47. moonshine and teardrops

QUINN

     DARYL TOOK THEM BACK INTO THE WOODS, seeming to have a clear destination in mind as he confidently walked passed the trees.

'A motorcycle mechanic,' Beth suddenly broke the silence.

'Huh?' Was all the man said.

'That's my guess,' the girl replied. 'For what you were doing before the turn. Did Zach ever guess that one?'

'Don't matter,' Daryl told her. 'Hasn't mattered for a long time.'

'It's just what people talk about, you know, to feel normal,' Beth said.

'Yeah, well, that never felt normal to me.'

Beth sighed deeply before turning to look at Quinn. 'What did you do before all of this?'

The woman bit her lip, not sure what to answer. When she was a kid her dream had been to become a ballet dancer. Ever since she found the ballet shoes that belonged to her mother she had wanted nothing else. It had taken a while for her to be able to start working on that dream though, since she had never dared to say a word to her father and so didn't have any money for lessons. That was until Milo found her dancing around her room in those shoes one night. He paid for her lessons and it wasn't until much later that she found out he had been forced to quit college because he didn't have enough money for both.

But since ballet was a hard world that demanded perfection and her relationship with her father was more strained than ever, her addiction had started and was slowly taking over. Until eventually she was forced to stop dancing, simply not having the strength to carry on. And ever since then it had filled her days. She had done nothing but being high, partying and completely destroying herself. What did she do before all this? Break herself. But how could she tell that to Beth?

'I wanted to be a ballet dancer' she replied slowly, choosing her words carefully.

Beth's eyes started shining upon hearing those words and a curious expression appeared on her features, urging Quinn to tell more.

'My mother was a dancer,' Quinn started, 'but she died when I was born. One day I found her ballet shoes in her closet and from that day on all I ever wanted to be was a ballerina.'

'So, why didn't you?' Beth questioned when Quinn fell silent.

She gave a small shake of her head as the memories of her father shouting at her when finding out she was using her mother's shoes came floating up from the depths she had tried to drown them in. 'I couldn't,' she whispered, afraid that if she raised her voice she might cry.

Silence fell over the three of them and the only sound that could be heard were their footsteps through the dried leaves.

'I'm sorry,' Beth finally whispered.

Quinn nodded at the girl but didn't get to say much more as they walked out into a clearing, a wooden shed hidden between the trees only a few feet away from them.

'Found this place with Michonne,' Daryl said. If he had heard their conversation, and there was no doubt that he had, he didn't show it, as if forcing himself to keep some sort of distance.

'I was expecting a liquor store,' Beth spoke.

'No,' Daryl mumbled. 'This is better.' And he headed towards the back of the shed, opening a door to reveal a small closet. He started gathering jars filled with a colorless liquid and placed them in a crate, before carrying them outside.

'What's that?' Beth asked.

'Moonshine,' the man replied, handing Beth the crate before walking up to the front door of the cabin. Opening it he stepped inside, followed by Beth and Quinn, who closed the door behind them.

Her eyes went around the place. It was dirty, messy and seemed to on the brink of collapse. But for now, it would have to do.

After inspecting the only other room Daryl turned back to them. It seemed safe enough to stay. Quinn walked up to the table Beth had placed the moonshine on and watched as Daryl took a glass and filled it with a little bit of the liquor. 'All right,' he spoke, 'that's a real first drink right there.'

Beth threw a look at Quinn who nodded at girl before looking back at her glass, but she didn't reach out for it and instead just sat there, staring at it.

'What's the matter?' Quinn questioned.

'Nothing,' she responded. 'It's just...My dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind.'

'Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore anyway,' Daryl replied.

And although that was some horrible advice, it seemed to be just what she needed to hear as Beth took a deep breath before bringing the glass to her lips and taking a sip.

A small smile appeard on Quinn's lips as the teenage girl her face showed a clear disgust. 'That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted.' Then she brought the glass to her lips again and drank the last of it. 'Second round's better,' she chuckled, reaching for the jar again.

'Slow down,' Daryl said.

'This one's for you,' the girl replied.

'Nah, I'm good.'

'Why?' Beth questioned.

'Someone's got to keep watch,' he said, making Beth's gaze turn to Quinn instead.

'All right,' Quinn shrugged. 'What the hell, I'll drink with you.'

A smile broke through on the girl's face and she poured the moonshine into a glass and offered it to Quinn. Even though she knew next to nothing about teenagers, she did know a thing or two about drinking. Taking the glass from Beth's hand she drank it all in one go. 'You're right,' Quinn said. 'That is disgusting.'

As the two women poured more drinks for themselves, Daryl walked up to the window and started covering them with cardboards and sheets, hammering some nails into the wood to keep it all up.

Standing up from her seat behind the table, Beth wondered around the shed, as Quinn sat down against the wall, having found a piece of wood that she was now carving in with her dagger.

Beth suddenly chuckled, pulling an ashtray in the form of a pink bra from the behind the couch. 'Who'd go into a store and walk out with this?'

Flashbacks of her father's dirty house crossed her mind and she opened her mouth. 'My dad,' she spoke and it took her a second to realise she hadn't been the only one speaking. She turned to look at Daryl, finding him already staring at her, having said the exact same words at the exact same time.

She frowned at him, wordlessly trying to tell him to go first. 'Oh, he's a dumbass,' Daryl said, finally looking away from her. 'He'd set those up on top of the TV set, use 'em as target practice.'

'He shot things inside your house?' Beth asked, shock on the edge of her voice.

'It was just a bunch of junk anyway,' Daryl replied. 'That's how I knew what this place was. My dad had a place just like this. You got your dumpster chair. That's for sitting in, in your drawers all summer, drinking.'

Gesturing with the hammer in his hand towards a bucket on the ground he continued. 'Got your fancy buckets. That's for spitting chaw in after your old lady tells you to stop smoking.' He then picked up a magazine that seemed to be filled with porn. 'You got your internet.' Throwing it back on the ground he was suddenly interrupted by the snarls of a walker coming from outside.

He turned to look outside the window. 'It's just one of 'em.'

'Should we get it?' Beth asked.

'If it keeps making too much noise, yeah.'

'Well,' Beth started, 'if we're gonna be trapped again, we might as well make the best of it.' And she offered him a jar of moonshine.

Quinn turned to look at Daryl, raising her eyebrows at him, silently inviting him to join. He threw her a quick glare before taking the bottle from Beth's hand. 'Hell,' he said, 'might as well make the best of it.' And he sat down in one of the chairs.

Standing up, Quinn walked over to them, joining Beth on the ground, raising her jar to both of them. 'Cheers,' she said, not knowing where her sudden desire to get shit-faced drunk came from. But it was there, burning in the pit of her stomach.

'Home sweet home,' Daryl replied before taking a swig.

'What about your dad?' Beth suddenly questioned making Quinn take a sharp breath. She had partly hoped the girl had already forgotten about that but she couldn't keep her mouth shut now. Not when both Daryl and Beth were staring at her.

'He was a...' she sighed. 'A real dick.'

When neither of them said something she swallowed thickly, searching her mind for the right words to continue.

'According to Milo he hadn't always been that way,' she took a shaky breath, 'my mother died giving birth to me and my dad couldn't get over his grief. I watched it eat him alive, every day.' Wrapping her arms around herself she stared at the wall. Now that she had started talking she suddenly couldn't stop anymore. 'He blamed me for her death, liked to remind me by using his fists. Milo was the one who took care of me, from day one.' She turned to look at Beth who was staring at her with wide eyes. 'I told you I was a waitress, right?'

The teenager nodded, her eyes wide.

'Well, that was after years upon years of doing nothing except getting high all day.'

Beth took a sharp breath, before whispering. 'What made you quit?'

Quinn stared back at the wall before continuing. 'My brother. He got arrested for saving my life and from that day on I didn't allow myself to even think about drugs.'

Silence lingered between the three of them but it wasn't uncomfortable. Her heart felt lighter after finally sharing her past with someone and so she took a deep breath, looking back at Daryl and Beth.

'Sorry,' she mumbled, 'didn't mean to bring the mood down.'

Beth reached out, placing her hand on Quinn's shoulder, before raising her jar of moonshine.

Smiling slightly, Quinn raised hers as well and clinking them together before taking a swig, letting the alcohol burn down her throat and set her stomach on fire.

'So first,' Beth explained, 'I say something I've never done and if you have done it, you drink and if you haven't, I drink. Then we switch.'

'You really don't know this game?' Quinn questioned, looking at Daryl. The three of them were sitting in a circle on the ground, about to start a game Beth had forced them into playing.

'I ain't never needed a game to get lit before,' he replied. 'How do you know this game?' Daryl repeated the question, looking at Quinn.

She shrugged. 'I was a teenager once.'

'Okay, I'll start,' Beth said, shutting their short conversation down. She was cleary eager to get started. 'I've never shot a crossbow. So, now you drink.'

'Ain't much of a game,' Daryl mumbled, reaching for his glass and taking a swig.

'That was a warm-up,' Beth chuckled. 'You go,' she gestured at Daryl.

'Mmm,' he mumbled, 'I don't know.'

'Just say the first thing that pops into your head,' Beth encouraged him.

'I've never been outta Georgia,' he finally said.

'Okay,' Beth said, bringing the glass to her lips, 'good one.' After putting it down again she looked at Quinn. 'Your turn.'

She sighed, finding it hard to come up with some interesting questions. 'I've never,' she started, 'had a one night stand.' She scanned their faces, knowing Beth hadn't done it, she was just curious about Daryl. But he watched her, unmoving as she raised her eyebrows at him. 'Okay,' she said, taking a sip, trying to hide her surprise.

'Okay my turn,' Beth said. 'I've never been drunk and did something I regretted.'

Quinn sighed deeply, reaching for her glass and taking a sip, watching Daryl do the same thing. 'I've done a lot of things,' he mumbled.

'Your turn,' Beth told Daryl.

'I've never been on vacation,' the man said.

'What about camping?' Beth questioned.

'No, that's just somethin' I had to learn, to hunt.'

'Your dad teach you?' Quinn asked.

'Mmhmm,' the man mumbled but she couldn't figure out if that was a yes or a no.

'Okay,' Beth shrugged, taking a sip then looked at Quinn.

'I've never,' she started, 'ate squirrel.' She watched as both Daryl and Beth took a swig and smiled before nodding at Beth.

'I've never,' the girl started, seeming to be thinking real hard. 'Been in jail. I mean, as a prisoner.'

Quinn took a sharp breath and frowned upon noticing Beth hadn't even looked at her when asking the question, almost as if expecting Daryl to be the only one out of the three of them that could ever end up in jail. And the man clearly noticed it as well.

'That's what you think of me?' He asked, his voice suddenly low.

'I didn't mean anything serious,' Beth said quickly. 'I just thought, you know, like the drunk tank. Even my dad got locked up for that back in the day.'

'Drink up,' Daryl stated.

'Wait,' Beth said, 'prison guard? Were you a prison guard before?'

Daryl stared at her, his eyes had suddenly grown cold and Quinn couldn't figure out what the man was thinking, all his walls seemed to have been put up within seconds. 'No,' he finally said and then pushed himself up from the ground. 'I'm gonna take a piss,' he mumbled.

Walking over to the corner of the room he smashed the jar of moonshine on the ground, the glass shattering in a thousand pieces, the loud noise making Quinn jump.

'You have to be quiet,' Beth whispered.

'Can't hear ya, I'm takin' a piss!' Daryl shouted back at her.

Quinn frowned at the man, wondering what the hell he was trying to accomplish.

'Oh wait,' he suddenly said, mockingly, 'it's my turn right? I've never, uh, never eaten frozen yogurt. Never had a pet pony,' he snapped, turning back to face them. 'Never got nothing from Santa Claus.' He kicked against a chair, sending it flying against the wall. 'Never relied on anyone for protection before. Hell, I don't think I've ever relied on anyone for anything!'

'Daryl,' Quinn started but her words didn't seem to reach him.

'Never sung out in front of a big group out in public like everything was fun! Like everything was a big game. I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention!'

Taking a sharp breath Quinn looked between the two of them, noticing how Beth seemed to grow smaller with every word. The walker from outside started banging against the wood, growling loudly, making her wince.

'Oh, it sounds like our friend out there is trying to call all of his buddies,' Daryl said, kicking over a pan that had been lying on the ground and reaching for his crossbow.

'Shut up!' Quinn yelled, rage at his pathetic behaviour bubbling in her stomach.

He looked her straight in the eye as he kicked against another chair, making it fall down with a loud thud.

'Stop it!' Beth cried out.

'Hey, you never shot a crossbow before?' He yelled at her. 'Imma teach ya right now.' Storming over to the teenage girl he took her arm and pulled her to her feet, dragging her outside.

Quinn jumped to her feet, reaching for her daggers as she stormed out after them, her head spinning from the alcohol in her system.

'Daryl, cut it out!' Beth yelled as he pulled her towards the walker. 'Daryl!'

Running around the corner she saw he released Beth and had his crossbow pointed at the walker. 'Come here, dumbass!' He screamed, releasing an arrow that went through the walkers shoulder, pinning it against the tree.

'Daryl...' Beth started.

'You wanna shoot?' He said, ignoring her as he took another arrow.

'I-I don't know,' the girl protested and Quinn took a step forwards, not knowing what to do since Daryl was taller and stronger than her.

'Oh, it's easy, right corner,' Daryl said angrily, taking Beth by the shoulders as he fired the crossbow once again, into the other shoulder of the walker.

'Let's practice later!' Beth yelled, pulling away from the man.

'Come on, it's fun,' Daryl mocked, placing another arrow on the bow.

'Just stop it, Daryl!' Quinn shouted but he ignored her completely and shot another arrow into the corpse its stomach. She didn't understand what had come over him all of a sudden.

'Just kill it!' Beth screamed.

'Come Greene, let's pull 'em out, get a little more target practice,' he said, starting to walk forwards.

Quinn took a deep breath, deciding it was enough. She raised her dagger like she had practised so many times before, taking it by the blade as she pulled her arm back, holding the weapon right next to her ear. Exhaling deeply she swung her arm forwards, releasing the dagger. The weapon flew through the air, landing exactly in the middle of the walkers head, killing it. She didn't give herself time to be proud that this was actually the first time she hit bullseye* 'Enough!' She screamed.

Daryl turned to her. 'The hell you did that for? I was having fun!'

'No, you were being an asshole!' Quinn screamed back at him.

'If anyone found my dad-' Beth started, making Daryl turn to her quickly and scream in her face. 'Don't! That ain't even remotely the same!'

'Killing them is not supposed to be fun,' Beth snapped.

'What do you want from me, girl? Huh?' Daryl screamed.

'I want you to stop acting like you don't give a crap about anything!' Beth shouted. 'Like nothing we went through matters. Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you. It's bullshit!'

'Is that what you think?' Daryl asked, his voice breaking.

'That's what I know,' Beth replied.

'You don't know nothing.'

'I know you look at me you just see another dead girl. I'm not Michonne, I'm not Maggie, I'm not Carol, I'm not...' she cut herself off by throwing a look at Quinn who felt her stomach ache by listening to her words. 'I've survived and you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them. But I made it and you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid.'

Daryl stepped closer to her. 'I ain't afraid of nothing.'

'You don't believe that,' Quinn spoke up, making Daryl turn to look at her. She knew the words she was about to say next would hurt him but she didn't care. Maybe he needed a little pain to snap out of his rage. 'I remember when we found Merle,' she whispered, seeing pain flash through his eyes as she said his name out loud, finally, after pretending the man hadn't even existed for so long. 'I remember you crying so hard you couldn't even stand and now god forbid you let anyone get too close.'

'Too close huh?' He said, taking a step towards her. 'You know all about that. Found your brother, lost him again and you all do is help blondie over here get a damn drink!'

Quinn shook her head at him. 'Screw you,' she spat, 'you just don't get it.'

'No, you don't get it!' Daryl screamed at her. 'You both don't get it! Everyone we know's dead!'

'You don't know that!' Beth shouted back at him.

'Might as well be, because you ain't never gonna see 'em again! Rick.' His voice broke at the mention of his friend but he started screaming again to try and hide it. 'You ain't never gonna see Maggie again!'

'Daryl just stop!' Beth screamed, reaching for his arm but he pulled away.

'No!' He yelled, pointing at Quinn. 'You're gonna see your brother again or Michonne!'

'Daryl,' Quinn whispered his name, her body shaking as she stared at him.

'The Governor rolled right up to our gates,' he said, his voice breaking as finally became clear what had been bothering him. 'Maybe if I wouldn't have stopped looking,' his blue eyes were focused on Quinn's face. 'Maybe if we hadn't stopped looking. Maybe 'cause I gave up, that's on me!'

'Daryl...'

'No!' He pulled away from Beth again, his eyes finally turning away from Quinn as he stood there, breathing heavily. 'And your dad...Maybe, maybe I could've done somethin'.'

By hearing those words Beth walked up to him, hugging him from behind as he seemed to have lost all his previous anger. Instead he just stood there, seeming lost in a whirlwind of emotions, as tears rolled down his cheeks. His blue eyes travelled to Quinn's face, staring right into her very soul.

Her body was trembling and she found herself having trouble containing her own tears. He blamed himself for the very same thing she had been blaming herself for. All the anger piled up inside of him was the same anger she carried, and she'd never even known.

Something sault touched her lip and she violently wiped her tear away as she finally looked away from Daryl, his gaze feeling way too heavy on her shoulders.

The man his sobs echoed through the sky, hurting her ears as she took a shaky breath. She leaned against the wall of the shed to keep herself standing as her heart ached in her chest. Another tear rolled down her cheek and this time she made no effort to hide it and did the one thing she had been dreading to do...finally embrace the pain.

A U T H O R 'S N O T E

Oh my, how I loved writing this chapter. This is one of my favorite episodes of season four. I loved how they made Daryl so vulnerable as he finally opened up to Beth.

I had my doubts about placing Quinn in this scene since it all goes pretty fast and it's an important moment between Daryl and Beth. So, I hope I haven't ruined it. Personally I believe it turned out pretty well but if you have any tips please don't hesitate to tell me.

I also loved writing how Quinn is finally opening up a little more. Since the very first day that I started writing this story and mapping out the characters I knew Quinn always wanted to be a dancer, I just couldn't find a way to fit it into the story. But then Beth came around and I realised this was the perfect opportunity to get Quinn to talk about her past a bit more. Because even though her life pretty much sucked, that doesn't mean she didn't have dreams and I love finally getting to share them with you guys.

Leave your thoughts in the comments, I love reading them, and give this chapter a vote!

xXx

UYM