Ignorance is a Bliss by @ThoseCandiesandSugar

A very interesting opening. It sucked me in. :)

You had a few comma splits especially in the first chapter. You also had repititions of words in the same paragraph. I mean it's not wrong but it just made the writing seem a little clunky.

There was also a bit too much repitition of the main message in the first chapter of the main character not wanting to be at school. I get it, school is boring, but I think you reinforced that point too much.

Thoughts should be in italics.

Dialogue wasn't formatted right. If you what you can refer to other critiques in this book where I've explained how to do it to others.

I think the plot was very cliché. The whole thing with the stranger texting someone has been done many times before. Maybe try and pull something new out of the bag in the next few chapters.

Tense jumps were another huge problem. You started off your story in present tense but then soon shifted to past and then back again, sometimes within the same paragraph. I tried to comment on most of these for you but it would be a good idea for you to go through them yourself and try to fix them all.

One or two small it's/its issues.

I found the main character complained about school too much. I get that you're trying to appeal to the right audience but after a while it just became a bit tedious. Same with the amount of times she said 'heck'. :)

Basic grammar was sometimes off. You didn't have full stops at the end of sentences and had commas there instead.

There were too many exclamation marks for my liking but that's just a matter of preference.

Numbers spelled out look more formal.

Overall, a good start at a story. All of these comments are meant to be constructive. Please don't take them to heart.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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