Okay, so I lied last time. Get ready for the weirdest thing you've ever heard.

The birds were flying overhead
One Mushroom Kingdom day,
And the fire flowers were in full bloom,
When Petey passed his way.
A breeze was blowing
And the goombas were lowing
(Don't ask me the reason why)--
Like cows staring up at the moon.
And Petey perceived as he walked along
A feeling of being ignored;
An idea that he wasn't quite so famous,
He just knew that he was bored.
Now many believe that a plant can't talk,
And you're probably one to agree,
'Cause he's mighty big (And rather dumb)
To act very logically.
But who are you to judge a man?
Who knows what Petey's seen?
I think you'd have a steely heart
To dash this flower's esteem.
But Petey perceived this anyway,
'Cause he's actually got a brain,
And the message flashin' through right now
Was pretty as rotten champagne.
I don't wanna think what that looks like,
But it hardly matters none,
'Cause for some reason I'm usin' a country accent,
And Petey Piranha's gonna have some fun.
With as much resolve as a flower can have
He jumped with a newfound goal,
And tumbled down a giant hillside,
And landed in a giant hole.
He sniffed that stuff and he looked around
But who knows what he saw,
'Cause for a creature without any eyes,
He coulda thought it was his ma.
He probably guessed more than that,
I'm just guessin' 'cause I don't really know;
But he soon enough heard a fooby voice
That belonged to Wario.
"What the heck?" the fat guy said
As he stared at our flowery friend,
But a lightbulb came with a genius idea
To use Petey for his own end.
"Hey giant pansy," Wario called,
Coming to issue some doom,
"I'm in a hole and could use some help
If you've got time from now till noon.
See Peachy planted a garden here
With roses and other such crap,
And I've just motorcycled it
In a totally awesome lap.
But she's doing some dumb guy thing
With that jerk with a girly stache,
And they're probably at some fancy joint
Having spaghetti with bangers and mash."
...
"But why am I telling YOU this,
You big petunia head?!
I could be spying on them right now
If you'd fix this flowerbed.
Do a little slave labor,
Help Wario break up a date!
'Cause Grambi knows I'll have a cow
If they share that spaghetti plate."
Then that jerk left in a cloud of exhaust,
Leaving Petey to his own.
So the big silent plant began that work
And he did it all alone.
You probably think it was unfair
And that Wario was a jerk,
And I wholeheartedly agree with you,
'Cept for how Petey did his work.
You're probably thinkin' it's pretty dumb
To put a piranha to such a task,
And once again I would agree
But Petey showed more than sass.
Before the clock had struck eleven
That guy had finished up,
With roses and blossoms everywhere
Without a single puddle of muck.
So Petey was a gardener,
Not a shocker, once you think;
But still it seemed that he was miffed
While Wario was tickled pink.
Still searching for purpose in this crazy world
He continued along his way.
He passed koopas that raced through meadows
And bullies that got in the way.
None of it mattered to Petey Piranha
'Cause he was bigger than all the rest.
Not a single person could he find
That thought more of him than 'pest'.
He knew he had some talents
In his own special way,
Like none were better at soccer
When Petey had his say.
And perhaps he had some other skills
In tennis and in golf,
But no one has as fun a time
When you're playing in someone's slop.
He had some friends out somewhere too
But they were all so busy,
Spent time in darkened fortresses
Planning revenges till they were dizzy.
It's not that Petey had never seen
A taste of evil fame,
He well remembered the sunny isle
And the damsels he'd eaten plain.
But now he felt that 'something more'
Was waiting on the horizon,
A chance to be a better guy
And take real delight in.
It isn't right for a recurring boss
To play all nice and gentle,
But this time around there was a change
I'm not sure you can handle.
So looking for appreciation
Petey went to work,
He looked around the grassy plains
And wallowed in the dirt.
And while he did he heard a voice
Another person with worth,
Princess Daisy came strolling by
With flowers for the turf,--
"Petey! What are you doing here?"
She said it like a scold,
"I'm trying to get these flowers planted
Before the weather turns cold.
I'm sure you've got better things to do
And better places to play
Than right here in my workplace,
Right at this hour of day.
This place is busy and the kingdom tense
And you'll just be a bother,
I promise we'll play your game SOMEDAY,
So don't look at me like fodder!
It's not like you've a kingdom to rule
Or need rescuing from some guy,
So please don't get in my way today,
I've spoken, and that's goodBYE!"
With lowered head the piranha went
Sent out by a fellow friend,
Who might have been seen as similar to him
If it weren't for his silent end.
So now she's sent him on his way
And so she never knew
That Petey actually wanted to help
Plant flowers for me and you.
If this whole thing just creeps you out
Hang on a little longer,
'Cause how else can one ever feel
Towards a piranha any fonder?
Going alone, he continued his search
Wandering the Mushroom plains,
Till soon he spotted a guy in green
Cleaning his windowpanes.
Excited now at any ideas
Of any companionship,
Petey ran to 'talk' to the man
And offer a small rose hip.
He figured if ever there was a guy
Who knew how it felt, and the reason why
He wanted to be more important,
And known and loved by all,
That person was prob'ly Luigi,
Teased and mocked for each fall.
But no sooner had he neared this kindred soul
Than Luigi looked up from his task,
And his eyes went wider than a pregnant Boo
And he let out a huge "EYAAAAAAAHH!!"
So ever alone and ever cast out
The big plant went on his way,
Passing through field and flower,
Never looking up to the day.
At this point I'm sure I know
That you as well as me,
Probably wish you could reach through the screen
And hug him ever so tightly.
But fear not my weirded out readers,
For this story is not yet done,
For Petey Piranha would not stop
Until the day was won!
Surely there was someone out there,
Someone who's calm and nice,
Someone who sees a plant's problem,
And gives a plant some advice.
And rejoice my weirded out readers,
For right you certainly are!
'Cause as Petey walked through the meadow
He came right to a butterfly farm!
In a rainbow of colors they sprang to the air
And landed like Skittles
In his metaphorical hair
And fluttered and whispered their own butterfly things,
Encouraging Petey to flap his own wings.
'Cause in case you forgot this one crucial thing,
This piranha can fly
Well as a bird can sing!
And testing them out he soon took to flight
Flapping and heaving with all of his might
And with all of the butterflies of that Mushroom field,
They went for a frolic and like children they squealed.
So if there's a moral to this awkward tale,
It's whether you're toad, or koopa or snail,
You've got a hidden worth somewhere to be found,
Whether to one single person, or a whole 'tire town,
Or maybe it's butterflies that see who you are
Like Petey Piranha and the butterfly farm.

Wario: ...Well that was-

NintendoJedi: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO COMMENT ON THIS!

Waluigi: Well I think it was-

NintendoJedi: YOU EITHER!

Daisy: But that's just ridiculous, we're not that mean to-

NintendoJedi: Nope I said you're not allowed to comment!

Toadette: Aww, but I think it was sad! Petey do you want a hug??

Petey: ...

Toad: He's kinda funny and creepy if you ask me.

Toadette: I could say the same about you.

Toad: ...

Mario: So wait, what's this about spaghetti now??

NintendoJedi: EVERYONE. This. Discussion. Is. OVER!

Peach: Wario. WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY GARDEN?!!!??

...Ookay, at this point I don't think I need to explain myself too much anymore. I just needed to give Petey a moment in the limelight and since he can't really talk, it kind of turned into poetry.
...I think it's the best way to represent him.
Anyway, I'm seriously serious this time (if you can find it in your heart to take me seriously). Next episode will be an October special, promise!!

Mario: Yeah, right.

GET OUT OF MAH AUTHORS NOTE MARIO!!!