Paranoia could occur as a result of delusion. It was centered round suspicious and could become a way for the person with dementia to project feelings of fear. Paranoia could also be caused by hallucinations.

That person was me.

I was reckoned by the tails of a doubt when Levy emerged back from the hospital bathroom in the morning. My eyes calculated the way he casually sat beside me and wore his casual attire, the one he requested for his mom to bring with her since he stayed with me. He was freshly shaven and his eyes were better than before since he eventually slept and I was left alone at three am again.

I didn't sleep since the day I got back from California and saw my dad dead on the bed, roughly seeing the person, my mom, unfortunately, shooting him while I embraced him.

He died in my arms.

Feelings of guilt shot through me when I remembered that moment and I felt terrible all over again. I was only seventeen, life was unfair to me in all ways possible.

However, my day turned around this morning when the doctor told me that I was free to go today since my shoulder was tightly covered and my head was safe to go. He said I showed signs of healing, but he didn't know what I went through to claim that. He didn't acknowledge that I had lost the brightness of my life and took the other radiant light for granted.

Levy reminded me that school started tomorrow if I wanted to catch up but I wasn't up to it at all for my bones protruded through my skin from the weight loss. I barely ate, barely walked, I was like the living dead. I knew it hurt Levy and his family, but it wasn't my choice that I had a crazed mom and a loving dad, who died because of me.

Barely trudging my way to the hospital bathroom for a bath, I clogged in my place when doubt, once again, seeped through me the moment my dull blue eyes caught Levy's phone beside the bathroom sink.

This wasn't right, stop this while you could. You didn't want to get Levy mad. My right conscience whispered inside of me.

Did you want to spend your entire life suffering if you didn't find the one who shot you and you had to miss your dad's funeral because of the person?  My doubtful fear whispered too.

The conflict took over my face as my shaky hand reached out to grab his phone. As if hearing my doubtful fear, his phone pinged, showing a message.

Creeping up closer while wincing at the pain, I let my eyes wander at the notification that had a message under it.

"Mission accomplished."

I covered my mouth with my hand as tears numbed my cheeks and my eyes closed, trying to handle the weight of the truth.

Maybe, it's not what you think. My right conscience said to me. I shook my head as I tried so forcefully to gain back my thoughts but it felt so jumbled up.

I quickly pretended to be okay as my hands washed my rattled skin since it has been a long time. Levy came into the bathroom and grabbed his phone while I made myself busy with the shower head, fixing the temperature.

My eyes narrowed when he placed it in his back pocket and came closer to me, his lips took over as he kissed my neck and my uninjured shoulder and his arms engulfed me.

"Do you want sleeping pills?" he asked me as his hands soothed the skin on my sides.

"No, I don't take pills," I protested as he went down to capture my lips, I kissed back with doubt entailing my aura.

"As you want, babe, I have to go after we arrive to my house," his eyes flickered to the side with apprehension when he noticed that I inspected him with my eyes.

"Where?" I snapped as my heated stare met his and he gnawed on his lower lip, deciding whether to tell me or not.

To my disappointment, he chose to lie. "It's Teddy, my best friend, he wants me to hang out with him," he shuffled from one leg to another. Here was the thing about Levy, after three years of ons and offs, I knew all the moves he did when he was lying, from his eyes to his own two feet.

I just lifted my lips up into a small smile, hiding my paranoia. "Sure, Levy, have fun," he smiled back and pecked me.

Standing under the shower stall, I let the water drown my loud thoughts. Was it possible that he had something to do with my incident? no, it can't be! Fighting with my thoughts was tougher than fighting with someone. It tended to seep into my bones like tremors of all ugly feelings.

It was the art of vulnerability and its stages, starting from the choice of trust to letting the steel barriers collapse, exposing me like a bare leaf amidst the wintery snow, to the person that I loved, Levy, he had the power to break my exposure to him and at the end, he had the power to shed the light as I did like the leaf that drooped down when there was no light to feed it.

I left myself bare to the boy who stole my feelings and made it his own.

That's enough, you can't stay in the dark all the time. My paranoia talked as my fists collided with the walls, letting out a small cry of misted anger.

The art of vulnerability was distorted into an obsidian lust for the truth to set me free and out if it.