Always the Bad Girl by Myst3ry007

This book had a very big problem with commas. Examples such as 'their, date' should be 'their date'. Also, other things like using commas to separate subordinate clauses weren't there. Example:

Whilst it was raining, Linda made some tea.

I like how you revealed information about the characters through their dialogue. The dialogue was mostly correctly formatted although you did sometimes have spaces between the comma of the last word and the speech mark. There were also times when the dialogue tag started with a capital. E.g.

"I love you," said Linda. THIS IS THE CORRECT WAY.

"I love you, " Said Linda. THIS IS THE WRONG WAY.

Hope this clears things up. 

Syntax was sometimes a little unclear (as in sentences could have been phrased a little better). I found a few tense jumps but they were minor. In all of those cases, the main character was trying to relate to the reader. I get that you're trying to make the writing more engaging by doing it in that way, but most of the time it just makes the writing seem amateur and clunky.

No commas before names was a big problem. Look at this:

Example 1: Hey, Linda.

NOT. Hey Linda.

There were some comma splits where semi-colons would have been more appropriate.

Plotting-wise, I noticed in the prologue that the main character blushes. Like a lot.

Good character development, especially of Grace and Jackie. You really subtly add key information about them, which is brilliant. I found the last set of "Nos" at the end of the prologue very effective and powerful. 

In the second chapter, there was too much dialogue. You had Grace say the same thing ("You're brother's hot") over and over but in different ways. I know you're trying to get the point across but after a while it just became tedious and boring. I would cut down on the unnecessary chit-chat between Grace and Leah as I think it drags the plot down a bit.

You should put all the dialogue a person speaks into one paragraph.

The length of your chapters are considerably long. As well as that, nothing much happens apart from Leah drinking, Grace arriving, them leaving the house, arriving at the school, the situation with Cameron, and that's it. All of that could easily be fitted into one clearer, more concise chapter, and the plot would move at a much better pace.

Also, about halfway through the car journey, Grace and Leah start talking about how much they haven't seen each other. But surely that would come BEFORE they've been talking for ages about Leah's drinking problem? It just seemed a bit odd.

Leah was a good MC but sometimes came across as bit bitchy. But I guess that's what a bad girl needs to be. :)

Overall, a good writing style but plotting needs to be revised as well as dialogue.

I did not mean in any way for these comments to be offensive. Please take them on board though, as I think something pretty darn good could be crafted from it.

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