Don't worry 'bout what they say. Do your thing, everything is going to be okay.
-Joey Fatts

• Can't Hold Me Down •

Dyme
Long Beach, CA.

I sit on the couch placing Jodie in my lap as I look around the house taking in the atmosphere. "I'm glad you could come over," the female voice says making me look in her direction as she steps into the living room with a baby in her arms.

I smile saying, "Me too." When Jodie whines in my arms I help her climb off of my lap. I look at Deja who's patting the small babies back that's in her arms.

"I was surprised when you said you wanted to talk. I know we've had our issues, but I just want to get passed it. We're both grown and mothers now. Your friendship did mean something to me. Things just got a little...crazy."

"Yeah," I say nodding my head. I know I agreed to come talk to her after thinking long and hard on it, but I was still iffy about it. What would we talk about? Things have just been so crazy lately in my life, I just needed someone to talk to. Someone besides Joey or a family members of Joey. Between trying to get my postpartum under control, taking care of two babies and Joey dealing with his legal troubles it's been a lot to handle.

"Where's the new baby? I wanted to meet him," Deja says making me look at her.

"Oh, he's with his grandma. It gets a little hard trying to get out of the house with two small kids," I say shrugging. Truthfully, Stevie was with Miss Shellie because I was about to lose my mind. I've gone to counseling for my postpartum and it feels like it's not getting any better.

"I can understand that. I struggle with just my one baby. Well, I'm sure I'll meet him eventually. What did you end up naming him?"

"Stevie...After-"

"Yams," she says finishing my statement smiling.

"Yeah, everybody jokingly calls him Stevie J or Stebie because of his middle name." I chuckle to myself just thinking about him. "He's so damn chubby. Just like his Daddy," I say shaking my head. I look up expecting that to phase Deja a little with the mention of Joey, her ex, but she just sits next to me on the couch. I clear my throat saying, "What's his name?"

"Sire. You wanna hold him?" She asks looking at me with a smile.

"Um, sure. I need to wash my hands." She nods her head then I get up from the couch going to the kitchen. I wash my hands with soap then dry them off going back to the living room sitting back on the couch beside her. She hands her baby over to me and I hold him making sure to support his neck.

It took me back to when Jodie was this small. It reminded me of how happy I was when she was born. I was scared throughout my entire pregnancy because I would be doing it alone, but when she was born all that fear was gone. I didn't have that same feeling with Stevie and I felt bad for it. How could I be unhappy when I have a newborn baby, a man that I love as the father and a family to help me?

"He's so cute," I say staring at him.

"Yeah, looks just like his Daddy. I guess because I hated him so damn much my whole entire pregnancy."

"Are you still with his father? Justin, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, sometimes I don't even know. It's nothing I didn't expect though. He has two other kids with two different women. It's like after the baby is born he feels like he can't fathom the thought of being tied down forever. The thought of commitment and a family is some foreign concept to him. They say choose who you have children with wisely and they weren't lying. I saw the signs and still got knocked up by him."

"What happened?" I ask.

"Just a lot of arguing. Constantly going out late at night with his boys to the club or wherever. Missing important doctors appointments and just not being there. You know this negro was late to the birth of his own child?" She says shaking her head. "Then he had the nerve to ask for a DNA test a couple of hours after I gave birth saying he doesn't look like him. How can you tell after a couple of hours? He quickly saw he looks just like his ugly ass. My poor child," she says making us both laugh.

She continues by saying, "I'm so glad I didn't sell my house. Soon I gotta get back to working. He thinks I only had his baby for money just because he's in the NFL and I'm gonna prove him wrong. Can't keep a man with a baby, right? Looks like I'm just another baby mama."

"Naw, you can't reduce your self to that just because he doesn't wanna act right. You were good enough to have his child, right? You're good enough to one day be someone's wife. Someone who deserves you."

Deja looks at me as a smile crosses her lips. "Thanks." She looks down and I do too realizing she's looking at my engagement ring. She grabs my hand getting a closer look saying, "That's a big one. When are you and Joey getting married?"

"I don't know. We don't have a date or timeframe. There's so much going on, I don't even have time to start planning. We want to wait until we see what happens with Marcel."

"I heard about that. Him being accused of murdering his father. I don't even believe that," Deja says shaking her head. "They'll do anything to try and stop a successful black man."

"Mhm," I hum. "Joey wants him to be his best man and he can't do that behind bars. There's been talks of Marcel's trial starting soon, so hopefully we'll have a resolution. One of him being found not guilty and out."

"Absolutely. I understand he has kids and a wife. What about Joey?" She asks making me sigh. I didn't know how comfortable I felt talking to her about him, especially after everything that happened. When she sees I'm quiet she says, "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't ask about him. I know it's a little awkward and we've been avoiding the conversation. I just really want to say I am sorry for what I said about you and him on social media. I know me and him broke up because of just growing apart, not you. And I'm especially sorry for accusing him of abusing me and causing my miscarriages. I was hurt. I lost someone I had in my life for more than a decade and it was hard to let go. And I'm so so so so so sorry for talking about your daughter, an innocent child. That was so wrong on so many levels. If anybody even looked at my child wrong I would beat their ass, so I honestly deserved you showing up at my house."

"Thank you. I appreciate it. I apologize for the part I played in it as well. I shouldn't have escalated the situation by coming to your house and using violence instead of words. Mainly because the person who was harmed the most had nothing to do with it, your sister." She nods her head then we sit in silence for awhile. "Joey is...Joey is out on bail. His court date is next week."

"What happened?"

"This detective, he's out to get Joey and Marcel. I filed a complaint with the department, but they always give the excuse that things take time and that they'll look into it. It's all bullshit. I feel like I can't help Joey. If he ends up going to jail over this gun," I say shaking my head. "I already feel alone. I'll really be alone and I can't do this by myself. Do you ever have those days where you just don't wanna be a mother?" I ask hoping I don't sound crazy.

"Yeah, even though I'm a new mother, I do. Often...When you're used to only being responsible for yourself it's hard adjusting to being responsible for another little human. It feels like you can't slip up once and make a mistake. No off days. But you have help from Joey, right?"

"Yeah, he helps with them. But things just haven't been the same. We're distant."

"You can't get help from him if you don't tell him you need help. You gotta talk to him," she says patting my hand as I look down realizing her baby is asleep. "Well, thanks for putting Sire to sleep for me," she says chuckling then standing up. She extends her arms then I gently pass him off into her arms making sure not to wake him. She disappears down the hall then I call Jodie over to me.

When Jodie smiles at me, I smile back. Deja is right. The only way things will get better is if I ask for help. Sometimes it just feels like people don't understand or get it, mainly Joey. He's a man and he doesn't get that sometimes things just can't be helped. I didn't ask to be like this. It's something that happened after having a baby that I can't control.

When Deja comes back I stand up saying, "I have to get going."

I pick Jodie up into my arms then she responds by saying, "Okay, let me show you to the door." I nod my head then follow behind her to the front door. She opens it then I turn towards her as she says, "Thanks for coming over. You ever need anything you can definitely call or text me. I don't expect us to be best friends, but I'm here if you need me. Okay?"

"Thanks, I appreciate it. The same goes for me."

"Cutie pie," she says touching Jodie's cheek making her laugh. "Be safe," Deja says as I walk out of her house. I wave then open the backseat to my car putting Jodie in her car seat. Once I'm done with that I get into the drivers seat. I sit there for a second thinking...It's about time I get back to my old self...for the sake of my kids. They need a mother. One who isn't depressed, moody and sad. I need to work on myself for them.

A Week Later...

Joey
Los Angeles, CA.

I sit in the courtroom next to my lawyer waiting to get this over with. I've been out on bail for awhile and now it's finally my court date. I was charged with possession of an illegal firearm and I'm facing anywhere between probation to 16 months to even 3 years in jail. If I wasn't a felon, I could've potentially walked away with just a fine that would be nothing for me to pay, but I'll give it to that detective, he knows what he's doing.

When I turn around looking behind me I see Dyamond sitting there in between my mother and my Aunt Edna. Things have been a little rocky lately. If it's hard on me, I know it's hard on her. I know I haven't been there like I should be, but I'm fucked up in the head right now. I've been living everyday looking over my shoulder waiting for what's gonna happen next. It's a fear worse than living in the hood and having rivaling gang members after you because for once I got my life on track and someone who's supposed to be out there solving crimes is tryna destroy it.

Because of all of this my store in Los Angeles got shut down, I haven't been able to work on my music and I haven't been able to leave the state for shows. My biggest fear was going broke again even when my bank account is sitting pretty I still worry as if only have a dollar left. I worry about going to jail too. What can I do for my family behind bars? This detective has to be stopped and at this point I'll do anything to make that happen...

When the judge walks in I sit up in my seat a little more. "We're going to make this quick and easy because they're trying to make it more complicated than it is. They had a warrant to search your property, a store. I looked into it and the warrant was because they were told you were using it as a front to cover up drugs. I don't know who's giving warrants out based on hear say, but," she shrugs. "They found no drugs, but you had a gun on your business property that was unregistered. You are a felon and lawfully you cannot have a firearm in your possession. I take in account that the last real crime you committed was when you were 18 and I see that you're trying to do better for yourself..."

She takes a pause, "You will be fined $500 and I'm sentencing you to 12 months probation in which you must complete 200 hours of community service. That's it." I was sure I was gonna spend some time in county jail. I was in shock to be honest. "Are you gonna say thank you?" The judge says looking directly at me. Her stoic look turned into a smile.

"Oh, thank you, ma'am. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. That is all."

...

As I sit in the passenger seat as we drive on the highway I look out of the window thinking. I turn to Dyme who is driving quietly as music plays lowly in the background. "I've been thinking," I say grabbing her attention. "I was talking to Thump and Fade and they were saying how Detective Reed is fucking with them now too. This detective has gotta go..."

"What do you mean by that?" Dyme asks looking from the road over to me.

"He needs to be dealt with," I say rubbing my chin.

"Joey, I know he's trying to do everything he can to make things hard for you and Marcel, but he's a detective. He isn't just some dude from the streets. People will look into it if something happens to him. Don't do anything stupid."

"I'm not gonna lie, I thought about having him roughed up, kidnapped or even killed, but that's not the route I'm gonna go. I gotta play it strategic like him. If he wants to fuck with my money then I can do the same."

"What are you gonna do? I think you should just leave it alone. I filed a complaint already and they didn't do anything."

"Exactly, what's a complaint gonna do? I'm gonna get him fired."

"How? They're not gonna fire him because you say so. Would they really care if they find out he's just trying to get revenge on you and Marcel for personal reasons? They'll probably take his side."

"I'm gonna get him fired for something else. I got this, Dyme. Nobodies hands will get dirty from blood. If they wanna play dirty, I can too."

"Fine, do what you want because you always do. Just make sure you don't do anything that lands you in jail or even worse, dead because you have kids. Just remember that."

"I won't." The car gets quiet then I say, "I know things have been hectic and I haven't been there like I should since Stevie was born, but I promise from now on, I will. I know it seems like I don't care or understand what you're going through, but I do. This is just something we have to get through."

"I know. I get it, but I do need you to be there for me more though. I'm not taking away from the fact that you do help me with the kids, but sometimes I need you to be there for me. The emotional support."

"You're absolutely right." She whips her head in my direction quickly looking at me funny. "What?"

"You're not gonna argue with me and say that you have been there for me like you usually do?"

"No, you're right. I haven't been. I can admit I've been chasing money more than being at home helping you. I will say this though, I do have to get some money deals situated with my store being shut down. I have to get the online store back up and running then see if I can get my stuff in some clothing stores around L.A. until I get the clearance to open my store again if they'll let me. I also have a couple of deals with my artists that I need to get right." When Dyme looks over at me glaring I say, "BUT after that whatever you need me to help you with I'm there."

"I'm gonna hold you up to that," she says as we sit on the highway in this L.A. traffic. "Promise?" She says extending her fist.

I tap it with mine saying, "Promise. I love you." She smiles saying it back then I lean in kissing her. When someone honks there horn behind us we pull apart.

Dyme wastes no time rolling her window down saying, "What the fuck are you honking for?"

"Move up!" The person yells back.

Dyme looks forward seeing the car in front of her barely moved up. "We still ain't goin' nowhere you stupid ass bitch!" She yells rolling her window back up.

I laugh saying, "Still got that road rage, I see. You gonna get us shot out here."

"They can try if they want. I got the pistol in the glove compartment," she says pulling it open. "And the Beretta in the middle counsel," she says opening that next. "They can try me if they want to. I don't take any mutha fuckin' chances," she says pursing her lips tilting her head to the side.

I die laughing shutting the glove box saying, "Calm down, shooter. Are these registered? We don't need anybody else getting arrested."

"Of course they are. I don't have a record, so I'm all good over here. I've never gotten caught for a crime in my life. From now on just have me hold the pistol in my purse. You don't even gotta worry about it. I got us."

"I'll remember, but why are you lying right now? You got caught shoplifting in high school then asked me for the money to pay your ticket. I gave it to you and you NEVER paid me back."

"Pay you back? You were my best friend. I didn't think I had to. It was a gift. Well, I paid you back now."

"And how did you do that?" I ask raising my eyebrow.

"I let you smash and I gave you your first child. That's payback enough. I let you nut in me then I pushed your big ass baby out of my coochie!"

"You have such a way with words, babe," I say cracking up laughing.

"I know. I'm such a lady. I guess I should tell you..." she drags out.

When she pauses I look at her confused. "What?"

"I met up with Deja."

"When was this and why?" I ask furrowing my eyebrows.

"Last week. She wanted to talk, so I finally obliged her. We just talked on some real grown woman shit putting all our differences aside. I've changed and I think she has changed too. She apologized for everything she said about me, you and Jodie and I said sorry too. I think she meant it."

"I don't believe that shit," I say smacking my lips. "Accept it if you want, but that's the last time Deja will be mentioned."

"I don't know...I kind of want to rebuild our friendship."

I look at Dyme sideways saying, "Are you crazy? You don't need a friend like her. The minute she doesn't like or agree with something you say or do she completely turns on you. Someone who loves you doesn't immediately start talking bad about you as if you've always been her enemy. She uses everything you tell her in confidence and spins it to hurt you. Why be friends with my ex? You can't talk to her about me, our family, the kids, nothing, so what would you talk about? She's doing this on purpose. There's always a motive with her."

"We both have kids now. We bond on that aspect. She's not thinking about you like that anymore, Joey. Her and I's friendship would have nothing to do with you. It's completely separate. I won't bring her around you and I won't talk to her about you. What other motive would she have to be my friend again besides strictly friendship?"

"Oh, I don't know...to destroy our relationship. I don't want you being friends with her. You have plenty of friends. You don't need to be friends with Deja."

"What friends, Joey? You're my only friend. Trent lives in the Bay. Matika has her own issues with Marcel being in jail and raising two babies by herself. Star is dead! What friends?! I'm by myself everyday with the kids. I'm alone!" Dyme yells catching me off guard. "Is it wrong for me to want to have someone to talk to that isn't you or related to you?"

I look at her hesitating to speak then say, "No. Fine, if you really believe she has changed, be friends with her. Just watch your back and watch what you tell her. Just be weary." I get quiet and she does too. I just wish things would go back to normal. But what is even normal to us anyway?

Joey's finally putting a new mixtape out on the 30th & Vince's album comes out this Friday🙌🏾

Dyme being friends with Deja? Joey getting rid of the detective? Comment / Vote💙⚔️