deep breaths— how can he even do that when he can't even breathe in the first place?

this is bad, very bad. not to mention that he brought nothing with him except for his phone, not even his inhaler which he promised the biker that he'd bring it with him every single minute of the day. he had no idea that it would come to this, that a kiss from him would be taken away. the strange thing is, his heart is not reacting that much. it only got to beat at a fast pace when he got to realize what's going on. was it because he's finally losing his feelings? no, it's because he's surprised. he didn't have enough time to react as he was pulled in a kiss all of a sudden.

and he is still sane, having the strength left enough to push him away.

that's what he did, he pushed the taller figure away from him. it did surprised jaehyun greatly, widening his eyes as he could see how much of a mess the older is just from that kiss. ❝taeyong—❞

what did jaehyun get from him? a slap.

a harsh one that made a loud noise, echoing down the road they are in. if it were just some normal people, jaehyun would have snapped already. but it's taeyong, he knew he deserved that slap. from using him in getting his ex back, to pulling him for a kiss that he didn't even ask permission if the smaller male comfortable with it. also, he did kind of tricked the older to come here with him so he'd get to talk to him without having the shorter to run away anywhere. although, he did like the short stargazing moment they had a while ago, that's a memory he'd cherish surely.

❝let me explain.❞ after having to space out with that slap, jaehyun got back to his senses and took a step close to the shaking male.

❝don't,❞ panting for air, taeyong started shaking his head while moving away from the taller who's making an attempt to go near him. ❝come any closer, p-please.❞

breathe in. taeyong now had a hand over his chest, feeling his heart rate that's badly going fact. this is not going to turn out good if he doesn't compose himself. he forgot to bring his inhaler to the only thing he could think of is to clear his thoughts, act like nothing happened, and take air that he has been gasping for.

breathe out. closing his eyes, the breathless male took a large intake of air before exhaling it slowly, doing the same process over and over again. even though he's losing air gradually, he still kept on doing it to calm himself down. he didn't have time to panic as all he could think of is his state right now.

he had another choice, that is to call johnny.

❝taeyong,❞ jaehyun had his brows furrowed as he saw how the smaller male was having his eyes closed while having a hand massaging his chest. this is also what he saw him doing when they went to the theme park, also when he hyperventilated inside his room. ❝let me help you.❞

but doing that would only cause for the biker to panic, worrying him more than ever. he also had no idea where on earth they are, not wanting to mention about the younger's phone being broken into pieces on the ground. taeyong can't do anything but just get a grip of himself and keep his emotions intact again. this is wrong, he's starting to feel like he had ran a marathon, like he needed a bag of air to breathe.

❝let me—❞

clicking his tongue, taeyong glared at the taller male who came to hold his hand. he didn't have enough energy left but he managed to yank his hand away from him. ❝don't f-fucking touch me.❞

❝you're not okay—❞

❝of course i'm not okay!❞ taeyong had his voice raised, wrong move for someone who's losing breath. he felt his throat being clogged and now had the urge to just punch his chest at how it was hurting him badly. ❝i-it's because of y-you.❞

right now, jaehyun can't seem to find rejection as hurtful as this sight of taeyong gasping for air.

❝you don't g-get it.❞ it now slowly panicked taeyong when his sight started to get darker, causing for him to lean his back on the car. the loud thud made the taller male approach him but was stopped by the older's hand, telling him that he can deal with this on his own. ❝always t-telling me all these things, p-playing with my heart a-as if it's some toy. do you think it's f-fun watching me get flustered with your words then ended up hurting a-after?❞

this is not what jaehyun wanted, he didn't want to see him cry. the last time saw the smaller male be an emotional mess was when he panicked thinking that something was going to happen to him. seeing that he wasn't aware of his surrounding, the younger male had taken this chance to take the shorter's hand and started massaging the muscle under his thumb. he eyed the older male, still clueless as to what was happening to him. ❝taeyong, we should really go to a hospital. you look like you're going to—❞

❝no!❞ as life threatening as this is, he is still quite stubborn. ❝you w-want to talk about it? then let's talk.❞

❝look, you're losing color and—❞

❝i wanted to end things with you, not wanting to pretend anymore because i'm tired!❞ taeyong took his hand back from the younger's grip and had a finger poking harshly on his broad chest. ❝i ended things, and i don't want it to be real. but no, you just had to get an idea to make it real. for what, jaehyun, to mess with me more?❞

and since they were talking about it, it also made him curious. ❝why?❞

❝why?❞ the older mocked his question, scoffing at him. ❝you really had to ask me that.❞

it may look like he was truly fine but he wasn't, the pain in his chest started to hurt badly.

he should have agreed with the taller male in sending him to the hospital but he just had to let his stubborn self to get on with this discussion. ❝jaehyun, do you know what's turning real? this.❞

the said male had his eyes trailing down and caught him having his index finger pointing at his chest.

the younger had his eyes widened thinking that he may have a heart condition that he knows nothing about. is that why he could be seen having a hard time breathing like right now? it's honestly starting to alarm him. ❝what?❞

❝my feelings, jaehyun.❞ and tears started streaming down from his eyes once more, making it even more harder to breathe as seconds passed by. ❝t-that's what's r-real. all those things i have done, those smiles i gave you, those flustered moments, it was s-simply me h-having feelings for you. that's w-why i want this to stop or it would worsen and i wouldn't be able to keep up with your game anymore—❞

taeyong didn't get to finish his sentence when he was suddenly being engulfed in a warm embrace, not only giving him heat in this cold atmosphere, but also giving him a shoulder to cry on. that's not all, it's strangely giving him comfort that he was now regaining himself back from almost fainting.

honestly, if jaehyun hadn't just pulled him in a tight hug then he would have really passed out. when he now gained back his sight, it was filled with tears that he cried on the younger's shoulder, feeling a hand rubbing comforting circles behind his back. he struggled let out sobs as he was biting them back, still reminding himself to not lose himself as it would be risky not for him but also for jaehyun because this smartass just decided that it was a great idea to break his phone where it was their only hope in getting back safely.

❝j-jaehyun,❞ raising his arm up, taeyong buried his face on the taller's shoulder as he also had an arm wrapped around his torso. ❝i'm s-scared.❞

stroking a hand on the male's hair, the younger then hushed him down. ❝shh, i'm sorry, i shouldn't have pulled you for a kiss all of a sudden.❞

he also wanted to bring up the topic about that first time they had met and taeyong had greeted him with a kiss on the lips, but this wasn't the right time to talk about it. and plus, he was right when he reasoned out about it, it was the only option he could think of to run away from the cameras. right now, jaehyun didn't have any reason as to why he kissed him. either he just wanted to shut him up, or taste lips again. it could be both as he wanted for the older to give him a chance to explain, and he also mayhaps missed the taste of his lips.

❝but didn't it crossed to your mind that i also had forgotten about our purpose in making ten jealous?❞ having him this close already made him heart go crazy, but he didn't mind having taeyong to feel his fast heartbeat. he wanted for the smaller male in his arms to know how sincere he is in his words.

because he's the type that shouldn't be taken lightly, and jaehyun had no plans in doing that.

he's going to treat him right, and he's going to handle him gently like a vulnerable glass.

❝honestly, it was good while it lasted. it felt like we were together instead of making someone jealous. i even sulked at the whole match when you weren't around, i got fucking happy when i saw you cheering for me, then disappointed when i found out that you were doing it just to make my ex jealous.❞ he now started to admit the things he had planned to say back then. ❝you don't know how god damn worried i was when you came home late that night. when you told me that you wanted for this to end, it made me realize, why not?❞ jaehyun let out a broken chuckle. ❝let's stop pretending and let's make it real.❞

taeyong is listening, but at the same time he was calming himself because of the confession the younger male is making. it's causing for his tummy to feel the butterflies fluttering, and especially his heart that's already its peak. he wouldn't know what to do if his condition would suddenly snap. he had to remain calm even though he badly wanted to squeal like a teenage girl right now.

❝it was a risk i had to take.❞ jaehyun continued, also not stopping in rubbing comforting circles behind the smaller's back. ❝i had no idea if you liked me back, or it's only me that's growing feelings for you.❞

maybe taeyong hadn't thought of that and just went on to ignore him because of the possibilities he had in mind. he was frightened that he'd enter the younger's game and get hurt in the end, he really didn't think things through neither did he ever taking consideration that jaehyun might be genuinely wanting a brand new start for the both of them.

this was what's preventing him from enjoying life, he's scared.

❝i don't know if i could accept rejection but right at that moment,❞ tightening his embrace, jaehyun buried his head down on the shorter's shoulder. ❝i was preparing myself for it, just for you.❞

a minute passed and the two were just silently standing there, being in each other's arms. while the older was still composing himself, and taking his time in processing what the taller male had said, jaehyun had started to panic when the smaller figure he is hugging isn't moving.

❝taeyong, did you pass out?❞ he questioned out of the blue, ruining the moment for the said male.

the older then clicked his tongue while using an elbow to nudge him, making the younger to groan in pain. ❝idiot, i was just..❞

having a hard time breathing because he's too happy.

❝taking in what you have just said.❞

a smile made its way to jaehyun's face as he snuggled close to the crook of the shorter's neck, having his nose rub on it gently. ❝will you also take it in if i say that i have feelings for you? these are real and genuine ones.❞

gently pushing him away, taeyong had his cheeks puffed and eyes all swollen from crying. the relieving part though was him getting his color back, not looking pale like how he did a while ago. seems like that's not the only thing he gained back, the smaller male had his fist clenched real tight and didn't hesitate to punch jaehyun by the stomach a little bit too hard. ❝i still hate you for blackmailing me with your phone and forcing me to do the things you want me to do.❞

having a hand on his car to support him, the other was settled on his toned stomach with a pained face because of how hard the older had punched him. well, he had a reason for that. the smaller male won't stop ignoring him and the only thing he could think of is his phone and how guilty the older looked when he thought that he broke it. ❝b-but didn't you say a while ago that you also have feelings—❞

❝i know what i said, okay?❞ with cheeks all flushed, taeyong huffed with his arms folded across his chest and looked away from the male that's now smirking.

❝does that mean we don't have to pretend anymore? we can make this real.❞

that question somehow caused for taeyong to stiffen from his place, only staring at the younger's hopeful eyes. he didn't want to break his heart, neither did he want to break his own heart that's already hurting from the happiness he's feeling right now. he finds it unfair how happiness is everything for people while his is different, too much happiness can lead him to his death. why can he just live normally like how people do? feel emotions, being drowned with it, and he wants to go to the extremes of it.

his sudden quiet stance then made jaehyun forget the pain in his stomach that's caused by the older's punch and raised his hands just to cup the smaller's face. ❝hey, i know you're scared.❞

but does he know what he's scared of?

❝this is going to be your first but hey,❞ with a playful grin, jaehyun made an attempt to lift the mood up. ❝don't i deserve to be in that spot after having me to take your first kiss?❞

right, it's going to be his first, and possibly last if he messes this up.

lightly slapping his arm for that lame attempt in making him laugh, taeyong rolled his eyes and didn't even bother reminding him that he also took his second. deep inside, he wanted for the younger male to take all of it.

❝i may be heartless at times but—❞

taeyong cuts him off. ❝and stupid.❞

giving in, the dimpled male nodded in agreement to it. ❝i may be heartless, and stupid—❞

once again cutting him off with another fact, ❝and a jerk.❞

❝come on, taeyong.❞ jaehyun frowned at how all negative traits are being said from him, not knowing that it's really what he is.

shrugging, the older knew that he's going to give in anyways. ❝what, not gonna admit to it? i guess that's going to be a big no-no to wifey bean.❞

❝i may be heartless, stupid, and a jerk sometimes—❞

stopping him for the third time with an index finger pressed on his lips, the taller male looked so done while taeyong was being a smiling cat. ❝all the time.❞

shutting his eyes tight with his lips pressed tightly to a thin line, jaehyun reminded himself to hold back his temper because it's his wifey bean he had to impress. ❝i may be all those traits, you mentioned, all the time, but you can trust me.❞ taking his hand and intertwining their fingers, the taller male leaned forward and had their foreheads touched. ❝i can assure you that i can make your first so memorable that you won't be able to find a second one.❞

his confidence made the shorter male scoff. ❝and if i do find a second one?❞

jaehyun shrugged with a big smile on his face, showing those illegal dimples of his. ❝then that definitely is a reincarnation of jung jaehyun.❞

taeyong let out a sound of disbelief, having to laugh at the younger's self-esteem. ❝your confidence is oozing out.❞

a deep chuckle was heard from the taller male, surprising the older as he had an arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him back close till their chest were touching. the smaller male in his arms then blinked twice in a clueless manner, turning red like a tomato at how close they were. ❝what do you say, wifey? if you accept your hubby right now, you'd get treated like a queen—❞

❝i swear to god, jung jaehyun,❞ he just can't help but notice that one mistake he made. ❝make another sexist comment and i'm ending you right now.❞

❝what is it right now?❞ just when he was in the mood to be walking with his cheese, the older male just had to ruin it.

❝i'm a guy, and that doesn't mean i'm a bottom, you get to call me a queen. you are indicating that all bottoms get to be called as queens, which are women. what about the male bottoms?❞ he's rambling again for something that's actually not that important in their situation.

sometimes, jaehyun wonders what really is going on inside his head. also, is he even aware that he's admitting that he's a bottom? not like it isn't obvious anyways. ❝it's still a label that's on top of a list.❞

gasping in disbelief, they really are having this argument right now. ❝and? i'm a male, you have to address me as king.❞

❝ain't that the sexist comment you are referring to?❞ he stated, also not wanting to lose in this small quarrel they are having. ❝males can be queens if they want to, just like how women can be kings if they want to be addressed that way.❞

hating the fact the he had a point, taeyong puffed his cheeks and had his arms crossed. he was too busy getting upset at how he was being called as queen that he didn't get to keep track on what he's talking about. not like he's against being called a queen, he just wanted for the younger to know how to be aware with his words. the taller male stared at him with a brow raised, wondering what he wanted and what caused for him to look like that. it took him a few more seconds before he got to understand what the older wanted him to do.

heaving out a sigh, he settled both his hands on the male's hips before asking him a question. ❝well, what do you prefer to be called as? a queen or a king—❞

❝yours.❞

❝damn, you keep on cutting me off.❞ jaehyun froze for a good second before realizing what the other male had said. ❝god, you're smooth.❞

that made taeyong smile as he threw his arms over the younger's shoulders. it's not all the time that he gets to be walking with the cheese like him, it's once in every blue moon so might as well appreciate and make the most of it. now being calm because of how surprisingly smooth the older can be, jaehyun got to glue their foreheads back again as he took a deep breath.

❝now, i don't know where we stopped.❞ he grumbled, earning a chuckle from the smaller male who's the culprit in being a distraction. ❝right, what do you say? if we make this real then obviously, we don't have to pretend. i'll also make sure to treat you like no man can ever, to be there with you as someone you can trust on, to always give you the happiness you deserve, and to make sure you'd never find any other man like jung jaehyun.❞

he really just had to mention his name and rub it on taeyong's face about how perfect he can be.

❝taeyong, if you be with me then i promise you that you won't ever get hurt.❞ jaehyun stated that, knowing very well that the older is scared to do something new, to be in a relationship since he has never been into before. ❝you can count on me, always.❞

is this going to be a right decision?

would being with him bring the both of them happiness?

this is what he wanted.

they got to finally clear the misunderstandings up and finally had gotten to know each other's true feelings. not telling johnny about this would hurt his pride badly but hey, he also didn't tell taeyong anything about having anyone riding his motorbike so it would be just fair. though, this is a decision where his life could possibly change. he had always dreamed of falling in love, being in love, and being loved. now that it's happening, what's holding him back?

nothing.

he can only live once, yolo as what johnny would like to say.

what could possibly happen if he's with jaehyun?

there's no harm in trying, right?

❝like one, two, three?❞ taeyong's soft voice was then heard after seconds of the younger having to wait for his answer.

❝what?❞ jaehyun can't help but laugh at how random this guy can get at times. but if you ask him, it's quite adorable. ❝i'm not a number but sure, you can count on me.❞

❝then you can also count on me,❞ pulling away from being an inch close with him, taeyong flashed the dimpled male the cutest smile he can muster up. ❝like four, three, two.❞

❝so,❞ with the most innocent smile he can muster up, jaehyun made sure to have the older give in with his puppy eyes. ❝are we together now?❞

the smaller's lips curved down in an instant before getting away from the male's arms. ❝no, you have to earn for it.❞

❝come on—❞

"what's with couples coming here?"

both jaehyun and taeyong had their eyes widened and saw an old man by the other side of the road. he looked like he lived around the place, the older did see a cabin not far from here when jaehyun was driving. they took a polite bow at the old man and got a nod of approval from him. though, that didn't stop the old grandpa from complaining.

"last time i strolled around here, i caught a biker and a kid making out. damn it, that sight will forever haunt me till my death bed."

with the old man making a special appearance, the two gave each other looks with their brows furrowed and and faced scrunched in a quizzical manner. they had the man's words stuck inside their heads until they found the people he was describing very familiar.

❝a kid?❞ seems like jaehyun had an idea as to who it is.

and just like him, taeyong could also make a guess as to who's the other one. ❝and a biker?❞

staring at each other, the both of them started laughing. moments after, the two eventually realized that they have to go back come. jaehyun's mother could be calling him thousands of times now but unfortunately, his phone is broken to pieces. taeyong had to shake his head in disappointment before picking it up and bringing it together with him as he got inside the car with the younger male following after, taking the drivers seat.

just then, taeyong's phone started to ring before jaehyun could borrow it for finding their way back. the older gasped as he saw who it was calling, much more scarier than his own mother.

❝who's calling?❞ jaehyun asked, catching his expression and getting curious as to who it is. he then started the engine and slowly made a turn, driving away to where he still can remember.

❝johnny,❞ he gulped, having his shaking thumb pressing the answer button. declining the call can only cause for a whole day of nagging from him. ❝don't make a sound, he'd get suspicious and the both of us will be dead meat—❞

"lee taeyong, where the fuck are you at this late hour!?"

⚊ t b c ⚊