And now I am going to tell you another story that also begins with stardust...

Luma: Really?

NintendoJedi: No, not really. In fact I would have called this story something like 'Idiots in the Wilderness' if it weren't for all the bananas.

Luma: Oh... well, I don't like bananas.

Toad: Oh, I like bananas! Me me me me me!

NintendoJedi: No! I've had enough of the things you like!

Toad: :(

One Mushroom Kingdom day, Luigi slouched into the kitchen, with his usual hairwreck and baggy pajama dress. Mario was there, busily making himself an improvised second breakfast (Mario can't actually cook, he just pretends that he can).
Now, he was humming the Mario theme song badly while pouring milk into a full bowl of sugar. Then he dug in the cereal box and added one cornflake to the top.
"Oh, hey Luigi," he said, sitting down. "I made American this morning, if you're interested."
"No thanks, I'd rather not have diabetes," he said.
Mario just shrugged and sat down to his bowl of sugar.
Watching him eat made Luigi lose his appetite entirely, so he sat down and pulled out a laptop instead. He was checking the email when he found it.
"Uh, Mario, did you see this?"
"No, what? Did Captain Falcon upload another picture of his dumb spaceship?"
"No, Mario! It's a letter from Nintendo!"
Mario gulped so sharply that he inhaled his spoon. Luigi sat and watched as he coughed and hacked for ten seconds straight before spitting it out right into his bowl of sugar.
Luigi raised an eyebrow and went on. "Anyway, it looks terribly stupid. Here, I'll just read it to you...

Dear Valued Mario Character,

Consider yourself lucky! It will please you to learn that your metaphorical boss, Mr. Miyamoto, has issued an immediate vacation for you and your fellow companions in the peaceful mountainous region of the northern Mushroom Kingdom. You will be spending three whole days out walking in nature, cooking artificial camp food, and sleeping on the ground! The trip will be entirely funded by Nintendo for the purpose of getting you out of our hair. Meet at Peach's castle tomorrow at noon for backpack issuing and departure.

Sincerely,

The Nintendo Staff
P.S. It's already been paid for, so you can't back down.

"Wow," Luigi breathed when he was finished. "Can you believe it? We're going camping!"
"Wow. I can't believe it," Mario breathed. "I'm going camping! In the mountains! We'll be so far from civilization!"
Luigi looked a little concerned. "B-but won't we have phones?"
Mario shrugged. "But this could be great! We'll get to eat artificial food, bro! And we're going to... wait," he froze. "We're going to be SLEEPING in the woods??"
Luigi frowned and looked over the email. "Well, I assumed we'd have tents," he said. "But I guess it's the same general place."
Mario bolted upright. "Mama mia, I've gotta get ready! What if..."
Leaving Luigi alone at the table, he dashed off.
Luigi looked at the bowl of sugar. And he put his head in his hand. And he didn't come out for a real long time.

"I wonder why Nintendo keeps giving us these random things to do," Daisy mused into her phone.
"So our lives will be as worth following as possible," Peach replied, folding a nightgown into a backpack on her bed. It was the afternoon before their promised camping trip and the girls could do nothing but talk about it on the phone all day.
"I actually have good hopes because it's supposed to be prohibited for bad guys," Daisy said. "So we have a chance at enjoying ourselves!"
"Which means no kidnappings?" Peach asked.
"No stupid accidents," Daisy confirmed.
"And NO craziness!" The princesses sighed wistfully together.

NintendoJedi: Okay, just... Okay.

"And the guys will be there. We can totally eat junk food and hang out," Daisy said.
Peach tilted her head. "And by that you mean...?"
Daisy snorted. "Well, it'll be like living together for a few days, and the world is our house! Aren't you excited?"
"Oh, yes! It'll be nice to get together and do something nice with them all, it's just... doesn't it seem a little bit... inappropriate?"
"Nah," Daisy said. "Besides, Toadsworth is chaperoning us. He'll keep everything going alright."
Peach nodded. "Oh, you're right. I'm sure he will. It's just... I've heard wild rumors... of things tending to get a bit unsupervised out in the wilderness."
Daisy laughed. "Oh, come on, Peach," she said. "It's just us! What could possibly happen?"

Bowser Jr.: Dying last words.

I'm sure you people know how we roll by now, so here we cut to Peach's castle, the following morning.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)
In the castle's kitchen, Peach and Toadsworth were helping Daisy, Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Birdo, Toad, and Toadette finish stuffing the last of their junk into backpacks. (The two Kongs didn't really wear clothes anyway, so they weren't packing anything.)
"Who wants to carry the brownie mix?" Daisy asked, holding up a bag of toxic waste.
"MEE!!" Mario waved his hand like a kid in preschool. She chucked it at him and it pelted his face, falling squarely into his open bag.
"Did somebody say FOOD FIGHT?" A goony voice asked.
Just then Wario and Waluigi strutted into the room 'epicly', with giant backpacks tied around their waists. Wario's looked entirely too small and Waluigi's looked entirely too big.
Now in case you didn't know, camping backpacks are different from normal ones in that they're ginormous and you tie them to your chest and your shoulders and a million other places. So basically, they make you look like a humpback whale and weigh millions of pounds, which is ideal when you're walking 7000 feet up on a precarious cliff.

Luigi: Wait what?

NintendoJedi: You didn't hear anything.

"Hey, who invited you?" Mario asked sternly.
"Uh, Princess Peach did! So NYAH!" Wario said snootily. (I love that word.)
Everyone stared at her.
"I'm sorry, guys," Princess Peach sighed. "Nintendo said I had to."
"Oh, well that's great," Donkey Kong said. "They only tried to kill someone two or three times in the past month."
"Guys, guys, we should try to relax," Mario interrupted. "I mean, we may have an unforgiving author, but we shouldn't worry! I'M gonna be there!"
"Oh, whoopee," Waluigi said unenthusiastically. "The only thing you'll be good for is comedy stunts, like falling into wolf holes!"
"Uhh, I don't think wolves live in holes," Daisy said.
"Well whatever! I came early for poop school, so when are we getting started?" Wario demanded.
Needless to say, he had everyone's attention.
"Uh, I already know how to do that, thank you," Luigi said.
"Yeah, and Yoshi does it all the time!" Toad added.
Yoshi glared at him. "Those are EGGS, thank you very much!"
"Yeah, but do you know how to do it in the WILDERNESS?" Wario asked slyly.
"Actually, Wario, there will be a bucket," Toadsworth interjected. "I find it highly inappropriate to make you all do... THAT!"
"No plumbing?" Mario asked. "But I'll be out of a job!"
"Mario, you never do your job," Donkey Kong said boredly.
"That's a lie," Mario said so seriously it was funny.
"Okay, well, is everyone ready to move out?" Peach asked. The princesses had changed into their sports clothes, the bros hadn't changed at all, and Wario had torn off his shirt.
"Yeah, let's a-go!" Mario fistpumped. "I find our lack of story progression disturbing."

The rather dorky looking group was trudging up a grassy hill overlooking the mountains behind Peach's castle. They had officially said their goodbyes to society and had now begun their suicide run with giant backpacks in tow.
They'd made it about fifty feet from the castle when Waluigi started breaking down.
"Gah! This is so much walking! Are we almost at the campsite?"
"Waluigi, we just started," Daisy snorted, getting ready to ring the dumbell.
"You mean we're WALKING the whole way??" he screeched. "Wah didn't anyone tell me?!"
"It's backpacking, Waluigi," Peach explained as patiently as possible from up front. "This is what you do!"
"So you walk in muddy fields for hours on end while lugging a sack of fake powdered food on your back?" Wario asked. "Remind me who invented this game so I can mail him a knuckle sandwich."
"No, you admire the scenery," Peach said. "And enjoy exploring nature. It's fun!"
"There's nothing natural about the mountains," Wario grumbled. "There's no buildings or flat surfaces anywhere!"
As the castle slowly disappeared behind them over the hill, they began to get more in the swing of walking. Passing under a few low-hanging trees, Mario jumped up and picked himself a walking stick.
"Hey everybody, let's sing a hiking song!" He yelled.
"Yeah!!" Toad squealed.
"Mario, I thought you hated singing," Luigi said.
"Only in civilized situations. Come on, let's have some show tunes!"
"OH NO PLEASE! NOT SHOWTUNES!" Wario begged.
"Aw, come on!" Yoshi pouted. "You're no fun!"
"Hey Yosh, I've-a got a good idea! You with me?" Mario called.
"Ohh," Luigi realized, getting what Mario meant. "I'm with you."
"What? What is it?" Wario asked.
"LET IT GOOOO, let it gooooooo-"
"NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!" Wario screamed. But everybody else in the group had already started singing and he was completely drowned out.

"I... can't... breathe... too... much... snow," Wario panted, dragging himself up a short hill while trudging through the giant pile of snow everybody's singing had left behind. Happily unbeknownst to the group, he and Waluigi were starting to lag behind.
Of course, ordinarily, in a well-planned and safe backpacking environment, someone responsible will walk in the back and do headcounts. But here that is certainly not the case.
"Hey... how long have we been walking?" Wario wanted to know. "We've gotta be almost there!"
"We've been on the trail for seven minutes," DK informed him. "I'm thinking they'll make camp this evening, in a few hours."
"WHAAAAT??!!"
"Oh well, all the more reason to keep singing!" Yoshi said happily. "The Lion King, anyone?"
The treetops shook with the Circle of Life for many miles around as the group began climbing the mountain.

"Woooo, that was great! Who wants to do Michael Jackson?" Mario asked enthusiastically from the front of the group, flinging a gallon of sweat to the ground.
"Um, pardon me, but I don't think it's very easy to sing that with a hiking group," Toadsworth grunted as Peach helped him over a big rock.
"Oh, how about some My Little Pony?" Toadette suggested.
"No, wait! Let's sing the banana phone song!" DK cried.
Waluigi, who had been slouching in the back with his nose dragging on the ground for the past several hours, suddenly shot up. "Did someone say banana phone?!"
"I take it back!" DK said quickly.
Mario, Peach and Toadsworth, who had taken the lead, suddenly stopped in the steep path to look around, finally bringing the party to a momentary halt. It was their first water break for two hours.
"Man, I'm gonna need a shower when we get there," Waluigi sighed, dumping two liters of sweat from his cap. Yoshi, on hearing this, snorted.
"You think there's gonna be a nice bathhouse with a toilet and sink? Guess again, buster! This is the WILDERNESS. As in sleep in a tent and wipe with a leaf."
"Waht?" Waluigi asked, clearly not believing him.
"I said-"
"Alrighty guys, we've decided we're gonna stop here!" Mario announced, starting to undo his backpack. "Take a load off for the night and we'll set up camp!"
"Yes!! Finally!" Toad exclaimed, jumping up and down with joy.
As the others carefully ascended up the steep path into the clearing, Toadsworth began unpacking the essentials bag. "Well, Master Mario, I'm quite impressed with your initiative in leading this trip! Keeping up with these scallawags can be quite a challenge."
"Hehe, no problem! Hey Wal, get your head out of that anthill," he called, observing the goon doing just that like a spindly purple ostrich. Waluigi shot up from his attempt at hiding from the world and started running in circles screaming at the top of his lungs while invisible fire ants bit off his head.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Mario just shrugged and helped Toadsworth unload the kitchen bag, which had a giant pot and a skillet worthy of head-bonking, some spits and lighter fluid and other toxic stuff. Peach helped people take off their forty-pound burdens while everyone sat down and let their nonexistent leg muscles fall off. (While singing in the woods is very entertaining, it doesn't make up for the fact that your legs have been walking vertically for five hours.)
About ten minutes later, Wario finally reached the campsite, pulling his lard along the ground like a boulder. Digging up ground with his hands, he panted and gasped for air and finally collapsed on the ground, looking like he'd just been to Mordor and back.
"Well, look what finally joined us," Yoshi commented.
Waluigi, still screaming, ran right on top of him, but by then Wario was too dead to notice.
Meanwhile, Mario and Toadsworth and Peach were trying to get the tents set up, which looked more like a few adults trying to play Twister with a dysfunctional mat. Toadsworth was trying to bend a plastic support beam into place, but it slipped and snapped backwards, slicing Mario in the face. Then he started screaming bloody murder and they had to call the emergency room and helicopter him out to have eye surgery. (No, not really.)
"Oh, Mario, are you alright?" Peach asked in concern, for it was the 'same eye', if you know what I mean. Luckily, there would be no bruising this time.
"Heh, yeah, I'll just be crying for half an hour," Mario shrugged it off. "Hey Luigi, you wanna come help with this?"
Luigi had been sitting intently on a rock since they'd arrived, observing nature and writing things in a nature diary.
"Nah, I'm good," he replied without looking up.
Mario, in irritation, grabbed the frying pan and bashed Luigi's head with it. The sound rang like a gong through the forest for miles around.
A little while later, when by some miracle the tents had been got up, Wario and Waluigi finally came to their senses and looked around.
"THIS is the campsite?" Wario demanded. "Ugh, it looks like a place where dinosaurs go to the loo! Can't we pick someplace more sophisticated?"
"Look who's asking for sophistication," Daisy snorted.
"Hey, don't judge," Yoshi said, shooting them a dirty look.
"But wait, how am I supposed to shower?!" Waluigi screeched.
Mario snorted. "This is the wild, bruh. You don't bathe out here!"
Toad jumped up and nodded. "Yeah. Be a real outdoorsman!"
Toadette made a face. "I still think I'm going to wash in a river tomorrow."
"River? Where's the river?" Waluigi asked.
"Don't tell him, he'll infect the water and poison the fish and kill the entire ecosystem!" Birdo cried.
Mario gasped. "Not the ecosystem!" He ran over to Waluigi and, before anyone could blink, had opened a full canteen of water and hurled it into his face. "There, you've showered, problem solved," he said sweetly before turning away. Waluigi just stood there, dripping wet, and nodded glumly. "I hate all of you."

"Hey Mario, pass me a chicken leg," Toad said. Mario reached in a bag of holding and handed him a cold piece of bird carcass.
"Enjoy."
Night had begun to fall in the mountains, and Mario and Luigi had built a little fire on the campground. Now, everyone sat around it eating artificial food, such as tortillas and genetically modified cheese.
"I will never understand how people think this is food," Toadette said, holding up a soggy tortilla to the firelight.
"But it's edible, so it must be food!" Toad pointed out.
"Yes, well, even I'm edible, but that doesn't mean I'm food," Yoshi said, observing his dried fruit kebab.
"Mm, roast yoshi," Waluigi mused.
"Can we please change the subject?" Peach asked from where she was roasting a marshmallow.
"Yeah. Like, where are we supposed to go to the bathroom?" asked Wario, bored.
"Oh, the bucket is behind that bush," Toadsworth pointed. "There's a lot of nice leaves around there too."
"Haha, very funny."
"He's not joking," Mario said nonchalantly, eating some raw coffee powder.
"Well aren't you people going to move?"
"No."
Wario growled and got up. "Just you watch yourselves, or I might miss!"
Mario shrugged again and went back to scraping the coffee can.
Just then Luigi jumped up. "Hey, let's sing some campfire songs!"
"What?! You spent all day singing in the woods, and it's STILL not out of your system?!" Waluigi shrieked.
"Yeah, but now we can do it at NIGHT," Luigi said, sitting on a log and pulling out a guitar from behind his back.
Waluigi facepalmed.
"Let's sing the Sunshiney song!" Toad suggested.
"Okay!"
And then they spent the next minute singing the most terrifying song you'll ever hear.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Waluigi sat and stared into the fire, heaving as if he was trying to stave off a heart attack.
"I... am never... going to be normal... again," he shuddered.
Mario snorted. "That's what you get when you run from the Sunshine!"
Luigi sat casually and fiddled with his randomly conjured guitar, waiting for more requests. Just when DK was about to suggest the DK Rap, a small sound near the bushes nearby caught their attention.
"Wario, is everything okay over there??" Daisy called suspiciously.
"Waa-aahhh!"
Frowning, Mario and DK, self-proclaimed bodyguards of the group, got up and started for the... um... loo tree.
And what did they find but Wario's corpse among hundreds of strewn bananas.

Everyone: YAY!!

NintendoJedi: He's not dead!! Sheesh, get with it, people!

"Well, what happened here?" Mario asked. "Looks like the banana tree had a rotten baby."
DK didn't hear him. "JACKPOT!!" He shrieked, tearing for the campsite. "DIDDY, WE HIT THE MOTHERLOAD!!"
While the apes sang a ballad over their fruity find, Mario cheerfully dragged Wario away and into his tent (who had slipped on a banana and passed out after hitting a rock). Nobody knew if he had actually gotten to use the bucket, but nobody wanted to find out.

Waluigi: Hey! As his official tentmate, I wanted to find out!!

NintendoJedi: Yes, but I've chosen to disregard you.

So DK and Diddy piled all the bananas (which numbered exactly 251, by the way) into their tent.
"If anyone steals these, their blood will be spilled on the remains of their ill-fated meal," DK informed them.
The group around the campfire was hardly listening. Everyone was now gabbing it up with someone or other, except for Mario and Luigi, who had seemingly gotten into an argument about who had been sitting on a particular log.
"No, I was here and YOU were there!"
"Mario I haven't even gotten up once!"
"Well maybe some short-term memory loss will change your mind!" Mario grabbed the frying pan and bashed Luigi's head with it, perhaps harder than he'd intended.
Okay, a lot harder than he'd intended.
Luigi curled into a ball and started whimpering like a newborn, trembling traumatically.
Mario gasped and was instantly at his side. "Oh, Luigi, are you okay??"
Luigi didn't respond until Mario had an arm around him. Then he jerked his shoulder and sent Mario crashing backwards to the ground.
"Haha," Luigi taunted triumphantly.
Mario stood up and glared at him sternly. Then he came over and raised his fist. Everyone gasped.
Then he slapped him lightly on the wrist. Luigi collapsed to the ground and pretended to die.
"Was this choreographed?" Waluigi asked, unimpressed.
Then Mario launched himself to the ground and dove on top of Luigi, initiating a very violent tickle fight right next to the fire.
"Probably not," Yoshi replied. "And that, my friends, is what you call fighting for territory. A common pastime for males in the wild."
"Really, what is wrong with them?" Daisy asked, knowing they were beyond hearing capability. Luigi had lost a shoe, Mario had lost a hat, and now it was just a tense wrestling match to see who could tickle the other first. Finally Mario got Luigi in the stomach and he collapsed to the ground in laughter.
"Good bro, now STAY!" Mario scolded. Then Luigi snuck up on his armpit, sending Mario into a laughing heap on top of him.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
They stayed in that laughing pile for about five minutes straight.
"Either it's a curse or a really wonderful gift," Yoshi mused aloud.
"If you ask me, they're just really annoying," Waluigi said.
"Aww, but they're so cute when they're laughing!" Toadette gushed.
"Yes, well, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go to bed before these brozos burn down the campsite."
Since Mario and Luigi were rendered unavailable, the princesses and the toads and the dinosaurs had to clean up the site. (The apes were in their tent guarding their treasure.)
With that all shortly taken care of, they just had to move the bros to their tent.
"Hey... Mario, it's time for bed," Yoshi said, pushing him. Mario and Luigi instantly bolted upright.
"Bedtime? But I wanted to sleep under the stars!"
Everyone glanced at each other. "But Mario there are no stars," Toad said.
They looked up to the dark sky and Mario frowned. "HEY ROSALINA!! GIVE US SOME STARS!!"
"Mario, that's not how it works," Luigi said, still wiping tears from his eyes. "There's a cloud cover."
"But she promised she would always watch over me!"
The princesses looked at each other. "Well that's creepy," Daisy said.
"SHE'S MY GUARDIAN ANGEL!"
It was ten minutes before they finally got them to go to their tent. The second Mario and Luigi hit their sleeping bags they passed out like rocks.

Waluigi: I didn't know rocks could pass out.

NintendoJedi: Shut your mouth. If that's physically possible.

Mario: Hey, speaking of, I don't think it actually is!

Meanwhile, outside in the cover of darkness, a small sly figure grinned - and waited.

The next morning Wario was awoken bright and early by the sounds of his tent being taken down around him.
He was really awoken when a bird then pooped on him as he lay out on the ground.
"Rise and Super Mario Sunshine," Mario greeted him, way too sprightly for 6 am. Nearby, Waluigi heard him and groaned. "No, please no more Sunshine!"
Mario grinned and then began skipping all about the campsite, singing, "YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE! MY ONLY SUNSHINE!! YOU MAKE ME HAPAAAAAAAAY -
"Mario, you're waking up the forest creatures," Luigi scolded.
But 2.54 seconds after Mario had shut up, another scream rose that nearly blasted them all out of the clearing.
"THE BANANAS!! THEY'RE MISSING!! STOLEN!! THEIVES!!!"
DK came barreling out of his tent (pun intended) and glared at them all in a vicious circle. "Which of you is the thief??"
"Whoa, nobody stole your bananas," Daisy said reasonably. "Well, except for maybe those dorks." She pointed at Wario and Waluigi.
"251 bananas? Are you serious?" Waluigi asked.
"Never underestimate the capability of an idiot," Birdo said solemnly.
Waluigi was going to lunge at her, but he slipped on a root and face planted. Mario burst into momentary laughter.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Everyone stared at him. "It must be the artificial food," Toad said.
"No, I think it's just being in the wilderness," Yoshi said. "I've seen it before. It drives most guys crazy. They get really... carefree out here."
"Well... we better get moving," Peach interrupted uncertainly. "We wanted to camp by the river tonight, so we'll have to start."
"WHAT? You mean there's more walking?!" Wario demanded. "I had the worst night ever and now you want me to WALK? My bed was awful! It was like, two inches thick with no spinal support whatsoever!"
"I thought your flab would make up for that," Waluigi said.
"Why you little...!" Then they broke into a violent wrestling match of the ages.
Meanwhile, DK was getting ready to skin someone alive. "WARE R MAH BUHNANAS!!?"
"Dude, watch your spelling!" Toad said. "No one can understand you!"
"How do you know how I spelled that?!" DK demanded.
Toad smirked at the audience.
Just then, a familiar sound rang through the clearing overhead, like an annoying helicopter.
"What? Have they come to take me away?" Mario asked.

Wario: If only.

Mario: 😡

"Hehehehe! Guess who, losers?" Bowser Jr., hovering in his clown car, descended into the campsite, grinning cleverly.
"Hey, who invited you?" Toad asked as meanly as he could manage. (Which was not much, because have you ever seen an intimidating toad?)
Daisy threw her hands in the air. "I give up," she said, walking away. "I give up!"
"Yeah, you're trespassing!" Luigi said.
"Uh, it's a free wilderness," B.J. replied. "And so were these!" He opened a magic compartment in his clown car and let them look inside.
And lo and behold, there were the bananas!
"AGHHHJHIFSK!!" DK screamed.
"How did you steal them from our tent?" Diddy demanded.
"Uh, I just snuck in and hauled them all out while you suckers were sleeping," Bowser Jr. replied. "No biggie."
"You mean... you got past my impeccable security??" Mario asked, nearly heartbroken.
"Mario, you were sleeping like a rock and we all know it," Luigi said.

Waluigi: ROCKS DON'T SLEEP!

Toad gasped. "But I thought Mario didn't sleep at all!"

NintendoJedi: ...

"Whoa, whoa, okay," Toadette interrupted. "So why did you want the bananas?"
"Um, because, it'll ruin your dumb camping trip!" With that, Bowser Jr. pulled a lever and went flying upwards.
"GET BACK HERE WITH MAH BANANAS!!" DK shrieked into the sky.
"Yeah, like he's gonna come back just because you said that," Wario snorted.
DK turned to them. "We gotta chase him!!"
"What?" Daisy asked. "But -
"GOTTA!!!"
Toadsworth sighed and pulled on his backpack. "Alright, fine," he agreed. "Master Mario, perhaps you and DK should lead the chase. But leave the princesses behind with me," he instructed. "We don't know if Bowser might be scheming something here."
Mario nodded. "Right. Let's roll!"
"Aw, but I wanted another song-filled day of walking," Luigi sighed.
"OKAY LETS GO CLAIM SOME BANANAS!" Waluigi said enthusiastically.

After Birdo and the toads decided they didn't want to engage a brat in a wild banana chase, the rest of the guys moved out. Soon it had turned into exactly what you would expect: a bunch of guys and a dinosaur and some apes wandering around on a hillside in the forest. (Oh, how exciting.)
Suddenly Luigi froze. "Hey, I think I just saw something," he said.
Everyone looked around. After a few seconds Waluigi tapped his chin."I dunno. Seems pretty boring to me."
Suddenly Yoshi jumped. "THERES BIGFOOT!!"
"WHAT?!" Mario jumped so high he hit a tree branch and landed in a heap. Then Luigi passed underneath and the branch hit his head. Then he slipped on some wet leaves and crashed into Mario. Then Wario, who wasn't looking where he was going anyway, tripped over them all.
"ARGH MY LEG!!" Mario shrieked.
"Oh my gosh, that stench!!" Luigi complained from where he sandwiched between them.
"Hey, you're the ones who said I couldn't bathe," Wario defended.
"But you never bathe anyway," Waluigi said.
"Yeah, but now I have a reason."
"Oh, never mind," Yoshi said, joining them. "False alarm. It was just Donkey Kong."

Toad: Aw man! I'm missing the latest episode of Finding Bigfoot for this!

Donkey Kong: Well I do have pretty big feet.

Waluigi: They look like hands.

Donkey Kong: Well, they're feet.

Just then Bowser Jr. came flying by in his clown car overhead, laughing uproariously. "Haha! Nice dung pile!"
"Dung pile?" Luigi asked.
"I was referring to you guys," he clarified.
"Well that's not very nice!" Luigi said.
"Yeah, I know. You know what else isn't nice?"
"Stealing my bananas?" DK asked.
"Actually I was talking about this," he said, opening his compartment of holding and releasing a dozen klaptraps onto the ground. Then he pointed at the 'dungpile'. "Feast!"
"Feast?!" Mario asked excitedly. "Where?"
"Um, Mario, he was also referring to us," Luigi whispered.
"Ohhhh... snap."
The nearest klaptrap snapped at him.
"Ahhh! Move!" Wario yelled, lugging himself up and shoving Luigi to the ground. They began scrambling around like beheaded chickens.
DK turned to Diddy. "You take care of this," he instructed. "I'm going after Junior." Epic music played while he swung on a tree branch and caught hold of the edge of the clown car as Bowser Jr. was making a break for it.

Wario: Wow. That was the most epic sentence this book has seen for a while.

Donkey Kong: I know right?

NintendoJedi: Ehh, not really.

"Hey! Let go!" Bowser Jr. swung his clown car back and forth, trying to shake the gorilla off. "Can't you just let the bad guys win for once?"
DK snorted. "No, because I want MUH BANANAS!! And also..."
They held on for dear life as the car banked sharply, nearly crashing into the ground. Luckily, it missed and continued flying right over a short cliff edge over a twenty foot drop.
"Ha!" Bowser Jr. said, preparing to drop the ape.
But that didn't happen, because then he crashed straight into a tree.
As they all tumbled to the ground, bananas spilling everywhere, Donkey Kong grabbed Junior by the bandana and screamed in his face.
"THIS IS FOR THE FANS!!"

Mario slumped back against a tree and sweated and strained as he struggled to keep things under control. "Can't... do it," he wheezed, wincing. "Pain... Luigi can I hold your hand?"
Luigi was at his side in an instant. "Come on, Mario, you can do it! Just breathe!"
"Can't," Mario grunted.
"Come on! Another big push!"
"You have no idea what I'm going through right now," Mario panted, trying to relax for a second. Then he squeezed Luigi's hand so tightly he hit a higher note than a dog whistle.
"My circulation," Luigi squeaked, but Mario didn't hear him. With a final scream of exertion, he gathered his strength and gave one last push, finally collapsing to rest.
"Oh... man... it's over," he breathed heavily. "It felt like that lasted nine months!"
Finally bested, the two klaptraps snapping at his feet from behind a hollow log were sent tumbling backwards, kicked down the hillside by Mario's last stand. The entire package went falling down a short cliff, where the log got stuck right on the head of Waluigi. He was thrown off balance by his gigantic backpack and tumbled backwards down the hill, finally landing in a pulverized heap by a rock.
"Hang on Wal, I'll save ya!!" Wario leapt from a small rock ledge, clinging to a vine. He swung down and managed to kick a klaptrap out of the way, before splatting face first into a tree. Yoshi, taking care of the last remaining couple with his awesome kung fu, rolled his eyes.
"The jungle is no place for wild idiots!"
"Tell me 'bout it," said Diddy as he finished the last gators with his peanut popgun.
With the threat eliminated, they began to regroup.
"I just realized the Benny Hills song was playing all through that," Wario said.
"Mama, that was not fun," Mario said. "Somebody get Stickhead over there."
Wario went and grabbed Waluigi by the backpack, not bothering to pull the log off his head. "Check."
"Hey, guys!" DK called, running into the clearing. On his back he carried a giant cargo of bananas.
"Oh great, you were successful," Yoshi said. "Now let's go find the others before they eat all the tofu without us."
"Seriously? Can't you be a little more excited?" DK asked.
"Oh, whoopee, bananas! Let's go eat," Yoshi rephrased.
"Man, when they said we were going camping, for some reason I did not envision having a street fight with a bunch of baby alligators in the middle of a stupid forest while trying to reclaim stupid bananas for a stupid reason I can't even remember," Wario complained as they started up the hill.

"My feet are killing me," Waluigi said.
"Oh, good, maybe when they're done you'll be paralyzed for life," Wario replied.
"No, I mean they're actually trying to hurt me."
Wario looked. Sure enough, Waluigi's shoes were sword fighting with some knives from the kitchen set, threatening to slice his legs off in the process.
"They have a mind of their own," he said.
Thus had it been ever since they had finally reached camp: the calmer people began setting up tents, the strong people began cooking, and the useless people sat there watching. Altogether that doesn't really make sense.
Mario had set up a little fire pit and Luigi had ignited it with a fire flower, so they had a green campfire all night long.
"Well, this is just stupid," said Waluigi as they roasted artificial marshmallows a bit later.
"Stupid yourself," Wario shrugged, cramming down his fifth s'more in one bite.
"Guys, can't you go thirty seconds with out saying something derogatory?" Yoshi asked.
"Nope. Who wants to have a spitball contest?" Waluigi asked.
"Ugh, that's disgusting," Daisy scolded. But then Mario jumped up.
"MEMEME!!"
The girls all stared in disbelief as they went apart a little ways to do presumably 'manly stuff'. Only Luigi was left, but he too left them.
"I'm hopping on the bucket," he said.
Birdo shook her head and blew out five marshmallows at once (she was the group's blow-person.)
"I think I've had about enough of this camping," Toadette said. "Fun as it is, the guys are all getting really smelly and gross."
"Hey, not me!" Toad defended.
"Yes, I think it must have something to do with the woods," Peach said. "They just get... really open out here."
"But really, no bathing? I don't know why I thought it wouldn't smell bad!" Daisy pinched her nose.
Shortly after, Toadsworth announced it was time to get to sleep. Since it was a clear night that night, Mario opted to sleep outside, and Toad joined him. As they were relaxing in the dirt, reveling in the smell of their own filth, they heard a chatter of giggling go up from Daisy's tent. Then Mario remembered that they were probably all having a party in there.
He was just about to suggest to Toad that they go 'crash it' when a giant, hairy creature came stumbling over.
"AHHH! ITS BIGFOOT! HE'S FOUND ME!" Toad shrieked.
Instantly everyone was outside with flashlights, only to show that 'Bigfoot' was Donkey Kong.
"Guys! We have a serious problem!" He said.
"I'll say," Toadette agreed, fanning herself. "I can't tell if that's you or all of you hairy creatures put together."
"Hey!" Luigi said, offended.
"That includes you, Luigi, sorry," Toadette said. "You've all been pretty disgusting on this trip."
"And Mario with the stubbly beginnings of a beard is more frightening than it sounds," Daisy added.
Shocked, Mario put a hand to his face.
"Guys, we can call each other smelly pants later," DK interrupted. "ONE OF MY BANANAS IS MISSING!!"
"One?" Wario asked, scratching his rear. "Seriously?"
"I had 251 bananas, and now... 250!!!"
Everyone instantly looked at Waluigi.
"Waht? I didn't take it."
"Well then who did?" Mario asked, only half listening as he sharpened a flat rock. Slathering it with a crushed leaf, he began rubbing it on his face.
"What are you doing?" Daisy asked.
"What's it look like? It's called natural shaving."
"Uhh..." Peach was too overwhelmed to put anything into words.
"Come on, you all, let's retire," Toadsworth said, beginning to lead them away. "I'm sure we've had enough outdoorsy men for one day."
As they were dispersing among their tents, Toad suddenly jumped. "Oh, hey, I just remembered..."
DK turned to him. "What?"
"I ate your banana!"
"WHAT?!"
"Well I did say I like them!"
The forest rang with the sounds of gorilla attacks and shrill screeching into the wii hours of dawn.

Birdo sat back with her cup of tea and sighed. "Ah, it sure is nice to be back in the clean, civilized world!"
Two days after their return, the girls had gathered for a small tea party on a balcony of the castle.
"I wonder if the only reason we went on that trip was to learn to appreciate our lives more," Daisy mused. "Especially things like our toilets."
"Oh my, yes," Toadette agreed. "I don't think I could have taken another day of that stuff with the boys."
"Okay, so it was quite disturbing," Peach began," but at least we survived."

Wario: Hey, I don't get how the girls managed to stay so pristine even in the woods! I mean, we turned into hairy animals!

Mario: You creep, don't you know that girls are always nice and tidy?

Daisy: It's probably best if you think that way.

"Thank goodness our tents could be sealed," Birdo added. "I was terrified of midnight raids."
"This is why we brought Toadsworth," said Peach."But still, parts of it were lovely," she continued. "And alright, you've gotta admit even the guys had a rugged charm."
"Beneath their unruly hair and wild stench, maybe," Birdo allowed.
"Let's just say it was a little jarring," Daisy replied, crossing her arms. "But hey, if you're gonna be in the wild, you've gotta prepare for everything that comes with it."

Yay everybody, I officially finished my next story! I've been meaning to publish it forever but for some reason it just went so slowly. Ever since the school year started I've been too busy to write or draw almost at all, sadly...
If you're looking for more stupid stuff of mine to read, I could also recommend checking out a newer book of mine. It's basically the story of Luigi's Mansion written in the style of Crazy Mario Land. So there's that.
This little escapade was inspired by my actual backpacking trip over the summer, of course; and while it was filled with much inconvenience as you cannot imagine, there were some amazing sights. Unfortunately we never did anything quite as epic as fighting gators for our stolen food though.
There were some references but I am too tired to mention them. So I'll let you diehards figure them out.
Captain Falcon, for those who didn't know, is another of Nintendo's characters ;) And sorry if all the pictures got annoying. What else am I supposed to do with all these time cards??

Till next time,

Daisy

(Oh yeah, and that song up there is the actual commercial they used for Super Mario Sunshine. I know it's amazing, but it actually gets pretty catchy if you let it get stuck in your head 😆)