And now everyone, it's time to have a NORMAL story in Mario Land!

Everyone on Planet Nintendo: HAHAHAHA!!

NintendoJedi: No, I'm serious!

Luigi: This goes against every law of the universe, and can only end in failure. Or stupidity.

Warning: This episode may contain fluids that some squeamish people may find 'gross'. Proceed with caution (and a face mask).

One Mushroom Kingdom day, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the breezes were blowing, and the fire flowers were spinning.
And Princess Peach got kidnapped.

Mario:AAAAARRRAAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!

Luigi: You know, in ordinary places, kidnapping is not a thing to be taken lightly. Ordinarily there should be crying and calling police and -

NintendoJedi: Okay Luigi, stop killing it.

Luigi: I mean I'm just saying it's a heck of a lot harder on me when Mario gets kidnapped. There's always death threats and abandoned houses and-

Mario: Well that's because my kidnapper kinda hates me and actually might wish me dead, which is a LITTLE different.

Peach: At least your kidnapper doesn't want to marry you.

Mario: ...Fair point.

Luigi: Still, you don't have to treat every kidnapping like a fun new exercise regimen.

Mario: But that's what it is!

Bowser: Hey Mario, I'm not getting any younger!

Mario: Not now Bowser, I'm calling in sick today.

Bowser: Hey Mario... this ain't no game.

Mario: ...?

Anyway, on this perfectly fine morning, approximately three days after The Backpacking Trip™, Luigi got out of bed first.
Did you hear me, I said LUIGI GOT OUT OF BED FIRST!! And that hasn't even happened since like the first episode!

Random Bandwagon of Cheerleader Toads: HAPPY 1st EPISODE COMMEMORATION DAY!!

NintendoJedi: Oh boy, I can tell it's going to be one of those stories.

Anyway, Luigi didn't even notice because he was too busy trying to fix his hair explosion in the mirror. After using a pound of hair gel, he finally came to check on Mario, finding it odd that he hadn't nagged about breakfast yet.
And what did he find but Mario lying with his head way back, his blankets on the floor, and a river of drool inching towards the door.
Luigi just did a long suffering sigh and slapped his face. Then he exploded.
"OH NO YOU DON'T! MARIO, GET OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW!!"
Mario didn't get out of bed right now.
"ALRIGHT, NO MERCY! YOU'RE GONNA GET WHAT'S COMING TO YOU... CANNONBAAAAAALL!!!"
I bet you can guess what he did next.
Mario jolted upwards like a resuscitated person as Luigi jumped off his bed and catapulted himself across the room, landing in a giant cannonball on Mario's bed. (See below.)

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Anyway, Mario barfed up his spleen and then Luigi freaked out and started running in circles screaming. (Not really.)
What Mario DID barf up is less disturbing.

Luigi: Hardly.

Frozen in terror, Luigi trembled beneath a fantastic layer of mucus. "I've been trapped in nasal kryptonite," he whimpered.

Twenty billion imaginary miles away...

Superman jolted up in his jacuzzi. "DID SOMEONE JUST SAY THE K WORD??!!"

NintendoJedi: Yes, yes he did. But he is no more real than you are.

ANYhoo...

Mario sniffed and extracted himself from under Luigi. "Oh, sorry about that," he moaned. "I musta caught a little something in the woods."
Luigi shook the gross stuff off in a convenient manner. "Mario that's not little, that's a really big problem," he said, observing his brother try to use three tissues at once. They were all instantly soiled in no time flat.
Luigi shivered a little. "Great. Mario you can't be sick! Your nose is too ginormous!"
"Thank you for pointing that out," Mario said crossly beneath a tissue. Then he blew so hard he might as well have signed up his nose for the woodwinds section.
The front door busted open on its hinge and Toad barged in. "Cool! Can you play the Mario Bros theme?"
"Hang on, I'll try," Mario said, grabbing another tissue.
"NO, you're not gonna try," Luigi said, pushing his hand away. "And Toad, there's this thing humans need! It's called privacy!"
"Oh," Toad said. "Thanks for the tip, Luigi! See ya later!"
So Toad had been gone for about one second when Luigi regretted his decision. (Because now he had to take care of the sick Mario all alone.)
Now, don't think for a second that Mario wanted to be cared for. Because despite all snotty appearances, he was perfectly fine in his mind.
Luigi put a hand on his forehead, but Mario slapped him away.
"Excuse me, but do you have a certified forehead-testing license?"
Luigi wasn't in the mood. "Mario, don't be a baby!"
"You're treating me like a baby."

Random Bandwagon of Cheerleader Toads: HAPPY 10th EPISODE COMMEMORATION DAY!!

NintendoJedi: You people knock it off!

Cheerleader Toad 1: But where else are we supposed to scream and do our snappy routine?

NintendoJedi: The Peach Bowl!

Cheerleader Toads: OOOOOOHHH!!

NintendoJedi: Anyway...

"Well, I could be wrong, but you're running pretty hot if you ask me," Luigi said, fishing in the closet for his lab coat.
"Wrong?! Are you kidding me? You've never been more right about anything in your life!" Mario ran a hand through his messy hair. "Have you ever seen my smolder?"
Luigi slammed a pile of hangers on the ground. "I'm sure it's fantastic, bro," he said sarcastically. "Now all you need is someone to find mucus attractive."
Mario waved a hand. "I'm fine," he replied, getting up.
"Dying last words," Luigi reminded, now vested in doctor attire.
Mario was unimpressed. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you're enjoying playing dress up."
"Well someone's gotta take care of you, 'cause we all know you won't do it yourself!"

Random Bandwagon of Cheerleader Toads: HAPPY 6th EPISODE COMMEMORATION DAY!!

NintendoJedi: Oh come on!

Mario snorted (and then quickly scrambled for tissues because of a snot eruption). "I'll be fine," he replied.
"Oh really? Because I find it highly odd you slept late AND haven't asked about breakfast yet." Luigi crossed his arms and did his best stern doctor impersonation.
"...Breakfast?" Mario asked, as if marveling at the word. "Breakfast... great galloping galoombas, it can't be true Luigi!" He grabbed his brother's arms and slid to the floor in mock misery (although with Mario it was pretty hard to tell). "I... I'm not HUNGRY!"
Luigi looked wonderfully smug as he checked off a clipboard. "Well looks like loss of appetite is the first symptom of LYME DISEASE," he said gravely.
(Now I hope you people know that's not actually true. They probably just have a special kind of yoshi ticks in the Mushroom Kingdom.)
"NOOOOOOO!" Mario slumped to the floor and shook terribly. "My life is over!"
Luigi rolled his eyes and crouched down. "What happened to 'I'll be fine'?"
"That was before I had Lyme Disease!"
Luigi rolled his eyes again and sighed. "Hey Mario, it's gonna be fine. Why don't you just get your sorry snotty head over to the couch and let me get you something?"
"Luigi!" Mario glared at him.
"I'm just taking precautions," Luigi grinned, slipping into the kitchen to get the nastiest tasting medicine in existence. Moodily, Mario dragged himself to the couch and started playing his musical tissue.
He didn't see the dark shadow outside the window watching him, or notice the small cackle of delight that followed.

Meanwhile, at Bowser's Castle...

Bowser sat on his throne, twirling a pen around. "And so, dear princess, if you would join me for a couple of minutes behind the dumpster after this Saturday's Kart race, I would be most obliged to, um, make your acquaintance," he composed, writing on a piece of paper. "I would apologize for last week in writing, but I think a personal apology would be more appropriate. Sincerely, Bowser."
Bowser Jr. walked in just then. "Why do you read your whole letter out loud as you write it?" he asked.
Bowser blinked. "Um... for the audience's benefit," he finally replied, unable to think of anything better. Then he threw a wink at the audience.
Bowser Jr. just shrugged and made a secret cuckoo sign.
Suddenly the doors busted open and Kamek flew in, babbling nonsense about mucus and snot.

Wario: I just wanna say I really loved that sentence.

NintendoJedi: Get out Wario, you're not in this.

Wario: :(

"Sire! Sire! It's wonderful news!" Kamek exclaimed. "Mario is blowing his nose!"
Bowser was unimpressed to say the least. "Oh, whoopee," he said. "Guess I better throw a party then!"
"Yes king, you should!"
"I was BEING SARCASTIC!!"
"But sire! Don't you see how this applies to you?"
"Well... um... um...um... umm.........um ........ umNO! I told you idiots, I'm NOT his babysitter!"

NintendoJedi: Don't give me more ideas.

Kamek was ridiculously resilient to his insults. "Your Highness, this means he's out of the way! Now would be a perfect time to snatch the princess undisturbed!"
A chandelier full of light bulbs crashed down onto his head from the ceiling. Bowser stood up in excitement.
"Of course! Forget this dumb plan!" Crumpling the letter and chucking it out a window, he said, "Let's move!"
The wad of paper landed right into a fire pit outside where Lemmy, Larry and Wendy were standing around roasting weenies (because why not). It kind of exploded in their faces and set the weenies on fire, achieving a well done charred perfection.
"YEAH!!"
Kamek followed Bowser as he strode out of the room like an important person. "But Lord Bowser, you just said that plan was flawless!"
"Did I? No I didn't!" Bowser slammed the doors and grinned evilly. "We move out in one minute! Gather the best troops!"
"And what about me, your highness?"
Bowser didn't even look back. "Clean up that chandelier!"
Walking away, he muttered to himself, "Why are there light bulbs in here anyway? We're supposed to use fire!"
A random koopa popped up and said, "But light bulbs are symbolic of a genius idea!"
"Hmm, good point! Maybe we should get more of those around here!"

NintendoJedi: Yeah, I can see it now! 'Coming up on Bowser's Castle, beware the giant pool of fluorescents!'

Yoshi: Because light bulbs are so dangerous.

Toad: Hey, they are! Like I got one stuck on my tongue once and I couldn't taste for a week!

Everyone: ...

NintendoJedi: Okay moving on!

Back at the sicko's house...

Mario crossed his arms. "No! I don't wanna!"
Luigi sat back and groaned loudly. "Come on Mario I'm not gonna wait all day!"
Mario turned up his nose.
Luigi tightened his mouth shut. "Okay, you asked for it."
"GAAKK!"
The door opened and Toad busted in at that moment to see Mario choke down a spoonful of brown liquid at Luigi's forcing hand.

Mario: DEATH. It was a spoonful of DEATH.

Luigi: Actually it was more like a spoonful of life.

"Oh hey guys!"
Luigi looked up and let Mario convulse on the couch. "Toad! How do you keep getting in?! I thought I locked that door!"
"Well I just wanted to drop by and say THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!! THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!!"
"WHAT?!" Mario shot up with a perfect nose bubble (you know, like the kind Yoshi is always making).

Yoshi: Excuse me?!

NintendoJedi: Well have you ever seen yourself sleep??

Everyone stared in disgust as Mario sucked in his bubble and plopped back on the couch. "Not today man, I'm sick. Try next Tuesday."
Toad shook his head. "But Mario, Bowser said this wasn't a game!"
"It's not?" Mario widened his eyes. "Oh, well I better get moving then!"
Luigi pushed him down. "Mario wait," he said. Turning to Toad, he asked, "Did you tell Bowser we can't do it today?"
"Um, he knows, but I don't think he'd really care," Toad said thoughtfully.
Mario sighed and shook his head. "I've gotta go, Luigi."
Luigi sat back and pinched his nose bridge. "Fine. But I'm not gonna carry you."
Mario nodded. "Can do."
"But don't work yourself too hard!" he reminded.
"Me? Overwork?" Mario grinned in mock surprise, getting up to go. Then he sneezed enough spray to perfume the entire room.
Luigi made a sick face and hid his face in his hands. "This is gonna be fun."
Toad grinned. "That's the spirit, Luigi!"

Now, because this adventure trip thing would take too long to completely recount for you all, who I'm sure have other more important things to be doing in your lives than reading pointless Mushroom Kingdom fanfics, we'll just stick with the highlights.

World 1

Mario and Luigi walked across some peaceful flowery plains and did some jumping and stomping koopa shells and all that.
Now I'm sure it all sounds great, right? That's what you were supposed to believe.
However, I'm here to squish that belief right now.
"Ow! Mario what the heck was that for?" Luigi snapped as he was smashed in the back of the head with a koopa shell.
Mario rolled his eyes and hopped over to him. "Luigi I've told you 256 times! KOOPA SHELLS BOUNCE!"
"Well ex-CUUUSE me, princess!"
Mario frowned. "Don't you sass me!"
Luigi grinned. "Sass sass sass sass..."
Mario grew mighty stormy just then. A random koopa jumped up and shrieked.
"TAKE COVER!!"
Luigi stared in dread as Mario gasped and held his breath, trying to hold back a sneeze.
"Oh no," he muttered. "Please no."
Grabbing an umbrella from his bag of holding, Luigi darted behind a rock and waited with eyes closed for the storm to pass.
"AAHH-AHHCHOOOOOO!!"
The entire world was blown away under the impact of Hurricane Mario.
Mucus flew, koopas were flying, and every single block for five square miles was blasted into oblivion.
Shivering like a newborn hamster, Luigi crept, trembling and damp, out of hiding. Mario was moaning and rubbing his nose like he'd just had a snot baby.
Which he did.
"Ooh," Luigi looked forward at the path. It was nothing but barren snotty grass.
"Well, it appears you've discovered a new superpower," he chuckled dryly, trying to wipe his face and chucking away the remains of his umbrella.
"Heh, yeah," Mario said, seeming none the worse. "Maybe I should get sick more often!"
Luigi passed out in a puddle of goo.

World 2

Mario and Luigi were walking through a desert when Mario grabbed Luigi's shoulder.
"Ugh, do you have to touch me?" Luigi whined. "Do you have ANY idea how gross you are right now?"
Mario would have replied differently if it weren't for the fact that he was sinking. "Luigi help!"
"What? Quicksand!?"
"HELP HELP IM DYING!"
"Oh, really? Maybe we should just let you drown. Be rid of the plague right here."
"LUIGI!!"
"I'm just kidding, sheesh!" Luigi cringed and grabbed his hand, dragging him out like a crippled slug. Mario collapsed in the sand and lay there gasping while the sand all stuck to his slime.
"I think... I'm going to bathe in bleach... when this is all over," Luigi breathed.

World 3

Mario rubbed his arms and shivered uncontrollably as he and Luigi trudged through the snow, braving a fierce snowfall that stung in the face. Just when they had almost reached a frozen pond, Mario collapsed.
Luigi groaned and plopped down beside him, pulling him up and slapping his face senseless. "Mario get up!"
Mario shivered. "Luigi... you're gonna have to drag me... can't feel... my face," he moaned. "Phlegm... freezing up..."
"Oh, really? So can I do this?" Luigi backslapped him across the face.
"Um... bad idea..."
"Why?"
Now I'm sure some of you good people are familiar with the expression 'beat the snot out of someone'.
Well, that's never happened more literally.
KA-BOOM!!
The snowy mountain shook with avalanches as a consequence of that earthquake for many years to come.

World 4

"Alright... a beach!" Luigi exclaimed enthusiastically as the next world came into view. "Look Mario, the fish! It's so nice and pretty!"
But unfortunately, as I'm sure you all know, destruction and stupidity comes to all things that are nice and pretty in this story.
Long story short, Mario stepped in the water and fishbones rose to the top and every protozoa and life form in it died a terrible germy death. Just don't even ask me how that's possible.

Mario: I'm toxic.

Luigi: Yes Mario, but not in the way you wish.

World 5

"Luigi... I'm cold," Mario complained as they headed into a dense jungle. "Can I have a b-blanket?"
Luigi felt his pockets. "Oh darn, this adventurer is just plumb out of portable beds."
"Luigi I'm not joking," Mario shivered, sidling up to him. "Can I snuggle somewhere?"
Luigi did a double take. "Excuse me?"
Mario pushed himself under Luigi's armpit like a love-deprived puppy.

Wario: See, it's true, it really is true. He's just a big puppy.

NintendoJedi: Wario, I said get out!

Wario: I'm GOING, sheesh!

Luigi, more than surprised, felt his forehead. This time, Mario didn't complain.
"Oh, that's really not good, Mario," he said. "The jungle is no place for a sicko."
Mario nodded slightly and sighed, trying to just sleepwalk for a while.
"Hang in there, just a couple worlds to go," Luigi said. "And then you can go to your couch."
Mario snorted out a nose bubble in response.

World 6

Mario and Luigi were carefully scaling a mountain and dodging Monty moles from above when it happened.
"Luigi... I think I need a tissue," he panted, pausing to rest. He had been having these 'pause to rest' breaks every thirty seconds or so now.
Luigi groaned and fished one from his pocket. "Mario, please be careful," he said.
Now, you shouldn't have to tell an ordinary person to be careful with a tissue.
But remember where we are, folks.
Mario grabbed the tissue and blew so hard that the impact blasted him off the mountain and he reached orbit on nose power.
Rosalina glanced out the kitchen window. "Who wants some - Oh my goodness, what year is it? Is it the Star Festival already?"
"What is it?" Polari asked, looking out. His eyes popped.
"Sup," Mario waved, floating upside down. "Do you guys have any cookies?"
"No!"
"Can I get a small fry and a drink?"
"No no no! We're not open!" Closing the curtains, Polari went and locked the door. "There's nobody home!"

Random Bandwagon of Cheerleader Toads: HAPPY 4th AND 8th EPISODE COMMEMORATION DAY!!

NintendoJedi: I give up.

Mario gunned his nose again and propelled himself back down on snot power. A minute later he landed directly back on the mountainside.
"So, how was - uuhhhhhh," Luigi stared in disgust at Mario and his tissue.
Mario was silent for a minute and really getting into it when he glanced up and noticed Luigi watching him. He turned away.
"Don't look Luigi, this movie is rated R."

World 7

"Whoo, the air is getting pretty light up here," Luigi breathed as he stood up on a giant cloud. "We're almost there!"
"WHEEE!!" Mario burst through the cloud into the air, squealing like a five year old in a bouncy house. Luigi was alarmed.
"Mario don't do that! You'll shake up all your mucus inside like a smoothie!"
But Mario, whose sickish state was starting to affect his mind, didn't heed him. At least not until something gross happened.
"I think I can see Bowser's Castle down there," Luigi pointed, scanning the land far below. "See?"
No response.
"Mario?"
"BLEEEHHKK!"
Mario was too busy puking behind a magic sky tree to hear.
Luigi turned and shivered in absolute disgust. "Okay Mario... let's hope you've learned a lesson here..."
"BLAAAGGHH!!"
"Okay... keep it together," Luigi moaned, rubbing his head. "Just keep it together..."
A minute later Mario meandered over to him. "Oh hey Luigi, what are you doing here?" He proceeded to walk lazily right over the edge of the cloud, to plummet thousands of feet to certain death if Luigi hadn't grabbed him.
Pulling him to safety, Luigi sat down a minute and tried to keep the feverish Mario from doing anything. Finally he collapsed on the cloud in a pile of mucus and... stuff.
"You... are such an attractive individual," Luigi panted.

Meanwhile, at Bowser's Castle...

Peach leaned back in her cage and sighed. "Hey Siri, what number kidnapping is this?"
"Three hundred forty five," it answered.
Peach closed her eyes and sighed again. "I need a pot pie."
"I don't find any pot pies in your music. Would you like me to search the web?" the phone asked.

Wario: Okay, what idiot lets their prisoner keep their cell phone while held hostage?

Yoshi: Everybody knows the drill, so what's the harm?

NintendoJedi: Wario, I said GET OUT!!

Wario: Wah?!

NintendoJedi: Because I am annoyed at you for some reason!

Just then the doors burst open and Bowser walked in. "Gwaha, hey, princess! Having fun?"
"Maybe... if scallops fly out of your pants!"
"But dad doesn't usually wear pants," BJ spoke up nearby.
"Well I mean you've gotta be enjoying it at least a little," Bowser said as he sat on his throne. "After all, you get to be around your favorite guy!" Giant lightup arrows hung all around his throne that said PEACH'S FAVORITE GUY.
"Don't talk to me about my favorite guy," she snorted.
"What, you don't want to talk about guys??" Bowser peered into her cage. "I thought all stylish girls loved to do that!"
When Peach didn't reply, he said, "Well then let's talk about you! You're just the apple of my castle, don't you agree?"
Peach crossed her arms. "I don't know what that means."
"The crown of my court? The flower of my fort? The pizzazz to my snazz?"
Peach gave him a look that said 'You should really stop talking.'
Bowser sighed. "Look, this is about that makeup thing, isn't it?" he asked. "I want you to know that I'M SORRY!"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh... um, then never mind! Can I interest you in some scones?"
Peach gave him a suspicious look. "I'll pass, thanks."
"Okay, look," Bowser tried again. "I know this is like the 345th time and all... but why don't we try to get off on the right foot? I've got a huge dinner prepared and everything!"
"No thank you, Bowser," Peach sighed.
"Guys! Music!" Bowser hissed.
On cue a loud jazzy tune started playing from nowhere. Koopas and goombas and shy guys and other assorted baddies pranced out into the throne room as in a ballet, dressed outrageously in kitchen attire. From nowhere Bowser grabbed a top hat and cane.
So then Peach stared in confusion and horror as they performed the greatest musical number she wished she'd never seen.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

"Oh boy... that was something," Junior said, applauding beside Peach's cage. She stood frozen and kind of silent for a while, like she'd seen a roadkill.
"Come on, Mama," he said. "Get into the groove!"
"I am not your mother, and I refuse your invitation!" she said flatly.
All the kitchenware minions groaned in disgust and anger as they began to head out. "So this is where my musical talent gets wasted," Kamek complained. "On a rotten princess!"

NintendoJedi: Buddy, if you thought it'd be put to use at Bowser's Castle, you're really up the creek.

Bowser, only slightly offended, came over. Instead of awkwardly trying to relate to her more, he played the Beast.
"Very well, starve," he said with a snort. "Maybe later you'll want to feast on THIS tall drink of water."
Peach almost barfed. She turned and banged on the cage. "SOMEONE HELP PLEASE!! I'M BEING HELD BY A MONSTER TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME!!!"
On cue the doors busted open and Mario and Luigi stormed the throne room and grabbed Bowser and tied him up and chucked him out the window in one fell swoop. (At least, that was how it should have looked. But not really.)
"Mario! How dare you disturb my family... dinner!" Bowser fumed.
Mario, who looked half dead and utterly worse for wear, shook a finger at him. "Bowser, I hope you know your minions are having a taco party out front, and somebody's got mustard all over their head," he informed.
"You're just making that up!" Bowser shot back.
"Am not! What kind of crazy world do you live in?"

NintendoJedi: You're one to talk.

"It may be a nuthouse but it's MY nuthouse! Go hide in a sewer or something!"
"No! I came to spank some testudines heinie!"
Everyone kind of stood around feeling awkward for a second.
"Um...okay whatever! If you'll excuse me, I've got more important things to do," Bowser said, tuning back to Peach's cage.
Peach pulled out a tape recorder and punched on a recording.
"MARIO! HELP!"
Mario stepped forward, looking ready to clobber someone into next week.
Then he collapsed to the floor in a puddle of snot.
Everyone stared for about five weird seconds.
"Um... okay," Bowser said again.
Luigi slapped himself. "Mario not now! Get up!"
Dragging Mario up like a corpse, he would later earn the Awkwardest Situation of the Year Award. (He usually does, FYI.)
"Mario it's time to fight!"
Bowser snorted at the display. "Wow! For some reason I feel so intimidated right now!"
Peach was watching with typical feelings of exasperation and horror. Finally, after a pretty thorough slapping from Luigi, Mario began to come around.
"Alright pinhead... your time is up!" He mumbled, rubbing his nose in a disgusting way. Stumbling over, he attempted a weak fighting stance.
Bowser was amused to say the least. "Are you kidding? You're pathetic!"
Peach looked alarmed. "Mario, are you alright??"
"Just... lovely," he assured, although he was just about the farthest thing from lovely.

Wario: Yeah, like EW!

NintendoJedi: WARIO!!

Luigi already looked ready to throw up. "This is not going to end well," he muttered.
Bowser came forward. "Alright Mario, you asked for it! Let's dance!"
But Mario held up a hand. "Wait... I..."
That's when Luigi realized what was going on. "Oh... man."
Mario gasped and waited. For a second time stood still.

Yoshi: You know that's kind of contradictory, right?

NintendoJedi: Don't YOU start teaching me grammar.

Everyone stared as Mario closed his eyes and shook his head fitfully, as if trying to get rid of 'the voices'. Luigi slowly began to back away in fear.
And then it happened.
"Aahhh-aahhhh-AAHAH-AAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The birds perched in the tanooki tree miles away took to the sky as a giant earthquake shook the planet. Dark Land was filled with a dust like fog, sweeping through the empty clearing where had once stood Bowser's Castle.

Yoshi: Dang, they should add that move to the next Smash Bros! 'Super Sneeze'!

Luigi: *annoyed* Maybe they could put it in the next Dr. Mario.

Coughing and roaring through the wreckage from where he'd been pinned, Bowser cursed. "Dang it, Mario! As if my castle needed ANOTHER reason to be rebuilt!" And then he collapsed beneath a layer of goo.
"It's not like you don't have to redesign it all the time, Bowser," Luigi groaned, hauling himself up from beneath a slab of wall. Dirty and hopelessly covered in gross, he looked up to see Mario standing feebly in the midst of his own destruction. Then he wavered and collapsed.
Luigi scrambled forward, surprised. He had just got to Mario when Peach joined him (who was perfect as ever, thanks to her parasol of steel).
"He's fainted," Luigi said, pulling him up from his pile of disgust.
"Ohh..." Peach looked around at the quiet ruins, which were all covered in a fantastic layer of... Mario. Sinking to the ground beside him, she said, "Well thank you all... I suppose." She very carefully stroked his head in Luigi's lap. "I would... well, you know... but I think I'll have to thank him another time. Let's just say I owe him one."
"Oh, he'll like that," Luigi remarked in exhaustion as he picked Mario up and he and Peach headed undisturbed out of Bowser's ruins.

Yellow Toad: I don't get it. Owe him one what?

Toad: ...

Yellow Toad: ...GAAGG!!

Epilogue

"Luigi... where's my barf bag?" Mario groaned, rolling on the couch in a sea of pillows and trash.
Carrying a bowl, Luigi rushed in from the kitchen. "Here," he replied, handing him a Nintendo Barf Bag™. "And here's your pizza soup."
Panting heavily, Mario nodded. "Hey Luigi, can you massage my back? It's killing me."
Luigi sighed. Trying to remember everything they'd gone through (and I really mean EVERYTHING), he plopped beside him and petted him like a dog. "Sure bro. Anything else?"
"Did I really... beat Bowser on my own?" he wanted to know.
Luigi shuddered. "Yep, you really did. It was... uh, amazing."
Mario was getting rather still now. For a second Luigi paused. "Mario?"
"Luigi... thanks for helping me out, bro. With everything."
Luigi stared in horror. "No Mario no! Stop talking that way! You can't die!"
Mario closed his eyes.
Luigi nearly had a heart attack. "Mario no!! Say something," he begged.
...Silence.
For a moment Luigi was frozen in an indescribable terror. He stumbled back against the coffee table and stared, praying with all his heart that this might be just a terrible dream, that Mario might say something; anything. For a second Luigi was lost.
And then, his prayers were suddenly answered.
"Luigi... put my vapor rub on me," Mario commanded in the weakest of voices.
And then, Luigi's prayers entirely backfired.

YEAH, I did it! Another story in little over a week.
I can't say anything in particular sparked this one; I'd just been planning it for a while. (Yes, I have a very long list of plans... hehehehe!)
The references list is getting very long these days, so unless you all just really want me to, I'm now going to start leaving it to you nerds to find them yourselves ;) But feel free to ask!
And speaking of plans, the next one will probably be a special October episode again, just because I don't know how long it'll take to write. Just hang in there... and PREPARE!
Don't be a goon, take care of your banana phone, and Stay Crazy!

Next time,

Daisy