I tell everybody what is going on. When I ain't got money, people know I ain't got money. And when I got it, they know I got it.
-Joey Fatts

• Karma •

2015

Deja.
Long Beach, CA.

I pull up in front of my mothers house in Long Beach parking my car. I honestly haven't seen her since I knew I was pregnant and I started to show. I was so nervous and scared to see how she'll take it. I know my Mom and I know how dramatic she can be. I sigh as I take my key out of the ignition. I grab my purse then get out of my car walking towards the house. Every step felt heavy and slow. Finally getting up to the porch, I knock on the door and wait. I didn't call before coming or anything.

The door finally swings open, but instead of it being my mother behind it, it's my sister, Indiya. I hadn't seen her in months right along with my mother. I said I forgave her, but I really didn't. I was still angry on the low and holding a grudge towards her. If she called or text me, I ignored her. How stupid does it look to be pregnant by the guy who cheated on me with my sister? But that's the choice I made when I started messing with him again.

"If it ain't, Deja! I was starting to wonder if you were alive. Finally got time to visit and not be under that rich, football nigga." She says opening the door wider to let me in. I was hoping she wouldn't be here and I could just talk to my mother.

"I'm not with him anymore," I state simply as I walk in. I readjust my bag on my shoulder looking down at the large hoodie I'm wearing. It was Joey's and it covers my belly since I'm still small at 18 weeks. I look around the house asking, "Where's Momma?"

"Her room," Indya responds.

"Can you get her?" I ask as I sit on the couch. I watch as Indya walks off to the back. I know this is going to be a shit show once I tell her. I unzip my jacket then take it off throwing it over the armrest of the couch.

When my mom walks out with Indya behind her I stand up from the couch. My mom looks from my face to my stomach. "Awl hell!" Indya says as my Mom remains quiet.

"Hi, Ma!" I say pushing out a smile.

She turns to Indya saying, "I told you she was pregnant. Didn't I?!" She turns towards me saying, "I hope that football player plans on marrying you and you're not just another baby mama. What does this make you? The third one."

I look between her and my sister saying, "This isn't Justin's baby."

"What do you mean? Isn't that who you're living with? Don't tell me you were out in those streets opening your legs for just anybody. You don't have kids with just anyone, Deja."

"No, it's Joey's baby," I mumble.

"Excuse me? Did I hear you right? Did you say Joey?"

I looked down twiddling with my fingers saying, "Yeah."

When I hear a laugh I look up to see Indya with a stupid grin on her face. "I can't believe this," she says walking away towards the kitchen.

"Again, Deja? You didn't learn your lesson the first time," my mother says as I bug my eyes.

"Again?" Indya asks again in a more confused tone.

I pursed my lips as my mother burned her eyes into me. "Yeah, again. I rather my grandchild not be a part of his criminal, gang banging family, but I guess it's too late now. Do you two plan on getting married?" She asks.

"No, we're not together anymore."

"So, you're pregnant by a man you're not with? What ever happened to people being a family? I can't," my Mom says throwing her arm up.

"Is no one going to explain the again part?" Indya asks.

"Mind your business, Indya!" I shout. She throws her hands up in defense going to the kitchen. "I would think you two could at least fake like you're happy. I'm 24, not a teenager. Yes, it was a mistake, but at this point I just have to move forward. This is your grandchild and nephew."

My mom looks at me saying, "It's a boy?"

"Yes," I reply.

"I guess you are grown," she finally says.

"As fuck!"

"Alright, don't get carried away. I'm still your mother. I just want you to make good decisions. That's all, Deja."

"I do and if I don't, I fix them. All I want is your support."

"Well, you have it," she says finally smiling. I go over to her hugging her as I release a long sigh.

Dyme.
San Fernando Valley, CA.

I lay on my side on the couch watching the movie, The Help. It's my day off from work and I planned on using this day to rest. When I hear the front door open I look towards it to see Joey walk in. "Hey," I say making my presence known.

"Wassup? Where's Deja?" He asks.

"Said she was going to Long Beach."

"Oh," he says as his voice becomes faint. I get comfortable again until my phone dings indicating I got a text. I reach for it on the coffee table. I unlock it to see a text message from an unknown number. I roll my eyes realizing who it is. It's Pops. He's been texting my phone since that day I saw him at my brothers football game.

I read the message furrowing my eyebrows at it...

My love warrants no return, my dear. I was made for you, like the moon for the night. I was crafted to reflect your light so bright, until you and I, both, are blinded to form. Your aura is all that remains, my dear. To no surprise, I've never seen your heart so clear. Lifted in love and resurrected for once, no longer, my dear, do you fall for love.

I rolled my eyes so hard, you would think they were going to get stuck. I wasn't surprised. Pops always had a way with words. That's how he always weaseled his way back in and was able to get me to forgive him. He's the reason I started writing poetry. Aside from us having that common interest, he was the subject of a lot of my poems. Hell, 90% of it was about him.

Very touching, but leave me tf alone

I hit send then locked my phone. Why is he bothering me now? I'm not getting back with him even if a gun is put to my head. I have a child to think about.

I got up from the couch going into the kitchen to see Joey standing by the dining room table opening the mail and grumbling things to himself. "Everything okay?" I ask as I open the refrigerator.

"No," he says angrily. "Even with three incomes it's not enough. I think I'm gonna need to sell this house. Waka's label bought it for me anyway. You know I'm not a pretender. If you don't got it, you just don't. I'm not about to live above my means. Especially, when I'm trying to build a brand and label. I have new artists I need to be putting my money and energy into. I need to put it on the market fast."

I looked at him as he sighed knowing he's stressed the hell out. If it's not one thing, it's another. "Well, whatever you think you need to do." After pouring a glass of juice, I go over to the dining room table sitting in the other chair next to Joey. "Look, I know you're stressing, but it's all gonna work out. It always has."

"Is it though? I pay my Momma's bills, I give her money for my brother, I give my sister money, I pay my own bills. All these people I take care of then I gotta somehow have money to handle my own shit. This shit ain't cheap. I have to pay for studio time, not only for me, but my artists on my label. I'm doing this pretty much by myself. It's like ever since Yams died, shit hasn't been going right. And now, I gotta baby on the way with a chick I don't want to be with anymore. That's another responsibility itself, a big one. A baby."

I extended my arm touching his shoulder saying, "Joey, when I tell you it's going to work out, it will. It may not seem like it now, but it is. If you really want this you gotta work for it. To become rich, you have to spend a little money first. Yams taught me that. You know why this is all on your back? It's because you can handle it. You just have to be more positive. Negative energy breeds negative outcomes."

I rubbed his shoulder making him look at me saying, "I guess."

"Not I guess. I'm right, I'm always right," I say chuckling as he does too.

"Naw, you just think you're always right. That's why nobody likes y'all Scorpio's."

"Oop, I know you are not coming for me. Like Leo's ain't just as bad or even worse."

"Nah, G. Leo's are the shit. Who's a sign mostly all people hate? Scorpio's."

"That's because people can't handle us. They're not on our frequency level...Whether it's intellectually or sexually. We can't be matched and that's why y'all mad."

"Word?" Joey says with the surprised face. "I heard y'all Scorpio's some freaks."

"How you think I ended up like this?" I say pointing at my belly. I laugh a little then get up from the dining room table as Joey does too.

Joey put his palm on my belly saying, "Little Jodie in the cut." When he says that she starts kicking. "She's kicking!" He says excitedly as he looks at me with a smile.

"Your god-daughter is fucking with you, I see. Here I was thinking she wasn't going to like your annoying ass."

He glared at me saying, "Shut up! I ain't that annoying if you're still my friend all these years later. I really hope she isn't anything like your ass."

"What's the supposed to mean?" I ask getting a little offended.

"Mean, heartless, petty, an ass."

"Well, you better be prepared for her to be just like that. She is my seed."

"I hope not," he says looking back down at my belly. "You're gonna be an angel, right, Jodie?" He says talking to my belly making me laugh. He stands back up straight removing his hand from my belly looking at me.

"Why won't you and Deja try and work it out?" I ask randomly.

"Cuz that's not what I want anymore. We've had our time. We've been going back and forth for a decade. At some point it's time to give up and realize we're not meant to be together. Why?"

"Just asking. I don't know..:If I had a chance to be a family with the person, I'm having a child with I would at least try. Ya know? To many broken families."

"I get what you're saying, but on the same end, just because you're having a kid together doesn't mean you have to be together. It's better this way. Why? Did she say something?"

"No, just curious. I wish my babies dad was around even if he was crazy. I guess, just to be able to say I broke the cycle and my child has a father. Even though my Da was around, he wasn't really. Just a crazy woman beater..." I trailed off thinking about my Dad. All those times I would argue with my Mom in my teen years because I didn't want to go stay the weekend with him. The way my father's attitude switched towards me once I got older. He didn't look at me like he hated I was ever born, but gave me looks of as if I high school crush. It was weird and it got weirder from there.

"Plus-" Joey said making me snap out of my thoughts, making me look at him. "-I lost feelings for her when she did what she did. When she left. If you leave, you better stay gone especially if I really wanted to make it work. It's crazy how my feelings just evaporated after almost 10 years of chasing after her every time I fucked up. I guess you get older and things change. Feelings change and form for other people."

"Other people? You talking to someone?" I ask raising my eyebrow.

"Yeah," he says as I furrow my eyebrows. I guess he saw my facial expression because he laughs. "I'm talking to you right now, right? I'm chilling. Not with anybody or any plans of it. I have other shit to focus on. Plus, the person I want, don't want me," he says walking away from me going to the living room.

I clear my throat watching him kick his feet up on the table and change the channel. "Um, can we talk about that? We never did," I say going into the living room sitting on the couch too.

"Oh, now you wanna talk about it? I wanted to talk about it the day it happened."

"Don't do that."

"I'm not doing anything," he says shrugging nonchalantly.

"Joey."

"Dyme," he says back looking at me.

I roll my eyes saying, "I don't know why you're pretending like you actually have feelings for me because you don't."

"And how do you know that?" He asks looking over at me.

"Because-" Before I could even finish he was kissing me. Instead of fighting it, it seemed as if I melted into him. That is until I heard a loud thud. I pulled away from Joey seeing Deja standing there.

I immediately stood up stuttering to find any words. "Really?" She says putting a hand on her hip. "I knew some shit was going on between y'all two," she says pointing between us.

"Deja, it's not-"

She held her hand up cutting me off saying, "Save the bullshit. We're supposed to be friends now, Dyme. Fuck the both of y'all!" She storms off down the hall as I run my hands through my curly hair. Why is she mad at me more than him?

"Look what you did?" I said turning towards Joey. I shook my head going down the hall to my room.

Joey.

It had been a couple of hours and neither Deja nor Dyme had come out of their room. I decided to get out of my bed, leave my room and go down the hall. I knocked on Deja's door calling her name with no response. I put my ear to the door hearing nothing. Finally, I just turned the knob to see if it was unlocked. It was. I pushed the door back slowly then entered. I looked around the bedroom not seeing her saying, "Deja?"

I heard noises, but I didn't see her. When I saw light shining through the crack of the bathroom door I went over to it. I called her name again with no answer. I could hear her making noise, but I couldn't make out what it was. It sounded like she was in pain. I knocked asking, "Are you okay?"

"Go away!" She said in between sobs.

"Seriously, open the door. I just wanna talk."

"Leave me alone!" She yelled then there was a high pitch scream.

"Deja?" I asked in confusion. It grew quiet. "Deja?" I called out again with no answer. I jiggled the doorknob, but it was locked. "Shit," I mumbled to myself. "Open the door!" Still no answer. Finally I just used my shoulder to bust the door in. When I got the door open I bugged my eyes to see Deja keeled over holding her stomach. When I noticed the blood I rushed over to her. All I could think was not again.

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