Anthrax.

"He's been exposed?" I ask.

Kevin nods. He pulls out his phone and places a call, and then passes it to me. I put it up to my ear and Garcia picks up on the other line.

"Hey, have you talked to her?"

"It's me, Penelope," my throat feels dry. I brace myself on the doorway. "There's been... there's been an anthrax attack? Is it on the news?"

Estelle has already skittered off down the hallway, but I hear the television turn on. She's listening in.

"There's a blackout on the press," Penelope's voice is quiet. "Kevin told you about Spencer?"

I nod. I tilt my head to bite my knuckle and then I breathe in. Tears prickle in my eyes, "yeah. He did."

"They don't even know if he's in danger, because they took the preventative medication, you know?" her voice is faster now, but still just as soft. "So, he could be okay. We won't know for a while."

"Which hospital have they sent him to?"

"He... he's refusing to go," she says. "They still need him on the case, and he's already been exposed. He's locked himself in the suspect's home to investigate his files. Hotch says staying on it now isn't putting him in anymore danger than he already is in."

The phone slips out of my hand. He's not even going to the hospital. I bend over but Kevin has already grabbed it. His hands shake as he passes it back to me.

"Cole?"

"Sorry, Penelope. I need you to give me the address."

"You know I can't. He wants me to put you through to him."

He's there. On the other line, waiting, and she is our operator.

"Okay."

I swallow. Spencer clicks on the line.

"Hey, Colette."

"Spencer, what the Hell are you thinking?" I breathe in and out and in again. "You need to go to the hospital. Now."

"We're still working," he says. "I just... I wanted to tell you I love you. You know, despite everything. And that I would have waited until you and I retired to tell the team. You... you could have died, and I'd still respect that. I wouldn't tell a living soul."

"Stop it!" I grit my teeth together, steeling against the tears. "You stop that. Right now!"

"I just... you needed to know. I'm going to hang up now. I love you."

"Spencer!"

The line clicks, "it's me, Cole."

"I'm going to need that address, Garcia."

"I can't-"

"I need you to give it to me!" I shriek. Each breath more jagged than the last. I thought I was static before, now I'm too sharp. A shard of glass. Something that can cut in all directions, and will if not handled with care. I swallow, "Penelope, please. I need to talk to him, and not over the phone."

"Okay," she whispers. "Okay."

She gives me the address. Kevin has a car, she explains. He'll drop me off so I'm not ordering a taxi there and getting anyone else in trouble. His car is quiet, music on the radio not playing. I'd prefer to listen to a channel just out of reach, to hear the static, to let it fill inside me.

He drops me off down the block and I bolt. I can see all of two cars lined up and an ambulance. There's no perimeter, so I walk through. This would be easier if I still had my badge, but I don't of course. It was taken from my bag. I'm in pajamas too, not even a coat, and it's only April. My bare shoulders tingle. I'm glad I at least slipped my shoes on.

I get up and close and Morgan spots me. There's no one else on the lawn, no military or FBI or anyone. Then, I bolt.

Morgan races toward me, and though I'm not as fast as him, I am more nimble, I dart around him and run through the garden. I hit a rock and trip, face planting in the soil. I try to scramble up but Morgan grabs me by my elbow, ripping me off the ground. My arm yanks in its socket and I hold back a yelp. Morgan spins me around to face him.

"What the Hell are you thinking?" his voice is cold, quiet. "You're on suspension."

"I need to talk to Reid," I swallow. "Now."

Morgan takes off his sunglasses. He crosses his arms and then looks at me, "the door isn't airtight. You can't be close to it."

"I can't call him, the CIA has all of my electronics," I try to shove him, but he grabs both my wrists and holds me in place.

"Bouchard, you need to-"

"Talk to him!" I shout. "He can't be in there. He needs to get out and get help. Now!"

I bite the inside of my cheek hard, until I taste blood. I can't cry. I can't do it. Morgan stares at me, eyes blank and mouth agape. Each breath becomes sharp, my lungs cutting through my chest. I'm going to explode. The very essence of me is going to become shrapnel and burst through my body.

Just two days ago, I thought my brother was going to die in the cold, or that he could have died. Now it's Spencer. It's him, without me. Him thinking that I would be happier in the event of his death that no one had ever known I loved him.

"You have to let me through," I step in closer, lowering my voice. "I love him. Morgan, please."

Morgan's eyes soften, "love, you can't go in there, but they just sent a crew in. He might be out soon."

I stare at him. Nearly, about to march to the door, but they've already set up a decontamination tent to send him through. The wind blows through me and I shiver. Morgan puts an arm around my shoulder and I shove him off.

"Listen, Bouchard, it's not my fault."

"Don't talk to me," I spit.

"I don't want him in there either."

"Until he is out here and alive, not a word."

Morgan quiets down.

Eventually, I see a flap of the tent move, just slightly. Morgan and I both hurry inside, on our side of the barrier. Two agents in hazmat suits pull out a hose as Spencer steps into the tent. He blinks, looking at me, and I stare back at him. It's hard not to glare. That absolute, self-sacrificing hero.

"Well, I'll update Hotch," Morgan says, backing out of the room. "Bouchard can see you off to the hospital."

He backs out of the tent, and then it is Spencer and I and two people hosing him down.

Spencer is soaking wet, completely through his clothes. His hair clings to the side of his face, water running down and dripping off his nose. He doesn't hide it from me though, not like the blood spilling from his face when my brother punched him. I've never seen him so exposed, so wide eyed as he stares at me. His skin is a bit yellow, and I force my hands into my pockets so he doesn't see them quake.

"Never call me again to give me your last words," I scrunch my nose. "I mean it."

He nods, "okay, but um... are you even allowed to be here? You're suspended."

The water sprays on him again.

"No," I manage.

"Well, you should go," he says. "You haven't taken any Cipro."

"Spencer, I'm not leaving."

"They're going to need me to take my clothes off," he says. "Maybe this isn't the best time for you to see me naked."

I haven't seen him without his clothes on before. He swallows, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. So, I step back and walk out of the tent. Morgan is still on the phone, updating Hotch on his condition. I step up beside him onto the sidewalk.

When he hangs up with Hotch we stand side by side. The sun is warm for late April, the air still. Behind me, I can still hear the hose spraying on Spencer. One breath in, one breath out. I need ice. I need to cool down.

"I didn't tell Hotch," Morgan says. "I take it he doesn't know?"

I kick a rock on the sidewalk. It skitters into the grass.

"No," I shake my head. "Reid wants to tell the team. I'm the one who wasn't ready. Isn't, I mean. I'm not ready."

"Yeah, well, people were taking bets on if he was dating you or Estelle," Morgan says. "I don't really think his cougar story fooled anyone."

I chuckle, just a bit. The sun is bright, and Morgan has on his sunglasses again. I'm forced to peer into the bright light.

"If you have time, can you drop me off at the subway station on the way to work?"

He puts an arm around my shoulder. This time I don't beat him off, "of course, Bouchard."

We walk over to his vehicle. They are kicking up the ambulance, sirens on and driving off with Spencer in it by the time we buckle in.

"Is that protocol?" I ask as Morgan shifts out of park.

He adjusts the rearview mirror and begins to drive, "don't think there is protocol for this sort of thing."

~~~~~

No cliffhanger this time, arguably! Also, only one chapter left which makes my little cold heart sing. So excited for the third and final installment!