One evening beyond the borders of the Mushroom Kingdom, Bowser was sitting at his desk in his palace. And when I say 'sitting' I basically mean propped up against his tail, because everyone knew that Bowser couldn't sit on a normal chair without destroying it to save his life. Once Mario had invited everyone over for Christmas dinner and he had managed to completely ruin the couch. (Mario had been just devastated.) Not surprisingly, Mario was back to fighting Bowser the next day.
Anyway, right now he was working at his desk, scribbling furiously on pieces of paper ideas for his next master plan. He was just getting into something that seemed really good when Kamek burst into the room on his broomstick and face planted right into the stone wall. Dangerously annoyed, Bowser growled and looked up.
"Dude, there's this thing nowadays! It's called knocking!"
Kamek remained stuck to the wall for several seconds before peeling off to the floor. He stood up and shook a fist at the open door. "If that happens one more time you kids'll be salsa dancing for a week!"
Kamek loved to scare the koopalings and other minions by threatening to do weird and previously unheard of spells on them.
"Kamek do you mind shutting the beak?!" Bowser yelled. "I almost had something genius and now I've lost it!"
"It's not my fault, Your Highness! Those blasted koopalings are the ones playing hockey in the hallways!"
At this Bowser looked up. "Did Ludwig use his face slam again?"
"He obviously did!"
"Excellent! Don't discourage their violent play. It needs to be enforced."
"ENFORCED!?" Kamek spluttered. "They're gonna tear the castle down!"
"And hopefully Mario along with it," Bowser said thoughtfully. "I've got it! Why don't we have someone knock on the front door of the castle and we'll sneak in and kidnap the princess from the back!"
"Um, isn't that pretty much what we always do?"
"No! There was never any knocking involved! The stupid plumbers will never see it coming, so we'll have plenty of time. This totally is a new, different...thing!"
Kamek sighed. "You know, sir, I just don't think you put as much effort into these plans as you used to."
Bowser wasn't really listening. "Your point is?"
"Um, my point is what do you want for dinner?" Kamek asked hastily.
"Roasted plumber, well done," Bowser replied.
"Uhh...I'll just make...something," the magikoopa said, taking off. Two seconds after he was gone Bowser Jr. splatted into the room.
After sliding off the wall, he got up and came to Bowser's side. "Hey dad, watcha doin'?"
"I'm working on a new plan. Whadaya think?"
"Hmm..." Junior looked over the paper thoughtfully. "I think you don't put as much effort into them as you used to."

A while later all the koopalings were sitting around the dinner table.
"Hey, Ludwig, that shot earlier was wicked!" Wendy said. "You should have seen Kamek!"
"I did," he gloated.
"Hey, so Dad says we're going to take an op tomorrow," Bowser Jr. told them. "Another kind of lame plan?" asked Morton.
"Yeah."
Just then Roy startled them all with a very uncharacteristic scream.
"What was that for?!" Wendy snapped.
Roy was sitting there with a look of shock frozen on his face. It wasn't as epic or easy to grasp because of the glasses, but he was clearly rocked to his core.
"Well?" Larry asked.
Finally Roy seemed to come to his senses. "Th-this meat...is...EPIC!!!!"
Most of them gave him looks that said 'seriously?' But finally they had to agree with him.
"Hey, Kamek, what is this?" Iggy called to the Magikoopa.
He gave a sneaky laugh. "It's a new recipe I call 'roasted plumber'."
"For real?" Ludwig gasped.
"No, of course not!" Said Bowser Jr.
"I love it," Roy whispered in a creepy, exaggerated way. "Guys, I think I'm in love!"
"Fascinating," Wendy said, unimpressed. "You've managed to hit a new low."
Just then Bowser entered the room. He'd been eating in his room like he usually did while he 'worked'.
"Kamek, this stuff is awesome! I'm thinking of kinda redoing my plan," he said, beginning to pace in a big circle.
"Oh?" Bowser Jr. asked.
"Yeah. Okay, so you all know how we would sneak into the castle while everyone's distracted, right? Well, basically, this rotisserie will be our distraction. Mario will be drawn to it faster than a moth to a flame. And just like a moth with a flame, he'll be incinerated. Meanwhile, you guys will nab the princess."
"Uh...how does that change anything?" Morton asked. "You really think Mario's gonna be vulnerable just because he finds a take and bake chicken?"
"Don't you know anything about Mario?! That guy is a black hole. He puts on the pounds, man. He can consume way more than me in just one sitting, and I know because I've seen him more than once."
"Christmas dinner," Kamek whispered to them.
"So yes, it's a good plan, and we move out tomorrow afternoon," Bowser continued. "Mario will almost definitely be there because he almost always is!"
"Just relax, Dad," Bowser Jr. said. "Why don't you go do something else now?"
"Yeah, like use your new bath salts," Morton said.
Bowser rolled his eyes and left the room. Roy was staring at the hunk of meat on his plate, drooling all over it.

Later that night, Ludwig was sitting around in his room doing 'cool stuff' when Roy came in. "Hey, Luddy, I wrote this song about the rotisserie! I call it 'Ode to Rotisserie'. Wanna hear?"
"Uh-"
(To the tune of 'Oh Christmas Tree')
"Rotisserie,
Rotisserie,
Oh how I love rotisserie,
Your juicy tang gives me a thrill,
Marks of perfection from the grill,
Oh, 'tisserie,
Rotisserie,
Oh how I love rotisserie.
Your spicy sweetness makes it all,
Your chewiness will make me fall,
Rotisserie,
Oh 'tisserie,
Oh how I love you, 'tisserie."

Ludwig just sat there and blinked. He didn't respond for a while. Finally he said, "Well, I didn't think I was gonna hear someone sing that today. Or ever."
"Whaddaya think?" Roy asked.
"You know, I'm starting to think you're worse than Mario."
"That's not true! I'm sure Mario sings about his food all the time."
"Yeah, I'll watch for it," Ludwig snorted. When Ludwig said something like that, you knew the conversation was over.
But the affair wasn't.

The next day, the seven koopalings were hiding in the bushes near the back entrance of Peach's castle, waiting for Bowser and his son to launch the plan.
"Can I just say this is a stupid plan?" Morton whispered.
"You already said that like, seven times," Wendy grunted.
"No, that was Ludwig the first two."
"I'm sure I said it least twice," Iggy grumbled.
"Shhh! B. J. will be sending a signal that the chicken's away any minute," Larry said.
Then Roy shoved his way through them all. "Wait, I smell something!"
"Roy, we're not interested in your nose problems right now," Wendy informed him.
"MEAT!" He shrieked, tearing out of their hiding spot and making for the front of the castle.
"ROY!"  They all hissed at him, but he didn't come back. Finally Ludwig groaned and sat back.
"Is this another brilliant aspect of Bowser's flawless plan?"

That afternoon, Mario was at the entrance inside Peach's castle, greeting the princess and having small talk about the weather, when it happened.
"So, Luigi and I were thinking of going to the movies later -"
Suddenly the wonderful scent of roasting meat hit him like a wave. Mario froze.
"I smell something," he whispered, "a smell I haven't smelled since..." with that he turned and darted out of the castle, leaving Peach alone.
Surprised, she just stood there until another voice behind her spoke up. "Hello, princess," Ludwig said. "Guess who?"
Peach gasped. "Mario!!"

Outside, Bowser and Bowser Jr. were sitting around in a bush, waiting for Mario to show up so they could spring the trap. After several minutes Bowser started to get the idea that something was wrong.
"He should have come by now," Bowser growled.
"Let me check," Junior said, getting up. What else did he see but Roy sitting there, burping next to a pile of bones.
"ROY!"

"There's no one to save you now, princess," Ludwig informed Peach as they began to surround her in the castle. "Chubby ol' pizza face is hunting for dinner."
"It's only lunchtime," Peach said quivering, but before the conversation could get any further, someone else broke in.
"If you're implying that I'm chubby, I suggest you go to the eye doctor or a linguist, because you obviously have no idea what a fine specimen of a man looks like in perfect fitness."
Arms crossed, Mario walked into the castle looking annoyed but not surprised. He stopped and fixed Ludwig with an intimidating stare.
For a second nobody said anything. Then all the koopalings burst into simultaneous laughter.
"Ha, you? Fine specimen of a man?" Ludwig cackled. "That Waluigi is better looking than you!"
Mario gasped. "Take it back."
"Never!"
It was probably about to get real ugly when just then Bowser walked in with Bowser Jr. and Roy. "Guys, fall back! It's a -"
Bowser stopped to see Mario and everyone standing there. Mario raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, hey, Mario," he said as casually as he could. "What's cooking?"
"Apparently not a rotisserie," Mario replied honestly, looking disappointed. "I could have sworn there was one nearby..."
"Actually, there was a rotisserie," Bowser said thoughtfully. "It was supposed to lure you to your death. But ROYTISSERIE HERE ate it and completely ruined my perfect plan! My perfect!"
"What?" Mario gasped.
Peach also gasped. "Lure him to his death?"
"How...how could you?" Mario asked, beginning to look bewildered and horrified. "I thought you were my frenemy!"
"Oh, come on, Mario, it's nothing personal," Bowser said. "Wait...or, actually it is."
But Mario was looking at Roy. "You...you ATE MY ROTISSERIE!"
"I'm sorry, man! But it was just so awesome!" Roy said defensively.
"MY...awesome rotisserie," Mario said, starting to twitch.
"Dudes, what is it with you people and rotisserie!!" Larry shrieked.
Mario was standing rigid, looking like he was about to crack, muttering nonsensical stuff about the stolen lunch he'd never met. Everyone but Peach started to back away.
"Um, I'd run away if I were you," she told them sweetly.

Well, there's another one. I know it isn't as good but I wanted to introduce Bowser and the koopalings into the story somehow. Just DO NOT ask me where on earth the idea for this one came from.
It's based around the generally accepted principle that Mario loves food (and I won't deny that he is a little chubby) which seems to have been portrayed in many ways. That doesn't mean he isn't still a fine specimen of a man though ;)
And yes, if any of you are wondering, I actually did take time out of my day to write that rotisserie song.
Thanks for reading and a better one will be coming up soon!

~ Daisy