Kata lied on her bed, reading a book that her mother had given her, insisting that it was a classic, and saying that she didn't want anyone to consider Kata uncultured. Kata was honestly at her wit's end with the book. She knew "Alice in Wonderland" was a classic and all, but she didn't understand the appeal. For her, it was like reading a fever dream. However, she would much rather be reading than having to do more random math assignments that her mother kept seeming to find in various places online.

As Kata read, she started thinking about the day's events and quietly humming to herself without realizing it. She thought about Alex and how she enjoyed being around her. It made her happy. Alex's whole demeanor made her happy. She still wasn't exactly sure what had come over her when she decided she wanted Alex in her group for ILA, but she was glad she had because that meant she got a month to get to know her better. Neither one of them seemed to have too many friends, so maybe they would be good for each other.

She thought about Mr. Faist and Mr. Benj, how happy they seemed together. Though she would never dare admit it to anyone, she wanted that for herself one day. It didn't have to be a romantic partner, in fact, Kata didn't think she wanted it to be a romantic partner, just someone who she could make happy, and they could make her happy just by being around each other. Kata wanted to feel like she mattered to someone. She wanted to feel cared for. Whenever things got really bad, she wanted someone to be able to hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn't, but she would believe them. Sometimes you have to believe a lie in order to get by. However, she felt weak for thinking like this. She wasn't supposed to need anybody. She could do things for herself.

Kata's humming increased a little bit in volume. If you were sitting next to her, you could make out what song she was singing.

Kata's mind turned to her encounter with Hunter and his friends. Her friends. Her only friends that she might have a chance of keeping.

Kata had been just fine with her group of friends before middle school. In elementary school, you don't realize if you're different from someone else, and even if you do it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're friends. Once you hit middle school, however, there's pressure to fit in. Pressure to be what everyone wants you to be. At first, this didn't bother Kata in the slightest. It only started bothering her when her friends started noticing. The group of girls Kata liked to hang out with started becoming more interested in boys and makeup than playing kickball or soccer, and the boys started realizing that they didn't have time for "the weird tomboy" anymore. Both groups stopped inviting Kata to things, and only let her sit with them at lunch or occasionally in class with the price that they would constantly remind her that she was lucky to be there. When Kata was in elementary school, she never understood why the boys and girls never played together because she thought it was fun to be around both groups of people, but when her two friend groups merged in middle school, it made things a whole lot harder for Kata considering the fact that they only came together so they could start dating each other.

Kata couldn't understand the obsession with dating in middle school. She was pretty sure most of them hadn't kissed each other or even gone on an actual date. They were just together to say that they were in a relationship. What Kata did understand was that after her friend groups merged, she became even more of an outsider than she already had been. Then Hunter came along and all hell broke loose.

Part of Kata told her to find somewhere else to sit at lunch and in certain classes, just so that she could break all ties with the group, but the other part of her was too scared to. It's not like they ever said anything to her that wasn't true. They weren't doing anything to her that she didn't deserve. Besides, it wasn't all of them. There were some that would come back for her when no one was looking. There were some in that group that was still Kata's friends. There was Kate.

Plus, all of Kata's other friends were in theatre. Next year when Kata wasn't going to be allowed to participate in theatre, the thing she loved, she would probably drift away from most of her friends that were a part of theatre. Kata didn't know if she could handle going through high school with no friends at all. She felt that if she gave up on Kate and her group, even if it did involve Hunter, then it might be a while before she made more friends.

By now Kata's humming had reached its full volume, and her fists were clenched tightly, but she didn't realize any of that until her mother yelled at her from the hallway to shut up.

She had been humming Fight Song.

Kata had memories of belting the song out with her friend Kate, it had always made her feel powerful. She had started listening to it again recently because everything was so overwhelming and she was losing the will to fight. It helped her feel unstoppable when she listened to it. Once the song was over the feeling vanished, but for those couple of minutes, she felt amazing. "I have to choreograph something for this," Kata whispered to herself, bringing out her dance notebook.

Kata loved to dance, another thing she would never admit to anyone.

Except Mr. Benj apparently.

Dance was the other thing besides theatre that brought Kata joy. At one point she begged her mother to let her take lessons, but she said that it was expensive and would distract too much from her academic work. She also said that Kata didn't need any more dreams of the arts in her head. Unbeknownst to her mother, however, Kata kept a notebook where she would choreograph her own dances. She watched tutorial after tutorial to learn how to dance and did reps late at night until her feet and legs were sore, but she loved it. Dancing made her feel free and invincible. She also thought that she was getting pretty good at it. When her mother did let her go outside, she had a spot that she loved to bike to, hidden from any passersby. It was her spot. That was her favorite place to dance. She would go there and record her routines on her phone.

As much as Kata loved dance, she never thought about pursuing it as a career. She just saw it as a hobby. A creative outlet. No, Kata's dream career was to be a stage manager. She wanted to work on technical aspects of a broadway show, specifically in the position of a stage manager. However, she knew that was never going to happen, so she tried not to dwell too much on it.

Kata nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard her phone ping because she was so lost in thought.

Katie K: Hey Kata. I'm rly sry abt Hunter earlier today. He can be a bitch. But it was only a joke, don't take it too harshly.

Kata sighed a little at her friend's text.

Kata and Kate became friends in fourth grade, and their bond was tight. They were inseparable in elementary school. They were K and K. Katie K and Kata K. Kata remembered on the first day of middle school, walking in the doors with Kate by her side. They had promised each other that they would always remain close friends. Kata now knew how stupid that promise had been. No one can keep a promise like that. Still, Kate was one of the few people in Hunter's group Kata still considered a friend. Kate liked being around Hunter, however, just because Kate liked Hunter, it didn't mean Kata had to. If it weren't for Hunter then Kate wouldn't be ashamed to be seen talking to Kata. If it weren't for Hunter, Kate might actually stand up for her sometimes. It was stupid though. Kata knew she shouldn't get too worked up or hurt over a joke. Besides, Kata had seen how happy Kate was when Hunter started sitting with them at lunch. She developed an immediate crush on the guy and Kata had never seen her as happy as she looked when Hunter asked her out for the first time. Kata knew it was unreasonable to ask Kate to side with her over her boyfriend, and she didn't want to talk bad about him in front of Kate when she always seemed so happy around him.

Kata just wanted her friend to be happy.

Kata K: Yeah it's cool

Kata's thumbs itched to say more, to say how she was hurt. To say how she didn't like being talked down to, even if what was being said was true. To say how she missed her best friend. To say how she was just so tired of being afraid that any second another joke would be thrown at her when she didn't know how much more she could take.

But she didn't say any of that.

Katie K: K good. Just making sure. Yk he's a real softy once u get to know him

Kata felt her blood boiling at those words. She didn't know Hunter very well, but Kata couldn't imagine Hunter being a "softy." Whenever she thought about him, it was never anything kind, it was always his "jokes."

Kata quickly powered her phone off so that she didn't say anything she knew she would regret then threw her phone as hard as she could against the back of her bed. She didn't think she had done any damage to it because she had a good phone case, but she didn't even bother to get up to make sure she hadn't cracked it. She just lied on the bed, her whole body rigid.

"And all of those things I didn't say, wrecking balls inside my brain," she sang softly.

***

A/N: Okay, so I've decided to stop putting disclaimers all the time because I think I've pretty much covered all of them and they're getting annoying to me and I'm sure everyone else who might read this. So no more stinky small brain disclaimers.

DISCLAIMER: Disclaimers are a really good thing please use them.

You see what I did there? That's probably not exactly how a disclaimer is supposed to be used but whatever it made me laugh. Probably because I laugh at everything. IT'S FINE.

I have no clue what this author's note was honestly I feel like I'm attacking my readers...I love y'all! You're great! Thank you so much for reading my book!!! I'm extremely hyper right now because I just made a gingerbread house and probably ate more candy than I actually put on the house- whoops. I regret nothing.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading and if you liked this chapter please consider leaving a vote or a comment!!!

Love,

Sunny <3