Jason

He needed his friends.

Yeah, he'd thought before that he didn't want to intrude on their time with Edmond and Ludovic, but there was literally no one else he could talk to right now. And if he didn't get a chance to talk to someone, if he didn't share what had just happened, then it would feel like it hadn't happened at all.

So he found himself knocking on Renie and Edmond's door, before he had time to think better of it.

Edmond answered, and Jason assumed that he hadn't interrupted sexyfuntime, otherwise Edmond's dark hair wouldn't have been so perfectly groomed. Unless grooming was something he and Renie counted as foreplay.

As a man who loved hair and styling it, Jason could understand that.

The thought of running his hands through Gideon's honey-gold hair, taming and teasing it, made Jason shiver.

"Jason," Edmond said, lifting one dark eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

Suddenly Jason felt like an idiot. Even if Renie and Edmond hadn't been in bed, this was their time together, and he'd interrupted it for what – to tell her that Gideon had been in his room? That, for a fleeting moment, he'd thought that Gideon wanted to kiss him?

He hadn't kissed him, so why was Jason really here? What had really happened to make his blood fizz in his veins? Why was he so desperate to see his girls?

"Jason?" said Edmond again, and Jason realised he'd been standing there like a moron, just staring at the vampire.

Renie came to the door, leaning one hip against it.

"Hey, you okay?" she said.

"Er . . . yeah . . . I just . . ." He trailed off, heat creeping up his neck.

Real love stood right in front of him, and he was getting all excited about his crush?

Renie and Edmond exchanged a look.

"I'll just . . ." Jason made a vague gesture down the corridor.

Renie moved away from the door and took Jason's arm. "You look like you could use a drink."

"God, yes." Jason shot an apologetic look back at Edmond. "Sorry if I've interrupted . . . anything."

Edmond made an elegant gesture with his hand. "It's nothing we can't pick up later."

Renie blew him a kiss.

She was barefoot, Jason noticed, and he felt a strange pang of envy. In many ways, both Renie and Roux were still adjusting to their new lives here, but in other ways they were completely at home in the vampire mansion. They'd both been through a lot, but they both had men who would die for them, who would help them through every struggle and dark day.

Jason wanted that with someone.

To some extent he had it – with his friends and family, but . . .

He wanted someone he could go to sleep with every night and wake up with every morning.

He wanted someone he could give his heart to, someone who would treasure it.

He wanted someone who would see all of him and love him.

Renie fetched Roux without Jason even asking her to, and that pang of envy turned into a flush of love. How well she knew him.

They made their way to the bar, all of them in silent agreement, but it wasn't until they got there that Jason remembered the girls couldn't drink anymore. Not unless he wanted to serve up a blood cocktail of some sort. Which he didn't.

"You can drink without us, you know?" Renie said, watching him as he climbed onto one of the chrome-and-leather breakfast stools that ringed the black marble bar.

"I know," he mumbled. But it wasn't the same without them joining in.

Getting hammered wasn't something Jason did on a regular basis, but every now and then it was fun. Especially when he was with people he knew and loved like these two. He remembered the cocktails they'd drunk in the past, the tequila they'd swiped from the bar to take to Renie and Roux's room. They could never do that again, and though it was nothing in the greater scheme of things, he still felt a twinge of loss.

Roux moved behind the bar. "Three cosmos?" she said, reaching for glasses.

"But you can't drink them," Jason protested.

Roux shrugged. "We can pretend."

She put the drinks together swiftly and efficiently, and slid one across the bar to Renie, who was making eager grabby hands.

Jason just stared at them. Neither of them could drink the cocktails that Roux had made, but they were going to pretend for his sake, because he needed a drink and he felt strange doing it alone. And even though, technically, he still would be drinking alone, his girls had done all they could to make him feel better about it.

It was a good thing they were both in happy relationships, otherwise he would have been fiercely protective of them when dates came sniffing around.

Roux joined Renie on the other side of the bar, and patted Jason's shoulder. "Come on," she said. "Tell Auntie Roux and Auntie Renie what's on your mind."

"I'm older than both of you," Jason laughed.

He took a long sip of his cocktail, and made an appreciative noise. Roux certainly knew how to mix a drink.

"It's weird, isn't it?" said Renie, gazing at the bottles lining the shelves, and the glass boxes that had once held sliced fruit and ice. No one was restocking them now. "This was all designed to make donors happy and comfortable, and now we might not have donors again."

Usually, Roux would be the first one to insist on thinking positively, but for once she was silent, staring down at the cocktail she couldn't drink.

She was the only Belle Morte vampire who had never known what it was like to have donors at her beck and call. Although Renie had only been turned a few days before her, the donor system had still been in place then. Renie had still had living people to feed from. Roux hadn't.

If the donor system was re-established, then Roux had all that to get used to. And that was a really big 'if'.

Jason nudged Renie with his knee. "Nothing's over till it's over."

"Right." She straightened up, shaking her mass of auburn hair back. "So let's talk about you. What brought you to my door in such a hurry?"

"It seems kind of silly now," Jason admitted, sipping his drink.

"We don't mind."

"Well . . ." He took another long sip for courage. "Gideon came to my room today."

Roux's eyes widened, and Renie made an excited flapping gesture that almost knocked over her drink.

The foolishness that Jason had felt faded away in the face of his friends' enthusiasm. It didn't matter that nothing had happened with Gideon – it meant something to him, and Renie and Roux were still excited for him.

"And?" Renie prompted.

Jason told them everything had happened, concluding with that moment he and Gideon had shared, the moment that had almost been a kiss.

"Wow," Renie said, when he'd finished.

"Before either of you say it, I know I'm probably wasting my time. I'm still not convinced Gideon is really into me, and even if he is, we're not allowed to be together," Jason said.

Renie scrunched up her mouth. "I think Ysanne has more important things to worry about than whether or not a vampire and a human are boning."

Jason almost choked on his drink.

Renie smiled angelically at him.

"She's right," Roux said, turning her glass round and round on the polished bar-top. "Ysanne has a hell of a lot on her plate at the moment, and I really can't imagine she'll care whether or not you and Gideon start something."

"Or maybe starting something will just make everything worse for her," Jason countered.

He liked Ysanne and, despite the mistakes she'd made in the past, she genuinely wanted what was best for her people. The law forbidding relationships between humans and vampires had been put in place because it had seemed like it was best for vampires. Had that changed? Jason didn't know. Both Renie and Roux had become involved with vampires, but they had both then become vampires themselves, so Ysanne had never had to intervene.

But no one was going to turn Jason into a vampire, so would starting something with Gideon mean that Ysanne would be forced to intervene? Was it fair to put her in that position? It was all very well Renie and Roux saying Ysanne had far more important things to worry about, but wouldn't this be one more instance of her failing to enforce vampire law in her own House?

Jason didn't want to put her in that position. She'd been through enough lately.

"Of course, I could be getting very ahead of myself here. I've had one moment with Gideon – we're hardly about to declare our undying love for each other," he said.

The pull he felt to Gideon was stronger than anything he'd ever felt before, but he still had to keep some perspective.

"It's not just one moment, though, is it?" said Roux.

Jason sipped his drink before answering. "I guess not, but . . . that doesn't mean anything."

"When we took back Belle Morte that night, when we fought Etienne and Jemima's forces out of the House, we didn't know whose side Gideon was on, remember?" Roux said.

The invading forces had initially driven them out of Belle Morte, and Gideon had been left behind. They'd had no idea whether or not he was one of the vampires who'd turned traitor, throwing in his lot with Jemima and Etienne, or whether he'd simply been kept in the dark about what was really going on.

During that time, Jason had fretted over Gideon. He hadn't known if the other man was alive or dead – he could have fallen in the battle, and Jason, who'd been fleeing to Ireland at the time, wouldn't have had a clue. He'd wanted to believe Gideon was still alive, but nobody knew, and Jason had felt that he couldn't spend too much time worrying about it. After all, Gideon was practically a stranger to him, and when people like Ysanne, Edmond, and Ludovic had come close to losing everything, fretting about the fate of his crush had seemed petty.

But he hadn't been able to help it.

While everyone else settled into Fiaigh, struggling to recover from the terrible blow they'd been dealt, Jason had lain awake, worrying about Gideon.

And then, when they'd sneaked back into the House, to rescue the donors and persuade the other vampires that Ysanne wasn't the enemy, Jason had found himself facing Gideon, unsure whether the object of his affection was now an enemy.

"Gideon was caught in a difficult situation, and he didn't know who to believe, but you're the one he listened to," Roux went on. "You're the reason he realised the truth, the reason he saw the light and turned on Etienne and Jemima."

And then, when Etienne's remaining forces had attacked, Gideon had thrown himself in front of Jason, protecting him.

"There is something there," Roux said. "Trust me."

Jason buried his head in his hands. "Ever since I arrived in this House, that's what I've wanted to hear. But I'm the one who warned Renie against getting involved with vampires. Am I just supposed to ignore my own advice?"

"Why not? I did," Renie teased.

Jason managed a wan smile. "But things could have gone horribly wrong. What would have happened if you hadn't become a vampire?"

The smile faded from Renie's face. "I don't know," she admitted.

"Neither do I, but it wouldn't have been anything good, would it?"

Her silence was answer enough.

Renie had been turned into a vampire because her sister, turned rabid by Etienne, had driven a knife into her chest and left her to bleed to death. Edmond had done the only thing he could to save her – turning her – and in doing so, he had broken one of the vampires' most important rules. He'd been shackled with silver and thrown into the cells for that – and no one knew how long his prison sentence would have been, as Renie and the others had rescued him once the House was invaded.

But Renie and Edmond had never had to face the consequences of having an illegal relationship inside Belle Morte.

"If I pursue whatever this thing with Gideon is, I'm putting him in danger," Jason said.

The words were for him as much as his friends. His earlier excitement drained away, replaced by a dull, heavy sensation, like a chunk of lead was sitting in the pit of his stomach. All this time he'd been fantasising about Gideon, dreaming of the blond vampire coming to his room, kissing him, touching him, and then the tiniest hint of that fantasy had come true, possibly paving the way for more, and Jason had forgotten everything that Edmond had suffered for breaking the rules.

Pursuing Gideon was nothing short of selfish, regardless of how he felt about the vampire, and regardless of how Gideon might feel about him.

"Not necessarily," Roux said, frowning slightly. She rubbed her thumb along the rim of her glass, collecting beads of condensation. "One rule that McGellan has already enforced is that vampires cannot operate like some secret society anymore. No one outside these walls knew that Edmond was silver-whipped for punching Adrian, or imprisoned for turning Renie. All of that was kept secret – for obvious reasons."

Vampires presented a mysterious, beautiful, and seductive facade to the general public – and that meant no one outside the House knew that they sometimes whipped each other to bloody shreds, or chained and starved each other.

But vampires weren't allowed to operate like that anymore.

"The rules have already changed, whether Ysanne likes it or not," Roux said.

"Plus, with the reputation of vampirekind in complete tatters, Ysanne's hardly going to make things worse and punish Gideon for showing an interest in you. We're trying to get away from the bloodthirsty image, not reinforce it," Renie added.

Jason finished his drink, and Roux handed him hers, taking his empty glass instead.

"Okay, so let's say Gideon is interested and we do start something – which is no guarantee, by the way," Jason said, pointing a finger at each of the girls. No matter what he felt for Gideon, he didn't want to get too ahead of himself. "You really think Ysanne will just let it slide?"

"I don't think she'll have much choice," Roux said.

"Doesn't that still put her in an awkward situation? It hardly seems fair," Jason mused.

Renie lightly slapped the bar-top. "Oh come on, that rule is bullshit, anyway. There's absolutely no reason why vampires and humans can't be together."

"Besides the whole immortal thing," said Jason softly.

"But that's something that individual couples should work through. It shouldn't be the reason they're banned from even trying," Renie insisted.

Roux nodded in agreement. "I faced this struggle when I started falling for Ludovic. I knew that I'd grow old and grey, and he never would, and yeah, that would have been difficult as hell, but you know what? I'd still have chosen to be with him. Because even if it didn't last forever, even if I couldn't stand to be with him when I got old, at least I'd have had years with him. And it's not like all relationships work out, anyway. Humans age roughly the same, and that's absolutely no guarantee that they'll stay together. I'd rather have had a few years with Ludovic than no years at all. And that's why I agree with Renie – the vampires and humans law is bullshit. Humans might not live as long as vampires, but that doesn't mean they're not capable of making difficult decisions about their futures. It doesn't mean they shouldn't have the right to be with vampires if that's what they both want."

"And what about if those humans then want to become vampires?" Jason asked.

It was easy for people to say they would happily grow old with their vampires lovers, but there were bound to be complications. Maybe people would resent their eternally youthful counterparts. Maybe they'd want that for themselves – God knew Jason could see the appeal.

"There's no guarantee that they would," Renie said.

"But if they did?" Jason pressed.

Renie and Roux looked at each other. Neither of them had had much choice in becoming vampires – it had been vampirism or death for Renie, and Roux had been forcibly turned by a psycho out for revenge against her. They'd never been in the situation of wanting to become vampires but not being allowed.

But that was a dream a lot of people harboured, as shown by the sheer number of willing volunteers who'd lined up to become Etienne's foot-soldiers , as long as it meant they'd become vampires.

"I suppose I don't know," Renie said quietly.

Jason ran his hands through his hair. "This would be so much easier if Gideon was just a normal human guy."

"But maybe then he wouldn't float your boat the same way," Renie pointed out.

Jason did have a particular yen for vampires, but in a sea of gorgeous, immortal faces, Gideon stood out.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered. "I barely even know the guy, but when I look at him, it's like I've found something that I didn't even know I was missing."

A soft smile spread across Renie's face. "Yeah, I know that feeling. When I came to Belle Morte, falling in love was the last thing on my mind. I tried like holy hell to resist my feelings for Edmond, but...I just couldn't. It's almost like we're two halves of the same whole, and neither of us would be happy until we were together."

"But I don't know him," said Jason plaintively.

Renie's words echoed what he felt when he looked at Gideon, but that was absurd. Gideon was little more than a stranger to him.

"I said once that I couldn't be in love with Ludovic because I'd only known him for a few days, and you're the one who told me that love works differently for everyone. You're the one who told me that your grandparents got married after only three days. Remember that?" Roux said.

Jason did. He'd also told Roux that some people did fall in love at first sight, and that people simply knew when they knew.

He just hadn't ever thought he might need to apply his own words to himself.

"All of our stories would have been easier if we'd fallen for normal human guys, but that's not what happened," Roux said. "We fell for vampires. Even if we hadn't become vampires ourselves, we'd still have chosen a life with Edmond and Ludovic. No matter how hard it was, or what problems we had to face, it would have been worth it."

Her words resonated with Jason. Regardless of how he felt about love at first sight, he was not in love with Gideon. In lust, definitely, but that wasn't the same thing.

And yet, the attraction he felt to Gideon was stronger than anything he'd experienced with any guy. It was like a physical urge, a magnet reeling him in every time he tried to turn away.

But was he a fool for thinking there could be something between them?

Was he a fool for thinking it could ever work?

Or, when attraction burned this brightly, was it worth pursuing, no matter what happened?