Gideon

Standing out in the corridor, Gideon listened, his hand still on the door-handle. The sound of Jason's heartbeat thumped softly through the door, coupled with the sounds of heavy breathing.

If Gideon wasn't a vampire, his heart would have been beating just as hard.

Who was this boy, who'd walked into the House and woken him up? That's what it felt like – like he'd been asleep for years, until Jason had come along.

And just then, in Jason's room, Gideon had been almost overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him, an urge that was so strong it was a wonder he could fight it.

Filth.

A shudder rolled through him and he backed away from the door.

Muck snipe.

He clenched his fists.

Pigeon-livered cur.

The words were burned into his brain.

People didn't talk like that anymore. Even Gideon knew that the evolution of language meant that, in the modern world, such insults would be considered comical rather than cruel, but they were still painful to him – just as painful as they had been more than a hundred and eighty years ago.

Sometimes he managed to suppress them. Sometimes, when he was attracted to someone, he could pursue that attraction without the ugliness of the past hanging around his neck. But Jason wasn't just anyone.

Jason was different.

Gideon wasn't entirely sure why; he just was.

If attraction was usually a bright, shining thing, then what Gideon felt for Jason was pure gold.

He didn't know what to do about that.

He could have talked to him – someone who would actually understand – but his tongue clove to the roof of his mouth, and he backed away from the door even more.

Memories of furious fists roared through his head and he actually flinched, shutting his eyes and waiting for the pain.

It didn't come.

There was no one here to hurt him, just the steady sound of Jason's heartbeat on the other side of that door.

Why had Gideon even come here?

He did want to learn about the modern world, but there were other people who could have taught him – Seamus, for example. But Gideon didn't want Seamus.

He wanted Jason.

He wanted to listen to him talk, to see the way his eyes sparked with passion and defiance, to gaze at his artfully tousled hair and beautiful mouth.

The sheer force of his wanting frightened him.

He needed to get away from that door, that room, and the boy still inside, the boy whose heart thumped with that same want.

Gideon made his way into the grounds, hoping the cold air would clear his head.

Outside the wall, the protests raged on, and Gideon concentrated on blocking them out. After the pure poison he'd read on Jason's phone, this was actually easier to cope with.

He wasn't alone out here – Isabeau sat on a stone bench close to the walls of the House. A slight breeze lifted her chestnut curls, blowing them around her face.

Not for the first time, Gideon wondered how much easier his life would have been if the sight of a beautiful woman stirred him. He wouldn't even have become a vampire.

Isabeau looked up as he approached, and managed a small smile.

"Join me?" she said.

He sat beside her. Isabeau was someone he'd always felt comfortable around, someone he'd always considered a friend, but it occurred to him now that even after ten years he didn't know her as well as he'd thought.

She'd never told him about Ysanne.

"It's horrible, isn't it?" said Isabeau, gesturing to the wall that ran around the grounds, and the voices that rose on the other side.

"Why are you sitting out here, then?" Gideon asked.

Isabeau paused before replying, her lips moving as if she was trying to find the right words.

"I don't know how to be around Ysanne," she admitted.

Gideon could sympathise with that.

"You never told anyone about her, not even me," he said. "Can I ask why?"

Isabeau lowered her eyes, her hair tangling with her lashes. "She didn't want me to. She has to maintain a certain image as Lady of the House, and I suppose she thought that a girlfriend would affect that."

"How did you cope? How could you be with someone who was ashamed of you?"

Isabeau's eyes opened wider, and she twisted to fully face him. "Ashamed of me? Ysanne was never ashamed. She had Belle Morte before she had me, and that was where her priorities had to lie. The House had to come first. That's part of being a leader. I might not always have liked it, but I understood it."

"You never thought you deserved better?" Gideon asked.

Isabeau gave him a sad little smile. "It's not as simple as that. Of course I would rather be with someone who never has to hide anything, but it's not as if Ysanne forced me into a relationship. I chose to stay, even though I knew she could never compromise her standing for my sake."

"Then why did you stay?"

Even after all this years, relationships sometimes baffled Gideon.

"Because I fell in love with her. Haven't you ever been in love, Gideon?"

Words caught in his throat. He had loved, yes, and he had felt the pain of loss. But he wasn't sure he had ever felt the depth of devotion that Isabeau so plainly felt for Ysanne.

"So what happens now?" he asked.

It was a vague question, but Isabeau understood, nonetheless.

"I don't know," she said, giving him that sad smile again. "I still love her, but . . . sometimes love isn't enough."

"Would you give her another chance?"

"I don't know. I don't think she wants one." She gave him a penetrating look. "Why are you so interested all of a sudden?"

Words failed him again. What was he supposed to say – that discussing the collapse of someone else's relationship kept him from thinking too much about a certain blond ex-donor?

Isabeau's gaze sharpened, and Gideon quickly looked away, afraid that everything he was thinking was being telegraphed on his face.

"You know," Isabeau said slowly. "Our world is changing. Our rules are changing."

Gideon frowned, not following her train of thought.

"Perhaps we are entering a time in which relationships between vampires and humans are no longer forbidden," Isabeau said.

Gideon's head whipped towards her. Isabeau was looking at him, a small smile on her lips.

"I don't . . . I mean . . ." He fumbled for words.

Isabeau placed a gentle hand over his. "It's alright," she said.

"Is it? It's all very well saying the rules might be changing, but they haven't yet, have they? You're telling me to pursue something that's still illegal by vampire law."

"No, I'm telling you not to be afraid. I'm telling you that our future is very uncertain right now, so why not enjoy yourself while you can?"

Gideon mulled over her words. They would make sense if what he felt for Jason was a fleeting thing...but it wasn't. He didn't know how or why, but Jason wasn't something he could just enjoy and then not think about again.

Even if he indulged in casual relationships – which wasn't his style – he wouldn't be able to do the same with Jason.

Jason was different.

Jason was special.

Gideon was afraid to get too close to him because he didn't know where it would lead. It was as if Jason was a road, something winding and unknowable, and Gideon was aching to take the first step, but he couldn't, because he didn't know where it would lead or what would be waiting for him at the end.

But that road was there as long as Jason was.

And Gideon didn't know how long he could resist it.