70. we must be killers

QUINN

     SHE WAS WOKEN BY A ROUGH HAND SHAKING HER CAREFULLY. There was only person she knew who could combinate those two things and so she mumbled his name in anger before even opening her eyes. She turned on her back and blinked against the expected brightness of the light, only there was none. Frowning she sat up, looking around she noticed the sun hadn't even risen yet.

'Why are waking me this early?' She mumbled, not even caring to surpress her anger as she squinted through the darkness at the redneck seated before her.

'Huntin',' he simply replied, pushing himself back on his feet. He didn't even wait for her to fully wake and already started walking in a fast pace away from camp and into the forest.

'Great,' she grumbled before pushing herself off the ground, shaking the remains of her sleep away, gathering her weapons and running after him into the forest. Her body still ached but more like the aching you felt on the third day of muscle strain. It was there but far away in the background. Being hit by a car was no small thing and she knew it would take a while for her to fully heal but she was growing more impatient with each passing day.

She followed him through the bushes while pushing low hanging branches out of her face. She was about to ask him if he could even see something in this darkness but decided not to because one, she'd probably get no answer but a grunt or two. You never really knew when it came to Daryl...

'Is this another hunting lesson?' She asked after they'd walked in silence for a while. 'I never asked for those. You should've woken Beth.' To be honest, she didn't really mind walking after him through the dark, she just hated feeling useless and there was no place she felt more useless than a hunt. Especially when it was this dark. There were just some things she'd never learn, hunting being one of them.

Daryl, as usual, didn't respond and just kept walking through the forest. It still amazed her how quiet he was, like he was flying instead of walking. She watched the muscles in his arm and back move as he manoeuvred through the forest like he belonged here instead of in a house with walls. When she realised she'd been staring for just a little bit too long she shook her head and looked away. It still surprised her how drawn she felt to him. She first felt it sitting in that old shed with him and Beth. There she realised for the first time how similiar the two of them were and ever since that conversation she only felt that bond with him grow.

Even though he was a damn mystery to her, she never grew tired of trying to solve him.

Suddenly he held up his hand, breaking her out of her thoughts and she froze in her movements. He gestured for her to come over and with careful steps she did as she was told. Once she was standing next to him he pointed at something near a tree to their right. She frowned, staring into the darkness at whatever it was he was trying to point out to her.

Something moved in the bushes the first rays of sunlight gave her just enough light to see it was a deer. A beautiful, brown, majestic deer.

She expected Daryl to raise his crossbow and shoot the thing, but he remained completely still, as if he was waiting for something. She turned to him, a frown on her face but he simply stared at her and then it finally dawned on her why he'd taken her with him. It was stupid really because her dagger would leave a much bigger wound on the deer than his bolt would but apparently this was what he wanted to see.

Taking a deep breath she reached for her dagger and pulled it free from her belt. She placed her feet steady on the ground and raised her arm, holding the weapon near her ear. She focused on the deer, it was so close, not even a few feet away, almost as close as Dawn had been...

She threw the dagger before her mind even realised she was going to. It was becoming an instinct. The blade felt like an extension of her arm, a part of her body that she could no longer function without.

The weapon whizzed through the air and hit the animal straight between the eyes. A thud followed as its body fell down on the ground.

For a second the two of them remained montionless as she stared at the spot the deer had been standing mere seconds ago. A feeling of pride glowed in her chest and she was unable to surpress a small smirk. She was the first one to move and even though she couldn't hear him, she knew he was right behind her.

'Huh,' he grunted, making her frown and turn to him.

'What?' She asked while bending down to pull her dagger free.

'Wondered if ya got lucky,' he said, his eyes examining the deer.

Quinn scoffed and shook her head. 'Of course you did.'

The corner of his mouth twitched, turning up in the smallest smirk. It lit up his features and made his eyes sparkle. A warm glow crawled through her body at the sight and she quickly turned away from him, kneeling down to take a leaf from the floor to clean her dagger.

'Ya feelin' all righ'?' He questioned as he knelt down and picked up the deer, swinging it over his shoulders.

'Yeah fine,' she mumbled, knowling he'd see through that lie with ease but she didn't feel like admitting her bones were aching with every step she took. Milo was already looking at her like she was a broken doll that needed protection, she couldn't handle him doing the same.

His blue eyes lingered on her for a second, perceptive as always but he wasn't one to pry and so it didn't surprise her when he said nothing, simply nodded and started making his way back to the camp.

The radio crackled and everyone turned to look at it. 'Hey Carol,' Rick's voice came from the other end of the line.

The woman walked forwards and picked up the walkie. 'I'm here.'

'We're halfway there, just wanted to check the range,' their leader spoke.

'Everybody's holding tight,' Carol replied, looking around the small camp they set up. 'We've made it 500 miles. Maybe this could be the easy part.'

'Gotta think we're due. Give us 20 minutes to check in.'

'We don't hear from you, we'll come looking,' Carol told him.

'Copy that,' Rick replied.

Carol nodded curtly and put the walkie in the pocket of her jeans.

Rick and the others left while she and Daryl had been hunting to go and check out Noah's safe haven. The road was dangerous and so it was nice to know they were doing okay so far. Quinn still wished she could've joined them but the ache of the rejection had faded to a numb pain in the back of her heart. Since she returned from the hunt, she kept herself busy by wrapping wires around trees with cans attached to it so walkers wouldn't be able to surprise them but that was done now so she was seated on the ground, sharpening and cleaning her daggers.

'You doing okay?'

She looked up from the dagger in her hand, her eyes landing on Milo who came sitting next to her, wrapping his arms around his legs.

'Fine,' she replied, going back to cleaning her weapons.

Milo shifted uncomfortable and it almost made her sigh. He hadn't come here for a simple chat. He probably wanted to know how she felt regarding Rick telling her no. But the expected question never came. He remained silent and simply stared at her hands while she worked.

'I never thought you'd get a talent for cleaning daggers,' he finally broke the silence, a small smile appearing on his face.

She felt herself smiling back at him. 'I never thought I'd need them in the first place.'

He sat up a little straighter. 'You never told me how you got them?'

A small frown appeared on her face. She wondered where he was going with this but she seemed no harm in playing along. 'I found them while raiding a weapon's store. I was looking for guns but they were all gone. Then I found these and well, I stuck with them ever since.'

Milo nodded. 'Well, good, since you're a lot better with these than with a gun.'

She sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. 'I'm a lot better than I used to be!'

He laughed, a light and happy sound that almost hurted her. It had been so long since she'd seen him comfortable enough to laugh. 'I'm not saying you didn't get better.'

Looking up from her weapons she turned her eyes to him. 'Then what are you saying?'

'You saved Beth with these and not with a gun. So I've heard,' he said, raising his eyebrows at her as if that comment was hiding some sort of hidden question. And suddenly she realised why he had asked her about her daggers. He was worried she felt guilty about killing Dawn. Little did he know the cop wasn't the first human she killed...Her thoughts must've been visible in her eyes because his laugh slowly faded as he sat up a little straighter, suddenly looking worried.

'She wasn't the first person I've ever killed,' she whispered, finally admitting to him what she hoped could've remained a secret forever.

He didn't say a word, just sat there and silently encouraged her to go on. She could only tell him this if she was ready for it and so he wouldn't push her.

She took a deep breath, placing her dagger on the ground next to her. 'After Daryl and I lost Beth we were found by this group of-,' she hesitated, how did she describe Joe and his companions? 'Well, they were assholes,' she finally concluded. 'But we stuck with them. Mostly because we had no idea what else to do. After we found that Terminus sign, though, I wanted to go. I was convinced that you'd be there and we didn't need those pricks to get there.'

She fell silent, her eyes going through the camp, searching for the man she'd shared those uncertain times with. He was talking to Beth, who was holding Judith and she was amazed by the soft expression that appeared on his face everything he looked at the little girl. It was as though he melted around children and it made her heart glow. Turning her gaze away from him and back to her hands, she continued her story. 'We were ready to leave when we noticed Joe and his men had surrounded some people. They told us they were chasing a man who killed one of their guys and now they found him. We wanted nothing to do with it but then Daryl saw who it really was.' Suddenly the words got stuck in her throat as memories of that awful night replayed itself before her eyes. Chills covered her arms and she shivered. It felt as though the blood was still on her hands and she could feel the hot and stinky breath of her attacker on her cheeks.

'Rick,' Milo whispered, his voice pulling her out of her trance and she nodded.

'Yeah,' she mumbled. 'We pleaded Joe to let them go but he wouldn't, which didn't leave us much of a choice.'

Milo nodded slowly and the expression on his face confused her. His eyes shone as if they had figured out some sort of secret. Something he hadn't been able to figure out before, but now, having heard her story, knew for sure. Then he blinked and the expression was gone and he shifted to move his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer and she let him. She rested her head on his shoulder and let herself be wrapped in the warmth and comfort of having him so close again.

'You did what you to,' he whispered, 'it doesn't make you a killer.'

She nodded. 'I know.' And she truly did. The only thing that slightly startled her when she thought about the entire situation was the fact she knew for sure she would not hesitate to kill again when it came to protecting herself or her friends.

And maybe she should've felt worried about that but when her eyes drifted to Beth, who was still playing with little Judith, she felt no worry at all.