Kian stayed tongue-tied at the doorway. His eyes didn't stray from Enzo even for a second.

He licked his lips and slowed down his breathing, at least trying to ease out his desperation in front of the girl who now seemed slightly confused. Enzo was staring at him, his gaze impenetrable. On top of that dark, unreadable look on his face - he was sweaty, his chest heaving, and the bottle of water in his fist slightly crushed.

Kian knew he shouldn't be there with Enzo backstage. It was asking for trouble in a loop. Although he wanted to confront Enzo for all his fuck ups, watching him sing that song on stage and now looking at him with such raw emotions was almost too much for Kian. On top of that, the new revelation about having deeper feelings for your childhood best friend, who was also off-limits, was a big no-no to be around him.

So why was he still there? No voice inside his head answered.

Enzo had looked so broken and sad, his voice creating a painful ripple of grief and longing in his heart. The unsaid emotions in Enzo's eyes as he poured them into his music were one of the soul-deep hidden feelings, hurt, and love. He wondered who would have made his heart bleed like that. And Kian was a sucker for troubled, hurting souls. Maybe, he saw his darkness reflected on Kian's soul, or it was on instinct. After all, Kian had always been there when Enzo needed him.

That hadn't changed even though they were separated for the last two years. Old habits never leave.

Enzo seemed to remember it too. His midnight eyes were so dark with emotions that it almost made Kian turn around and leave the room, But he stayed even as Enzo's eyes narrowed and seemed to be struggling to understand what they were supposed to do next.

"Leave us, Jamie," Enzo's hand flew to her wrist as the girl beside him tried to resume her work. His eyes were still on Kian.

"But you're not okay," Jamie attempted to hold his face, prompting Enzo to break his eye contact with Kian and glare at the girl instead.

"I'm okay. Now leave." Enzo gritted out.

With an annoyed gaze directed at Kian, the girl walked past him, intentionally bumping against his shoulder. Kian dared not to follow her. A voice inside his head became active, asking him to leave. But Enzo was hurting. He saw through his efforts. He had no idea if it was because of his presence in the room or whatever emotions Enzo unleashed on the stage, but he knew he couldn't just walk away and leave Enzo to hurt alone.

"Do you want me to leave?" Kian asked, not sure what else to say. "I just...I guess you would rather be alone right now."

Shit. Kian smacked his head. Faced with Enzo, alone in a room, with him looking broken and soul-crushed, Kian found himself tongue-tied and fumbling for proper responses. On top of that, the need to hug the boy had his heart hammering to another level.

Enzo swigged his water before placing the bottle against his forehead. "Yeah, I should rather be alone, Kiki."

He sounded so vulnerable that Kian's hand tightened around the corner of the door he had been holding all that while. "Are you okay, Enz?"

Enzo looked away, his breathing still ragged and the veins on his forehead a little more prominent. "Fuck. No. I'm not okay. Nothing is working."

That was all the opening he needed. Kian shut the door behind him and moved into the room. In a few long strides, he was in front of Enzo. Not knowing where to sit and how to keep the minimum safe distance from him, he sat on the ottoman in front of Enzo.

"Can I help you, Enz?"

Enzo looked up at him and laughed, humorless. "And how are you going to help me?"

Kian shrugged, slowly reaching for the bottle Enzo kept against his forehead. The moment his fingers brushed Enzo's, he tried not to lose his shit again and chicken out. He willed himself to be his best friend instead of being a total Neanderthal in love. "You remember when you panicked on stage during a poetry recital in third grade. You had worked on that poem hard. I remember you climbing through my window every time you finished a verse and made me read it."

A slow upward tug of his lips showed he remembered it. "And you jumped on stage at my rescue, held my hand, and stood beside me the whole time encouraging me to finish it."

Kian brushed a sweaty strand of Enzo's hair behind his ear, making sure not to savor the feel of his heated skin against his fingertips. "Yes, I did. And helped you score a second prize."

Enzo sighed shakily, "Then everyone called you my prince charming and made fun of us. I blamed you for it."

Kian released a low laugh with the memory of Enzo fighting him over it. "We were kids."

"It still doesn't make it right. You were only there to help me." Enzo gazed up into his eyes, his brow furrowed in a frown. "The point is, Kiki, that I've always been a shitty friend."

"No, that's not true," Kian whispered, resting his forehead against his, not caring if he was crossing some lines. He had done it many times before, but it never felt so fleeting. He didn't care if Enzo shoved him aside for the rest of his life. The truth was Kian couldn't see Enzo breaking apart due whatever reason. "It's on me. I messed up our friendship. And I'm sorry."

"Enz, that song you were singing back there...God, that song killed me."

"So, you did hear it?" Enzo pulled back far enough to look him full in the face. "I thought you wouldn't show up tonight."

"Enzo, why did you want me to be here tonight? Even after- even after what I did?" Kian looked down at his shoes, his eyes suddenly turning sore and watery. "I thought you would never want to see me again."

"I had to before we left the states...I couldn't leave. If I left the states, I would be running away from you once again. I couldn't do it."

"You...you couldn't?" The fragile tendrils of hope coiled around Kian's heart. He didn't want hope only to get snatched away again. Hope hurts too much. Rejection was what helped him stay sane.

Enzo took a shaky intake of breath, hiding his face in his palms, his entire body trembling with tension. "Damnit! Kiki, it wasn't supposed to feel like this."

"You're not making any sense. What you weren't supposed to feel?"

"I thought I could do it. I thought I could let you go," Enzo whispered, tugging Kian's forehead back to him. "I thought I could get over our friendship, get over you. It's been two years Kian Advani, two fucking long years - but being apart from you hurts worse than ever."

"It does but how? You don't-"

"Being without your best friend, being alone again," he whispered, his lips quivering. "Missing you beside me through my best and my worst."

"I never left you, Enz."

Enzo pulled away to look into his eyes, holding so many raw emotions. "But I came back. I'm here now."

"Yeah, but for how long?" Kian picked up the hand towel kept on the side table and dabbed Enzo's sweaty face, pausing at his neck. "Everything has changed in the last two years. Our lives still don't fit together."

"That's true, but the fact is," Enzo moved his hand to take Kian's hand and gave him a sad smile. "I don't think I can ever let you go, Kiki. I just couldn't."

"You never let me go- you walked away, Enzo. Without giving me the chance to explain myself."

"Yeah, I did because I wasn't brave back then. I was left with no other choice but to turn my back on our friendship."

"And now you're brave?" Kian asked, meeting his eyes.

"I'm trying to, Kiki." He sighed and shook his head. "I know it's more impossible than ever, now that I'm finally taking hold of my life. I have national tours happening, concerts, interviews, and talk shows. It's all too much, and I've got this thing between us. I don't know how to manage it all. I don't know how to make this work."

"This thing between us?" Kian asked, his throat suddenly turning dry and his mind picking up the pieces of their conversation.

"Yes, this," Enzo waved his hand between their chests and then wetted his lips, a habit Kian was familiar with. Enzo was nervous and anxious. Kian could feel his shot-up pulse as Enzo was still holding his hand.

But the timing was never in their favor.

Before Kian could delve deeper into what Enzo was trying to say, a fist knocked, jerking him away from Enzo.

"You're on in five." A head popped inside. It was Mark.

"Yes, be there." Enzo rubbed his forehead and cursed under his breath.

A few silent seconds passed between them as Mark closed the door after him, and they were once again alone in the room.

Kian was the first one to stand up and step away. "I think you should go. They must be waiting for you."

He turned towards the door, his heart accelerating with the knowledge that Enzo was right behind him. And just before his hands could pull the door open, he was stopped by strong, gentle fingers on his arm, spinning him around. Kian might be a muscular hunk, but Enzo had a whole new impact on him whenever they were together. His lungs froze, and his brain melted. Enzo was suddenly inches away. His deliciously familiar scent, a light mixture of his forest-scented cologne and his sweat, did things to Kian. He could feel the heat emanating from him, along with the confusion, and the hurt. And the attraction. This time Kian was sure of them being together in the moment. It couldn't be just him.

His eyes were on Kian, but he still couldn't read the emotion in them. Was it his best friend missing him? Or was it the boy he kissed?

"I'm sorry, Kiki."

"Why are you saying sorry?" Kian furrowed his brows.

Enzo's hand was still on his arm, circling his bicep, his fingers pausing to feather the Celtic tattoo itched on Kian's skin. He was so close now that Kian just had to tip his head back to meet Enzo's eyes. And his gaze was intense. Kian felt something clenching in his stomach, the way Enzo traced the details of his face, from his eyes to his slightly messy hair and down to his lips. "You got a tattoo around your bicep."

"Uh-huh," Kian could barely breathe out the response. And now he felt his body respond. Oh god, not again. He was here to apologize for the previous kisses and not deliver another one. Get your ass out, Kian. A voice rang inside his head, but it was in vain.

Because the next thing he knew, he was already falling forward...

His lips were salty with sweat, soft but firm, scouring his mouth with something similar to desperation. Enzo's hand tightened around his bicep, pulling him closer, the heat of his lips raging havoc in Kian's senses, and he did. He let his mouth seek the sinful sweeps, his hand slipping to the small of Enzo's back, crushing him against himself before he could make sense of what was happening.

Then everything came crashing down like his subconscious smacking his ass with a stick. What the hell do you think you're doing, Kian? Do you have no self-control at all in front of Enzo?

Kian withdrew his hand from Enzo's back and his mouth from the soft, moist feel of his lips. And it hurt. It hurt mentally, physically, and emotionally to pull away from a touch that felt like his salvation.

His breath came in ragged, eyes looking anywhere but at Enzo, and groped for the doorknob. "Enz, it was a mis-"

Enzo's fingertips touched his lips as if to keep the memory of the kiss right in place, over his lips, in his soul. He took a step, licking his lips, brows furrowed, and eyes a darker shade of charcoal. His head dropped to Kian's side, his curls brushing Kian's cheek, and his lips which were on his mouth a few seconds ago, were now touching the shell of his ear as he whispered. "Stop calling it a mistake."

Kian pulled away, shaking his head, and spoke as he walked out. "Yeah, then what it was. I don't think you understand. It is not your poetry recital. You've no idea how harder it gets. You can't mistake longing for a friend for this. So, I have to do the right thing for once in my life. I'm going to walk away, and we're both going to pretend nothing happened."

But Enzo was right behind him, shouldering aside the techies, crew members, or any staff that littered the hallway. Then in a swift motion, Kian was tackled to the corner of the exit, his hand still holding the crash bar in a vise grip as Enzo's hand on the wall near his head. "It did happen, Kiki. If you want to walk away, you can. But I'm not walking away this time. We're going to talk about this. I've to be on the stage, and if I still find you among the crowd, standing by me, I will know that we are done being cowards."

Enzo retreated, leaving Kian breathless and so very confused. He hit the crash bar and walked back towards the staff crew with a soft smile on his face.

Kian watched Enzo leave, wondering what had happened between them and why his heart was palpitating. It couldn't just be imagination.

Ten seconds, but he knew he was ruined for other men or women.

***

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