I listen to Merle parking his bike outside and sigh in annoyance. I was kinda warming up to that shower time idea. Well, I can always hope he'll just eat and then leave soon after. 

I turn to Lumen to ask what are we going to eat for dinner only to see her standing frozen in the doorway to my room, staring at the front door like a deer in headlights. Sure, I know she hasn't really seen Merle since their little rape argument, she has nothing to worry about though. He probably forgot all about it right after he left that day. If he'd held a grudge against every person who insulted him, he'd be as pissed as I am all the time, which he's not. 

I'm about to tell her but just as I open my mouth, Merle knocks on the door and as always burst right in. Only today he's looking like a man on a mission. He points his forefinger at Lumen.

"You-" but he doesn't finish, seeing the state we are in, he stops in his tracks and does a double take. "-Did you two just fuck?" Momentarily dismissing what he was about to say, a big wicked smile spreads on his face. "Would you care for a comparison between him and the bigger Dixon?" Raising his eyebrow up and down suggestively he starts in our direction.

"Oh God!" I hear Lumen whisper, as she tries to hurry past me to her room. At that Merle's grin disappears as quickly as it came and he grabs her arm before she manages to run off.

"Oh no, you don't. We need to have a little talk. Come on, sweetheart!" he says dragging her to the table. What the hell? I move to step in, but Merle raises his arm, palm up. "You'll wanna hear this baby brother, trust me." His face turns even more serious which makes me pause. Something's off. I see Lumen's confused eyes jumping between me and Merle, eventually stopping on him.

"Look, I'm sorry about last time, okay? What I said, I really didn't mean to offend-"

"-No, no! I'm not here to talk about that. That's settled and forgotten." He cuts in, pushing her down to sit on one of the chairs and settle himself on the other one in front of her, his hand sliding from her arm down to pat the back of her hand. "What I'm much more interested in is what you talked to the cops about, for them to visit me at work." She tries to move her hand away from his but his fingers close around her wrist tightly. Okay, this is not necessary!

"Merle, come on! She's cool, she told me about the cops the minute I walked in. Of course, they talked to her. It's her ex who's missing, you told me yourself they'll have questions." I move to stay behind Lumen. It was meant as a supporting gesture, but it seems to have no calming effect on her whatsoever.

Glancing at me Merle let go of her, showing his palm in placating gesture but doesn't move completely away, his face staying stern. "I'm not doing anything. We are all good here. I'm not saying anything about the cops questioning her either, I'm just wondering how they figured they should talk to me in particular. Any ideas, sweetheart? Maybe something about how your ex got his pretty face messed up, huh? No?" When he gets no reaction he continues. "I'll help you out, they say some good citizen tipped them off. Told them about seeing me beating the guy, having two other men with me. And the funny thing is, there are only five people who knew that for sure, and I can guarantee there are four of us without any reason to talk to the cops about it, or anything else. Guess who's the fifth?!"

She turns to look at me, panic all over her face. "No! I told you I didn't say anything. I told them I know nothing about what happened to Anthony!" 

She tries to stand up but I grab her shoulders and push her back down. I did it unconsciously, out of reflex more than to really stop her, as I'm kinda unfocused and trying to make sense of all this in my head. But it's too late now. I hear a sharp "No!" and look down to realize where my hands are. Fuck! I did it again. 

The situation is out of control before I have a chance to explain, do, or say anything at all. She starts to fight the hold I got on her, Merle quickly catches her legs between his knees and grabs her hands effectively pacifying her. She doesn't stop her attempts to free herself, between me and my brother she doesn't stand a chance though.

"Easy now, we're just talking here," Merle rasps, and I feel her start to shake under my hands and I make up my mind. This is bullshit. I know that if there was a chance she is a threat to us we'd needed to take care of it, but she's not. I trust Merle's guts, so if he thinks there is something going on, there most likely is. But not with Lumen, she wouldn't just sit here and lie to our faces. I tap one of Merle's arms to get his attention.

"Let go of her," I tell him firmly. He opens his mouth to argue but I don't let him. "This is going fucking nowhere. She didn't do anything. Why would she rat you out and then come back here? It makes no fucking sense." I pry his hands away and push him out of his seat, further away. Crouching in front of her I can now see Lumen's eyes filled up with angry tears, never leaving Merle.

I try to get her focus on me, which is kinda hard as Merle hisses from behind me. "Oh really, and how can you be sure."

"Because I don't talk to the cops, period," she cries out, "Those morons never helped me with anything, so they can go to hell, and you too for all I care." She stands up and this time no one stops her. "You know, I am aware that there is a filter missing between your brain and your mouth, but this was beyond missing filters. Even if I didn't loathe them as much as I do, you think I would go and betray the only people who helped me here? Well, think again! Of course, you'd know that, if you took the time to ask me in a way that doesn't scream 'I'm gonna fuck you up if you look at me funny'. Which you didn't. You don't know me, you don't know anything about me so you can take all of your accusations and shove them up your ass!" After that, she storms off to her room and slams the door behind her.

"Thank you very much, you asshole!" I sneer at Merle while looking at Lumen's door that hasn't been closed for the past three days. I liked it that way. A few moments later I hear a second door slamming, her bathroom. There is no way she'll be washing my back tonight... And just like that, I'm pissed again. It's like every time I make a progress with her Merle comes and stomps all over it. "The hell was that?! You can't just bust in here like this whenever you feel like it! You can't just throw accusations at her either." I'm trying to keep my voice down, but my annoyance with him is starting to get the better of me.

"What the hell? I come here like this since ever! And today I got a very good reason for it too. She's the one overreacting all the damn time. It was a simple question," he argues while pointing in the general direction of the part of the house she has run to hide.

"You don't fucking live here, she does! And I'd like to keep it that way. That wasn't simply asking a question! I like having her here so cut this shit."

"I bet you do! Got a free pussy out of it and all," Merle chortle.

"Fuck you!" I charge him then, but although I can handle myself very well, he's stronger, always has been and he has a training I don't, so I end up pinned against the wall. He leans closer and hisses in my face.

"Calm the fuck down!" I try to shake him off, but when it doesn't work I resort to a glare. "I know there is something about her you like. Knew it from the very first moment I met her and saw you running after her like a lost puppy when she stormed off."

The fuck? I try to shove him away again, I almost succeed too, but he regains his composure quickly and pins me back to the wall. His eyes flick to Lumen's room before he continues quietly. "I'm not trying to piss you off here! I'm trying to tell you, that you have to be smart about this, think before you do things. You gotta be more in control. I know she's special to you. I don't know why, and that's all fine because I don't give a shit as long as everything stays cool. But right now things aren't cool."

"Yeah, and who's fault is that, huh? She didn't fucking talk to the cops, she doesn't fucking even know anything to tell them to begin with. If you'd talk to me first, we could have avoided all of this shit."

He gives me pointed look. "I know you are this close to snapping all the damn time, and if you're gonna fight everyone who says something about your girl there, what do you think will happen? Sooner or later shit happens and bam your fingerprints are in the system before you say 'fuck'! I can't be everywhere and even if I was, there is only so many times I'm taking the blame for you!" He pauses with a sigh. "Look, if you are sure she's good then okay, we'll look for another explanation. I've been nice to her, right? I'll be nice now, and I'll continue as long as you'll want her but I need you to work with me. And I need you to get her to work with us. We need to find out who's trying to make trouble for us and why," he finishes and let go of me.

This time I stay put. He's right. It's frustrating that he seems to be always right about these things. He did get arrested in my place few times, to keep me out of trouble and out of the system. He did time years back too, to have my back. He got more time for drugs he had on him and didn't get rid off. But the initial thing the cops were called for was my doing. I know that. But still...

"Yeah, well maybe if you didn't do shit like this I wouldn't be pissed that much all the damn time in the first place!" There is a moment of silence, then Merle starts to laugh and doesn't stop for awhile. Maybe he's on something, that would explain a lot.

"Right!" He takes a deep breath to calm down from his outburst. "I'm the problem here! Without me, you'd be cool as a cucumber!" Yeah, I'm full of shit and we both know it. Damn it!

"What do you want me to do then? You know how I am, I can't help it."

"You just try to keep in mind what I told you, and call the princess back."

"Why?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him. His expression turns more serious again.

"For Christ's sake! What did I just say?! Just go get her." He turns from me and opens the fridge, searching for food or a beer, I don't know, I don't care. Shaking his head he's muttering something but I can't understand what exactly.

I watch him for a moment. I need a minute to process this. How can he expect me to be more in control? I hardly ever feel like I am in control, just holding back, keeping quiet and waiting for the right time and place to do what I want. I don't understand why I get so angry so easily, I never have. I don't have a clue why the snooty bastards make my blood boil or why I feel so good after killing them. Or why lately the only moments I feel comfortable in my own skin are the moments I'm with Lumen.

Now it seems I'm not only getting pissed at people for saying shit to me, but for saying shit to Lumen too. It's like she's making it better and worse at the same time. Making me calmer when I'm with her but more angry and frustrated when I'm not.

Maybe I just need to let out some steam in another way than fucking. It never really worked for me as a substitute anyway. It's been nagging me at the back of my mind for awhile and I just know it, I know I'll be better afterward, I just need to see something to die. I think Merle knows that too, but as usual, he's trying to pretend as if that wasn't the real problem.

I push myself off the wall and turn to go fetch her. I knock on her door, no answer. Well, we just fucked, there isn't anything I haven't seen already anyway. So I open the door and walk in, shutting them behind me. The room is empty and now I can hear the water. I walk to the bathroom door, grab the handle and call out "I'm coming in" before entering.

I find her sitting on the closed toilet seat, wearing a bathrobe, her hair wet. She's obviously done with her shower but the water is still running, so I shut it off. She's watching me but otherwise, doesn't move save for her nervously tapping foot. I crouch down in front of her and still the moving leg with my hand. I move my head to catch her eyes trying to guess her mood. Her pupils are big, eyes wide but I can't tell the emotion behind them.

"Hey, you know he's just talking shit, right? He always does, it doesn't mean anything, he doesn't actually think you did it. He just came here hot-headed." I rub her leg up and down.

Her hand finds mine on her thigh, gripping it tightly. "Yeah." Still looking in her eyes I lift my other hand to rest it on the nape of her neck. I don't think I really did anything wrong, but I still feel relieved that she's talking to me. I wanna keep her going so I say so as I start to caress her with my thumb through her hair.

"Go on, what's on your mind?"

She takes a deep breath and lets it out. "You know, I actually understand why he's so agitated about it. There is a person missing, so of course, he doesn't want to be connected to it in any way. That's why I lied to the cops about it in a first place. But the way he came on me, it was out of nowhere. He could just ask you know, like really ask, not make me feel like he's about to pull my fingernails out." She looks like she has more to say, but in the end decided to keep it to herself.

"I know and I told him as much. What else?" 

Looking down at our entangled hands, she clears her throat. "There is this other thing I just have a hard time to get used to."

"What?" I press on.

"Him, saying these weird things and innuendos every time I see him. I have a hard time taking it as a joke. With the way he treats women, I just don't find it funny. And to be honest, I don't believe he's really joking half the time," she whispers the last part as if he could magically hear her from the kitchen.

"He is joking. At least where you are concerned, he is. I think he actually has a soft spot for you. I know after today it can come hard to believe, but trust me, you'd feel it if he hadn't. You won't see him nursing any other drunken girls without the prospect of fucking, that's for sure." 

She makes a face but doesn't comment on that. "So what do I do? I'm clueless here."

"Do what I do, tell him to go fuck himself and pretend that he never said anything." She shakes her head but before she has a chance to object I add. "Or just stick with the pretending, I'll take care of the rest. Now come on, get dressed, we need figure what to do about the other thing." I stand up and tug on her hand to get her to move too, but she doesn't budge.

"I don't wanna. Can't you just tell him I'm tired and that we can talk some other time?" she asks while fluttering her eyelashes at me in the same way she did before, in my room. She's trying to laugh it off, but I can tell she's just nervous so I squat back down.

"You'll have to talk to him eventually. Come on, he's not that bad. He's my brother, he's my blood and he's always been there to look after me. He knows I like you, he likes you too, he said so himself. So don't worry 'bout a thing, it's all good. I'll go to find something for all of us to eat. You go get dressed and then join us, okay?"

She seems to mull it over for a few moments and eventually nods. "I'm probably making it worse in my head than it is. I do tend to do that sometimes."

I lean in to kiss her. "I've noticed, well not everybody can be as awesome as me." I quickly dodge her hand as she attempts to slap my shoulder.

"Hey!" she shouts through the laugh erupting from her. I quickly grab the hand with which she wanted to slap me and slide the other one between her legs while leaning close to her whispering in her ear.

"What? I got the impression you liked the cocky me." She jumps in surprise and with her free hand tries to pry mine from her.

"I did, I do, I just... Daryl! Your brother is in the next room, stop it!" she whisper-shouts. I stay still for a moment just watching her, glad to see it work as she seems to crack out of her bubble of nervousness.

"Alright, alright." I let go of her hand and wait for her to let go of mine before I stand up. "I'll be in the kitchen then?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Yes, I'll be there in a minute."

"That's my girl," I praise her and give her a peck on her forehead before leaving the bathroom.

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I don't say anything when I get back to the kitchen. It's pointless to say more than what has been said. Merle is Merle, Lumen will just have to get used to him and all will be good. He's nursing a beer, smoking, oddly enough being quiet for once. Maybe he realized he overdone it this time. When she finally comes out, she looks determined but I can see right through it, she's not as calm as she tries to look. Her eyes search the room, finding first me, then Merle who welcomes her with a big smile.

"Well hello again. I was starting to worry you'd drowned back there." Her steps falter and her eyes go briefly back to me, I smile and motion for her to move while Merle continues, "Come on now, you know I don't bite."

"Come on, help me with the food." I motion for her to go to me again.

We prepared some leftovers from the weekend and now we're all eating in silence. It's actually funny, I think it's the first time in my life I see Merle be hesitant to start a conversation.

"Alright, I might come off a bit too harsh earlier. But you get it, right sweetheart? One can never be too careful."

"Is that suppose to be an apology for manhandling me earlier?" She looks at him in disbelieve.

"No, it's me explaining to you that you better be telling us the truth."

"I am!" She glares at him.

"Then we're good." He winks at her and pushes his empty plate away. "So, since it wasn't you, and it certainly wasn't us or Oscar or Clyde for that matter, I need to know, did you talk about this with anybody? A good friend at work, or at school, fucking dog on the road, anybody?"

She's shaking her head through the list. "No, I told you, I don't really have friends here, or anywhere really. All the people I use to see outside of my work and school where Anthony's friends. I'm not much of a social butterfly. I actually don't like people that much." Her eyes find me for a moment and she smiles at me. "That's one of the reasons I like living here so much." She pointedly looks back at Merle. "Usually no one bothers me here!"

I let out a snort. "I think it's obvious she's not the problem here. What about you Merle, you didn't brag about it somewhere, huh?"

"Please, like there was something to brag about, the guy was such a pussy it would be embarrassing to even mention it."

"Okay then, it leaves the only other option and that is someone did actually see us. Fuck!"

"Hey guys, but if someone saw you and went to the police. How come they didn't take you to the station? Anthony's missing, it's serious," Lumen asks, looking between us.

Merle looks at her with a surprised expression. "You know what, doll? You are absolutely right. That someone didn't tell them personally if he did they'd have an eye witness and I'd be behind the bars now. So they don't have shit on us, only some accusation. We just stick with 'no, we have no idea what happened to the prick and how' and we are cool."

I cut in. "We should let Oscar know what's going on. Just in case. They asked Lumen to come to the station tomorrow after work. So I could pick her up and we'll tell Oscar to meet us at your house after that?" I look at Merle for confirmation.

"Sounds cool." He gives me a nod. "You sweetheart just be your wonderful you and don't let them intimidate you. They'll possibly be telling you some shit 'bout us to make you tell them things, don't pay them no mind."

"Don't you worry about me. You won't see me work with those assholes," she says as she stands to clean the plates from the table.

Merle sends me a questioning look. I have nothing to say about it so I shrug. I don't know what her problem with the police is, in any case, I see it as a virtue.

"Alright, kids. Thanks for the dinner, but I have to go. Got some shit to do. See you tomorrow." And with that, hurricane Merle is off.

I turn to Lumen and watch her washing the few dishes. She looks so natural in my home like she's been here since ever. It's weird and amazing at the same time. I stand up and walk behind her. I kiss her shoulder, while I let my hands wander along her sides and back.

"So, what's up with you and the cops?" I feel her tense up under me. She washes the last plate, then turns in my arms and starts to play with my shirt, not saying anything for a few moments but then she looks up, the decision has been made.

"You know the scar on my stomach? If the police did their work as they should, I wouldn't have it. If they did their work, my dad would still be alive. So in my opinion, whatever happened to Anthony, telling them anything at all won't change it. The only thing they can do is give tickets for speeding. Which is really sad considering they should be the ones protecting us."

Huh, interesting. So there is more to the story. But I promised I won't ask about the scar, so I won't. "Alright, how about I take a quick shower, you go wait for me in my bed and we call it a night. I'm beat. Unless you wanna wash my back." I give her side smile. I must have done the right thing to leave the topic because she smiles back.

"I'd love to, but not tonight, I'm exhausted too."

When I come back to my bedroom, she's already asleep. So I just lie beside her, listening to her quiet breathing and not long after I'm oblivious to the world too.

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Next afternoon I'm sitting in my truck not far from the station, waiting for Lumen. I haven't seen her the whole day. She was up and gone before I woke up. I called Oscar and told him to come to a BBQ at Merle's, not wanting to mention the real reason over the phone. He caught up quickly enough and agreed to be there tonight. The questioning takes longer that I expected, but finally, I see her moving towards me.

"You good?" I ask her after she gets in.

"Yeah, just tired, they had a lot to say." 

She does look tired. I throw away my almost finished smoke and start the truck. "Let's go to Merle's, we'll talk about it there.''

I can see Oscar leaning against a car in front of Merle's house when I park in the driveway. Lumen is first to greet him. "Hi, Oscar. How're you doing?"

"I've been better." He then turns to me. "Wanna tell me what is it that you can't tell me over the phone so I had to drag my ass all the way here?"

"Sure, let's just go inside. Why are you waiting out here anyway?"

"What? You think I should wait inside and have some colorful conversation with your brother? No, thank you very much."

"Fair enough," I grunt and lead the way to the front door.

As we're nearing the house I can hear some noises from inside. I turn to the two behind me. "You hear that?" But before they say anything I'm already opening the door. "Merle?" I hiss, there is no answer just a muffled sounds from the back.

"Stay here," I say to Lumen and motion for Oscar to follow. "Come on."

He doesn't look happy about it but follows nevertheless. We go inside and continue slowly, quietly through the hallway. The sounds get louder and when we reach the living room Oscar makes a U-turn and storms out. "Shit! Why me? I didn't need to see this." I hear him shouting on his way.

There is Merle with a woman bend over the back of the couch, with Merle holding her down ramming into her from behind. He's wearing plastic gloves and I don't even wanna try to figure why he needs them. The woman is no college student, she has hooker written all over and she doesn't have a happy expression at all as she's trying to hold on something but is only knocking down the empty beer bottles which are all around the place. She looks up at Oscar's outburst and screams in fright when she sees me watching, but Merle doesn't care at all about the audience, he doesn't even slow down. It's not the first time I walked on Merle like that and to be honest after all the years it doesn't phase me anymore.

"Hurry the fuck up, we have shit to do!" Rolling my eyes, I turn to leave the room and stroll to join Lumen and Oscar outside where I see him rubbing his eyes like that would erase the image from his brain.

"What's going on?" Lumen asks with a worried expression.

I'm about to tell her but Oscar beats me to it. "You don't wanna know, believe me."

Just then a woman's shriek can be heard from inside and a few moments later the hooker hurries out of the house. She pauses when she sees Lumen though. "Hey honey, don't! With this, the money ain't worth it!" and she's off.

"What?" Lumen asks, looking somewhat between shocked, confused and worried.

Merle steps out at that moment, fastening his belt. "Well, that was one shitty fuck, one would think all hookers have some talent. Not this one, fucking dyke. There should be a law against beaver munchers being whores."

"Prostitution is illegal you moron!" Oscar cries out.

"Whatever, come on in."

Inside Lumen looks around and when she decides to go sit on the couch Oscar quickly taps her shoulder and shakes his head at her. She looks the couch over again but then the realization cross her face. "Eww."

"What? A man has his needs!" Merle calls from the kitchen.

I drag a bar stool over for her. "Sit on this." I point to the seat while Oscar shouts back at Merle.

"And your needs couldn't possibly wait until after we leave?"

Merle comes back, two beers in each hand. "Hey, no nigger won't be telling me when I'm allowed to fuck."

"Fuck this shit, I'm outta here!"

"Alright, everybody stops!" I shout, "Merle, you shut your mouth, I think you fucked up enough for this week. Oscar, you sit down. You need to hear this."

Oscar is fuming but eventually, he turns back, snatches a beer out of Merle's hand and makes a 'go on' gesture for me to explain. And I do. I tell him about Lumen's ex going missing and all that happened since then. Lumen steps in at the end to let us in on what happened at the station.

"You were right, they just asked me over and over the same questions. About Anthony about what do I know about the 'assault!' I told them over and over I don't know anything about it. They then asked about my new address about who I live with, but they knew that already, because just as you said yesterday, Merle, they started talking about your 'criminal record', their words, not mine. About you being in jail, several times, for drugs, for assaults too. That you were dishonorably discharged? They said they are telling me only to warn me about the people I associate with, to help me. Like that would fool me. Then they started again with 'you don't look that concerned about your ex-boyfriend missing, miss' and if there was bad blood between us. I told them everybody deals differently. I know what they've been doing. Trying to get a motive out of me."

Merle claps her on the back. "You did good, sweetheart. This just confirms what we thought, that they got nothing on us. But it does also mean that someone saw us and that someone is just letting us know that. He doesn't want the cops to really get to us, which is actually more disturbing. So everyone, keep your eyes open for anything unusual."

"Fuck," Oscar swears and it's the only thing anyone says for a while.

I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, feel welcome to push that little star to let me know, or better yet, leave me a comment ;)