1/1/16

Dear diary,

I'm currently freaking out. It's barely in the new year and I had to leave the boys outside while I cooped myself in Kyungsoo's bedroom. I told them that I had a sudden stomach ache and that I'll go take care of it. As I expected, none of them wanted to follow after me.

Jongdae greeted me a Happy New Year.

Yeah, that bit seems normal enough, right? Not until we continued texting.

At first, he was going off about he was hoping that he was the very first person to greet me the new year. When I told him that he wasn't, since I had my oppa and two best friends with me, he whined that he wanted to have the "glorious accomplishment" of greeting me first. If that didn't send my heart soaring, then the next bit did.

We were just casually talking, me mostly telling him my day with the boys. He then asked me out of the blue if I still had feelings for Jongin. I mean... That sounded like he was jealous, right? I wasn't overthinking it when he messaged that? He had to be.

I said that I didn't, and that I only saw Jongin as just a friend. Puppy and I realized that we were better off as friends rather than a couple back then, and that still applies.

Jongdae went off about how he's suspecting something between us, that even if I don't like Jongin that way, Jongin might still like me. Just like what oppa said. He even told me afterwards that what if Kyungsoo liked me too. Now, I told him that he was being insane and that I pressed on that I didn't like either of them that way.

And then stupid me.

I typed that I liked someone else.

He barely took a second to reply who I was crushing on. Like, oh my god and now he's spamming me to answer.

And that's why I'm in squishy's room, so to calm myself and recollect my thoughts. No way in HELL I could confess to him right now! Not when he's still with Wendy and all that!! What could I say? What am I supposed to do?

I wish I had one of my girl friends here with me to help.

Okay, I just texted him that I sent it by accident, and that I meant to put 'don't' somewhere in that text but sent it too quickly. But he called out my bs instantly. Crap, what now???

Oh god, okay, I'm going to ignore him now. I'm going to leave my phone in my bag. URGH. IM SO STUPID. Shit, I hope he doesn't think it's him. I'm going to fucking die.

I'm going to go back outside now. I need to distract myself.