Draco's POV

'I'm not gay.' The words echoed through my mind even now, days later.

Yes, Potter wasn't gay. I knew that, of course. But hearing him say the words just made me realise how utterly hopeless my crush really was. He doesn't even think I'm hot. I don't really know what I expected, and I doubt the oblivious git knows that I heard, or how much it hurt me.

I blame Pansy honestly. She's been trying to set me up with a guy since I first told her I was gay. I've also told her that I realised I was gay because of Potter, but she swore to secrecy. I trust Pansy enough to not go blabbing my business to the world. Could she have possibly been more obvious though? Then again, Potter is oblivious as fuck. I doubt he'd know I fancied him if I offered him a bouquet of flowers and proclaimed my love.

I felt like a first year with their first crush, falling head over heels for someone and then having rejection thrown into my face. Great. Brilliant start to the year for me.

I somehow, magically, managed to go three days of avoiding Potter.

It's a miracle, really, especially since we now share a dorm. I have been leaving just before he gets up on the morning, returning early before he gets back so that I can feign sleep and prevent him from talking to me.

Bloody Potter, always the cause of my problems.

Couldn't there be just one thing that he wasn't the centre of? Did he just have to be they bane of my existence at every moment? Did he really have to be integrated into every problem that came my way?

Apparently, yes, he did.

It's breaking my heart actually, I'm ignoring him completely, pretending I don't hear him asking me, almost constantly, if I'm "Ok".

No Potter, I'm not ok. Go back to your perfect little friends and leave me to myself, please.

He's breaking my resolve, I won't be able to stay strong when he's right there. He doesn't understand what he's doing to me, his caring about me is driving me crazy. Don't even get me started on the way he runs his hand through his hair when he's nervous. Merlin, he's just so gorgeous.

I can't even begin to describe the hurricane of feelings that he creates within me, all it takes is one look, one genuine fucking smile and I'm lost in his eyes, taken by him. I wish I could be the one to make him smile, make him laugh. Merlin his laugh. It's the best sound in the world.

I despise myself for what I'm doing, how I'm acting towards him. I hate my family and this horrendous thing on my arm. I deserve it of course, no doubt about that, after all I've done I deserve death, a long, slow, torturous death. There is nothing I hate more than me though.

I hate myself the most.

I've started just staring at the Mark on my arm, tracing it with my nails, making the skin go red as I run my nails over it again and again. I can't stand to look at it, but I'm also compelled to.

I push my robe sleeve back down and turn my eyes back towards Hagrid as he goes over the benefits and detriments of unicorn blood on the body.

Blaise and Pansy didn't pick this class, they chose History of Magic instead. Why anyone would willingly pick that class I can't imagine. They've left me alone, sods.

I can feel rage rising within me as I half listen to the hulking oaf. I couldn't care less about Care of Magical Creatures, but it's better this than History of Magic with Professor Binns. I sag backwards against Hagrids hut, letting the fire spread through me then diminish as if it had never existed. I suppose it isn't healthy to push your feelings away, but I've been doing it for so long now that I doubt I'll survive if I let it all break loose.

My eyes are drawn to Potter suddenly and I feel the anger flare up again as I look at him.

He has friends, a family he can speak to, albeit not his real family, but they might as well be. Perfect little Potter with his following of fans that adore him and will handle his feelings, listen to him. He doesn't have to keep up an act.

He's just Harry, he doesn't need to do anything outside of his comfort zone.

How I wish I was just Draco.

Just Draco who doesn't have to live up to his fathers standards. Just Draco who doesn't have a name looming like a shark over his shoulder at all times, keeping him in check, preventing him from acting a certain way.

I close my eyes suddenly, overwhelmed by my own self pity. I want to scream, cry out, throw my feelings out for them all to see. I need to break out of my Malfoy cage, be myself for the first time ever.

How great would that be?

"Didn't realise he was back, filthy Death Eater." I hear a Ravenclaw say to the boy next to him. I don't recognise them, then again, I don't know many Ravenclaws. Their frequent glances backward tell me that I'm their topic of conversation.

'I-I'm not a Death Eater, not anymore'

"How could McGonagall even think about letting scum like him back in?" The one on the left whispers back.

"Merlin knows! He'll probably kill us all in our sleep now that we all share a common room." The first one snorted.

'Kill you? Why in Merlin's beard would I do that?!'

I felt the dread and panic rise within me. 'I should never have come back. This was all a mistake.'

We'd only been back a few days, and already people were talking, spreading rumours.

They hadn't even asked me how I felt, no one had. No one cared how I felt, no one cared how I was coping. All they cared about was my history. I was Draco Malfoy, the Death Eater, the follower of Voldemort.

And I'd never be anything more.

I fought to keep the mask on my face, tried my hardest to keep the tears inside. I would not cry here, I wouldn't break down. I couldn't break down in front of them.

Instead, I summoned all of my strength, and shot them the darkest glare I could possibly muster. They continued their conversation, but quieter, so that I couldn't make out the words. I saw their shoulders shaking with laughter, which only renewed my growing dread.

I folded my arms and pushed my sleeve back, raking my nails over that fucking Mark. The pain helped me focus, cleared my head. I didn't care that I was bleeding now, all I cared about was the relief that pain offered.

I felt Potters eyes on me and turned to look at him almost unconsciously.

As soon as I locked eyes with him, I was lost in those apple green pools. I paused in what I was doing and became absorbed in those spectacularly emerald eyes. I took in the fullness of his lips, the mess of his soft hair, his askew glasses, all without taking my eyes from his.

Merlin, I wanted him so badly sometimes it hurt. He would never want me, I knew that, but I could only dream, could only wish that something as marvellous as that would happen.

The Boy Who Lived and a Death Eater? Unthinkable, it would never happen, could never happen as long as this thing resided on my arm, as long as I was a Malfoy.

His eyes were filled with confusion, sympathy even. Some far off part of my mind wondered why, then his gaze flicked to my arm and it was as if the spell was broken as I suddenly knew.

My arm, of course.

I looked down and noted the rivulets of blood streaming down it, patterning the grass below with dark red spots.

Blood.

It used to terrify me, it is kind of funny how things change.

The pain was searing of course, but I didn't care, I'd felt much worse over the last year. It might as well have been a paper cut for all it mattered to me.

When I looked back up, there was questioning in his eyes now. 'Does he-does he care?' Just the thought sent my mind into overdrive. Then I was brought sharply to reality.

I shot him a glare. He didn't care for me, I couldn't let myself fall into that trap.

Who could possibly care for cowardly, repulsive Draco Malfoy?

He's merely being the brave and noble hero, making himself look good by being nice to his enemies. Insufferable Potter, I don't know how I could have ever expected more.

He looked hurt by my glower and swiftly averted his eyes, smartly deciding not to press further.

One thing was for certain though, there would be no avoiding him now.

Potter was many things, but he was not inconsiderate. Now that he was trying to become friends with me, I doubted that he'd keep from questioning me on my wellbeing.

Fucking Potter, can't he keep to himself?

He's complicating my life enough as it is.

------

I stepped out of the Greenhouse after my last class of the day. Herbology.

'Fucking finally! That old hag drones on forever!'

I walked confidently, shooting lares at anyone who glanced sideways at me. I caught snatches of conversation that made my heart plummet further, if that was at all possible.

"Death Eater"

"Pathetic Malfoy"

"Coward"

"Dangerous, he'll just attack us"

I felt my breathing begin to speed up, my palms sweating against my side. I felt trapped, surrounded by a raging torrent of their insults.

Suddenly, I had to escape, anything to get out of there. I had to get back to the dorms.

'No. Malfoys don't run.'

I couldn't run, I'd have to deal with it all. Running was a sign of weakness, if I showed weakness then the tattered shreds of respect that hung around me would be lost forever.

'Keep your cool Draco, you've got this.'

"Draco! Draco! Wait up!" a voice yelled from behind me.

I turned, glad of any distraction, and saw Blaise speed walking towards me. He must have seen the look on my face , although I'd attempted to hide it.

"What's wrong?" His voice was touched with concern, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked at me.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Drop it." I snapped back, schooling my features into stone once more. I kind of wanted to confide in Blaise about how I was feeling, but that wasn't a very Malfoy ting to do and, like it or not, I was still a Malfoy. I had expectations to follow and uphold.

The dark sinned boy rolled his eyes, he knew better than to argue with me. "Whatever. Doing anything later? Unless of course, you plan to spend the night with Potter." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

For a second - just a second - I was stunned. 'How the fuck did he find out?' Then I realised he was teasing me and fought to keep the blush from my face.

"Shove off Blaise, I'd rather have detention with McGonagall than be with that bugger." I hoped to Merlin that sounded convincing. Blaise wasn't stupid, but he wouldn't expect me to be chasing Potter, would he?

"Right, well, we're having a Game Night in the Common Room on Friday, thought you'd like to know."

"Friday? It's only Wednesday! And a Game Night?" I looked at him incredulously, I wasn't familiar with the term.

"Yeah, you know, Chess, Contortions Twister, Truth or Dare. It's a Hufflepuff thing, their idea." He listed each activity off on his fingers, pausing after each one. "Are you coming then?"

I thought for a moment, deciding.

It sounded like a good idea, and would probably be as fun as the first night back....

"Sure, why not?" What could possibly go wrong in the Common Room?

"Great! I'm gonna go meet some mates for a game of Quidditch, coming?"

I thought about heading to the Dorms, but I'd probably just run into Harry again. I nodded and followed Blaise towards the Pitch.

------

I don't know how long I'd spent playing Quidditch, but I was absolutely exhausted when I got back. It was later than usual and there were only a few scattered people in the Common Rooms, reading and chattering tiredly to one another.

I made my way to my Dorm, not even pausing to realise that Harry would be inside.

Really, I can only blame myself.

As soon as I walked in, I locked eyes with the sod. He was shirtless, obviously about to go to bed, but when he heard the door open, he must have turned around.

I tried my hardest not to trail my eyes over  his abs, his tanned skin. I forced myself to look into his face, then flick my eyes away as if I'd never seen him in the first place.

"Malfoy! I want to talk to you!" He said as I made towards my bed.

I tensed when I felt a hand in my shoulder and turned with a glare. 'Potter, please, leave me alone.'

"The fuck do you want, Scarface?" I spat, my heart dropping as his eyes narrowed in anger.

His face cleared almost as soon as the anger had crossed it. He flicked his eyes to my arm, then back to my face.

This close, I realised that I was a few inches taller than him. With one step, I could kiss his forehead. With one hand, I could run my fingers through his hair, wrap my arms around his neck and just relish in the feel of him.

But no, I can't.

"Earlier, Malfoy... you arm?" He spoke so softly, so gently. He was trying so hard to be nice, to show that he truly did care. I could so easily fall under his spell - hell, like I haven't already.

"What drivel are you on about Potter? What about my arm?" My eyes flashed with warning, but he wasn't put off.

In one swift movement, he took my arm and rolled back my sleeve, revealing the mark for all to see. The red lines were still visible around it. Thank Merlin I'd put a Glamour on it earlier, the rest of the damage was hidden. That hideous black brand grinned at me, enjoying my discomfort and looking on as Potter stared open mouthed at the scratches outlining it.

"Malfoy....."

'Yes Potter, I know, The Dark Mark. I bet this makes me harder to like. I get it, it's repulsive, it's hideous. I hate it too. Don't you see why I deserve these punishments now? Do you? Im a coward. I didn't deserve to survive the war, I do not deserve your kindness. I'm despicable, I'm selfish. I really should have been killed. Curse you for saving me from that fire Potter, curse you. Why couldn't you have just let me die?' I couldn't say any of that, not to Potter, not to anyone.

I was too startled to move for a second, then I snatched my arm away.

"S-stay the fuck away from me Potter." I screamed, racing into the bathroom and slamming the door behind me.