"It was weird. I haven't felt like this around another person since Adri-" A beat. "But then here comes this girl who I've really only known for about a month, and makes me feel close to her in just a few days. I can get close to her. I just don't understand. Today I actually almost asked her if she wanted to come over to my house this weekend, and I haven't had anyone over since...well yeah." Alex confessed to Hannah, her therapist. "Kata's great and all, and I'm really glad I found her, I'm just..." Alex trailed off, not knowing how to finish her sentence. Hannah waited patiently for Alex to find words to string together. It soon became evident that Alex didn't really know why she had any hesitation towards Kata. She just knew it was there.

"Do you think that maybe you're scared?" Hannah asked, her voice soft and gentle. Alex shrugged uselessly. Hannah waited again to see if Alex would say anything, but no words came out of her mouth. "Alex," she said in that voice only therapists had, that forced Alex to look up at her. It was a kind voice, but also urgent in some manner, yet calm. Really it made no sense. "It's normal to be afraid. You've been through something that no person should ever have to go through. Not only that, but you saw it as it was happening." Alex just shrugged again, the memory saddening her.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully, but some part of her knew that Hannah was right. This time when the two of them went quiet, Alex was the one to break the silence. "You didn't see her. She was so broken. That boy- that- that-" Alex could feel her anger rising as she thought of how Hunter had made Kata cry. Alex never expected anything like that from Kata. She always seemed so strong, but Hunter had broken her. "That bastard!" Alex screamed, then gave Hannah an apologetic look which the woman simply waved off. "I was afraid to get too close to anyone because I was afraid I would lose them, but I thought maybe this time I could do it. Then I saw the look in Kata's eyes, and I was terrified." Alex sounded so fragile and sad, but her emotions were beginning to swirl up, and her voice started rising in volume. "I've only ever seen that look in one other person, and that person is no longer here. He's dead! My best friend is dead and I couldn't save him!" By now Alex was starting to shake as tears formed in her eyes. She felt her breathing becoming abnormal. "What if Kata goes down the same path? I can't lose someone else. I don't know that I'll be able to get past it." Alex stopped talking in an attempt to get her breathing back to normal, but it didn't work. Before she knew what was happening, Alex could feel Hannah's arms keeping her grounded.

"Dig your feet into the ground," Hannah commanded gently. Alex dug her toes into the bottom of her converse while focusing on making her breaths deeper. "Five things you can see," Hannah said, the voice of another human keeping Alex from sobbing.

"Your chair." Breath. "The carpet." Breath. "My shoes." Breath. "The Snoopy statue." Breath. "That pillow."

"Good," Hannah said, stepping away from Alex and sitting back in the chair across from her once Alex was breathing normally again. "Alex, do you want me to talk to your mom about having you see me every week again instead of every other?" Hannah suggested gently. Alex nodded, squeezing the remaining tears out of her eyes. She felt bad to ask her mom to pay for more therapy than she already was, but getting to see Hannah once a week gave her a little bit of peace to hold onto. She would only have to survive a week at a time before getting to break down and have someone help her through.

Once Adrain died, Alex had started living second by second. To minute by minute. To day by day. Finally, week by week. If she looked too far in the future she couldn't take it. Every morning her first thought, when she woke up, was how much she missed her best friend, and if she thought about how she would feel like that every morning for the rest of her life, she couldn't take it. She would be paralyzed in fear, in sadness, so instead, she just told herself she could make it to the end of the week without being crushed by the weight of her guilt and grieving. Then the next. And the next.

Alex and Hannah ended up talking more about Kata and sorting through some of the feelings and hesitation Alex had towards her. Alex also ended up saying that she felt guilty for feeling like she did when really, she should just care about helping her friend through what she was going through.

"I think it would be good for you to have Kata over this weekend," Hannah said towards the end of their session. "Of course don't do anything you don't feel ready for, but I think this could really help you. Plus when you first started talking about her it seemed like she was someone you really liked being around, so it would also be something fun for you to do, which I assume is the reason you wanted to invite her over in the first place?" Alex nodded, internally debating whether she would actually go through with asking Kata over. Hannah opened the door for Alex, her long black hair swishing behind her.

As Alex was going off towards her mom's waiting car, Hannah called after her: "If you do end up having your friend over, be sure to tell me how it goes next week!" Alex shot her therapist a thumbs up in return. She opened the door to the car.

"Oye Mija, how was therapy?" Ms. Cairney asked as Alex got into the passenger seat.

"It was good Mamá.," she said, like always. She usually elaborated on what they talked about, but for some reason, she didn't really feel like talking. At least not about what she talked about with Hannah. Maybe later, but not right now. Plus, Alex knew Adrian's death had taken a big toll on her mom as well, and she didn't want to tell her mom she was worried about another friend, especially since she worried about pretty much everyone she ran into after what had happened.

Alex sat in thought for a while until they came to a stoplight. "Hey Mamá, could I potentially invite someone over this weekend?" she blurted. Alex didn't know why she asked, she was still debating whether to even ask Kata or not, but she realized her mom's answer didn't really affect anything. She could always back out of inviting Kata if she wanted to.

Ms. Cairney looked shocked. She knew her daughter had had hesitancy to make any friends after what happened to her best friend. She decided not to point this out because she was just happy that Alex was starting to come back to the world. "Por supuesto Ali-gator," she said, a bright smile lighting up her face as she agreed happily. Alex turned red from embarrassment at the old nickname but didn't say anything about it.

"Thanks, Mamá," she said smiling.

***

After dinner, Alex sat at her desk sifting through her homework and sorting it into piles. As she was starting on her science homework, her phone pinged from where it was placed neatly at the edge of the desk.

Alex picked up her phone and felt a pang of guilt hit her. It was a text from Carson. She realized that since she had been hanging out with Kata, she had sort of sidelined Carson as a friend.

Carson the Best Theatre Buddy Ever: Hey

Alex the Amazing Gabriella: Hey

Alex paused, wanting to apologize for not spending as much time with Carson as she had been, but Carson got to it first.

Carson the Best Theatre Buddy Ever: Look I'm rly sry that I haven't been spending as much time with u. I feel bad abt it. Ig I just got so caught up with other ppl that I forgot abt the best Gabriella in the history of ever who also happens to be a pretty cool person

Alex smiled, most of her guilt washed away by Carson's compliment.

Alex the Amazing Gabriella: It's fine I was literally abt to say the same thing to u!

Carson the Best Theatre Buddy Ever: Oh that makes me feel a little better tbh

Alex the Amazing Gabriella: Me too

Alex thought the conversation was over and went back to her science homework. However, right as she was finishing the last problem, she heard another ping.

Carson the Best Theatre Buddy Ever: So Liam and I were gonna meet up this weekend and I was wondering if u wanted to come?

Alex paused, happy about the invitation. She was felt fine with going to other places with people, it was just at her house she didn't like. It felt too personal.

Carson the Best Theatre Buddy Ever: U could bring someone along if u want :)

Alex was about to tell him that yes, she would love to go, but then she remembered Kata. Alex knew she could always have her over another weekend. Maybe she should just wait until next weekend. Besides she didn't even know if Kata would say yes.

She mulled over her options for a moment, then smiled.

Alex the Amazing Gabriella: Thx for inviting me it sounds rly fun and I would love to go next time, but I have plans this weekend

***

A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter! It really isn't my favorite but I also feel like it's kind of necessary...

Thank you so much for reading! If you liked this chapter please consider leaving a vote/comment!

-Sunny <3