"I don't get why you're staying back," I admit to Isla, taking a bite out of the muffins Conrad picked up. They were fresh and, as always, tasted perfect. We'd spent an entire summer when we were kids trying every single muffin in Cousins, it took Conrad and I forever to narrow down which ones were the best. "I mean, you can come get ready with the rest of the debs. They won't mind."

Isla was adamant about me and Belly going early by ourselves, and by the looks of her expression and the shake of her head, it seemed her opinion was unchanging. "They might not, but I'm not a deb. Besides, I think you and Belly need the time together. It'll be good for you."

She's right. I know she is. Despite Belly and I working everything out, we still haven't talked, not for real anyway. We were talking and hanging out again, but Isla or Jeremiah was always there too. It felt safer that way. I've never been one to be scared of confrontation, but with Belly right now, I kind of am.

"I know," I sigh as Susannah, Mom, and Jeremiah enter the kitchen. Susannah is carrying a garment bag in one arm and my shoes in the other. She was set on preparing everything for Belly and me, wanting the night to be perfect. It was only morning, and she already looked tired, her concealer doing absolutely nothing at covering the dark circles under her eyes, her cheekbones hollow below her peach blush.

"Did Belly already leave?" Susannah asks, looking over to me.

"Cam picked her up," Mom explains, pouring herself a cup of coffee, "to take her on a little good luck coffee date before the ball."

"Oh shit," Isla mutters, though I can see in her eyes she's about to say something snarky, her lips beginning to curl into a smirk, "was I supposed to take you on one of those? Am I like the worst Deb date ever?"

"I mean..." I drag off teasingly, shrugging my shoulders as if I'm considering it. Isla gasps in fake shock, holding her hand over her heart, "I'm kidding. There's no one else I'd rather have by my side tonight."

Just as I say that, Conrad enters the room, dressing in a blue polo that makes his eyes pop. His hair is less messy than normal, he'd clearly combed it, and his eyes immediately connect with my own. My words to Isla don't sound very convincing, and I know it's because as much as I'm happy she's here and doing this for me. There was someone I'd rather have by my side tonight.

"Oh, everyone, stay out of the family room. I've done all of your paintings, and tonight after the ball, we'll have a big unveiling." She plops my dress and hells in Jeremiah's arms, who's sitting closest to her. "Can you put that in Laurel's car, honey?" She then moves over to shake my shoulders eagerly, "hurry, hurry."

With furrowed brows, I look back at mom, standing up from my spot at the kitchen table, "A-aren't you driving me?" I stutter, my stomach suddenly sinking with nerves. I've been in cars a few times since the accident, but typically opted for the passenger or even backseat. The thought of getting behind the wheel again made my head spin with worry, flashbacks of the night of the accident flooding through my mind.

"I was thinking of going over with Susannah," Mom admits. I can see the wheels turning in her head, guilt washing over her expression. If I hadn't been in the accident, I'd be totally fine taking her car (a new one, our old one had been totalled due to the accident) and driving myself. I'm scared, though... scared I'll freeze up behind the wheel and get into another accident. Scared this time, I won't be as lucky as I was the last.

"I can drive Flo," Conrad must notice my sudden anxiety because he chimes in, looking over at me worriedly, "I mean, if she wants?" He adds, awkwardly running his fingers through his once neatly combed hair.

I do not hesitate to nod, a breath of relief escaping past my lips, "thank you, Conrad," mom says, and I can tell she's relieved too as she walks past me, squeezing my hand reassuringly before walking out of the kitchen, Susannah following behind her shoots me a playful smile, her eyes crinkling together happily. "We'll see you tonight, sweetheart."

"See you tonight, date," Isla gets up to follow Susannah and mom. As sad as I was that she wasn't coming with me, I was also excited for her. It sounds silly, but some of my fondest memories are of Susannah helping me get ready for events as a kid. She'd do my hair, pick out my outfit and sometimes, she'd even lend me some makeup. Unfortunately, Isla's mom isn't like that. We've had to purposely leave out the deb ball plans during her daily calls home because if she knew, Isla would be on the next bus home.

Conrad opened my door for me before getting into the driver's seat, one hand on the steering wheel as he peered over his shoulder and backed out. It's ridiculous how someone could look so attractive doing something as mundane as pulling out of a driveway, but Conrad does, his hair falls over his forehead, and I have to resist the urge to reach over and brush it back for him, my eyes falling down to his pursed, full lips. "You know, it's rude to stare."

As soon as he speaks, my eyes fall down to my lap, where I'm gripping my iPhone between my hands, "I wasn't staring." I argue, but even I don't sound convinced by my tone.

"Right," He nods, and I peek over to see his lips are curled into a slight smirk, quirky and slightly crooked. He caught me, and to be quite honest. I'm not actually that embarrassed about it. "So, uh," He looks over at me for a split second before looking back at the road, "still not ready to drive yet?"

I sigh, "I know, it's dumb. I mean, it was a fluke accident, I know that, but I just... I can't stop thinking about that night."

Conrad reaches his one hand over, taking my own in his, "it's not dumb, Flo," He disagrees with me, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I stare down at our hands, smiling as he subconsciously traces patterns with his thumb. "What you went through was hard. It takes time."

"For now, you're okay being my personal chauffeur?" I ask him, attempting to lighten the mood. I could get used to this, drives with Conrad to do mundane, everyday things. I could picture him in the fall, with the changing leaves behind us and me wearing a hoodie that smelt of his cologne. Sometimes, selfishly, I wished I lived in Boston so that I could see what Conrad was like during the rest of the year. Did he wear beanies in the winter, or cozy sweaters that I'd long to cuddle up with? Was he the kind of person who lit candles when they studied or went on walks despite it being bitter cold outside? I thought I knew nearly everything there was about Conrad, but I only knew him in the summer... I wanted more.

"We all leave in a week, so I'll take whatever time I can get with you," Conrad answered me, shrugging his shoulders. A week... it sounds so much shorter than it actually was. Only seven more days of this, being at the beach house with my favourite people. Seven more days until Conrad, Jeremiah and Susannah would go home and have to face the reality of her sickness.

"And then it's off to college?" I ask him, leaning my cheek against the seat of his car so I can look at him. I've always thought Conrad was too mature for high school. College was where he'd shine.

Conrad's smile falls, and I wish at that moment I'd asked a different question, "I uh," He sighs, his eyes flickering over to me, "I was thinking of emailing the school and letting them know I won't be attending this year... I just figured with my mom and everything. She'll need me."

I squeeze his hand in mine. He's too young to be worrying about stuff like this. He should be able to go to college or travel the world, but life keeps handing Conrad the bad cards, "She'd want you to go to school too, Con." I remind him. When Susannah finally does tell him, she won't take no for an answer. She wants her sons to go out and live their lives. She's never going to let him stay home for her.

"I know," He sighs, turning into the country club parking lot. Neither of us says anything as he puts the car into park, turning his body so he's facing me. I want to take it all away from him, all the pain and stress Conrad's carrying on his shoulders. I want to take it all. "I don't know what the hell I'm going to do."

"I don't think any of us do," I reassure him, thinking back to my own conversation with my mom earlier. I had no idea what to do with my life, where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. It felt like I had this massive blank page in front of me, just waiting to be filled out, "but it'll all work out. You're not going to be going through any of this alone."

I hope I sounded believable, longing to comfort the boy even if I felt just as confused. Conrad needed to accept help, though. He couldn't continue to carry things alone. "I just wish my dad would step up, you know?" Conrad admits, and I nod because I do. When his mom was sick last time, his dad was constantly leaving. "Jere still thinks he's this great guy. He can't lose both of them."

Conrad had given up on his father a long time ago... to him, it was always just Susannah, "he's not going to," I shake my head. "Your mom is..." I try to find a word that encapsulates just who Susannah is, dragging my sentence out. I want to remain optimistic for Conrad, even if my heart is weighed down with dread. "She's magic, and she's going to get through this."

Conrad rubs his thumb across my knuckle, his lips pressed together into an obviously forced smile, "I hope so," He nods, and my heart shatters. My visions of Conrad in Boston shift suddenly. There was no longer him in his room, content and cozy. Instead, I imagine him tired and sleep-deprived, worrying about both school and taking care of his mom. I imagine his dad not showing up and him having to run the house for his mom and Jeremiah.

My thoughts are cut off by a knock on the window, breaking me out of my trance, "Florence," It's Nicole, and my head suddenly snaps towards her, turning away from Conrad, "are you coming in?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah," I nod, suddenly aware of how Conrad and I looked just there, both leaning against our seats to look at one another, his hand in my lap, holding mine, "just give me a second, I'll be right in."

"Okay..." She drags off, quirking her brow at me before walking into the country club, a dress bag swung over her arm.

"I should go," I turn to look back at Conrad, to find he hasn't moved one bit. His cheek is still leaning against the back of the seat, his eyes focused entirely on me, "but we're gonna figure this out, okay?"

"Okay," He nods, squeezing my hand one last time before letting go, "break a leg, Flo."

"I think I've injured myself enough already." I tease, smirking at him playfully. Conrad cracks a smile, a chuckle escaping his lips, and I feel like I've done my job. I wouldn't of let him leave this parking lot without cracking even the slightest smile. 

    When Conrad smiles, it feels like maybe, just maybe... everything will be okay.