| Fall, 2006 |

"Let's talk about happiness today! Amelia, why don't you tell us what happiness is to you?"

"...My happiness?"

"Yes, of course darling,"

"My happiness is....my parents."

• • • • •

Lia

"Noona, you have to get up." Hansol shakes me, and I pulled the blanket over my head, telling him to go away.

Hansol sighed. These days, he's been telling me to wake up early, he wouldn't bother to leave me alone even for a second.

"Noona wake up, we promised to pick up Seungcheol hyung at the airport today." Hansol pulled the blanket away and threw it to the other side of the room. I hissed at the cold air.

"Go alone!" I say.

"No. You're coming with me, Seungcheol hyung told me to make you come." Hansol says sternly, and starts picking my clothes for me that were in my closet.

Why should I come?

It's not like Jeonghan would come back.

Fuck you Lia, snap out of it.

Hansol left, telling me to get ready in half an hour while he picks up some breakfast for us.

I pushed myself out of bed, forcing myself to go get a shower.

Its been a year after Jeonghan left. Lots happened, of course. Everything changed. And I don't like changes.

After the performance the other day, some of the boys got accepted into a few companies, Hoshi now runs a dance academy, and Woozi works as a producer, Seokmin helps him often too. I'm happy for them.

China line became really famous in Hongdae, they would always perform by the streets at night.

Maknae line graduated, Chan is currently in his last year of highschool. He didn't change much, that kid is still small and cute, but he's growing.

Meanie was... well, meanie.

Seungcheol hyung was a successful businessman because of dad's cafe, he's getting busier these days, going overseas and all.

I changed the most, of course.

I didn't look the same. My colours disappeared, and I wasn't depressed, I was angry. The fact that I'm still not over Jeonghan leaving made it worse. I keep telling myself to just fucking move on but for some reason I just can't.

Because of this stupid anger that's flaming in my heart and it just hurts.

Nobody knew the reason why I was in the hospital. I couldn't remember either. Seungcheol hyung went to search for me, and he found me on the rooftop, soaked in rain and I already blacked out.

And Jeonghan, of course he was still alive, wasn't he? Maybe what I saw, it was just an illusion.

About the letter, nobody knew about it except maknae line. They helped me a lot. Hansol accidentally read the letter that Jeonghan wrote when I dropped it at the hospital. And then he knew why I was so fucking moody all the time.

We got into a fight one day, him telling me to get over it already. I fought back saying that this wasn't over unless Jeonghan faces me to say all of this.

But thanks to Boo, who apparently appeared there and slapped me in the face, yelling at me that Jeonghan was nothing but a little piece of shit and a coward, for leaving me just like that.

And somehow, I think he's right.

I came out of the bathroom after a shower, still looking like hell. No matter how much makeup I put on or how many times I smiled, I still looked tired.

Funny thing, people believed the fact that I was fine when I reassured them. Looks like smiles can hide our sadness.

I stared at the wall where I used to put up Jeonghan's dreamcatcher. It wasn't there anymore, I put it away.

"You okay noona?" Seungkwan was in the living room watching tv when I came downstairs "Hansol told me to watch over you while he went to buy some sandwiches."

I just shrugged, not sure what to feel.

"I hope you're over him already." Seungkwan says, quietly but loud enough for me to hear.

"I don't know." I replied.

The problem is that I couldn't tell how I felt to anyone. Seungcheol hyung doesn't know about this, and Hansol and Seungkwan kept telling me to get over it like it was the easiest thing on earth to the point where I couldn't talk back.

Well, it's not.

I wasted everything just for our relationship.

Everyone's pushing me to just forget it, but forgetting is harder than forgiving.

You forgive, but you'll never forget.

Hansol came back with a few paper bags in his hand, and we proceeded to his car to get to the airport. I let my bagel cool down, it was too hot. Sure, its nice to eat food when it's hot during autumn, but I usually skip breakfast.

It's autumn now, and I couldn't believe how fast time passed by after a year.

Seungcheol hyung came back from California today, and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the airport and greet him. Not on a cold day like this.

Seungkwan and Hansol kept talking in the front seat, and I heard about a guy and surprise and happy and all that shit. I rolled my eyes and turned the volume of the music louder, ignoring them.

Sometimes I just hate listening to even music, everything just reminds me of that Jeonghan and I find myself so shitty and so weak because the fact that I just can't fucking move on.

And the cycle just keeps repeating everytime.

We arrived after an hour on the road, I was sleeping in the car the whole journey.

The airport was filled with crowds of fans for some reason today, probably fans taking pictures of some artist. It was hard to get through the screaming and all that.

I shook my head and trailed slowly behind Hansol and Seungkwan.

'Arrival from Los Angeles, California : Gate 42'

We waited in front of the gate for Seungcheol hyung's arrival. I was getting impatient after thirty minutes of waiting and told Hansol that I wanted coffee, but he told me he would glue my ass to the chair, forcing me to wait.

I agreed. I didn't want to recall the moment when we first met at the cafe, either.

Finally, passengers exited the gate, scurrying everywhere and my eyes wandered around for Seungcheol hyung. He was nowhere in sight, all I see are English people.

There was a couple that I envied most. The girl looked like she just came back from L.A afted a long time, and he gave her a piggyback ride all the way to the exit.

I turned to look away. This is stupid.

"Hyung!" Hansol called out, waving frantically in Seungcheol hyung's direction. I didn't expect Seungcheol hyung to look so different. He was wearing a white turtleneck and a fedora. Nevertheless, he still looked attractive as always.

Seungcheol hyung exchanged hugs with the three of us, and after it was my turn, he stared at me for a long time.

"You look like you've grown," He smiles and pats my back. I wasn't sure what he meant by that, either I've really grown or I've grown out of Jeonghan.

I just shrugged.

"Can we go home now?" I ask. I was acting cocky as ever today, but I just wanted to go home and do nothing.

"No. We're waiting for someone." Seungcheol hyung smiles at me, dimples showing "you've missed him so much, Lia."

I forced myself to stay calm. I just shrugged in reply, but my heart was racing.

What if it's Jeonghan?

Aish no, it can't be.

If he comes back, the first thing I'm going to do is hit him.

No, of course it wouldn't be him. He's probably forgotten about me already…

My imagination was running wild, even though I told myself not to keep my hopes up too high. But I just couldn't, though I knew I would get hurt later on.

"Hyung why are we still here?" I ask. It was taking such a damn long time to wait for his friend.

Seungcheol hyung tugs my sleeve, "He's here, Lia."

Hyung pushes me forward, cocking his head towards someone.

That's when our eyes met.

He came back.

He's here.

He's really here.

I never expected that I would see him in front of my eyes anymore. He looks different, yet so beautiful.

My heart couldn't take it anymore.

I ran towards him and threw my arms around him, nuzzling my head into his chest as tears started to fall. He smelled the same like he always did. I missed his smell, that comforting scent of fabric softener.

"I...I missed you," I whisper, sobbing harder.

He wrapped his arms around me too, and somehow, his heartbeat made me feel calm. After a year, I've never felt so secure and so protected.

I missed everything about him, the person I loved most.

Joshua Hong.

----------------------------

^this is my surprise for all of you fam :D

Joshua is back, he has risen so be happy. Forget Jeonghan bc he's a dick in this story, he aint gonna come back no more so chill

Seventeen won the rookie award yesterday, and i couldnt explain how it felt, how proud it felt to be a mother of thirteen children. They deserved it so fuxking much i cri

But anyway chan's and seokmin's hipthrusts are illegal smh

Even all the senpais noticed seventeen omg kyungsoo and chanbaek were jamming to akkinda and minseok showed thumbs up and did the akkinda move at seventeen and shinee senpais knew the song and choreo and btob was clapping along and tae was having the time of his life dancing to it im ㅠㅠ

My heart. Soonyoung would be so happy to get noticed my shinee senpais.

I love seventeen so much that im suffocating

Anyway, my legs hurt like hell since i ran 9 kilometers yesterday and i can't even walk ouch

I'm not sure how long this book is going to be, since it depends on how my updates are haha

I have homework but i cant move lmao

The fact that its easy to get emo before writing this story is funny LMAO i usually read the last two chapters of fallacy before writing so I'd get sad lmao im so lame

Take care of your health guys! In case y'all have problems feel free to talk to me okay? If school or anythinf is stressing the shit out of you, please take day off. You deserve it. Don't push yourself, you'll break if you do.

THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR BEING EMO GDI

BYE

- Cee