Chapter 42: Loss

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The next day, we start cleaning up. We burn any walker bodies we find, pick up old clothes and paper; all that great stuff. Hershel has enough energy to teach Carol and I a bit more about delivering a baby. We go to his cell after breakfast.

"Lori had Carl by c-section, which means it's highly likely that she'll need one for this baby too," he explains. "Do either of you have any experience?"

I shake my head. "I've seen videos of the procedure, but the closest I've gotten to actually doing it is dissections."

"I practiced on a female walker yesterday," Carol says.

"Good. I think you'll be fine. When Lori has her baby, if c-section is needed, we'll have painkillers and everything ready. I won't be able to help," Hershel says.

"We've got it," I say confidently.

"I'm glad. Now, why don't you see if anyone else needs help?" Hershel suggests.

"Lori and Beth are going to help you get used to your crutches today," Carol says.

Hershel smiles. "Ah yes. I don't think I thanked you two for helping with my leg."

"It's no problem. Really," I say. "Good luck."

I leave the block, out of the prison and out the gate into the field, where I see some people gathering. I stroll up to them.

"What going on?" I ask.

"Oscar and Axel don't want to live in their cell block," T-dog says. "No one wants them living with us."

"I don't think it would be that bad. They don't seem like bad guys," I say.

"See? Hope's with me!" T-dog pats my back and grins.

"That still leaves you outnumbered. We stick to our original deal," Rick says.

"Sorry T," I say.

"Eh, it's alright," he says. "You tried."

I smile and we fist bump. T-dog had always been pretty awesome in my book.

"Let's get the vehicles parked over there," Rick orders.

Everyone separates, and I walk back across the field and into the courtyard. Hershel exits the prison on his crutches with Beth, Lori, and Carl by his side. I grin.

"Good job, Hershel!" we call.

Everyone stands together, smiling. Rick, Daryl, and Glenn are in the catwalk path surrounding the prison, and they're smiling too.

I look over my shoulder and see a huge hoard of walkers.

"WALKERS!" I scream.

I pull out my gun and fire, taking one down. Everyone snaps to attention. Guns are pulled out and walkers drop.

"The gate's open!" T-dog yells. Him and Carol run towards it.

"Lori! Carl!" I shout.

They run to me and I bring them inside the prison. We walk back to our cell block, but walkers come out of it.

"No no no no! Turn around!" I order.

We spin and head down a separate hallway. An alarm starts blaring, and I grit my teeth.

"Shit."

We round a few corners, and Lori gasps.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask her desperately.

"I...I think...the baby's coming," she says, breathing deeply.

"Mom?" Carl asks.

"Carl, we've got to find somewhere safe," I say. He nods.

We rush down more hallways, and Carl shoots some walkers while I help Lori. Finally, we get to a boiler room, where we wait breathlessly until the walkers have passed.

Lori gasps again and grits her teeth.

"We've got to get you lying down," I say. Lori nods and pants heavily.

"What's wrong? Can't she breathe?" Carl asks.

"The baby. The baby's coming," Lori says breathlessly.

"Ok. Lie down. Let's get your pants off." I help her down and unbuckle her belt. "Carl, your gonna have to help deliver your brother or sister. You up for it?" I ask as I pull her pants off. Carl nods. "Lori, you've gotta push," I tell her calmly. "I can't tell if you're dilated or not."

She stands up, leans against a wall, and pushes.

"SOMEBODY!" she yells.

"Sshh," I say. "Your body knows what to do. Just let it."

"I'm ok. I'm ok." Lori pushes again, and this time she yelps.

"Mom!" Carl says. "Hope! Do something!"

"No no. I'm ok," she repeats. She pushes again.

"Lori, stop! There's something wrong!" I warn just as her scream rips through the air.

She reaches down between her legs, and her hand comes up covered in blood. I help her lie down again. Her face is sweaty and pale.

"Mom? Mom! Don't close your eyes. Look at me!" Carl begs.

"Lori, with all this blood, I don't think you're fully dilated yet. No amount of pushing is going to help," I explain. "We have to get you back to Hershel."

"I know what it means," Lori says calmly. "I'm not losing this baby. You have to cut me open."

"I...I don't have all the equipment. You'll die!" I say, tears welling in my eyes.

"I know. I know. Please...save my baby," Lori whispers.

"I...I..." I gulp and shake my head. I trained for this, and when the moment comes, I feel like I can't do it.

"Hope. You practiced this. You can do it. Please. Hope," she begs. "You are my baby's only chance. You have a knife. Be my baby's guardian angel."

I stare into Lori's green eyes. She's counting on me to save her baby. Carl covers his face with his hands, weeping. Lori reaches down, pulling her shirt up gingerly.

"You see my old c-section scar?" she asks. I nod. "Carl?"

Carl moves to her side, and she reaches up, cupping his cheek in her hand.

"Baby, I don't want you to be scared. This is what I want. This is right. Now you...you take care of your daddy for me, alright? And your little brother or sister-"

"You don't have to do this!" Carl begs.

"Yes I do. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna beat this world, I know you will. You are smart, you are strong, and you are so brave, and I love you."

"I love you too."

"You gotta do what's right, baby. You promise me you'll always do what's right. It's so easy to do the wrong thing in this world. So if it feels wrong, don't do it. If it feels easy, don't do it. Don't let this world spoil you."

Tears start streaming freely down my face and I stifle a sob that's rising in my chest.

"You're so good. You're my sweet boy. You're the best thing I ever did, and I love you." Lori pulls Carl into a hug, sobbing. "I love you. You're my sweet boy. I love you." They pull away. "Hope. When this is over, you have to do it. It can't be Rick."

I nod, wiping tears off my face. I pick up my knife, and Lori smiles weakly at us for the last time. "Good night, love."

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I cut into her.

She screams a horrible, heart breaking scream.

"What are you doing to her?" Carl asks.

Lori shudders and goes still. Her breathing slows.

"Carl, give me your hands," I order as I feel around for the baby. "Keep this site clean." I keep feeling, then, my hand touches something solid. "I got it. I'm gonna pull it out." I take hold of it, pulling gently. The baby emerges and I cradle it in my arms. "It's a girl."

She doesn't cry. I tap her gently on the chest, and she sputters for a second before wailing. Carl gasps and moves closer to me. He hands me a towel and I wrap the baby gently, tying off the umbilical cord.

"We have to go," I tell him, standing up.

"No. We can't leave her. She'll turn," he says, tears dripping off his face.

I reach for my gun, but he stops me.

"She's my mom."

"Carl, she asked me. I can't-"

"I'm gonna do it," he says, his voice flat.

I nod and head up the stairs, clutching the precious baby in my arms as I blink away the tears in my eyes. A gunshot rings out, and I freeze in my tracks. Carl rejoins me, brushing past me with his face showing no emotion.

We walk through the prison numbly. We finally make it outside, where I see Hershel, Glenn, Maggie, Rick, Daryl, and Beth. The baby cries again, and Rick turns to us.

"Where...where is she? Where is she?" he asks.

"No..." I whisper hoarsely, still crying. Rick shakes his head, moving past me. "Rick...please no," I beg, grabbing his sleeve.

He stops, breaking down when he realizes what happened.

"No...no...oh no," he sobs.

Daryl moves towards me, cupping my face in his hands. I rest my face on his shoulder, shaking. He looks at Rick and the baby, running his hand over my hair, calming me. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't need to.

Maggie covers her mouth, starting to cry as Glenn hugs her.

Rick collapses onto the ground, his tortured cries rising into the air.

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