What We Left Behind by @stxrkissed
The one liner at the beginning was very effective. So were the metaphors - they added a real depth to the writing.
I found the paragraphs ever so slightly long but I think that's just an opinion thing.
The writing was raw and felt very real. A lot of emotions were conveyed and did their main job of making the reader feel a certain way.
Quite a lot of commas were present. I tried to comment on these for you.
Numbers spelled out completely look more formal.
Keep tenses consistent.
Overall, a fantastic opening. Minor errors but really not a lot!
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