I rolled around in my bed as my mom turned the light on in my room burning my eye balls.!I had to squint to find my glasses on the table next to my bed. I hiss as I try to stand and the warmth from my bed... I already miss it.

Jeans and sweater are appropriate today as it's cold as fuck and snow is everywhere we won't get to have free time outside which meant no Hoseok. I can only watch from a far at my lunch table. Wait do I like Hoseok? No. No way.

Each and every day after school we texted, it felt like a habit now as I went back to my old ways and led this so called friendship, exaggerating my responses to whatever Hoseok said because I still want his attention. What's nice about Hoseok is that he has no girls who are friends so that meant he can put all his attention to me! Am I possessive? Just a little.

I had taken a task of taking the kindergartners to the bus everyday after school just so I could talk to Hoseok who takes the yellow school bus home. I don't know how he does it being in a bus with loud kids. I don't like younger kids but if it meant seeing him, of course I volunteer as tribute!

It's been 6 months now since we have started talking and it really seems like an internet friendship more than a real life friendship because I couldn't see him much but with the new job I was determined to change that. I just wanted to get closer! Not be with him in a dating way though...

I remember how I squealed as Hoseok showed me his cute bowl haircut, during the summer he had gotten an ugly haircut and I was the first to see it. He must've trusted me so much! I couldn't wait to show my friends when school started and I did show Emma and Penelope, then they thought I was starting to like Hoseok. Was I though?

Then it happened again during the beginning of school when he sent a selfie after I had begged him because... reasons. More squealing and bragging to my friends at how cute he was. Whoa am I whipped?

I have given him the name Hobi, because every time I said his name it sounded like I was saying "hoe-suck", I guess it was the American accent part of me, I felt like my white heritage had failed in a time like this.

My poor heart couldn't take it as I walk past Hobi and Jimin in the morning and they're at their usual spot by the slides. Sometimes I'd gather my strength and approach them no matter how early in the morning, however, my mom would always wait by the lot and watch me as I wasn't allowed to run around like the other kids. She would leave as my class and I enter. I couldn't be seen talking to boys, she'd become suspicious. I would scream in my head as I beg her to leave wishing my thoughts could reach her or some kind of magic that can start her car and drive away!

So I'd just settle for looking cute every morning and walk past the two boys. I sometimes felt their eyes on me and in these moments I wish I had the courage to speak.

-

"Y/n!" Hobi called to me one day by the bus stop as I dropped off kids to their waiting bus.

"Here" he says and it's a black bag filled with turtles. Even though I prefer Reese's, these turtles were macadamia nuts covered in chocolate and caramel. The thought of him using his allowance to buy me sweets made me feel things, confusion and happiness.

"What's the occasion?"

"Thank you for being my friend" his smile turning into a heart shape I couldn't admire it more as I saw my dad pulls up to the lot.

"N-no problem", I hid the sweets in my bag and a feeling I'd always remember as my shoes crushed the snow beneath.

The feeling of owing someone.

-

Contemplating. This was the best word for my conflicting feelings. Should I ask out Hobi? Would we look good as a couple? Would our friendship be ruined? I don't think he likes me that way. Or does he?

Flashback

I had a bad practice one day after school, not that I got hurt or anything. I just didn't feel like giving 100%, my body aches and I am craving sweets and greasy food like ice cream or McDonald's. I had not followed my coach's order while going over the routine, my body just not cooperating as I did my usual flips upon the beam, each time slipping or falling down but not hard enough to be injured. I'd definitely will feel the impact tomorrow though. Knowing the feeling is like being run over by a car.

My dad watches and he doesn't look happy. When I was done with my lesson and needed to practice more, my dad and I created a scene because I was begging to go home so that I can rest. Today is just an off day, it's been an off day for a couple weeks now. It's always on and off, my growing pains and switching of emotions. One day I'm willing to sweat a river and the next I can't stand my coach's face or the others in the building.

At school the next day, I tried to hide my dad's words that made me feel unappreciated. He called me lazy, that I'm wasting his money.

His new favorite word "sandbagging", meaning to purposefully perform at a lower level than I'm capable of.

My pride hurt that day and I shut off everyone around me. Nothing felt worse than a parent who couldn't empathize with their child. Unlike my older sister who used to swim and actually loved it, she's tougher than me. My parents always compared me to her.

As I couldn't imagine my day any worse. When I got to meet Hobi, the small window of time we can talk, his class was dismissed early. And I thank the gods as I drop off the kids. For the first time I got a good look at his face. Black bowl cut, long but small face, heart shaped lips, mono-lid eyes, peach-tan skin, a freckle tucked just below his lower lip.

I broke down in tears and embraced the boy who's only a couple inches taller than me. Through my sobs I told him what happened, the walk to his bus the whole time his full attention on me, no words were needed for Hobi to express his worry. He knew I just needed someone who will listen to me. And for the first time I thought.

He's my sunshine to my cloudy day.

End of flashback

Hobi took care of me from far away. And I would never notice. In the hall his eyes followed my back and I wouldn't know. He would make sure his friends never talked ill of me, while going through puberty my acne has gotten worse but I had just lived with it, as my friends are kind enough to tell me that I still am pretty. Even if it's a lie, sometimes if it's heard enough times, it becomes true.

When his friend yelled from the bus one time and called me "pizza face" Hobi rushed inside to call his friend a waste of space. It made all my insecurities vanish.
-

After I had dropped off the kids from the bus and returned to the playground, my friends were playing soccer, I spot Jungkook and one of the "popular boys" named Christian. My dad not in sight.

I remember it's a Friday and the boys have made a new game called "Slap ass Friday" in which I protected my precious tooshie (my butt). I dropped my bag with the purpose of joining them in soccer. This game was only meant for the hot girls in my grade, Jasmine and Nicole.

"SMACK", my poor butt has become a victim of "Slap ass Friday". I was more surprised than mad, I had suspected these games to be less violent. This whack to my precious butt cheeks was way too hard and flashbacks of my spankings while a five year old made me uneasy. I only saw a laughing blur of a boy as he ran away. It looked like Jungkook and I was on the verge of tears.

"SMACK"

ANOTHER ONE?

This time it's from Christian. I know he has a crush on me but he too, but he has called me "pizza face".

I wanted revenge so I chased the two boys around in a circle until I couldn't, catching my breath there's another "SMACK".

SERIOUSLY? Is no one seeing this? I look around to Jungkook and Christian still running in a circle. I spot Nicole watching from a far and I felt betrayed like help a girl out what happened to feminism?!

I guess my facial expression changed as i sulk my way to the benches and clench my poor booty cheeks in pain. Now Jungkook and Christian have backed out, with a worried face Jungkook had approached me. My eyes not wanting to meet his. Betrayal written all my face.

"Are you okay?"

"Don't talk to me"

"I'm-"

"Go away"

Kids these days are cruel.

-

I told Hobi about it but he didn't seem to care. I have been told I have a big butt for such a small person. The word "thicc" made it sound like I was some kind of Grade A Premium Beef. I couldn't believe Hobi was agreeing indirectly meaning he understood why I am included in "Slap ass Friday" even though he never really said it that way. Lil pervs. Unlike Jasmine and Nicole, I made it clear no one will put their hands on me.

-

During the cold winter months Hobi was still there for me, he's the only boy who has not flirted with me in hopes of possibly calling me his. I appreciated that from him, but our class shipped us. The responsible and kind Y/n with quiet and reserved Hoseok. Two completely different people made each other happy. By January I had developed feelings for Hobi, not having a boyfriend since June of 7th grade made me yearn for attention and that's really all a girl like me wants.

With the upcoming dance on Valentine's Day, I am allowed to go since it's the last year of middle school. I wanted Hobi to go, knowing he's not really into dances or socializing. So I wondered if he would go knowing I would be there.

y/n: HOBI! Are you going to the dance?~~

Hobi: i don't really like those sort of things

Y/n: awww I see but I'm going since it's the last dance for me. Imma just dance with my friends.

Hobi: i see well have fun

Okay he didn't get the hint I want him to come...

Y/n: you should come with me!

Did I come on too strong?

Hobi: as in... like your date?

Y/n: I guess you could say that, we go as friends of course!

Hobi: ah... I see. I'll consider

OKAY. Mission complete... I think. Please say yes my sunshine.

Two weeks before the dance.

Y/n: did you get tickets yet Hobi?

Hobi: maybe...

Y/n: CMON TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY

Hobi: okay fine I did. Happy?

Y/n: YAYYYY! We can dance and you show me your moves! Whip whip and nae nae!

Hobi: never say that again...

Y/n: hehe sorry

One week before the dance.

OKAY Y/N JUST TEXT HOBI THAT YOU LIKE HIM. DONT BE PROBLEMATIC OR MAKE IT COMPLICATED.

Y/n: hey hobiiiii so I have this friend that likes boy and they've been best friends for a while but she doesn't know if he likes her back and I'm trying to give her advice as to how she can confess! But I don't know what a guy would think...

Hobi: are you sure it's about your friend? Are you talking about yourself?

SHIT. He knows me too well! Quick gotta make it complicated.

Y/n: HAHA WHAT NO... her name is Mary... and she's from my gymnastics class. She likes this boy named Brad...

THESE SOUND LIKE MADE UP NAMES CMON Y/N.

Hobi: I see lol, well she should confess if she doesn't want to have regrets. If they've been friends for a while I think Brad would like her too. But how do they act with each other?

Y/n: Kinda awkward but they trust one another a lot....

Hobi: tell Mary to confess! Brad most likely likes her back

Y/n: you smart

Next day...

Y/n: Hobi?

Hobi: yes

Y/n: you're brad

Hobi: lol what?

Y/n: you were right Hobi, I was talking about myself. I like you... it's okay if you don't also. I just wanted to tell you. But I guess you know me too well and knew this friend I was talking about is me...

Hobi: haha I knew it. I've never been given a confession before... I don't know what to say.

Y/n: it's okay! Don't overthink it too much.

Hobi: how long have you liked me?

Y/n: a month now.

Hobi: why y/n? You have most boys in our grade that are better than me...

Y/n: none care as much as you do...

Hobi: i see...

Y/n: you don't seem to like me back it's okay you don't have to...

MY LIL HEART HURTS.

Hobi: I do y/n, I never thought you would like me...

Y/n: REALLY? YOU SCARED ME. I THOUGHT YOU DIDNT AND I JUST EMBARRASSED MYSELF!

Hobi: who doesn't like you y/n, you're amazing lol

OKAY Y/N POP THE BIG QUESTION.

Y/n: so at the dance we'll be a couple?

Hobi: YES!

I squealed into my pillow and kicked the air with my legs.

Too young to know what love is, too innocent to worry about the future. Too naive to know what heart break is.