"I just, I need to get out of here," My breath overtook my voice, breathing spastically. The crisp air surrounding was poison, choking me with every long sip. I felt as if my lungs had filled up with water, drowning from the outside in. Each gasping pain inflated the lead in my chest. "I'm sorry." A rising panic swallowed me, dizziness blanketed my blurry vision with soot. Through hooded eyelashes, Riker became less visible, unidentifiable. On that other worldly roof I no longer belonged, each step heavier than the last. How could I do this? How could I fall for two different guys? I'm not a puppet master, I didn't want this. I wasn't my mom, but I wanted to see her. I wanted to curse her out for making me who I am. I wanted to know how she was doing. This had to be a sign, I needed to change and it would start with the woman who changed me.

My arms desperately flailed for support, to clutch safety. Riker's hasty footsteps crashed behind me, but I continued to try to make my way down each dreaded step. My limped left arm began to swing back and forth uncontrollably. Ross's screamed something at Riker, but I couldn't stop to indulge in curiosity. I'm not my mother! My weighted feet managed themselves out of the front door, but I couldn't identify my car. Large, faded splotches of colored paint dotted the exterior's parking. I fumbled for my keys, hoping the sound would guide me, the delicate trickle of silver hit the concrete. I closed my eyes, young images of my life faintly displayed in my eyelids. I felt a tide suddenly wash over me, dragging me in like crusted seaweed. The water surrounded me in a chilling, sharp embrace, fear numb in my body. I just needed a little more air, just a little more. My will to swim out from the sea, sinks like the anchors tied at my ankles. The strength to fight it any longer blew away with the wind. I let the powerful ocean take me and to keep me. I just need to see my mom. Please. My mind begged through pursed lips. My eyes folded over, sealing shut. Please.

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I was moving, in a train or car possibly, bumping along with the world. Engines and feint rumblings of traffic sounded. "What do we do? Should we wake her up?" A figure of a man leaned back from the front seat to look at me then at the driver. As he turned away, I blinked my eyes, trying to focus on my surroundings. I had been kidnapped. It was karma that I had deserved.

"She looks dead to me," the voice of the other man huffed, his eyes didn't leave the road. Fear shot us my spine, Dead? As my eyesight began to clear, I took note of one of the attackers. The back of his head was a dusted blonde, messily pressed against the head of the seat.

"I told you we should have taken her to the hospital!" The first man screeched, flopping his head to position hair out of his face.

"Well she was begging to see her mom, what did you want me to do? We drove all this way, we're almost there, just wake her up."

The vehicle was familiar. I grazed my finger tips on the seating I had been sprawled out against. My head was placed along the window, vibrating my senses. This was MY car. I bargained with myself. If this was where I was to die, it wasn't so bad. I slowly propped myself up, careful not to stir. My gaze was straight ahead, half-aware of the world outside that window. I had been bathed in the claustrophobic comfort of my car.

The man's hair fell back into his eyes, watching me carefully. Riker. The driver was soon identified as Ross. "Almost where?" My voice was soft, barely audible. I rubbed my raw tembles, a headache played inside my brain. As if I didn't have enough to worry about.

"One, two good morn-afternoon to you, three, four you look sore." Riker rhymed, his smile matched mine. Ross's fingers tightened on the wheel, then returned to normal. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Riker, girls pass out when they see me all the time, don't act like this a new thing." I could tell Ross was joking, but the thought of him and other girls made my stomach churn and my headache amplify.

I repeated, "Where?" I set my chin on the window and watched the buildings fade behind me. I didn't need my question answered, I was in Valfort, my home city. Memories flooded my consciousness, puncturing my heart. "How could you take me here? Take me back to L.A.!" My violent tone swung in the air like a steel bat.

"I told you," Riker probed at Ross.

"Look, Amber, we drove all the way here just to take you to see your god forsaken mother. Now let's get this shit over with." Venom laced his tongue as he skidded into a large parking lot.

My feet froze as I exited the car. I had always passed this place by, just a blip on the map of the city. The Psychiatric Hospital looked to be an extravagant prison. A part of the building was lined with some sort of tall, glass fencing area. The rest was painted a bright red, sprinkled with light reflecting windows like on L.A.'s skyscrapers. The name was set in bold, metallic letters : Valfort Mental Health Hospital.

I knew I'd have to face it, to become acquaintances with the hospital that my mother would learn to call home. This place would reconstruct my memories and converge them into something much more spectacular, but my legs wouldn't proceed.

"You comin'?" Riker shot me a hopeful look. He clearly had never been in this situation before, so I decided if he could fake it, so could I. I mustered an unwilling smile and walked in the door behind them.

A crude breath attempted to settle my nerves as I approached the woman sitting at the massive front desk. "Um I'm looking for mother, she's an over night patient." I gave her what I knew of my mother's medical information.

"Unfortunately Ma'am over night patients may not directly see visitors, but may speak to them through our phone services if they've earned it on good behavior." I followed her finger towards three black, punch-code telephones that hung drearily on the cream wall. "Would you like me to contact her doctor and put her through if she's eligible?" I nodded anxiously. I knew she would have not behaved correctly, but I hung onto the hope that she may have changed slightly. "If one of them rings, pick it up and talk to her, if there's no rings, she's not eligible for visitors. Have a nice day!" Have a nice day? How could I have a nice day when my mother's brain was screwed up so she screwed me up.

The boys followed me to the phones, waiting at my heels. My fingers tapped a disturbing rhythm, leaving me certain I would have left a hole on the wall. Seconds turned to minutes in an instant. I eavesdropped on the woman on the last phone, sobbing aimlessly into the speaker. She wailed of hatred and love and their future and their past. It taunted me, how I wanted to tell my mother everything that had happened, the amazing and painful adventure that was laid out for me in L.A. But waiting caused me to examine the ordinary. I let my fingers roam along the scars that she placed on me, my insides squirmed with emotional aching.

"Guys, let's just go, thanks for taking me, but it doesn't look like--" My speel was cut off by the sharp alarming ring of the phone beside me. My hands trembled slightly as I picked up the phone and held it to my ear. "Hello? Mom?"

"Hi honey." Her voice was soft and kind, that reminded me of a feather floating in the wind. It felt like ages since I had heard her speak.

"How is it here?" I didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't comprehend if she was being real or faux. My finger nails created an obnoxious beat again.

Riker interrupted, "You want some water? Maybe it'll help calm you down? Yeah yeah I'll get you some." He bolted along the tile quickly. How kind.

"Who was that?" Her voice suddenly became tense. "Was that your father?"

"No Mom," I began, her voice shook loudly on the other end of the phone.

"Well you tell that good for nothing son of a bitch that I'm pregnant with some damnation of his. The doctors say it's a girl. Tell him!" I couldn't respond. Was I that 'damnation'?

"Mo-"

"No! The baby is due tomorrow."

"Mom, my-my birthday is tomorrow." My voice trailed slowly, my words unwilling to take flight.

"You are a disappointment." She spit icicles that were a direct hit.

I refused to cry, instead a new found anger gurgled up my throat. This was a breaking point of blind patience. My fingers curcled tightly around the smooth handle's surface and my veins swelled. "No. You are a disappointment." The rage that encircled me was thrown into loudly hanging up the phone. A short sigh kissed the air around me, I actually felt proud. Broken, but proud.

I turned around, my hair flipped behind me. I had forgot Ross was listening, watching each emotion slip through my teeth. But instead of sending me pity, he smirked. An odd, revelation of a smirk. "So tomorrow's your birthday, huh?"

"Guess so," I shrugged. I hadn't even remembered until the previous conversation.

"You're gonna enjoy my gift." God, another sex joke? Clever. He brushed his fingertips on my forearm, my veins were excited for more. His mysterious lips hid a small grin, masked by a grimace. I wanted to kiss back his smile, something he didn't seem to do enough.

"Here's your water," Riker handed me a mini dixie cup, "It was the only thing I could find, but it was worth it." I caught Ross roll his eyes to the back of his head. Damn they were different. "Let's go back home." Riker's grin gleamed. Home. That sounded like the best thing I'd heard all day.