71. what lies ahead

MILO

     THE SOUND OF THE SHOVEL DRIVING INTO THE DIRT was hurting his ears. He wished nothing more than for it to stop but there was nothing he could do to make the moment any easier. He was hopelessly trapped in a state of numbness as he watched the dirt being thrown back into the grave.

'We look not at what can be seen, but we look at what cannot be seen. For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God. A house not made with hands, eternal, in the heavens.'

Never before had he found comfort in religion but he was slowly beginning to understand why other people did. The words Gabriel was reading from the small book in his hands comforted Milo in a way that probably no speech from any of the group members could have. The idea of your spirit living in another place, a better place, not built and tainted by human hands but good in every sense of the word, was a comforting thought to him.

He liked the idea of living in a house in heaven. He always imagined it as nothing but green fields and hills, waterfalls, forests and mountains. A paradise. Something he could never reach. But a house was reachable, an idea he could understand. The word made heaven feel like a home and that was something the man in that grave genuinely deserved.

It hurt looking at the grave.

It hurt looking at another body gone cold.

Tyreese deserved better than this.

The man had been nothing but kind the first time Milo met him in the prison. Even when Rick chased him and his group away from the illusions he was having, even then he remained calm. And that was the way Milo wanted to remember him. Calm, peaceful, open-minded. Not the bad moods he'd have or the anger that had fueled him after Karen died because that wasn't him.

Milo's eyes drifted over to Sasha.

She was standing just a few feet away from him, her entire body shaking while her eyes darted around, as if she was dreaming and trying to wake herself up. The anger that had driven Tyreese was driving her too. After Bob died she hadn't been the same and Milo worried what losing her brother would add to the smoldering fire inside of her.

Sasha was more than anger, she was more than a woman driven by grief and pain but she didn't seem to believe that anymore.

Milo wasn't sure if any of them believed it anymore. He wondered if any of them believed they were more than just people driven by some sort of strong emotion, fighting to live without knowing why they even wanted to. Like they were nothing but animals.

Washington could've been their salvation.

Noah's safe haven could've been their salvation.

But both places were lost.

Milo worried for the group. He worried for what they might become if they stayed out here any longer. And after what Quinn told him this morning and seeing no regret in her eyes, he worried even more. She killed two people and he knew she would do it again if it meant keeping the group safe. Hell he killed someone to keep the group safe. They couldn't do this for much longer. Or they'd loose themselves.

Rick walked forwards and placed a white sheet over Tyreese his body, finally taking the man out of sight. A shaky breath left his lips, his heart aching too much to bare. Their leader took the shovel in his hand and threw the first scoop of dirt into the grave. Then he handed the shovel to Carol. Silent tears had been streaming down her ghostpale face the entire ceremony. Milo knew it must hurt her to see the man who had shown her so much kindness by forgiving her for murdering the woman he loved, so cold and lifeless. But her movements were strong and determined as she threw the second scoop of dirt into the grave.

Down the group the shovel went. Everyone took a moment to silently stand at the grave and say their goodbye. Not everyone may have been as close with Tyeerse but they all knew the things he'd done to protect the people in the prison. Everyone knew how big his heart had been, how far his kindness went. And so it hurt everyone to see the world take another soul so pure.

Milo felt his arms shake as Daryl handed him the shovel. He clenched his teeth and held the tool so tightly his fingers turned white. He threw the dirt on the sheet without looking, keeping his eyes focused on the blue beanie they had placed on the wooden cross that formed the tombstone. Milo prayed that, whether the man was in heaven or some dark nothingness, he would hear his genuine thanks for showing everyone that being kind was a strength, not a weakness. Then he turned to Sasha and handed her the shovel.

She still looked as though she was moving around in a dream, as if her body and mind weren't one anymore. She seemed numb and shocked as she threw the dirt on her body's cold body. The shovel fell from her hands into the grass and she stumbled away without looking back.

Rick walked forwards and started filling the grave completely with angry movements. Slowly the group started to walk away, back to the small camp they made in the woods. But Milo was unable to move. He watched Rick work, feeling numb as the pile of dirt got smaller and smaller but his movements got only more aggressive with each scoop.

A stab went through his heart so suddenly that he was forced to look away from the grave. He shut his eyes, trying his hardest to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn't want to cry. It felt so meaningless to cry when he had not even been that close to the man. And yet he cared so much that it hurt and tears came up anyway. It always hurt to see someone die, especially someone who always tried to be nothing but kind to the world around him. Why was the earth so hellbent on taking away the good hearted? Did it truly want the only people to walk around to be monsters, thieves and murderers?

'You alright?'

He opened his eyes and took a shaky breath, just about managing to keep his tears inside. He nodded at Rick, trying his hardest not to look at the blood on the man his shirt.

Their return had been a mess. Rick warned Carol on the radio about their situation but that hadn't been enough to prepare anyone for what came next. Tyreese had been bitten in his arm. They chopped it off but the blood loss and shock had killed him on ride home anyway. It happened the way it had to, the way it was always going to...and yet it didn't make Milo feel the slightest bit better.

'We can't keep doing this,' Milo said, his voice shaking from the many emotions he was trying to hold back.

Rick nodded, hanging his head as though the weight of leading a group so lost was finally getting to him. 'I know,' he mumbled. His voice, for once, didn't sound angry. It sounded broken and filled with grief. And suddenly Milo saw the man who had just lost his wife, the man who lay sobbing on the cold pavement of a prison filled with loss, regret and an overwhelming sense of grief. Sometimes it was hard to remember that Rick was human, just like the rest of them. Most of time he seemed so composed, so cold, fearless and determined that it was difficult to remember that he, too, had a limit. And Milo was thinking he was close to reaching that limit. Not even Rick could stay on the road forever without being changed by it.

'This is not your fault,' he found himself saying, his voice stern and sharp. He couldn't take Rick blaming himself over this. The man already carried enough burdens as it was.

'Isn't it?' Rick countered, looking up at Milo, his blue eyes holding a storm of emotions. He chuckled bitterly. 'Who am I if I can't keep this group safe? Who-' He cut himself off, sighing deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose, as if trying to stop a headache from coming up to plague him.

A sad smile appeared on Milo's face. 'You're the man who has kept this family alive from the very beginning.' He took a step forwards and placed his hand on Rick's shoulder. 'Like I said before, only you are able to turn things around. Only you Rick Grimes.'

The man look up at him, doubt shining in his eyes but through that a determination so strongly that it warmed Milo's heart. He knew Rick would do anything he possibly could to keep this group alive and safe. It was written in his dna to protect people. Milo would trust him with his life and, more importantly, with the lives of his friends. If anyone could keep them together and remind them of who they were, it was this man. Of that, he had no doubt.

Rick nodded curtly, the determination taking over completely and drowning out all the doubt. Milo could already tell there was a plan forming in the man his mind. 'Alright,' he mumbled, then turned and headed to the camp.

With a small smile on his face, Milo followed him, watching as he took a stance in the middle of the group. He didn't even need to raise his voice to get the attention. It had been quiet after the funeral, everyone lost in their own thoughts while trying to give their grief a place.

'We need food,' Rick spoke up, pulling Milo out of his contemplations and taking everyone's attention. 'Food and water.' He put his hands on his hips and eyed the trees around them. They were out of food, except for a few nuts and mushrooms, and would be out of water by the end of the day. Especially in this heat. 'I don't want anyone out of there alone,' he continued. 'Split up in pairs and be back in a few hours. We can't stay in one place too long.'

The silence returned as everyone let the words sink in and slowly they all started gathering their weapons and other gear.

'Ehm,' Beth interrupted, making everyone stop what they were doing and turn to look at the teenage girl. 'Where will we go?'

It was a good question, one that no one really seemed to an answer to. Knowing what was behind them, they couldn't go back. Ahead of them was Washington and even though Eugene had lied about a cure, he had choosen Washington for a reason. Maybe it wasn't such a terrible idea to keep heading in that direction.

And Rick seemed to think the same.

'Washington,' he said, his tone determined. 'It's our best bet. We head north, see what we see.'

It was as good a plan as any and everyone seemed to agree as they went back to gathering their weapons, making pairs and disappearing into the woods to search for some much needed food and water.

A U T H O R 'S  N O T E

I'm sorry if this chapter is boring but I really wanted to spend some time honoring Tyreese his memory. Since Beth survived, Tyreese his death hit the group differently and a lot more deep than in the show and I wanted to really dive into Milo his thoughts while they try to cope with that grief. So, even though it wasn't a very happy chapter I still hope you guys enjoyed it!

Also, we're getting closer to Alexandria! I'm so excited for everything that's coming. Daryl and Quinn are growing closer each chapter and that bond will only become stronger as we dive into the Alexandria storyline. Also, Milo will learn to find his place as the voice of reason for Rick when the man struggles to find his place in Alexandria. I really love the friendship between Rick and Milo. They have a great dynamic and I can't wait to show you all what's in store for them!

What do you hope to see when they reach Alexandria? Leave your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to read them!

Much love,

xXx

UYM