Nico's pov
(Read a/n)
Tw: being underweight, drug use, mentions of eating disorder, mentions of self harm, mentions of suicide
—

It had been a few days since seeing Will. It affected me in ways I didn't expect. I keep trying to list my feelings, to sort out my head and try to start talking again. I haven't spoken since it happened. The nurses aren't happy.

I was a mess. My head wouldn't sort itself out. Everything felt numb, as if I was high but in the worst way possible. I felt empty, and it stemmed from the pit of stomach, over taking the entirety of my being. I hadn't left my bed, I just lay in a heap, staring blankly at the ceiling, staring bleakly at my shared bedside table, or staring through squinted eyes at my closet. The two things I couldn't do was sleep or speak. Even Biancas taunts and conversation starters wouldn't make me open my mouth.

If anything, I was just completely and utterly exhausted. I was tired.
That was the key. I needed to sleep this all away, and maybe if I wake up two days later, my problems will seem farther away.
For the first time in hours, I slipped my legs over the side of my bed. The stiff white sheets fell away from me, bringing my white socks into focus.

I didn't bother with my slides, too exhausted to grab them from my closet, and let my white socks drag against the dusty hospital floors. My hands were shoved deep my my sweatpants pockets as I slid out of my low lit room to the bright white hallway. It seemed empty and it was quiet- everyone was in the craft room since we had a special art teacher in.

I walked to the desk where a man was typing on a computer. Him and another lady were the regulars who worked at this desk to distribute medicine. Just what I needed. Medicine.

"Hello, name?" The man asked behind the glass. I sighed and scratched at my wrist anxiously. I hadn't spoken in a few days.

"Nico Di Angelo," I rasped, grabbing and itching the base of my throat. The man looked up at me with a grimace and put me into the computer.

"What do you need today?"

"Could I, uh," I pulled at my hair, "could I please have my regular dose of Seroquel? 60mg? I have slept in days and I'm exhausted." I asked, trying to act as exhausted as possible. I pulled the dead stare that I had been stuck with for the past couple days into play. The man looked me over and seemed to decide I was in need of sleep.

"Yes, sure. Let me just find your prescription," he told me, standing to make his way to the medicine cabinet. I tapped my socked foot impatiently, hoping neither Sonny or one of my nurses came down the hall. Thankfully the man at the desk was quick, and I was jolted back to reality when he handed me the small, light pink pill along with a small cup of water. I thanked him quietly, swallowed the pill for him to see and headed back to my room ready to resume absolute silence.

Once I was sure no one was walking down the hall towards me I opened my closet. On the bottom shelf hidden behind a pair of shoes and in between two sweaters were two other pills like the one I just took. I had carefully saved them knowing I would want a long sleep like this one.
I dry swallowed the two at the same time, ignoring the disgusting taste, and then crawled back into my bed. Hopefully this would knock me out for 24 hours so I could waste at least one of my long days stuck here.

It had only been 20 minutes before the three pills started to make me sleepy. My eyes were itchy and stinging, my body felt heavy and my mind went sluggish. I was ready to fall asleep peacefully until Sonny decided to visit me.

"Hello Nico, how are you on this fine day?" He asked, bouncing into the room. I hadn't spoken to him either, so I wasn't sure what he expected. I groaned halfheartedly and shoved my face into my white pillow.

"Well that is more than I have heard from you in two days!" I heard him sit on his bed. He had been coming in every couple hours every day to say hi to me. He would tell me the "drama" in the hospital of each hour without response and then a story or two before tapping the side of my bed with a smile and heading out again.

"I'm a little out of it to listen right now Sonny..." I looked up at him with my heavy eyes, "I would really just love to sleep."

"Damn Nico! Your eyes are hella red, what did you take?" He asked, leaning forwards and resting his chin on his hand.

"Three of my sleeping meds so I can sleep till this time tomorrow," I slurred tiredly, letting my head hit my pillow again. I heard him chuckle under his breath.

"Nice one, very good idea," he whistled, "couldn't of saved any for me huh?"

"Not really sure they're... your choice of drug. Just makes you pass out," I mumbled, pulling my blankets to my chin.

"Any drug is my drug of choice Nico, you should know that by now," he laughed. I heard him stand, and then he pat my head twice.
"I'll let you sleep, see you tomorrow."

I groaned in acknowledgment once more before he left the room and then fell into a deep, unmoving sleep.

—

I didn't feel as if I had slept that long. It felt like an average night of sleep. I wouldn't have felt any different if it wasn't for the fact that I woke up with Jenny and Carmen hovering around me with worried looks on their faces. Through squinted eyes I saw that the lights of my room were on and Sonny was not around.

"Jen, he's awake," Carmen mentioned, leaning back in the white plastic chair pulled up in between me and Sonnys beds.

"Nico! Honey are you feeling alright?" Jenny asked, moving her chair closer to my bed. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. They both seemed worried. I had completely forgotten that they were supposed to be over today, as they normally visited once or twice a week.

"Huh?" I muttered, squeezing my neck and rolling out the stiffness.

"Nico, you've been asleep for 25 hours," Jenny prodded, two worry lines creasing in between her eyebrows. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, but not worry. I took the meds for a reason. A nice, long, uninterrupted sleep. I felt rested. My bones were heavy and light at the same time. My head was still recovering from 25 hours of unconsciousness.

"25? That's a good long rest..." I yawned, stretching my arms and pointing my toes under the blankets.

"Nico what the-" she started with her voice raised,
"What the hell happened? Why were you asleep for so long? Sonny said he saw you and you were going to take a nap and the medicine guy said he gave you one of your prescriptions but it should not have lasted 25 hours," she finished quieter. I tried my best not to roll my eyes. I just woke up and was irritated by the immediate interrogation. 

"I took a couple of Seroquel, so what? I hadn't slept in a while and I needed a good nights rest."

"A couple? How did you get "a couple" Nico?" Jenny berated, obviously worried for my health. Carmen was sitting back with her arms crossed shooting worried looks back and forth between the both of us.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead, not really in the mood for disappointment from Jenny or Carmen.
Now that they were my legal parents I was remembering how the parental disappointment felt. Albeit, they didn't beat me when they were disappointed. That was a nice level up from my last parental situation.

"Sometimes I don't take the medicine they give me... and I save it? For when I need a proper sleep?" I twiddled my fingers and avoided eye contact. Carmen let out a surprised laugh and Jenny huffed.

"Nico..."

"Yeah yeah, Jenny, I know. You're not my therapist anymore. You're my mother."

"Exactly. As your mother I want to help you. Taking multiple pills just to 'take a nap' is not healthy!" She tugged on a piece of hair and stared at me with wide eyes.

"You think I took the pills thinking 'oh yes this will be great for my body'? No, I took them because I wanted to waste one of my hundreds of days here in this brain washing hospital. I was tired Jen," I explained. She stared at me as if I spoke gibberish.

"I think... I think I need a coffee. I'll be back," she stood up and left the room. Then it was just me and Carmen.

"You know..." Carmen started, still in her arms and legs crossed position, "Jenny is worried about you. We both care about you so much, and it hurts her to see no improvement no matter what we do. I'm not trying to put pressure on you neeks, I know this is hard for you more than anyone. Just... what I'm trying to say is... try not to get upset with her when she's worried. She loves you and she wants you to feel ok."

"She out of all people should understand I can't just 'get past this'. She expects this place to magically fix me but it's not."

"Nico, she doesn't expect that. No one does. We know how much you're struggling," She sighed, "places like these aren't a magic fix. They're supposed to help you get back on your feet, help you back into a routine. That won't happen if you're so resistant to help. The people here aren't trying to torture you Nico. They just want to bring you back to reality. This isn't punishment, please don't think that's what we're doing."

I didn't know how to respond. She was right. I hated this place. I hated the routine and the nurses who seemed so condescending. But it wasn't punishment. My brain just couldn't wrap around that idea.

As if I was saved by the bell, one of my nurses rushed in the room.

"Nico, thank god you're awake!" She shoved Jenny's chair aside, and Carmen watched with a frown on her face as she checked my temperature and my pulse. I kept a straight face on as she fiddled. I was used to this by now.
Then the dreaded topic arose.

"Nico, you haven't eaten in days. We need to check your weight right now, stand up please."

I did roll my eyes this time and tried not to think about how low it might be. What they would do if it was worse than normal.
I slowly slid out of my bed and glanced at Carmen. She mouthed something about getting Jenny before following us out.

I was alone with the nurse as she brought me to the doctors room, which was wear they ran tests, weighed the patients and gave shots if needed.

I pressed my nails into my palms as the nurse set up the scale. I had a feeling I knew where this was headed and I was not excited.

"On the scale please Nico," the nurse asked. I sighed and stepped on. She moved the weight distribution sliding things around and frowned.
"Just what I thought. You're underweight Nico, more so than last week due to your refusal to eat. We're going to have to set you up with the feeding tube to give your body the nutrients it's lacking unless you comply to a strict diet for the next two weeks."

I wanted to groan but at the same time I was still rebelling against the system by not talking to anyone who worked there. More self destructive than useful, but I was sticking to my plan. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled hard.
The feeding tube was horrible. I had been put on a short term tube during my first month here, and the shortest time you can have one is two weeks. Two weeks of a tube down your throat. While it did give the proteins and nutrients the body needed as well as keeping me hydrated, it was painful to have it inserted and taken out. I wouldn't be able to do much, I would barely be able to speak, and it sometimes made it difficult to breathe. It was overall an annoyance that I could easily avoid.
But to avoid it I had to eat huge meals to replenish my body. For weeks on end.

If I didn't go along with this diet they could force me to have the nasogastric tube rather than the
Oro-gastric tube which went through my nose for four-six weeks. I could barely stand the two weeks I had to endure in the summer. I could not deal with six.

I nodded to the nurse.

"Would you like me to bring you back to your family to talk it over?" She asked, wiping down the scale. I nodded again.

I held my ribs as we made it back to my room. Jenny and Carmen were talking in low voices. I stood in the doorway while the nurse explained the situation to Jenny and Carmen. Jenny nodded along sullenly and held Carmens hand.

"Ok, thank you. We'll talk it over with him," she told the nurse professionally.

The nurse smiled and left the room. Jenny and Carmen watched me leaning in the doorway, so I pushed off the wall and headed back to sit on my bed. 

"Nico... you don't want to be on the tube, right?" Jenny asked, staring me in the eyes. I crossed my legs and held my ankles tightly.

"No, obviously I don't," I replied, looking away to stare at my feet. She sighed and moved to sit next to me, pulling me into a hug.

"I love you sweetie, you know that right? I just want you to feel better enough to come home." Jenny whispered into my ear. I tried to hold back the tears that started to form. Even with all my resistance here, to be home sounded like heaven.

"I know Jen," I choked out, pressing my eyes into her shoulder. Carmen moved to place her hand on my ankle.

"We just want you home. You don't need to go back to finish school right away, or do anything but recover, but the doctors won't let you leave until they're sure you aren't a danger to yourself."

"I-I know," I replied, hoping I wouldn't ruin her cardigan. Jenny kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back.

"We should get going to make dinner bud. Are you ok here for the night? Do you want us to stay?" She asked, pulling away from me. I wiped my eyes and nodded.

"Yeah I'll be ok, you guys have a good night," I answered, giving her a proper smile. She rubbed my shoulder and stood up, pulling Carmen up as well. Carmen patted the top of my head and stuck her tongue out at me affectionately. I stuck mine back at her. 

"See you later Neeks, love you," Carmen said as Jenny waved.

"Love you too guys, see you in a couple days. Could you tell my nurse I'll start the diet? I don't want to go on the tube," I mentioned, rubbing my legs. Jenny nodded.

"I'll get right on that. Bye Neeks," she blew a kiss towards me and I smiled warmly.

"Bye guys."

They both walked out of the room. I was exhausted by that whole situation. So much talking. Stress. God that sucked.
I flopped back into my sighed and sighed loudly. I would have to eat a huge meal soon for dinner and it would make me feel sick for the rest of the night.

Sonny popped his head into the room. I lifted my head and saw him looking around the room carefully. He looked at me and smiled brightly.

"Hiya Nico! Finally some alone time!" He sauntered in, a satisfied smile on his face. I chuckled and let my head fall back to my pillow.

He sat on the floor against his bed and looked at me expectantly. I sighed and slid off my bed so I was facing him on the floor. We sat across from each other and he grinned.

"Nice nap you had I see," he laughed, giving me a cheeky grin. It made me smile as well.

"Yeah it was, thanks for not ratting me out to the nurses," I replied, tapping his foot with mine.

"No problem, that's what friends are for. Sometimes you need a 25 hour nap y'know?"

"Exactly! I take a nice long nap and now everyone is like 'you worry us' and 'you're going on the tube cause you haven't eaten.'" I shook my head, laughing.

"Oh shit," Sonny leaned forwards, "they're putting you on the tube?"

"No no, I told em I'd do their special diet. 5-6 full meals a day," I waved my hand like it was nothing.

"Damnnnn, well at least you'll still be able to do things with me right? That's a good thing," his leg was twitching and he fingers tapped the linoleum. I sighed with a smile.

"Yup, I'll still get to hang. To bad they got me on lockdown right now, we could have thrown a party or something."

"You're ruining all our fun Nico! How could you be depressed and suicidal I can't believe you," he laughed and punched my shoulder lightly. I shoved him away and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Anything interesting happen while I was out?" I asked, leaning back again. He tapped his chin and let his head hit the bed, letting his golden brown curls bounce.

"Not really. New girl was brought in for an eating disorder I think, and I accidentally broke the tv remote momentarily again last night but other than that very boring. I need you to keep things light!" He joked. I rolled my eyes.

"Haha, light," I responded. He let his head drop to his shoulder and gave me a sideways glance.

"Wanna come out with me? It's dinner time and I like sitting with you over anyone else."
I thought about it, having to eat such a big meal in front of everyone. They would know I was in trouble for not eating. I sighed, knowing I'd have to leave the room at some point.

"Yeah, I guess I should. Might as well right? Maybe someone will get in a fight and we can eat with a show."

Sonny smiled at me and jumped to his feet,
"I knew I'd get to you Nico, come on let's go!" He reached down and helped me up from the floor.

We walked out of the room shoving each other's shoulders and ignoring the bigger problems of our lives.

A/n
That just wasn't any good was it. Very boring. I need to get past like 3 more chapters till it gets interesting but GOD I'm bored.

Anyways it's finally up!!! I'm a useless writer but I did it!!! Yay!!!
Anyways quarantine sucks but I got a list of movies I want to watch and I got lots of food and it's finally getting warmer here in Canada so I can sit outside without being angry at the weather.

What are you guys reading right now? I'm reading a book called witches of ashes and ruin and it's REALLT good so far but I'm kinda missing Percy and annabeth and Nico so I might quickly reread house of hades. Vibes.

!!!!!!!! I really just wanna ask and answer questions rn. Should I do a Q and A and answer the questions on my tags story? If you do wanna do that ask a bunch of things you wanna know abt me!!! If no one does I'll just not do it lmao. !!!!!!!!

Love you guys.

Thea