He woke up alone.

It was partly expected but it stung all the same when his hand unconsciously moved to gather Enzo against his body. The warmth was missing from his side and even the rays of sun hitting his face through the open curtains couldn't wash away the chills settling in his heart.

Kian should've known it was too good to be true and he was bound to wake up to an empty bed. 

The memories of the previous night hit his senses like a hurricane, making his migraine worse than ever. They had kissed all night long and he had also shown Enzo some of his ways to be with a guy. Enzo, as expected, was a passionate lover, quickly picking up on everything Kian had in mind.

It was a wonderful night, full of years worth of longing and hidden desires. Kian wasn't embarrassed to express his wish to taste every inch of Enzo's body. Enzo wasn't the one to complain either, on the contrary, he enjoyed every moment of it.

Did Enzo feel it too? When Kian pleasured him. When his eyes bored into Kian's. His hair tangled in Enzo's fingers, tugging it every so so often, causing beautiful pain. Did Enzo feel it? Their soul-deep connection when they both came together, Kian untouched but that was the hardest he had come ever.

Did Enzo feel it? When they lay on their backs, fingertips brushing the exposed skin, the low temperature of the air conditioning cooling their chests. 

Kian did. He felt it.

And he knew Enzo felt it too. Because Kian remembered how Enzo pulled the comforter over their bodies when Kian shivered and kissed the goosebumps on his skin, then pulled his mouth to his own and delivered a warm kiss. They smiled into the kiss as Enzo said, "So now, Kiki, it's your turn. Are you ready to be my first?"

Kian didn't reply. Merely gulped with anticipation and nodded. Later while Kian let Enzo take him into his warm heavenly mouth, he wanted to scream Enzo's name to the ceiling but all he did was bite down hard on his bottom lip and groaned the whole time. He didn't last long though.

But Kian should've known it was more than he would have wished for.

So, he buried his face in the blankets with a painful groan, his heart caving at Enzo's potent smell still rich in the fabric of his comforter.

Why does everything nice only last for a moment? And why do the memories of it haunt us for a lifetime?

He pondered over his life choices some more as he took a warm relaxing shower, feeling the sensation of Enzo's touch on every inch of his body. Even the scalding spray couldn't erase the vivid memories of Enzo's fingertips running over his exposed body in the middle of the night. Yes, Kian wasn't asleep. He pretended to be deep in slumber, his heart dancing inside his chest with how possessive Enzo's touch was, as if he was learning the details of him.

Kian wasn't sure how long he had stayed inside the shower when the creak of the bathroom door made him jerk towards the sound. He squinted at the glass door to find a familiar silhouette.

Enzo stood in his previous night's jeans and LED-Zeppelin t-shirt, his face obnoxious and hair matted to his forehead haphazardly. He leaned against the partly open glass door, his hands folded across his chest and eyes staring at Kian's body, naked under the shower, lathered up in soap. Kian thanked the steam suspended around the small space of his bathroom. He felt less exposed but naked still. His skin tinted red, partly due to the hot spray on his body and mostly due to the boy shamelessly watching him. "I thought you left."

"I didn't, did I?" Enzo sighed, a resignation sound. That hurt a little. Was he cranky due to last night? Or was he this stale every morning? For most part, Kian knew Enzo wasn't a morning person but it still hurt not to see the happy smile he wore the previous night.

Without a word, Enzo pulled his t-shirt over his head, tossing it away. Soon the rest of his clothes joined the heap and Kian simply stood under the shower watching the boy undress. He loved this broody, grumpy version of the boy, stripping in front of him, his lean muscles flexing as he did that. Was he dreaming? Not a minute before he had presumed Enzo would once again cut all ties with him and maybe ghost him for another two years. Instead, the boy stepped into the shower, closed the door and then simply stood there looking at him.

"Well, don't just stand there like a creep," Kian pushed back the wet hair plastered on his forehead and rinsed the soap off his chest under the warm jet. "You're freezing, I can tell."

Kian waited. When Enzo didn't move, he went back to washing his body but he couldn't help flexing his own strong build body either. The movement of his back muscles couldn't certainly go unnoticed even by a straight guy. Kian knew he had an attractive physique.

But Enzo still didn't move.

Well, Kian wasn't going to make the first move either so he took his time to get all the soapy lather off his body, then reached for the towel hanging from the bar beside Enzo's head.

"Wait." Enzo held his wrist before his fingertips could touch the fabric. The water rushed past them, Enzo slowly dropped his hand and held Kian's shoulders with firm but cold hands to settle in the shower with him. His chest against Kian's back. "All this time, I have been so oblivious of your affection for me."

"What are you-" Kian tried to turn around, his eyes already creasing at the corner with confusion but Enzo cut him off.

"Don't." He pivoted Kian so his back once again touched Enzo's chest. This time he could feel his heartbeat against his back, turning his own heartbeats erratic. "Let me say what I want to say Kian. In a few hours, I will be too far away from here, from this. You should know I don't want to but I have to."

The dread seeped back into Kian's soul and he didn't want to cry in the shower, in Enzo's intimate embrace but damn his eyes turned moist all the same. He tilted his head a little to wash away the tears under the water. Enzo might have sensed his discomfort because he was right there with him, his hands sliding down Kian's sides as he placed a kiss on his neck.

"I figured we could eat some muffins. Didn't want to wake you up, though." He reached forward and snagged the soap. He lathered his hands and continued. "I took your keys. Also, sorry for walking into your shower uninvited."

"Don't be ridiculous. I don't mind your presence in my shower." Kian tried to hide the edge in voice and the little scratchiness too, distracted by the way Enzo runs his soapy hands over his skin. "Besides, I'm glad we could spend some more time together before you...before you left with your band."

Enzo's hand paused around his shoulders for a few seconds before he continued. "Do you remember the time I fell during a soccer tryout and broke my right hand?"

Kian simply hummed, his body responding to Enzo's touch and the warmth his lips delivered when Enzo whispered in his ear.

"I wouldn't let my mom help me wash my hair and I badly needed a hair wash." Enzo took the shampoo from Kian's hand and squeezed a generous amount of the citrus scented liquid. His fingers dived into Kian's hair, gently massaging his scalp. "And then you showed up with a box of cookies. I prayed internally that I wouldn't have to go through with mom treating me like a child at my sixteen. I just realized what a stupid fuck I was back then. I didn't even ask if you were okay with the prospect of helping me in the shower. I commanded you to do it."

"I didn't mind though." Kian mumbled.

"Yeah, but I know now why you were silent the whole time." Kian was pivoted around to face Enzo. Water passed between their faces. "It wasn't just the kiss at Derek's party, was it? You had feelings for me even before that."

Kian sucked in a breath, his truth was out in the open now. He could either confess or let it sizzle in his mind forever. "Since seventh grade. I had been crushing on you since seventh grade, Enzo Santiago and you've no fucking idea how excruciating it was to suppress my feelings for years."

Enzo blinked, blinked again. His wet eyelashes bobbed before he squeezed them shut and Kian was holding his heart for the boy's reaction. When Enzo opened his eyes, he had those unreadable emotions again until he pulled Kian's face towards himself and kissed him on the lips. The water pelted down their heads, but it didn't set the boys apart. After kissing the ever-loving hell out of him, Enzo breathed over his lips. His warm breath hit Kian's mouth. "I think I'm in love with you, Kiki. Yes, I'm in love with you."

Kian's heart expanded a little to accommodate the words. He tugged Enzo towards himself and placed his forehead against the boy, their noses touching and breaths mingling.

"I'm in love with you too, Enz. I've been in love with you for a long time now."

***

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