Kian swallowed hard. He wasn't sure if he could do it.

A familiar hand clutched his bicep. He looked down to find Audrey beside him, flashing a reassuring smile and he tried not to panic. "Do not mess up this time, yeah?"

He nodded his head. "Yeah. Yeah. I won't."

They somehow managed to push past the crowding people at the entrance who were near each other's toes. The crowd had been wild, manic, infused with crazed energies, clapping and hollering as the band took the stage and they had to dodge a few of them to find a footing among them. Audrey instantly blended into the frenzied haze of party people while Kian froze at his spot beside her.

By the bar, the lights went dim but the boys on stage or rather the boy clear as day, Kian stayed rooted to his place.

"Kian, you okay?" Audrey spoke into his ear, her six-inches heels giving her the privilege of reaching up to his chin. "That boy surely has some effect on you."

"No," Kian breathed, his eyes not leaving Enzo, almost felt like he met him after ages, when he just saw him a week ago. On the stage, sitting behind the drums, the mic lowered for his voice to reach. His rings clad fingers tapped the drumsticks once, twice, thrice in the air then kicked in the drumbeat and the music carried him away.

Kian held Audrey's shoulder and cut deeper through the crowd until they were just a few meters away from the stage. Even then Enzo's visuals were blocked due to the hands pumping into the air and heads swaying in front of each other's faces. He held a guy by his shoulder who was leaning too close to Audrey and shoved him to the side, his eyes finally having a clear view of the pretty boy on stage.

Enzo's hair looked longer, tucked behind one ear, soft black curls falling over his face as he sang with closed eyes. He started the melody taking over from the guy with mesmerizing golden hair pulled up in a ponytail at the center stage. It was a complicated arrangement of drums and strumming of guitar strings.

The tune was more complex with the music but as Enzo opened his eyes. His charcoal scanning the room, searching, seeking and somehow Kian wanted to lock eyes with him. They were separated by a crowd of hundreds of people but even then it felt like they were alone when the words rolled out of Enzo's lips.

All my life I've been

At war,

In denial,

Searching an escape,

Trying to survive underwater.

I've been falling,

Failing,

Choking in my own hell.

And I had no words to heal myself.

His neck taut with tension, he lifted a bottle of water from the scuffed stage and took a swig, muttering something under his breath as the golden haired boy segued into the next verse of the song.

A shiver ran down Kian's spine as he wiggled his way through the crowd to head closer to the stage because goddam the look on Enzo's face while he sang and drummed his emotions had set Kian's soul on fire. Also, the fact that he knew that look. The breathless rumble of his voice, the blown irises and veins lining his face. All of this indicated possible chaos.

Enzo poured the remaining water over his head, water pelting down his hair, to his face and down his magnificent neck. With a harsh shake of his head, he placed the bottle down, fingers moving the drumsticks between his fingers before he was back on the drums, his eyes taking another desperate sweep at the crowd.

Could he not see Kian, yet?

Was he even seeking him?

Don't be so delusional again, Kian? He smacked the back of his head mentally and willing himself to stop fantasizing about Enzo. But could he stop himself when the boy looked absolutely breathtaking. Clad in a black satin shirt that remained unbuttoned enough to show his sharp collarbones, the dog tag hanging around his neck and the confidence with which he captivated his audience surely put Kian in a trance. If not for the flicker of anxious look in his eyes, he would've fooled Kian with something missing in his performance.

And I've missed you,

With every beat of my heart,

With every stutter of my breath,

But you weren't there this time.

Nursing my words like a bleeding poet

Disguised as a passionate lover of other

I looked at you with pleading eyes

'Cause baby,

You know that you set me free

Yes, you set me free.

Kian felt every hair on his skin rise with the intensity with which he punctuated each of the words, transferring the energy to the audience and the room swelled into the crescendo.

Then the thundering rumble of Enzo on the drums held the crowd captive, Kian included. Every noise, the cheering, all drowned out and when he hit the cymbal with an ending clash, that was when the chaos set loose.

He dropped the drumsticks on the stage, his band members trying to cover for him as he breathed shakily, his chest rising and falling unevenly and Kian knew what was happening.

The past reeled in his mind and every cell in his body quaked with concern. He had been there every time Enzo went through one of his anxiety attack episodes. So, as Enzo stumbled down the stage through back, Kian marched towards him, elbowing his way through the crowded room.

A security guard stopped him at the backstage area, who was roughly the size of a silverback gorilla.

"Do you have a pass?" The guard broadened his stance and screwed his brows at Kian. Kian wet his lips, his limbs shaking a little with an eagerness to see Enzo and the frustration of being stopped by a mammoth sized man.

"Look, I know Enz-Enzo," he looked up at the guard with pleading eyes, a little jittery. "I need to see him for a minute. I swear I will not go inside. He's my-"

"Let him in, Mark. He is a friend." Kian heard a voice cut through the metallic music and ever screaming crowd surrounding them. Both him and the guard turned their heads to find the golden haired angel walking up to them.

The multiple piercing adorning both of his ears and one on his left eyebrow, made him look so charming that he just had to wink and girls (or guys if he rolled that way) would be falling on their knees. He did wink at Kian, making him realize he might've been staring for too long. "I'm Garret, by the way. Nice to finally meet you, Kian."

Kian frowned at the guy but before he could say something, he was already swaggering back to the stage. "Tell Enzo, I will manage the next set."

The guard ushered him through the backstage alley, led him to a door, knocked once then opened it.

Enzo was lounging in a chair, sweat pouring down his face and beading at the tips of his hair, all damp and messy. A pair of faded black leather pants hugging his thick legs and his shirt now unbuttoned some more revealed his unblemished skin, sparkly with sweat.

However, that wasn't what made Kian hesitate at the door, or made him unsure. But it was the petite girl in black body-hugging minidress hovering over Enzo, dabbing his sweat with a hand towel and holding his shoulder while he sipped water.

His heart burned to see Enzo struggling to breathe and him not being the one to comfort him. He fisted his hands to his side and turned to leave.

"Kian?" Enzo's voice cracked into a whisper.

That surely rooted Kian on the spot. God! Why did he sound so small?

Still showing his back Kian exhaled a relentless sigh. "I know you probably don't want to see me of all people, but I wanted to -"

"Kiki, why would I send you concert tickets if I didn't want to see you?" Enzo's voice came in strained and restless. "How-uh, how did you get through Mark?"

"Your friend who apparently knew me, helped me in." Kian shrugged, turning towards the boy finally. The girl was now standing by his side, her glance shifting from Enzo to Kian. Also, that looked like one of your episodes. I thought you had it under control. It doesn't look like that it is."

His eyes appeared to hold the answer for him. That hurt Kian, in an odd way. There was something troubling the boy and he saw it clearly in his eyes, the way he was breathing unevenly and his face contorted when he met his gaze. "And you are here because you cared for me?"

Kian nodded.

The silence stretched out, neither of them sure what to say or do or feel.

God, he needed to walk up to Enzo. He looked too vulnerable. The thought struck him, unbidden.

For the first time since he knew the boy, Enzo wasn't just his crush but so much more than that. The boy had his heart all along.

***

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