Audrey's POV

WHEN I get a call from Veronica, saying that she hasn't seen Gemma in days, I begin to panic. What if something happened to her? What if her car ran off a cliff, and she's dead in the ditch somewhere?

I immediately try to call her. The first few rings, my heart pounding in my chest, feels like forever. She doesn't answer. So I try again. And again. And then it starts to go straight to voicemail.

That's gotta mean she's alive, and just trying to ignore me, right? But to be uncertain, is to continue to worry. So I sit down, put my phone on speaker, and decide to continuously dial her number, so that she gets so frustrated that she finally picks up.

"I'd like to be left alone," she mumbles over the line. I drop my book onto the couch, and take my phone off of the speaker.

"You had me worried for a good two hours, Gemma."

"I'm not dead on the side of the road, Audrey," she exhales a loud breath, "wrong scenario to use, I'm sorry."

I shake off the image of my dead, bloody faced husband, "where are you? Veronica said that—"

"So she's why you're calling me? Forget it. You don't owe me anything. Go back to having your space or whatever."

"Gemma!" I groan, "just shut up, and tell me where you are. I never stopped being your friend, asshole."

"I don't want visitors. Thanks. I'd like to be left alone."

She's so stubborn, I'd strangle her over the line if I could.

"I wasn't asking. Unless you want me to file a missing person's report, and have the police come looking for you."

"You can't. They'll check my phone records and see that—"

"I've got an ex-boyfriend who's a cop. He'll come looking for you with just one call."

"You wouldn't dare—"

"I would. Try me."

Gemma curses for a good twenty seconds before finally giving in, "I'm at the Delamar. Room 39."

"Boujee. Don't choke on all that luxury until I get there."

"I'm hanging up now, you asshole."

Gemma's POV

"SO WHAT'S got your panties in a bundle?" Audrey asks, as she drinks my wine, and eats my toast.

"I'm sure the term is panties in a bunch, Audrey."

"Potato patato. You're so uptight. Did you sleep with Sabrina or something?"

I scoff. Why's that her first assumption to make?

"Did you come here to insult me? I'm not that stupid, Audrey."

"Okay, then. Just had to cross if off the list," she chews on my french toast, "you always fell into bed with her when you two were—"

"Don't finish that sentence," I stick my tongue out in horror, "don't remind me."

"You make it sound like she's an ogre. I remember you gushing over her boobs anytime we got drunk together."

"That was back then," I place my hand over my face, "please, stop. It's not about Sabrina," Audrey leans back against the bed frame, and puts her feet up, "it is but it isn't. I don't want to talk about it."

"Sounds complicated. I told you not to let yourself get involved in her business."

"I'm not. I didn't. Ugh. Her shit seems to follow me."

"I thought you would have made a move on Veronica by now. I know she's got the hots for you."

"Yeah, she's got the hots for everyone," I begin to pace the room. I'm suddenly anxious again.

"Did something happen between you two?"

I shrug and watch her wipe her hands on my sheets, "I have to sleep there," I shake my head, "you're such a pig."

"Sorry, sorry," Audrey gets up and walks into the bathroom. I hear the sink running, and assume that she's washing her hands, "Veronica seems really worried about you. You should give her a call."

"She's worried? What did she say about me?" I ask.

"Just that you dropped off the face of the earth," I'll assume that isn't Veronica's exact words, "you're sleeping with her, aren't you?"

"What? No?" I shake my head, "she's sleeping with everyone but me, I promise you."

God, when did I get so judgemental? It's not like me.

"Well, you can't judge her for what she chooses to do with her vagina. Aren't you supposed to be a feminist?"

I frown. Audrey's right. But that doesn't mean I'm not still upset. I know it's jealousy mixed in with more jealousy. Finding out that Veronica slept with Sabrina isn't sexy at all. It's not a fantasy. It's bullshit.

I know that I don't own Veronica's vagina. Gosh, that sounds weird. I mean, I don't own her body. We're not in a relationship. We never made an agreement to be exclusive. We are just friends. We were friends.

Now, we're something more. If only I could put my anger aside, I'd ask her out on a date.

But I haven't even broken up with Zoey yet. I've been avoiding everyone. I can't face any of them.

"Just call her and let her know I'm okay," I tell Audrey, and sit on the bed, feeling like an asshole.

Why do I care so much that she slept with Sabrina? She slept with Zoey too. And I'm not half as mad about it.

"No, you call her. I'm not getting involved in whatever problems you two have going on."

"I can't, Audrey. Not yet. I can't talk to her until I'm not mad anymore."

Audrey sits beside me and places her hands on my shoulder, "you can talk to me about anything. What's bugging you?"

I shrug, "nothing."

"Claire brought her girlfriend for dinner the other night."

"What? Claire... I didn't know—"

"Your gaydar is clearly broken. Would've been nice to get a heads up," she says.

"Audrey, I mean, I—"

"She's bisexual," Audrey pats my back, "I didn't want you around because I thought it might be your influence."

"Really? I would neve—"

"I know. It was stupid. I'm sorry," Audrey places her hand in mine, "we all make mistakes, Gemma. And some of us make gigantic fools of ourselves," she places her other hand against her chest, "exhibit a."

I laugh and lean back, moving into a lying position on the bed.

"She slept with Sabrina."

Audrey lays beside me, "Veronica?"

"Yeah."

"Damn," we face each other, and I look at the astonished look on her face, "you sure you didn't dream about it? Like a fantasy or somethi—"

"Really?" I glare at her.

"Okay, sorry, sorry. Don't bite my head off. Wow, though," Audrey huffs out a breath, "was the sex any good?"

"Audrey, how the fuck would I know?" God, she's so stupid sometimes.

"Don't be rude. I'm thinking aloud," Audrey looks up at the ceiling and sighs, "I understand why you're so upset."

"She also slept with my girlfriend," I say.

"You have a girlfriend!" Audrey turns on her side, "wait, she slept with your girlfriend? Damn. Veronica gets around."

That's what I said.

"We just started dating. They slept together months ago. I just found out."

"So when did she sleep with Sabrina?"

"The same night that we had our first kiss."

"Ouch. She must understand why you're upset. Anyone who knows you, knows that you're possessive."

"Am not," I grumble, "it's just that... Sabrina of all people. And it made our first kiss meaningless."

"Gemma, you need to give up your romantic idealisations. If you walked in on them having sex, wouldn't you have joined?"

"No, of course not."

"Can you say that for certain?"

I sigh, "I don't know."

"You have feelings for both of them. You're just conflicted that you might lose them to each other."

"No, that's not it, Audrey," I don't think I want anything to do with Sabrina ever again. She crossed the line.

"What then?"

"I don't know," I mumble.

"Sounds to me that you're mad out of spite," Audrey says, "so if I understand correctly, you currently have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"And you kissed Veronica while you're in a relationship with said girlfriend?"

"Uh, yeah..."

"And you have feelings for Veronica, while you're in a relationship with said girlfriend? Feelings that you've been trying to pursue?"

Why do I suddenly feel like I'm being attacked? "What are you getting at, Audrey?"

"I'm not trying to be an ass. But it seems to me that you're cheating, whether you plan to break up with your girlfriend or not."

Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend.

"Her name's Zoey," I mumble, and place my hands over my face. Shit. I didn't even realize how fucked up what I'm doing is.

"How can you judge Veronica, when you've been doing that to Zoey? And you're not in a relationship with Veronica for her to put a lock and key on her vagina."

I grab a pillow, and place it over my face, trying to smother myself. Screaming into the pillow, I kick my feet, hitting the bed as hard as I can with my legs.

"If she'd slept with anyone else that night, it wouldn't be such a big problem. But it was Sabrina. Sabrina. Of all the fucking women in this world!"

"But why is it worse because it was Sabrina and no one else? How is it a bigger problem?"

Fuck, Audrey sounds like a therapist. She's been watching too much Dr. Bill.

"I don't know, don't know, Audrey. Why don't you tell me?"

"You feel betrayed," Audrey says.

I remove the pillow from my face, and throw it to the side of the bed. Betrayed? Do I feel betrayed?

"Doc, you want to elaborate on that?"

"I think that's for you to figure out, Gemma," Audrey sits up and stretches her arms, "I'll let Veronica know that you're okay. You take some time to think about that."

She gets up, and grabs her purse, "Audrey, you're leaving?"

"Yeah, I've already eaten your food, and drank all of your wine. Now, I can go pick my kids up from school."

"Okay."

"Call me if you need anything," Audrey looks at me with those soft eyes of hers, "I mean it, Gemma. I've been a crappy friend lately. But I'm here for you. Whatever you need. Okay?"

I nod, "thanks, Audrey."

I KNOCK on her door, not even sure that I want her to answer. When she opens it, I can almost punch that smug look off of her face. Not that I'd ever hit a woman.

"Sabrina, can I come in?" I ask.

"Yeah, sure." I walk in, and she closes the door, "I was about to head out, but since you're here... want something to drink?"

"No, I'm good. But thanks. I actually wanted to talk about something with you."

"Oh?" She sits down on the couch, and pats the space next to her for me to join her, "what is it?"

"I'm good standing," I say and grip the collar of my shirt, "you sure you got time, I can always come back lat—"

"You're fine. I was going to pick up some groceries. We can talk first."

I nod and look down at her clean rug. I can barely bring myself to look at her, because all I can see is that damn necklace around her neck. Why is she wearing it? It's like she's wearing it on purpose for me to remember all the things that I don't want to remember about her.

Am I just making this up in my head, or is Sabrina doing things to get a reaction out of me?

"I don't want you to see Veronica anymore."

Sabrina sarcastically smiles, her eyes giving way the contempt that she feels, "no," she says, "Gemma, you're—"

"Whatever little game that you're trying to play, leave Veronica out of it."

"Game?" Sabrina shakes her head, "are you seriously jealous that I'm interested in another woman that's not you?"

I could almost laugh at how narcissistic she is, "this has nothing to do with you, Sabrina."

"Why are you here then?"

"Because Veronica doesn't want to be with you. You two hooked up just to spite me. You want a reaction out of me, then here it is. You stay away from my family."

"You can't be serious. She's your family now? Stop trying to find ways to..." she plasters on that misguiding smile of hers, "Gemma, if there's something that you want to say to me, just say it."

"I've already said what I wanted to. Stay away. Plain and simple."

Sabrina stands and walks in front of me, "you're jealous because I slept with someone else. If you still want to be with me, just say so."

I can see the narcissism dripping off of her, "yes, I'm jealous, Sabrina," I step back, "but not because I want you. It's because I think I'm in love with her."

"What? Veronica? You think you love Veronica?" Sabrina laughs, "that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard from you."

"I don't need to explain anything to you. Just back off from her."

"Oh, so now she's yours? It doesn't work like that, Gemma."

"She's not mine. But I want her. And I know she wants me too. If you think for a second that she's really that into you, you really are a psycho."

I walk to the door, and place my hand on the knob, "I'll have to talk to her about this. I'm not backing off that easily," she says.

"Why do you care? It's not like you actually want to be in a relationship with a woman. Veronica wants a family, and kids. She wants to spend her life with someone real. Not someone who can't even tell her kid that she might be bisexual."

I open the door, and walk out. Hopefully, I gave her something to think about.

Veronica's POV

OVER THE past few days, I've had a lot of time to consider why I did what I did. How did I end up in bed with Sabrina?

Gemma judges me for it. But not as hard as I judge myself. Sex is sex, most of the times. But sleeping with Sabrina is one of the lowest things I've ever done.

It made me realize that I've been sailing through life, trying to avoid anything real. I haven't had a long term relationship with anyone since my divorce. I've never let another woman touch me in ways that doesn't have to do with my body.

My therapist says that I'm afraid of commitment, even though I want it so badly. I run from it. Because I'm scared out of my mind of finding something real—something that I can lose.

"Veronica, I—" Gemma walks into the kitchen and takes my hand, "I'm sorry."

I feel a wave of emotion hit me, making me try to swallow my tears. Looking at Gemma, that guilt resurfaces, but also all of the anger.

"I thought you left," I mumble, "you left, Gemma," I asked her to leave so many times that night, and when she finally did, I realized how much I wanted her to stay.

"I was just trying to process—"

"Gemma, I can't take back what I did, so you should just go."

"No," she pulls me into the backyard, and we sit under the gazebo, "I was upset. Hurt. But my feelings for you haven't changed."

"Feelings?" I take a deep breath, "what about Zoey?"

"I talked to her today. We broke up, Veronica. I realized that I was with her only because I wasn't with you. I want to be with you, Veronica. Only you."

I lean back and consider the feelings that I have for Gemma. Is it worth exploring? Will she break my heart? Is she going to get bored of me, and find another Zoey to have fun with?

"Seeing you with Zoey affected me more than I realized. It made me think about what we could have if I would just give you a chance. Being with you scares me Gemma. And sleeping with Sabrina was me trying to sabotage our chance."

"It didn't work then. I was upset, but I'm here now. That's in the past. I can forget about it, if you can."

I shake my head, tears threatening to fall out of my eyes, "I don't trust myself to not hurt you, Gemma. The things I've done in my marriage, and in any relationship that lasted more than three months... I'm not a good girlfriend, Gemma. I'll hurt you."

Gemma looks at me with consideration in her eyes. She takes both of my hands, and holds onto them. She squeezes gently, as I try not to cry. I want to burst into tears so badly.

"I don't know what you think about me, but I'm not perfect either. I'm possessive and sometimes selfish. Arrogant and insecure. I've done some stupid things too, Veronica. But I'm willing to put in the work to see if what we have is something real."

"You'll never forget that I slept with your ex. She means something to you, that even you can't explain. How can we build a relationship after that?"

"Do you have feelings for Sabrina?" Gemma asks and I shake my head, "me neither."

I sigh and look down at our hands, "Gemma, you do. I know you do. Even my therapist thinks that you do."

"You talk about me to your therapist?"

"Gemma, I'm—"

"Let me explain," Gemma releases my hands, and turns to look at the sky, "Sabrina was one of my first relationships. I did love her. Deeply," she sighs, "I did. To this day, I know that my heart will never forget her. She'll always be there."

"Do you still love her?" I ask.

Gemma shakes her head, "I don't. I'm sure of that now. My heart was broken after our relationship ended. But I quickly found someone else to put my hopes and dreams on. And when that ended. I found someone else. I dated many girls after her, but I was still hurt. I'm still hurt," Gemma looks at me, her warm eyes shining, "when I was a kid, about seven or eight, my grandfather told me not to stick my head out of the car's window. But I loved how the wind feels against my face, when driving over forty miles an hour. It's amazing. But it can be dangerous, especially driving towards oncoming traffic. What if another car got too close, and smashed my head? I never listened, I thought that I was so smart, that if I was cautious enough, and looked at traffic carefully, I could continue doing it without ever getting hurt. One day we were driving up the mountains with one of my grandfather's many girlfriends, he wasn't paying attention to me, so my head was out the window, taking in the intoxicating air. It felt so good... Then a bird flew into my face, scaring the shit out of me, I almost peed my pants. It happened so quickly, so sudden. Grandfather laughed at me. So did his girlfriend."

Gemma places her hand against her cheek and laughs, but her smile easily fades away.

"That's a nice story. How does it—"

"I'm not done," she takes my hand, and intertwines our fingers. I nod to let her continue, "I never stuck my head out of a window again. Everytime I'm in the car, I remember that day, that moment, the way I felt. I remember to never do it again... that's how I feel about Sabrina. That's why I'll never forget her."

I'm confused for a moment. I realize that she's using a metaphor. But I don't know how it relates.

"Gemma, I don't quite understand."

"Thinking about Sabrina reminds me not to take myself for granted, not to let anyone walk over me, not to let someone treat me like I'm insignificant. Not to let anyone make me feel insecure, unworthy, unloved. Loving Sabrina was a lesson that I'll never forget. I'll never forget my worth because of her. Every time I think about her, I remember that I am worth something. That I'm strong, even when people try to bring me down. That I'm capable. And my feelings are valid. I'll never forget about Sabrina, and a part of me will never get over how much it hurt to love her. But I don't love her, Veronica. I really don't."

"Wow," I say, "that does make sense."

Gemma rolls her shoulders back and nods, "we learn from our mistakes. I don't regret loving her. She taught me a lot. She's one of the reasons that I'm the woman that I am. Along with the many other lessons I got from all my other girlfriends."

"Okay, Shakespeare, I get it," I say.

"Veronica, life's too short for us not to be together. I want to give us a shot. What about you?"

I smile, "are you asking me on a date, Gemma Cohen?"

She smiles back, "a real date. Not a friendly date. A real date, Veronica."

"Yes, I thought you'd never ask."