Kidnapped Besties by selenastarshine11

This had many comma splits which could have been sorted with a simple semi colon. Some sentences didn't make sense because it was lacking in simple grammar but I marked most of these up for you.

There were many times when sentences didn't have articles such as 'the' and 'a'. Some prepositions weren't quite right either.

More description was definitely needed. I found that you were just stating things (e.g. How attractive the men were. Because you didn't tell me what they looked like or how they were attractive, I found myself not really caring about them at all).

Quite a few their/there mistakes.

Numbers spelled out look more formal.

Sentence types were short and simple. I found that this happened in the blurb too. You didn't really have anything enticing that drew the reader in.

A few tense jumps but not many.

You repeated some words. For example, you said 'hit' a lot in the fight scene. Maybe consider changing some of these to 'punch' or 'swing' to add more variety.

Overall, an average story with lots of basic grammar mistakes but there are always ways to improve!

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