Hey Zianca

I think I lost another friend to suicide in October. But unlike you, I don't have confirmation. I may never know what happened to them. What happened to you really sucked, but at least I knew what happened, you know? With them, I have no clue how their life ended, if their life ended. The chances that they're dead are pretty high though, since their last announcement was of them saying they wanted to end it all so badly, so I don't know. I think they might really be gone. Just like you are.

Also, Zianca, did you know this girl in my school died last year? She died on November 14, 2022. That was one day before your one year death anniversary. It's strange how close the dates were. It's like death follows death. Now November doesn't feel like a good month anymore. There's just too much sadness.

You want to know something? It hurt so much that you were gone. It hurt me more than I ever thought it could. But your death, like the girl at my school's death, like my friend's death, have already happened. They are no longer things that can be prevented. It's over. It's happened. The chapter has been written and the page has been turned. But all these deaths, all this sadness, I've learned, is just a chapter of my story, of everyone's story. Sadness is never someone's whole story. There is always more.

Your death is a chapter that has already been written, and I've been rereading it more than I should. I've looked at all your old posts, I've read your old stuff, I've talked about your death and I've thought about it too much. I kept coming back to it, to you, and I couldn't let go. But Zianca, I have to let go. I can't keep doing this all my life. You're gone. Nothing can change that. I can hope and I can wish, but nothing will ever bring you back. All I can really do is live.

So really, what I'm saying is that, I need to turn the page. I need to go on to the next chapter. I need to leave the past in the past, and I can't do that without leaving you.