As many of you know, Carson's ghost self has an ex named Xavior (I have an AU based headcanon where ghosts who live under a strong ruler's household can age but not hit puberty.) This is Xavior's diary entry of his side of the story in him and Carson's story.

Fear itself is scary.

The first time I saw you smile, I couldn't think right. I couldn't feel anything else. I felt like I was nothing to everything else but you. And as far as speciality goes, you can say that that smile was my only escapism.

I'll miss that smile. You still have it, but I'll miss those smiles when it came from me- when it came from us.

But when I realized that you were smiling because of someone else special, my entire being broke. I couldn't bare to even look. I felt so many things that day, but the feeling I could best recognize was anger. It was like the speciality you gave me was stolen, and I was mad.

Was mad.

I only realized how much of an inconvenience we were when we were together. Only then, when we seperated, I saw my mistakes in our relationship and the faults we were too blind to see in ourselves. I hope she could do better.

When she left, my heart broke too. I couldn't believe how many more pieces I had to pick up when I saw that your's too broke.

I was going to take that as an advantage to get back together with you, but the sudden memory that I was the reason for all this got me. And the fact that she only made you happier stopped the words, "Come back to me."

So I said something different, I just wish I could've said earlier, "I'm sorry."