowly into the rain scented air.

Amrit is truly asleep, succumbing to her own sorrow. Her breathing is soft, relaxed. Veer allows it to wash over him and mutters to himself.

"Janam din Mubarak ho Kuwar Veer Pratap Singh."

**
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