Nanon woke up with swollen eyes.

For him, it's the worst feeling of all compared to waking up with a throbbing head because of a hangover. He could barely open his eyes. His nose felt so stuffy. There was even a throbbing pain in his chest. Ah... he wanted it all to be just a dream, nevertheless the memories that kept haunting him down reminded him that everything was real.

He was rejected by his best friend.

Chimon wanted them to stay as friends, but how could he do it? He's already tired of pretending. Been doing that for a decade, and he didn't think he could do it for another decade. Now, he felt like doing what Chimon just did. Just disappeared and never came back.

"You're awake."

Nanon didn't have to glance at the direction of the voice to know who it was. No other people knew his situation aside from Ohm. The smell of toasted garlic topped on a porridge wafted through the air. He could feel his stomach growling, yet he didn't think he would like to move from his position to eat. He just had no energy for anything.

"Raise up and wash your face, then eat this porridge. It's already 11am. You're probably hungry," Ohm said, placing the bowl on the side table.

He was hungry, but he didn't want anything aside from lying still on the couch.

Ohm sat beside him.

"Hey. Don't just stare at the ceiling. Move your ass and eat before it gets old."

Nanon didn't budge.

"Are you planning to stay like that for the whole day?"

Yes, I am, he thought.

"Do you think things would change if you let yourself stay like that?"

He knew nothing would change. But, he just wanted to do nothing.

Ohm let out an exasperated sigh when he got no response from the person lying on the couch. Honestly, he wanted to pull him out and bring him outside so he could see how the world was still revolving despite their personal concerns. To show that no one would stop even if he wallowed over a spilled milk. And that the main reason for his brokenness was out there enjoying his life, while he on the other hand was wasting his time inside this four-cornered room. Really, this wasn't the end of the world just because he was rejected.

However, Ohm couldn't invalidate what Nanon was feeling at the moment. He saw him cry his eyes out last night. Pouring all the emotions that were deeply embedded since (perhaps) on the very first day he realized his feelings for his best friend. He had been hiding for years, but the moment he decided to be brave and get out, he received a contradiction to his expectations. So though the world didn't stop revolving and the people outside still minded their own business, for Nanon, his world stopped.

"If you need anything, I'll be outside. For today, I decided to take a break and not open the resto. You could rest all day here if you don't want to go home yet," Ohm said.

When the other person remained motionless, he could only sigh before he left Nanon on his own. Anyway, he couldn't force him to do anything. He's still processing everything that just happened, and perhaps, it would take several days or weeks before he could go back to his normal self.

Nevertheless, it seems that Ohm had underestimated Nanon's quick recovery as the following day, the latter went to work with a big smile on his face as if nothing had happened.

"Hello! Sorry for causing inconvenience to everyone yesterday. I was not myself. I'll try to make it up to you, guys, today," he stated.

The crew, of course, became aware of the incident since basically, everyone was updated to Nanon's journey to love. Even without saying anything, they could tell what happened just by his actions alone. He always had their one hundred percent support, and if ever Chimon and him got together, they were planning a big celebration party.

Unfortunately, things went south. It was something they were not expecting at all because they thought Chimon felt the same way. They were not aware of his ex-boyfriend's appearance that's why they thought it like that. So before Nanon's arrival, they were planning to visit him in his place, giving moral support so he could move on right away. It's just that they were surprised to see him coming to the resto to work today.

They couldn't say anything because Nanon was acting the same way he was prior to his rejection. When they brought it up, he would only smile, said that he had already thought about it and decided to move on. As simple as that. The crew could only look at each other, silently agreeing that Nanon hadn't moved on but more like trying to brush it under the rug.

Likewise, Ohm felt his actions were weird despite all his pretensions. Thus, when there were only a few customers, he tossed away everything he was doing and walked towards Nanon who was washing the dishes though it's not his job.

He grabbed his hand, causing him to jolt and shift his gaze at him.

"Pan, continue washing the dishes here," Ohm ordered one of their crew.

"What are you doing?"

Instead of answering, Ohm pulled him from the kitchen to the employees' room where some of them were taking their break. He just had to sign with his head for them to realize that they had to find another place. Once the door closed, Ohm released Nanon's hand, then pivoted to face him.

"Could you please stop doing this?" he began. "You're just making yourself more pathetic."

At first, Nanon was baffled by this man's sudden action. But, when he heard him utter those words, his bafflement turned to indignation.

"You should be telling it to yourself, fucker. I was perfectly doing well until you dragged me here."

"You were? You're taking someone's job. Smiling and laughing like an idiot over simple things where you used not to do those things. Now tell me that you're perfectly doing well."

"I.am.perfectly.doing.well."

"Nanon-!"

"Don't, Ohm," glaring, and clenching his fist. "Not because you saw me cry doesn't mean you're capable of telling whether I am good or not. I can do whatever I think is the best for me."

"Even if it means faking anything?"

"Yes! What else do you want me to do?" Nanon's voice shook a little. "...telling everyone that I'm okay is better than explaining why I'm not okay," the wounds would be kept open if he would choose the latter. He would be constantly reminded of the event if they chose to empathize with him. And he would just continue pitying himself if that happened. So, he would rather hide his feelings at the moment. To pretend because perhaps one day, his pretensions would become reality.

"You're just hurting yourself more," Ohm's voice softened, staring deeply at the person in front of him.

Nanon stared back. The defiances his eyes had flickered for a jiffy for the sudden softness that appeared at Ohm's countenance. He's was being mean, and he's aware of it. It's just that he didn't know how he could handle the pain that could emerge again if he would be true to himself. Anyway, this was how life should work. Smile to hide your other emotions.

So, he no longer wanted to argue with Ohm about this anymore. The latter could think whatever he liked because at the end of the day, it's him who had to deal with his shit. He pushed Ohm out of his way to continue the work he had left. Fortunately, Ohm got his hint and no longer pressed the idea...

... that's what he thought.

Outside, his practiced smile was immediately plastered on his face. It didn't matter whether the crew knew how he was faking everything right now. They didn't dare ask him, anyway, because they knew how Nanon could be so stubborn.

It's just that, Ohm was stubborn, too.

He may have stopped asking Nanon about the event, but it didn't mean he would also stop following him, sometimes acting as his spokesperson, although the latter would just ignore him.

Everyone no longer knew what to do with their situations. Everyday felt like walking in tightrope since they had to be careful with their words around Nanon so as not to trigger any memory he was trying to forget. But then, they felt hilarious every time Ohm would follow slash annoy him. Hence, though Nanon tried his best to ignore Ohm's presence, it was unsuccessful because he couldn't help talking back at him.

Just like right now. Nanon almost hit the annoying person with a pan, fortunately Tay together with New appeared before it happened.

"Oh. What is happening?" Tay asked, looking wide-eyed at Nanon then to Ohm then to the pan at Nanon's hand.

"Are you playing?" New said. He stopped munching on the cake when he saw the reason Tay was frozen.

In an instant, Nanon put down the pan, appearing as if nothing just occurred, then greeting his two seniors with a wide smile.

"P'Tay! P'New! I'm glad you're here!" He both gave them a hug.

Meanwhile, his shadow Ohm approached them quietly, just greeting them with a nod.

"What was that a while ago?" It's New.

"Oh, nothing. I was just stretching. Haha."

"With a pan aiming at Ohm?"

"... a, yes. With a pan. Hahaha."

"Are you two fighting?"

"No, we're not!"

"He's beating me!"

Nanon and Ohm said at the same time. The former turned his head to the latter, glaring. But Ohm just showed his puppy eyes to the seniors as if telling them that he's the most harmless person in this world.

"He's been abusing my poor heart," Ohm even added.

"Ya! You annoying brat! When did I even abuse you? You're the one always annoying me!"

"See. See that. He's always shouting, I feel like my ears are bleeding."

Before Nanon could really hurt him, the seniors interjected, pulling him to New's side while the other was under the protection of Tay. New excused them out as he dragged him to the back office. He was supposed to go to the rooftop because they could have all the privacy they wanted. But then, he realized that it's the middle of the day and the sun was up high in the sky, glaring at the ground. He's a bit sensitive to the heat, so they ended up in the air conditioned office.

Once it was just the two of them, he released a sigh of relief, then sat on the couch and stared at the younger, waiting for him to open up.

Actually, the main reason why Tay and him visited the resto was because Chimon contacted him yesterday and told about the rejection.

It's been days since it happened, yet they didn't hear anything about it from Nanon nor did he try contacting Chimon. So he was worried. Knowing his best friend, he was afraid that Nanon would choose to suffer alone instead of allowing other people to comfort him. He didn't like to inconvenience others, so he would definitely pretend that everything would be okay.

New was aware about this attitude of the younger, too. Before he found out about the rejection, he had been calling Nanon several times yet he would always divert the topic to other things. New was just waiting for him to open up on his own. However, days had already passed. Though he didn't want to stick his nose into his business, the moment he saw Nanon today, he thought it's about time they talked about it.

The smile on his face was so fake, it almost irked New. He's not the Nanon he knew. Despite his constant reminder that he was okay, the pain might have already poisoned his whole being, eating him away.

Nanon was not okay.

New feared that one day, because he kept on bottling up his emotions, Nanon would just explode.

"Aren't you going to say something?" New began.

Nanon stared at him, contemplating, then sat beside him.

"What do you mean, phi?"

"You know what I mean, 'Non."

"Well, I don't."

New closed his eyes, counting from one to ten inside his head to calm himself down. He wondered how Ohm was able to tolerate him. Though it was said that the latter was the annoying one, New believed otherwise. Ohm might have been doing it to lighten up the mood. Because if he did not, they would seriously clash, adding to the suffering of this little heartbroken man.

"Nanon, I have known you for years. We may not be blood related, but I treat you as my younger brother. Whatever your concerns are, you can always talk to me..."

"..."

"... You may think that ignoring your feelings may help you cope. But, you know that's not you. That's not how it would work for you. It's not good that you're bottling up those emotions. The more you try to hold it within, the more you are hurting yourself."

"..."

He was silent for about a minute, not even looking at his senior. Until suddenly, a smile appeared on his lips as he lightly shook his head.

"You and Ohm said the same thing," Nanon muttered.

"Huh?"

Finally, the younger one turned to him and met his gaze.

"'You're just hurting yourself,' Ohm told it to me, too."

"Ah... see! Not only I could see it but the others also. Stop torturing yourself, 'Non. You know that your way of coping is through confronting your emotions, and not avoiding it."

Bending as Nanon rested his elbows on his thighs, he couldn't help fidgeting on his fingers, contemplating over the words of his senior.

There was an on-going battle within him: one, telling him to not reveal anything and continue pretending that everything was okay, while the other one was urging him to open up, stop torturing himself and just get over with it. Honestly, Nanon didn't really know what to do. Those options seemed easy, yet once you're in the situation it was actually difficult. Especially if you didn't want to involve the people around you.

Suddenly, Nanon felt wet and warm dripping down on his cheeks. He's crying... again. And he felt so helpless. He covered his eyes with his palms to stop those tears from flowing, yet it was futile. This was why he hated to remember those feelings. It's making him so pathetic...

so weak...

On the other hand, New didn't say anything nor do anything. Just letting the younger brawl his eyes out as he maintained their distance. He knew that Nanon didn't want to show his weak side to anyone, comforting him would be after he cried.

"You're gonna be okay, 'Non. It may not be today or tomorrow, but someday you will."

...

A/N
Nanon is crybaby, you know🥺