When Seokjin broke up with me before the end of first year of high school, there was only one person I truly spoke to everyday for the rest of the summer. Kim Namjoon. This time period was the lowest my life had reached. The first summer that I will be nothing, the first summer that I'm not going anywhere, no more gymnastics, no more working out... maybe go to a fitness gym every other day, but mostly staying home. I guess if i'm not working out, i will go on a diet.

I didn't tell anyone about my diet, especially Namjoon. And it's not like kids our age ask if you're eating well. I decided to do the apple a day diet and many bottles of water, for the first week it wasn't too bad, but then I felt like my stomach was eating itself. I felt so sick i couldn't text Namjoon, i didn't want to get up from my bed, i watched korean dramas on apps and Netflix—my lifestyle had turned from being active to doing nothing. I felt like i was missing something in my life, my life no longer had meaning again. But, i had a sense of security, my parents will no longer fight about money or yell at me because i am not improving. This step was needed to ensure my mental well-being, it is worth it but then again, i am nothing without gymnastics.

After dieting for 2 weeks, I no longer felt happy. I decided to add some peanut butter to my apples and for a couple days it felt better. The only times i truly ate a meal was on the weekends when mom would make food, but i didn't eat too much, and they didn't seem concerned. But clearly, i was losing weight. It wasn't until my sister noticed and scolded me. She told me to not care and just eat what i want. So, i just decided to add a croissant to my diet.

I knew Namjoon lived near my neighborhood so i decided we could meet up at the chicken place which was close to us. For the first time i had to take the bus and it wasn't hard when using Google maps of course. If i'm eating with him, that means i'll need to eat some chicken and rice, it will be my first meal in weeks.

Upon arrival, he was already there waiting for me with a coffee in hand. His innocent eyes stare at me as i approach and sit down in front of him. But, there's an immediate concern written on his face.

"You look like you've gotten no sun." he said.

"i'm always this pale." i said. "and that's seriously the first thing you say to me when we're meeting face to face for the first time?" i joke.

"i feel strangely close to you." he shrugs. "i've already ordered for you." he said with a smile and i see the food in front of me, i thought it was his.

"you're not eating?" i ask.

"oh, i see it's coming." his food is the same as mine. chicken and rice... how did he know it's my favorite?

"tell me y/n." he suddenly gets serious.

"you're friends with Jungkook, Jimin, Hoseok, Seokjin, and even Yoongi?"

"I'm not friends with any of them."

"Well i am."

"oh that's good."

"they never stop talking about you."

"of course, i'm probably a nuisance in their life, it's so embarrassing and you hear stuff about me from them."

"nope, not all, they always speak nicely of you. they regret how they've treated you. i just wanted to see for myself. you're nice." namjoon smiles.

i had to blush and scoff. "if you're my friend you should tell me what they say."

"Jungkook said you're a very dear friend of his who helped him when he would cry for being bullied. Jimin was too young to understand a girl's feelings and acted irresponsibly so he says he doesn't wish to be given another chance but for you to just be happy. Seokjin has said you were the most patient girl he has ever met despite how slow he is and deeply regrets not working out things with you. Yoongi? well all Yoongi has said was he would rather keep his distance from you. Hoseok... i think he's worse than all of them. he probably talks about you the most and misses you, and also regrets for letting you go. If you ask me, Jimin, Seokjin, and Hoseok definitely still have feelings for you."

My mouth hangs open, i'm shocked, but i knew there's no way i'm going out with them ever again. I never go back to exes.

"I don't go back to exes, there's a reason it didn't work out. there's no need to try again. i don't think they've changed that much. Jimin is still irresponsible, Hoseok is still naive, and Seokjin is too full of himself to care about another person."

"I have to agree with you, even though they're my best friends and here i am talking shit about them. the three of them aren't the brightest when it comes to relationships." Namjoon said thoughtfully.

"what about you? how did you meet them?" i ask.

"i have them in my classes throughout the day. we all have the same lunch period, sometimes we go near the river and woods to have a smoke." he shrugs.

i raise an eyebrow. "you and yoongi are in that group of people i see."

"that group of people? you mean the druggies?" he teases.

"yes."

"so what? you don't like it?"

"drugs are bad. i've already tried it and i'm already miserable so why make myself even more miserable." i shrug.

"you're right, but for me, it's like an escape." he said dreamily.

"of course, and how are your studies?" i ask.

"you sound like my mom."

"women are always right."

"my parents don't care."

"damn, can't relate."

"what's wrong with your parents?"

"helicopter parents, if they find out i'm here, i'm dead."

"whoa, you're becoming bad because of me. i'm flattered."

"i'm going to eat now." i quickly hide my blushing face and stuff my mouth with rice.

After eating, i didn't want to leave Namjoon yet. He's easy to talk to and even though i've said that about almost every guy i have met, he's different and actually leads the conversation more often than me. he's good at digging up stuff about me and i've told him things that even my past exes don't know about. i guess it's because i've also grown as a person and became less... complicated. it was nice having a friend like him.

When school finally begun, i confessed to Namjoon. However, what i didn't know was that... of course, he had to be high when i confessed. And that already was a mistake.

finally updated