a/n: this will hit a weak spot in my heart

The Winter Dance is tonight, my plan? To kiss Hobi on the cheek of course, to dance with him, and hold his hands, to tell him "I like you" in person

My plans are on hold.

My mom is chaperoning. She will be in the same room, well lunchroom. Why? JUST WHY? She even bought fruits and brownies. I appreciate it and my friends love her now because free food I guess.

Cockblockers...

I am not in a dress, because I'm not girly and being comfortable is my number one rule. So I wore jeans with a black tank top and a black cardigan, it's still cold out and I'm not about wearing heels in the snow and having my legs half exposed.

I arrived quite early at the school. My mom, being her usual responsible self, made sure of that. It's so early the lunchroom was divided between girls on one side and boys on the other. The DJ is still setting up and there's no music playing, my friends are here at least as we waited for the boys in our grade to come join us. I guess girls are more punctual than boys.

No sign of Hobi yet. It's 6pm now and the dance ends at 9pm, so I have three hours to execute my plan without being caught by my mom.

Thirty minutes pass. Everyone's dancing to "Turn Down For What" and the Watch me whip watch me nae nae song is next. I'm having fun and showing my dance moves to Emma and Jasmine. Of course it was just me whipping quite hard.

A crowd forms and I see my mom not in sight. Hobi's friends surround him and then mine do too. The arrival of the prince to his princess excites the pre-teens and 13 year olds.

"Y/N HOSEOK IS HERE!" Someone yells from the crowd as they push us to each other, in the middle of the lunchroom. It's quite small so I panic if my mom sees me, but the music made it so that the yelling is blocked.

I'm standing in front of Hobi now as we awkwardly smile at each other. I didn't notice the circle around us and the chanting to hug each other until Hobi grabs my waist and pulls me into a hug, my arms instinctively wrap around his waist as well. With one arm around my waist and another holding my back my face fells hot as kids cheered. I inhale his cologne the smell will forever be burned into my mind, I felt safe and warm in his arms, I savored the sweet moment. I can't see his face much but he's wearing a red polo t-shirt with dark jean pants, he looked kinda funny to me but at least he tried. His hair is styled showing his forehead.

I look thoughtfully into his eyes and pull away. The lunchroom is dark with only white Christmas lights on the wall, giving a romantic vibe to this middle school dance. Kids started to disperse again.

"HOW ARE YOU?" He raised his voice over the music.

"WHAT?"

"I SAID HOW ARE YOU?"

UGH I CANT HEAR HIM. So I pull him to the wall making sure people block us so my mom doesn't see. The voices of people were more quiet.

"How are you" Hobi repeats for the third time.

"I am good, but we have a slight problem... my mom is here"

"That's alright. You look... (he scans me from head to toe) c-cute"

I giggle as he struggled giving me acompliment. So I whispered in his ear.

"You look handsome today"

I laugh mischievously as I make my way to my friends and start dancing to Beyoncé's "Run the World".

Still paranoid with my mom seeing me with a boy I felt bad as I watch Hobi from a far talking to his friends, I don't know if he's uncomfortable because he's not dancing but I see him laughing and eating pizza. So I guess he's all right. Just knowing he came because I asked gave me satisfaction.

It's 8:20pm and from time to time I'd pull Hobi over to the wall where we talked, I could barely make out his words but when I did his sweet voice made my heart stop. And his laugh when I roasted Jungkook looking like a seagull. Every time my eyes scanned the lunchroom my mom would be somewhere new, either on the other side or out the lunchroom in the hall chatting with teachers, I don't even know, and it scared me.

8:45pm. I had managed Hobi to dance with me, but I basically stood in front of him and grabbed his hands and swung them around as I made him dab. I'm laughing at him as his face is in embarrassment. His hands are slightly sweaty but I found it cute.

"Aren't you a dancer?" I shouted over the music.

"Y-yeah but I don't want to show people"

"Just pretend I'm the only one in the room Hobi!"

And with that he pulled me closer to his body, one hand on my hip and another holding my hand. My instinct hold onto his shoulders and to not step on him as his movements guided me. We weren't really slow dancing, Hobi swayed his hips which caused me to do the same. He twirled me and slightly pushed me until I was caught again looking up into his eyes in shook, time seemed to slow down. He then released his hands from me, the warmth of his body made me cold. But when he started b-boying, kids made space and watched in awe. My heart ready to stop beating and nothing else seemed to matter.

What Hoseok will not realize until years later, Y/n was his first audience.

8:55pm. I still haven't kissed Hobi, I stayed by his side until kids started ushering out, my mom not in sight. To take my chance I led Hobi to the corner, his friends smart to pick up my plan as they scream and throw a thumbs up to us. It's quieter now and with no adults around I quickly speak to him.

"I had fun Hobi, thank you for coming"

"N-no problem I had fun..." he's stuttering and it took all my self control to not take his face in my hands and kiss him.

So I quickly give Hobi a peck on the cheek. The sensation felt soft and warm. His baby smooth skin made the hairs on my body stand up. When i look at his face it's red and even in the dark I can see it. I had made the "mwah" sound, so I just held Hobi's hand, his long angelic fingers wrapped around me comfortably. With my other hand i cupped the cheek I had kissed.

"I like you"

My plan is a success as I climbed into the car with my mom who looks oblivious to her young daughter's actions.

"Did you have fun?" She asked.

"Very much so..." I reply with a small smile.

What have you done to me Jung Hoseok... my sunshine.

-

Being apart made it harder. With only small windows of time to see his face still, morning, in the hall switching classes and stealing glances, to watching above my classroom when we have lunch and he has free time, or when his class comes out and mine has to go in, or at the bus. The dance would be the only time we had one on one time...

I couldn't take it anymore one cloudy day, it's March and my birthday is coming up, I will be 13. I missed Hobi's voice even though we Skyped called whenever we were alone in our houses which wasn't often. But I'd say at least once a week.

So as I'm standing with my class waiting to go in I complain to Emma that I wanted to hug him, with her encouragement mostly saying, "Then run! You can do it!". Even thought he's all the way across the playground. I felt my legs run across the pavement and onto the turf- a field of fake grass that had bits of tire under. Hobi's back is not facing me so I was going to surprise him.

I had to move around Jimin who was on Hobi's side as they talked. I couldn't control my strength as I hugged Hobi making him stumble and Jimin released a chuckle.

"I'm sorry I just had to hug you, I miss you" I whispered in his ear.

"I-I" he starts to stutter so adorably.

"I have to go back... I love you" I giggle and ran back to my class as the doors open to reveal my teacher. My classmates looked like they all were waiting for me.

Embarrassment shown on my face as I realize what I said and that I hugged Hobi in a bear hug in front of Jimin, my memories of hugging Jimin until I sucked the life out of him washed over me but I brushed it off as I remember Hobi struggling to find his words. Even though I said the three special words first I realized a phrase I had read online.

Am I a dominant? Or rather... a dom?

-

Today's my birthday and Hobi gave me an assortment of Reese's and turtles after school near the bus. Of course the feeling of owing him something came over me again, it confused me but I quickly dismiss it as I give Hobi a hug and peck on the cheek. Even thought there's adults around I bet they also thought we're cute together since my parents still have no idea that I'm dating a boy.

I know during free time Hobi watches me from above his class as well, since they're having lunch as my class has free time. This new rule made me upset because now only P.E classes use the lunchroom so I guess now it's just the gym.

Showing off as usual as I threw the ball around with emma and penelope. The football flying high into the hair I'm sure the other class can see even though the school is two stories high. On occasion someone would open the window and cat call me from below, saying how hot I looked or the "look hoseok your girlfriend!"

"Hey y/n" emma said.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you ever feel like the guy in the relationship?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"It's just you're always the one to make the first move, I've never seen Hoseok kiss you. And plus you're much stronger than him..." emma trails off.

"Hm I guess you're right but what's wrong with that? I'm the boy's first girlfriend"

I didn't know if I should be offended by emma calling me the boy in the relationship but I just want Hobi to be comfortable with me unless he's feeling uncomfortable.

"Are you planning to ruin his innocence?" Emma joked.

"I'm just as innocent you know" I roll my eyes.

She starts laughing, a combination of squeaking and gasps.

"Are you sure? I saw you checking his butt out from across the hallway!"

"W-what?"

"Face it Y/n, you got more balls than him"

For some reason I felt proud after hearing that statement.

-

It's April and it's Hobi's birthday. I am broke for an 8th grader so I looked through my bin of old stuffed animals. I know he only has like a pillow pet to sleep with so why not give him my childhood dog plushie. It's quite big. There was a stain that looked years old on the paw, it's brown and probably coffee so without my parents around I had washed off what I could until the paw just looked brown now even though the dog is white and grey.

I made sure to spray my perfume which smelled like cherry blossoms and then some scented oils. I stuff it into my school bag knowing I had no homework and no binders to bring the next day. The plushie took up all the space in my backpack.

At the bus I pull out his gift along with my handwritten card that I could only afford, I know i was making Hobi late to his bus but I couldn't help myself in wanting his attention. He looked happy as he saw the plushie, that's when he kissed me on the cheek.

Feeling accomplished as I skip to my dad's car which was around the corner.

-

It became a ritual for Hobi and I when in a Skype call to tell each other a story for moments if we didn't know what to talk about but wanted to still hear each other's voices. It began with the question of- Have any stories of your life?- of course I had a lot to say. Being cheesy one night I decided to narrate how we met.

"Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy, the girl and the boy were great friends at first but when the girl developed feelings she was scared at first, knowing how young love and trusting someone took a lot of courage and confidence, over time she had lost that. But when she met the boy she regained it and somehow she wasn't afraid anymore. She's really comfortable with this boy, people probably think two young kids don't know about love but the way the girl's heart beat whenever the boy calls out her name of sends cute messages. The girl confessed and -"

Hoseok cuts me off so he can finish the story.

"The boy likes her back."

"That's right. And they will continue to live happily."

I'm smiling from ear to ear.

"Should i say my version? I really like this story" Hobi's voice is raspy because it's 11pm now.

"Please do"

"Once upon a time a boy watched a girl from a far, as she fell for his best friend, he found her cute and kind, feeling happy for her he kept his distance until one day the girl's heart was broken, the boy couldn't help but comfort her. She was better than he ever imagined, seeing her weak sides made her more love-able, her smile the most beautiful and even when she cries she still is. The boy, being a coward, never overstepped his boundary of being the supportive friend. He was patient and ready to give up his love for her just to say friends, the boy overwhelmed with joy as the girl confessed. Never doubting this was the kind of the girl who spoke her mind. The boy, finally happy to win the girl. They will continue to live happily"

I chuckle and so does he, knowing the boy and girl are us, we just confessed to each other, wholeheartedly.

"I love you" I whisper to him.

"I love you too" he whispers back and we both fall asleep during the call.

-

May, June, graduation. Being with Hobi for 6 months now. We actually started dating in January 17, and didn't tell anyone until before the Winter Dance. These months have been the happiest of my life. Gymnastics was getting harder but I had Hobi to push me through it even though every morning I'd feel like my legs will fall off but I looked forward to seeing Hobi in the small moments we had.

Is it bad to rely on someone too much?

I didn't mind, Hobi is with me for a reason, and I'm glad I haven't chased him away yet. It wasn't until May we had the courage to kiss each other. The peck awkward yet sweet as the spring rain sprinkled on our faces. I had grabbed Hobi's hoodie to bring our faces together. The feeling felt appropriate for our age, gotta keep it PG. We were just two kids are admired each other a lot.

-

My heart wound race whenever we would hug and Hobi would wrap his arms around my waist. On the last day of school for me I wore a black and white dress, it showed off my tiny waist and strong arms. I got to see Hobi after my class and I went to a restaurant across the school to celebrate, it's called a luncheon. His eyes were examining me up and down as his cheeks were red so I had to tease him.

This will probably be the last time I will ever see him in a long time. As we sat in our usual place by the trees, I wanted Hobi to hold me in his arms but he didn't as we talked about the future.

"I will miss you Hobi but this isn't goodbye." I try to sound strong. But Hobi looks deep in thought.

"I will miss you too" he whispers. I lean my head on his shoulder and his arm sneaks around my waist. I get emotional and wrap my arms around him back. I hold back because teachers are present.

For the last time I walk him to his bus, this time no one is around. We kiss one last time, it's the longest kiss we've ever had as I show Hobi how much he means to me. He pulls back first. And I wave to his bus as it disappears down the street.

We've touched slightly on the topic of will we still be together once I'm in high school? I promised to Hobi, no I will not cheat on him, no matter our separation we will find a way to see each other. I promised him that I wouldn't want any other boy but him. We are going to different high schools, the thought of Hobi possibly finding another girl made me uneasy but I trusted him to keep his promise as will I.

-

Until we got into a fight over text one day, the summer only two weeks in, it's June 22, Hobi has not been answering my texts and we argued well into the night until 1am. Words were said that we probably will regret. I blamed myself for not being understanding as Hobi seemed done with my conversation, I complained he hasn't been the soft, bubbly, boy I once knew. I got mad because the last couple days of just saying "hey" he left me on seen. It made me panic.

But not as much as hearing my father and mother scream at me to get up and head to the hospital. It's 2am.

My older sister got into a car accident.